COntve Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Oops, I originally posted this in the wrong place. I'm new to this! Here goes: I've been married to an awesome guy for 10 years. We had our first child together around 20 months ago, and I am now pregnant with our second and am 22 weeks pregnant (just over halfway). They'll be two years apart. When I first got together with my husband, I was pretty confident about my body/sex; we are each other's first and only sex partners (I know, awww...). However over time I've gotten more and more critical of myself, mostly in terms of feeling too fat even though I am pretty much right in the middle of the normal weight range for my height, and slim by most people's standards. By the standards of both of our families, however, I am not one of the slim ones; and my husband is in really good shape--he has the body of a guy in his 20's even though he is 35. (I am 35 as well.) During my first pregnancy I knew I'd put on weight, but that it was inevitable; I was fortunate to have it all come off within a couple weeks. Our sex life was really slow to come back since I had torn in several places during delivery. One of my worst days happened when I found that my husband had been looking at porn during those first few weeks I was recovering, I felt betrayed by that, but in general I don't think he has a porn problem. Now with my second pregnancy things are pretty much going the same as the first, though I am maybe 5 lbs heavier this time around. The problem is that I am just sort of freaking out about my body, and it is really impacting our sex life. I can't stand to be seen naked and being touched just feels unnatural. I can't O during sex because I'm too freaked out about my wobbly body. My husband says that I'm beautiful; he appears to be one of those guys who loves pregnancy in his wife... and he still wants to have sex just as much (2-3 times/week). However he has seen that when we do have sex I just feel awful about myself afterwards, so he's started backing off and only suggesting it maybe once a week, which I know for him is waaaayyy less frequent than he'd like. Yes, a part of me is probably worried that he will be looking at porn again, which I really hate the idea of... So my issue is, how can I get over my own body image issues, because I'd like to still satisfy my husband and I know how important sex is to him? Anyone worked through this before and gotten better? How can I turn our sex life back in the right direction with these challenges of pregnancy and those pretty miserable few months afterwards?
Clockwork Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 I don't know why women feel this way. The best sex I have ever had in my life is when my wife was pregnant over the 9 months with our two (so far) kids. Pregnancy sex is the best sex ever. There is a glow about your wife that she doesn't otherwise have. She has bigger and firmer breasts, she is carrying a child you put in there. I don't know, that's a turn on to me. We got pregnant very quickly which is a blessing, but to be honest trying to get pregnant was fun because it is the best sex. You are purposely going as deep as you can and not having to pull out. Nothing beats that. So my guess is this, your husband thinks you are very sexy pregnant. If he tells you this, believe him. I took pictures of my wife when she was pregnant just in case I never get the chance to have sex with her pregnant again. I wanted to remember it, if that tells you what we men think of it.
LadyLuck2014 Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 I hate to tell you, but your husband will look at porn randomly whether you're pregnant or not. It's a bit naïve to assume that he'll only do it when you're pregnant and then never do it again once you've had the baby. And no, that wouldn't make him an 'addict.' I was never one to find pregnancy 'beautiful' at all. Blech. I get where you're coming from. There's no magic potion that's going to suddenly make you feel like a beauty queen no matter how many people reply in this thread and tell you how beautiful it is. Maybe you can find lingerie that will make you feel less unattractive and give you a little boost of confidence. It certainly can't hurt. Lastly, I feel bad for you that you're not allowing yourself a little break. Pregnancy is hard enough on a woman's body and you're so busy thinking of ways to cater to your husband because God forbid he not have sex all the time. Life isn't all about your husband getting his fill of sex. What's he doing for YOU while you're taxing your body carrying his kid? I'd be willing to bet precious little. 2
Author COntve Posted January 10, 2015 Author Posted January 10, 2015 Thank you for the empathy, LadyLuck, I do tend to be pretty hard on myself I think. It is certainly hard to come on here and read posts by men complaining about lack of sex, perhaps it is influencing my perspective on my husband's needs. I am one of those women who hate porn and it does make me feel even more self conscious about myself, so I can always *hope* he's limiting his use of it. Knowing that when I was in that icky postpartum phase, he was oggling perfect women, was pretty hard to take. Clockwork, I actually really appreciate your perspective. Perhaps I came on here looking for some sympathy, but also for a real perspective from men who are not invested in how I feel about my pregnant self. Can't help but know that my husband is a bit biased, so it helps to hear that other men can find pregnancy sexy I suppose.
Recommended Posts