Danda Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 "If I (she) find myself interested in another guy, that means something is wrong in my relationship and I have to either fix the relationship, or get out of it. It is better to break up in those situations than to cheat." Then we were watching TV the other night and a woman on some show said basically the same thing: "If I find myself kissing another man, then there is a reason for it and my man at home ain't doing it for me anymore." I have heard many women - prominent feminists, many song and movies express similar ideas. Hell, I just watched the movie "Wild" the other day and it too had a similar message - "maybe I was mean to f$ck all those men...(while married)" Well first of all, all three of these examples are different scenarios. The first one is a women who realizes she has attraction to another guy, but refuses to cheat. She either rekindles her relationship or ends it, but she refuses to cheat. The second scenario is a woman who cheats and then blames her behaviors on her boyfriend/husband. Maybe it's true that she wasn't getting what she needed at home, but she is still justifying her own cheating by blaming it on someone else. The third scenario is a movie that has a message that cheating on a spouse multiple times is like.. destiny or something. Idunno honestly, where you were going with that one. But anyway I don't know which scenario you're rolling with here. It's sort of all over the place. I agree with View A from your girlfriend. I don't agree with the other two views. Also what you go on to describe is straight up lust, like seeing a woman on TV and thinking she's hot. What your girlfriend seems to be talking about is developing actual romantic feelings for another guy. These are two different things. If I see another guy and think he's sexually attractive, that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with my hypothetical relationship. If I realize I am actually falling for another guy, then yes it does mean I am not in love with my hypothetical boyfriend/husband anymore, and it's sort of like a wake up call. At best it's a sign that I feel emotionally/romantically starved in my hypothetical relationship, although I might still love my SO deep down. But like your girlfriend pointed out, it doesn't justify cheating on someone. You either work on your relationship or you end it. If you try to work on your relationship and it doesn't work out, you end it. 2
toscaroscura Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 IF YOU ARE MARRIED. If you are "dating" like the OP, you are free to make the decision that this is not the right person or relationship for you, aren't you? I believe you exercise that freedom yourself right? Yeah or more like: "Old School: You committ to someone. You compromise, you work things out, you take the good with the bad. When times get tough you stick together. If there are problems, you work things out. If you have a crush on someone else for a while you fight it and accept that its just part of being human. You cheat and bury it until your grave or it comes out and devastates your spouse, but either way, divorce isn't an option so suck it up (especially if you're a woman and your husband cheats on you) The good old days weren't always so good, you know. People may have been more "committed", but were they happier? Or did they just live lives of quiet desperation until they died because there was no other respectable way to live?
spiderowl Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 It's a huge leap from feeling attraction to someone to assuming it is because something is wrong in your current relationship. It is not logical but an excuse to justify leaving a relationship that might not be at that time as exciting as the new (unknown) prospect might seem. It's rubbish basically. However, if you do feel such attraction towards someone that your current girlfriend or boyfriend seems entirely unsuitable as a result, then that's different. I think deep down we know the difference between a passing attraction to someone who is an attractive person and the long-lasting love we feel for our partner.
Iknowme Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 Its not about wether you find someone attractive, its about wether you find yourself in a position, where you become so interested in someone you have the urge to cheat. This either means the new individual is more compatible then your current rationship and you should end it or there is a void in your current relationship that that this new person is filling. A relationship is a two way street and if there is a problem it means you are both contributing in one way or another. So if you are an empathic person with a conscious you will self analyze and either realize you and your partner have things to work out or that you aren't compatible and you should end it before things go further.
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