cholee Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 Just over two months ago I met this man off a dating app "Tinder" we talked for a few weeks and then finally met he came over to my house we had a few drinks watched a movie and we ended up sleeping together on the first night. He told me he had never done that before he had only slept with women he was in a serious relationship with. We have continued to hang out since we see each other about 4-5 times a week in the evenings because of our work schedules he's a cook so he works till 10pm usually. I have developed feelings for him and we have had the talk about "seeing each other" it's just I feel by now he should know whether or not he wants to be in a serious relationship with me, I know he hasn't dated someone for a few years so he wants to ease our way into it, which is weird because we have sex every time we hang out and we are not moving slow in that way. I think as time has passed I have grown a little impatient and a little bit of resentment is building because he has yet to take me on a proper date. Like I said we hang out in the evenings aside from hanging out in each other's bedroom I have gone to a movie with him and the mall once. We didn't exchange Christmas gifts, and on New Years he had to work so we spent it separately he texted me saying he hoped I wasn't going to get kissed otherwise it would be cheating.. I said cheating? were seeing each other I thought.. he said yeah we are taking it slow seeing where it goes. His birthday is coming up in a few days and I don't know if I should even get him something my friend told me to just get him a card and cupcake to show some interest. Another issue is we never speak on the phone I feel like that's pretty important we have only spoken on the phone for longer than 10 minutes once. The other night we discussed how neither one of us is interested in anyone else and we are only hanging out with one another. Which is true and I have no reason not to believe him as I see him so much. I suppose my only concern is I feel like our relationship is mainly sexual and I'm not sure if I'm okay with that. I don't know how to bring up the conversation that I want to go out on dates and stuff I feel like if he wanted to take me out he would! My ex contacted me the other day after a month of not talking and I may see him tomorrow, at this point I don't see why not as me and this new guy don't seem serious my sister told me I should tell this new guy that we are not exclusive and that I am going out with someone else I just don't want to ruin anything. My friend also told me you can't go back and fix the way we started out.. she's like learn from this and next time make the guy work for it
Zahara Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 (edited) Cholee, you make bad choices. A guy you don't know, you invite into your home, consume alcohol where you could have lost control and you have sex with him. You don't know who this guy could have been. He could have been dangerous. He could have drugged you. Raped you. Hurt you. Why would you do this? It's self-destructive. And what do you teach a man -- that it's really that easy? Then it becomes a situation whereby all you both ever do is have sex and he doesn't even try to actually date you, and with that said it's pretty obvious that it's likely all sexually driven. Him speaking about cheating is just a way of controlling you because after all you are a great benefit to have -- free sex/fun/company with no effort. If you want more, have better boundaries and aim for better standards. You can't make a man want or like you by giving him sex. You can't secure commitment from a man by having sex with him. You want more, speak up and tell him what you want. Tell him you want him to court you. Tell him you want him to show effort. Abstain from the sex from now and see what he does. If he really wants you, he'll be willing to put in the effort. As for the ex, is this the ex that you've posted about before -- the one that goes back and forth? If so, stop going back to a bad situation because the current one isn't working. All you keep doing is choosing between the lesser of two idiots. Edited January 9, 2015 by Zahara 1
veggirl Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 Why in the world did you let a man you'd never met come over to your house? Ugh you're lucky that all you were used for now is CONSENSUAL sex. And yes, you are being used for sex. How old is this guy? I'm sure he doesn't work 7 days a week. He could take you out on dates but....why should he? It's easier and cheaper for him to just meet up and sleep with you. Sorry but if you want to date a guy, you don't meet up for movies, drinks and sex on the first night....you go for a DATE! You set the precedence by allowing that the first night.
umirano Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 Wanna know how to find out where you stand with him? Disappear. Completely. I'm fairly certain he won't bother to come to your house anymore after you don't answer his calls. If he does, and you're still interested in him despite him blatantly stringing you along, put your foot down and demand he treats you with respect. No more sex until he made you his GF. If he dances about the bush, tell him to eff off and never come back.
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