danny12 Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 So, me and my gf are in an LDR, it's been over a year. And she told me about her ex bf..who is crazy and Ik that for fact which is why she dumped him once she saw who he really was. He sexually assaulted her. And their relationship was over quick. Because she is not ready for any type of sexual contact. She is a girl who keeps to herself and does school work and had no idea that her ex was so mean...no I bring this ex up becUse her ex said she is a "mean" person for not wanting to do anythig with him after 2 months...and this is the one instance where soemone said she was a mean person. BUT Now, her two best friends said to her "we think you don't like us sometimes" and they didn't tell her why yet. And I'm sitting here wondering "do I have a mean gf or what's going on, if I do then I don't think I will be able to put up with it..what do I do" So this is what's happeneing basically..we are waiting for her friends to tell her why they think thaT. I'm unsure if this is my ocd(yes I have ocd) going crazy. Becaue I'm sitting here worrying big time, I don't want to be dating a mean girl. So I just need advice, help, or opinions here. Am I overthinking or should I be more aware and see how she acts??
Michelle ma Belle Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 I'm not sure where you get that your girlfriend is "mean". You said yourself that she came from an abusive relationship and that she is someone who tends to keep to herself and does homework. She's probably an introvert at heart or maybe just jaded by being hurt and/or disappointed by people in her life and prefers to distance herself accordingly. Does this warrant labeling her "mean"? Absolutely not. The question you need to answer is how does she treat you? Do you enjoy being with her? Has she done or said anything to you that felt hurtful? If not, chalk this up to your OCD. Better yet, STOP listening to other people. They are not the ones invested in your relationship.
smackie9 Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 People who are introvert, shy, or have social anxiety can be mistaken for being snobbish, cold, negative, or have no empahthy. Her friends are just being narrowminded and just assume she's being a snob. Hopefully they will talk it out and understand it was a misunderstanding. As for you, you need to back off and mind your own business. This has nothing to do with you, this is between her and her friends. Your job is to be supportive and listen, but don't get involved. Her issues are not your's to fix or worry about. 1
Author danny12 Posted January 9, 2015 Author Posted January 9, 2015 People who are introvert, shy, or have social anxiety can be mistaken for being snobbish, cold, negative, or have no empahthy. Her friends are just being narrowminded and just assume she's being a snob. Hopefully they will talk it out and understand it was a misunderstanding. As for you, you need to back off and mind your own business. This has nothing to do with you, this is between her and her friends. Your job is to be supportive and listen, but don't get involved. Her issues are not your's to fix or worry about. She came to me and was talking to me about it. So I of course provided her with help. And I called her to talk to her about it. Sorry, I understand what your saying in your first paragraph. But the second paragraph does not make much sense. We are working It out together. She came to me. I dis not nose into her business. And I do appreciate the help, thank you.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 Is she mean to you? And why are you fretting over the opinion of someone who mistreated her? Have you spent time around her and friends? If so, what have you observed? You seem to be putting a lot of weight into other people's opinions of her. I think you need to evaluate how she treats you, and how you view her treatment of others.
d0nnivain Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 Her EX BF is a cad. A girl who is not ready for sex is hardly mean because she won't get physical with her BF. He is mean & more for trying to force her. I would need more info about what your GF allegedly did for her GFs to call her mean. Nice people can do mean things. That doesn't make them mean people. As for you, what difference do the opinions of these other people make in your life? You don't even know them. Be happy her EX thinks she's mean. He'll stay away. You can't base your opinion of your GF on the opinions expressed by others.
Author danny12 Posted January 9, 2015 Author Posted January 9, 2015 Her EX BF is a cad. A girl who is not ready for sex is hardly mean because she won't get physical with her BF. He is mean & more for trying to force her. I would need more info about what your GF allegedly did for her GFs to call her mean. Nice people can do mean things. That doesn't make them mean people. As for you, what difference do the opinions of these other people make in your life? You don't even know them. Be happy her EX thinks she's mean. He'll stay away. You can't base your opinion of your GF on the opinions expressed by others. Thanks Donovan. You help em out a lot here. Always posting. Thanks to all of you as well. And yea she had no idea her ex was like that. That's why it lasted only 2 months. She couldn't believe it.
smackie9 Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 She came to me and was talking to me about it. So I of course provided her with help. And I called her to talk to her about it. Sorry, I understand what your saying in your first paragraph. But the second paragraph does not make much sense. We are working It out together. She came to me. I dis not nose into her business. And I do appreciate the help, thank you. Sounds to me she has to work on her self confidence and stand up for herself so she can earn some respect from others. When I was growing up, I discovered girls can be stupidly catty. I can see why she would be having a tough time.
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