Eddy Street Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 I saw this really cute African American girl on match, she is something out of this world looks-wise, she speaks French (grew up there), is into art, is literate in science and very witty. Here is a message I sent her, replying to a note she made in her description about really loving to clean: Wow, I like to clean too, I reorganize my room from time to time, throw out old junk, empty my inbox with delight. I think it's totally normal though, most people just don't have the motivation to notice these small things. Now that I've named one thing we have in common, let me be fair and name one thing we don't. I almost never go to sporting events... and I hate it, I think it's totally stupid that I never get to go! I'd love to go if I had somebody to show me the way. Eddy The thing is, in her profile she says she ALWAYS responds to e-mails. She read my message yesterday and still hasn't replied. Did I make myself look like an @? 1
todreaminblue Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 Hey Eddy, you wrote nothing bad.....not to me anyway...i wrote in my old profile when i had one up ill respond to you fi you write me ...it got to the point where i couldnt respond......to every email...i couldnt focus...and i started to get belligerent emails when i didnt write back fast enough.....i got wary of the emails with penis attachments or weary might be a more apt word....i got a little paranoid....and noticed that guys were saying all the same sort of things so it became like a mush of guys i could not focus on one.....i decided old wasnt for me.........and i just let the site.....got to the point where i feared logging on and being slammed with chat windows.....i would try and close them bar one guy at a time i would chat too and they would just pop up again..... there could be a myriad of reasons why she didnt reply and all of them could have not a scrap of anything to do with what you wrote.....deb 1
melodymatters Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 I just read your other post about the alien comment. I think you are trying too hard to be witty and different but it's coming across as someone who doesn't really have well developed social skills. Don't EVER be negative right off the bat. The first girl you basically insulted, I know you were trying to "tease" but it will always fall flat if you don't actually know the person. Here, you mentioned that you" never get to go to" sporting events and you "think it's totally stupid" ( that you don't "get" to go I assume ?) and that you need someone else to "show you the way". That comes off as weak, juvenile and not very masculine. No offense, I'd be happy to help you write replies that real life women might actually be interested in ! 3
Author Eddy Street Posted January 9, 2015 Author Posted January 9, 2015 I just read your other post about the alien comment. I think you are trying too hard to be witty and different but it's coming across as someone who doesn't really have well developed social skills. Don't EVER be negative right off the bat. The first girl you basically insulted, I know you were trying to "tease" but it will always fall flat if you don't actually know the person. Here, you mentioned that you" never get to go to" sporting events and you "think it's totally stupid" ( that you don't "get" to go I assume ?) and that you need someone else to "show you the way". That comes off as weak, juvenile and not very masculine. No offense, I'd be happy to help you write replies that real life women might actually be interested in ! Well, at least I'm giving them a good laugh, not at my failed wit but at how pathetic I am as an organism. Yeah, I thought it would be sort of funny if I took her down the path of thinking I was being totally negative and then turned it around mid-sentence by saying that my negativity was directed at not being able to go.
Michelle ma Belle Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 I don't think you said anything "wrong". This is just how the OLD game is played. There is very little rhyme or reason to anything when it comes to online so over analyzing every detail will surely drive you MENTAL! Trust me. You need to relax and look at each and every exchange and/or experience as something to learn from, good or bad. You also need to have a healthy sense of humor and take everything with a grain of salt. Continue making contact with those you are interested in and then let it go... If/when it's meant to be, it will happen so until then enjoy the ride. 1
Author Eddy Street Posted January 9, 2015 Author Posted January 9, 2015 Well she actually replied. I think this conversation will be a bit healthier than the last I attempted. Hopefully it will lead to a date that doesn't end in personal insults, like the last one I went on. 1
Author Eddy Street Posted January 9, 2015 Author Posted January 9, 2015 Well, here's what's going on. I think I just sabotaged another chance: Me: And so have you! Well, I know you're the master of asking questions but as a traditional gentleman I need to take the first step What are you going to bet your PhD in? By the way, my name is Edi, which is short for Edward. Yours? Her: Haha. Getting a phd in neuropsychology. And if I ask too many questions you can tell me to slow down haha. And where are you from Edi? And my name is Rhonda if my profile name is not clear enough haha Me: No problem, ask away! And neuropsychology sounds very interesting indeed. Are you currently working in that field? Her: Yea. Working as a research assistant at Rush medical center . What do you do? I know you said you are a mathematician, but maybe elaborate? Do you work in finance or academia ? *I wrote clearly what I do in my description* Me: I see you read my description. I work as a MIB scientist, we're currently working with SETI where I've been using my mathematical skills to decrypt alien messages. Maybe that's not clear from what I wrote, I've been meaning to edit that thing But, joking aside, I work as a math teacher for City Colleges of Chicago. It's more fun than it sounds. Her: Lmao. Oh gosh you got me there for a second. You are funny. I like that. So ohhhh you are a teacher huh? I like that Sarcasm, incredulity, challenge. Me: Okay then... Her: whatcha up to MIB agent? Me: I'm sorry, this isn't going to work out. I don't play mind games.
Danda Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 OP I think you're being waaay too sensitive. You asked her what her name is when it was right there in her profile (or so the impression is strongly given in the conversation). So you goofed first and she gave you a wee bit of teasing. Then it's like you turned super negative from there on out in your mind. Then you were trying to be funny, and she conveyed that she understood that, maybe sincerely or in a lighthearted teasing manner. She was just playing along with the sarcasm you had started, yourself. Basically darlin you are dishin it out but freak out hard when it's dished right back at ya. If sarcasm stings you, then don't get sarcastic with people in the first place. Often they will play along with you, it's called mirroring and people often the mirror the 'feel' you are putting out in a convo when they are interested in you. So if you get really flippant and sarcastic and a woman is interested, she will very likely get sarcastic right back at you. Again it's mirroring. 1
todreaminblue Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Well, here's what's going on. I think I just sabotaged another chance: Me: And so have you! Well, I know you're the master of asking questions but as a traditional gentleman I need to take the first step What are you going to bet your PhD in? By the way, my name is Edi, which is short for Edward. Yours? Her: Haha. Getting a phd in neuropsychology. And if I ask too many questions you can tell me to slow down haha. And where are you from Edi? And my name is Rhonda if my profile name is not clear enough haha Me: No problem, ask away! And neuropsychology sounds very interesting indeed. Are you currently working in that field? Her: Yea. Working as a research assistant at Rush medical center . What do you do? I know you said you are a mathematician, but maybe elaborate? Do you work in finance or academia ? *I wrote clearly what I do in my description* Me: I see you read my description. I work as a MIB scientist, we're currently working with SETI where I've been using my mathematical skills to decrypt alien messages. Maybe that's not clear from what I wrote, I've been meaning to edit that thing But, joking aside, I work as a math teacher for City Colleges of Chicago. It's more fun than it sounds. Her: Lmao. Oh gosh you got me there for a second. You are funny. I like that. So ohhhh you are a teacher huh? I like that Sarcasm, incredulity, challenge. Me: Okay then... Her: whatcha up to MIB agent? Me: I'm sorry, this isn't going to work out. I don't play mind games. why did you feel she was playing mind games.....deb
preraph Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 I think you're funny and she does too, but to keep yourself from worrying so much, before you send the text, read each line as if it's the only line you're sending and then decide if it's a good idea or not (like that last line could be taken literally since you just started texting). 2
CarrieT Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 I totally don't get why you gave up! What others said: you can dish it out, but can't take it. I actually thought the MIB reference was kinda cute. 3
MidwestUSA Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Her: whatcha up to MIB agent? Me: I'm sorry, this isn't going to work out. I don't play mind games. You didn't sabotage, you ended it. Why? 6
whichwayisup Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 You assumed she was playing you and being sarcastic. Why? Texting back and forth or emailing there's no way to really get a read on someone until you talk on the phone and meet up. 1
elaine567 Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Kids in the playground YOU: Hi, I have a good game here, wanna have a go Her: yeah YOU: I have a sharp wooden stick here and I am going to poke you with it. Her: Go ahead! YOU: There, how did you like that Her: Ouch, that hurt! I am going to poke you back. YOU: Oh, OK then... Her: There, did you like that? YOU: Err... no. I am not playing any more, you are too rough and you have hurt me, you horrible girl. YOU: MUUUUUM!! there is a nasty girl out there. No-one likes me... Wah! wah! wah!
Gloria25 Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 You assumed she was playing you and being sarcastic. Why? Texting back and forth or emailing there's no way to really get a read on someone until you talk on the phone and meet up. Yep, on OLD, that's why I push for a first meet over coffee or drinks ASAP.... While I text a lot, too hard to make a connection and see if there's chemistry with endless messaging and what you see on an OLD profile.
angel.eyes Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 First, work on your self-confidence. You seem to see insults and negatives where none exist. Second, the point of OLD is to find dates. She has responded positively so far. Ask her on a date. Focus on the end goal here...dating. I think you can recover from the "I don't play mind games" comment. Make a joke about it...maybe with an MIB reference, then suggest meeting up for a date. 4
Author Eddy Street Posted January 10, 2015 Author Posted January 10, 2015 (edited) why did you feel she was playing mind games.....deb I just felt like she was trying to prove me to be a fake. So if you get really flippant and sarcastic and a woman is interested, she will very likely get sarcastic right back at you. Again it's mirroring. What you're saying makes perfect sense. I just take everything people say as a challenge sometimes since I've been challenged my family members, teachers, and by complete strangers my entire life. I've been told things like "sometimes I doubt if you have a soul, that's how stupid you are" by my father, just to give you an idea. It's hard to put that sort of thing behind you, and now I just assume people don't take me seriously. Interacting with people is very hard for me. Edited January 10, 2015 by Eddy Street
Author Eddy Street Posted January 10, 2015 Author Posted January 10, 2015 You didn't sabotage, you ended it. Why? I don't know, in retrospect it's a stupid decision. I felt like she would just continue to challenge me on what I am. I didn't know how to respond... "Yeah, I'm a teacher." Which shows her that I'm too thick to pick up her sarcasm, or try to attack her on something, but she was totally solid, since a neuroscientist is a couple of leagues above a teacher.
Author Eddy Street Posted January 10, 2015 Author Posted January 10, 2015 Kids in the playground YOU: Hi, I have a good game here, wanna have a go Her: yeah YOU: I have a sharp wooden stick here and I am going to poke you with it. Her: Go ahead! YOU: There, how did you like that Her: Ouch, that hurt! I am going to poke you back. YOU: Oh, OK then... Her: There, did you like that? YOU: Err... no. I am not playing any more, you are too rough and you have hurt me, you horrible girl. YOU: MUUUUUM!! there is a nasty girl out there. No-one likes me... Wah! wah! wah! Ha, thanks for the laugh.
Author Eddy Street Posted January 10, 2015 Author Posted January 10, 2015 (edited) First, work on your self-confidence. You seem to see insults and negatives where none exist. Second, the point of OLD is to find dates. She has responded positively so far. Ask her on a date. Focus on the end goal here...dating. I think you can recover from the "I don't play mind games" comment. Make a joke about it...maybe with an MIB reference, then suggest meeting up for a date. I did, we texted back and forth a bit and then I just couldn't help it, the MIB stuff came up, I wrote "I hope you aren't sharing these texts with your girlfiriends (she was out with roommates), I disclosed my identity as an MIB agent to you, this is strictly confidential". But then I kept saying "maybe elaborate?" over and over again to get to her and then I just blocked her. I just have to chalk it up to experience. That was the thing that I think ruined it. When she wrote "maybe elaborate?" it seemed extremely arrogant to me. Edited January 10, 2015 by Eddy Street
endlessabyss Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Eddy Street laying down game. I'm taking notes as we speak. 2
Author Eddy Street Posted January 10, 2015 Author Posted January 10, 2015 (edited) Eddy Street laying down game. I'm taking notes as we speak. Just for you, my friend. Edited January 10, 2015 by Eddy Street 1
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 I did, we texted back and forth a bit and then I just couldn't help it, the MIB stuff came up, I wrote "I hope you aren't sharing these texts with your girlfiriends (she was out with roommates), I disclosed my identity as an MIB agent to you, this is strictly confidential". But then I kept saying "maybe elaborate?" over and over again to get to her and then I just blocked her. I just have to chalk it up to experience. That was the thing that I think ruined it. When she wrote "maybe elaborate?" it seemed extremely arrogant to me. How is there anything even remotely, much less extremely, arrogant about asking you to elaborate? You said you were a mathematician. What does that mean? If you told me that I'd wonder if you were doing budget work for the government, theoretical physics, generating predictive models for analytic companies, whatever---it could be almost anything. She asked a simple question in two little words. You not only grossly misinterpreted those two words, but you fixated on them, decided there was malicious intent behind them, tried to hurt her with them, and then when that failed (she was no doubt more confused than hurt) you just blocked her altogether. That is a bewildering overreaction, and I don't understand why something so benign triggered such intense, almost obsessive anger. "Chalk it up to experience" indeed. If you don't understand why you do such irrational and self-destructive things they're just going to happen again. Regardless, I assure you if she hadn't shown your messages to her roommates before she definitely has now. 4
Author Eddy Street Posted January 10, 2015 Author Posted January 10, 2015 (edited) How is there anything even remotely, much less extremely, arrogant about asking you to elaborate? Because, if she continued reading my profile she would have seen that I am a teacher written very clearly. And it's the way she phrased it and the word-choice too, "elaborate maybe?" is like saying "uuuh... maybe you should do this? maybe? does that make sense? yes? no?". If I'm trying to show someone I think they are interesting I would phrase it differently, making it a traditional question. I really don't care if she showed the message to her friends. They don't know me and I don't know them. They can't track my photo. Lol, I'll get there eventually. I liken my romantic life to the space program. Small steps. Edited January 10, 2015 by Eddy Street
todreaminblue Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 I just felt like she was trying to prove me to be a fake. What you're saying makes perfect sense. I just take everything people say as a challenge sometimes since I've been challenged my family members, teachers, and by complete strangers my entire life. I've been told things like "sometimes I doubt if you have a soul, that's how stupid you are" by my father, just to give you an idea. It's hard to put that sort of thing behind you, and now I just assume people don't take me seriously. Interacting with people is very hard for me. I just felt like she was trying to prove me to be a fake. i dont feel she was at all.....i find too if i dont have someone in front of me to tell if they are joking or not or their intentions behind their words ...i struggle a bit too ed...old is very ambiguous......the internet in all reality is ambiguous......maybe old isnt for you.....have you thought maybe about that toastmasters class or group? I think edward if you go some where where someone appreciates your passions...face to face with a little confidence you could be an empathetic and understanding and compassionate communicator..that is attractive to women......you have the tools by the way you have been treated ...those ones that treated you badly gave you exactly the tool you need to know when someone else has been treated badly and feel empathy enough to know better.....the smarts...clever guys...actually are highly attractive to a lot of women......the quirkiness....the humor...added bonus.....the confidence is all you need to get out there...it does come with experience ......and with a few people treating you the right way to understand that is how you should be treated........deb 2
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