sittingherealone Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 I've only posted here a few times. I had a very verbal abusive/insecure g/f of 2 years. I'm 29, My ex g/f is 27. I left her 6 weeks ago(Nov. 29th). She was very upset but she knew she had problems. She is diagnosed with bi polar and borderline personality. 3 medications. Very hard to deal with, but I do love her. I thought I could help her. On Dec. 16th I called her and asked if she would like to be mature and talk things out without yelling. She said No and she had moved on. I said okay. we hung up I have been in no contact since Dec. 16th. She has text me maybe twice a week asking how I am handling the break up. She text a few times to cuss me out and let me know I wasted 2 years of her life. I ignore her. I just found out Jan 8th, that my sister's B/f and my EX hooked up at new years party. My sister was having a fight with her B/F that night so he ended up at a party with my EX. Suppoesedly my EX wanted to make me jealous by having sex with my sisters B/F . I really dont care if the rumor is true. I honestly believe it. I dont even feel like confronting my EX or my sisters B/f. Im just curious how people can be so low of them selfs. If this rumor is true how can my EX go home and lay in bed knowing her actions ? How can she even justify her actions. Of course my sisters b/f denied it, but all his friends are saying otherwise. Rant over. I feel so bad for my EX. She seemed so sweet in the beginning and then i seen her true colors. I wish I could have been the one to help her
Ieris Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 Hmm.. if it is true then just be there for your sister. Sometimes you have to go through things like this to remember who is truly important and worth keeping in your life. People who go out of their way to hurt you and others don't deserve your time and understanding. If she wants to go downhill then let her, you can only help someone who wants to be helped. It is weird when things come to an end, the person you fell in love with is a completely different person and you wonder if you ever really knew them at all... or maybe now you're just seeing the "real" them without the rose tinted glasses x
Toodaloo Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 Never mind either of them. Thank goodness both yourself and your sister are out. Good luck - it sucks trying to get over some one when they have done something like this. Just stay away.
StanMusial Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 Crazy is as crazy does. Avoid. I don't understand why you called her to "talk things out" though. Surely you knew how that would go.
salparadise Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 She is diagnosed with bi polar and borderline personality. I wish I could have been the one to help her There are lots of threads here on borderline personality disorder that you should read–– particularly the ones by Downtown. Borderline and Bipolar together... unh. It's important for you to understand a couple of thing- a) you couldn't have helped her, and b) there is something about you that made you susceptible to falling for a person with such severe disorders, and it's important that you become aware of it and work on it lest you keep repeating the pattern. My condolences to you- I know it's tough. Keep no contact and look within to learn why you found such a personality so appealing. You may need to learn what a healthy relationship looks like.
preraph Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 Your ex has some disorders that can make her more likely to act impulsively. But I do think she targeted your sister's bf just so it would get back to you. I think you're well rid of her and need to stop worrying about her. Tell your sister you're very sorry she got caught in the fallout of your breakup. But let her deal with her bf in her own way. Don't get caught up in the middle of it where things will get back to your ex, which is what she's wanting -- attention. Remain No Contact with your destructive ex and hope she gets better in the future.
No Limit Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 Someone with a borderline personality doesn't have to seem logical to you. What they do makes perfect sense to them so they're fine with it.
almond Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Don't fry your brain trying to make sense of the actions of someone that is mentally ill - there is no sense to be found. Block her number or change yours, cut the contact. Move on and heal and leave this behind you now.
Danda Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 BPD isn't treated with medications. Bipolar Disorder is. I'm bipolar and do relatively well, certainly no insane **** like that. But BPD is a personality disorder, can't be cured by Big Pharma, only some seriously long, hard work in therapy, and even then with a therapist who knows what they're doing, because BPD is a very tough disorder to overcome/treat. In its severe form the person really needs to make massive leaps of progress before trying to have a serious relationship. It's not the sort of thing you can "talk through" with an SO, let alone "be the one to help them". Not unless you're their highly qualified therapist. No Contact is also HUGE when dealing with PD exes. They usually can't handle No Contact themselves if their life depended on it, even though they need it as much as you do. So if you really care for her and can't help it, care for you both with strict NC. 2
Author sittingherealone Posted January 10, 2015 Author Posted January 10, 2015 I've done strict no contact for almost 4 weeks now (Dec. 16th). As I said. She has sent the occasional text cussing me out saying I wasted 2 years of her life, she hates me, then she will text a few days later and ask what I'm doing. My self and all my family have her blocked on social media. She was posting really dumb statuses about how she needs a real man who can handle her and posting immature pictures of her dancing at clubs. She went as far as posting up flowers and jewelry a week after I left that said "I have a sexy secret admirer" Its just crazy how a few months ago she's madly in love with me and would never hurt me and she never wants to loose me. Then turn around and do crazy things like this. I know she's trying to get a reaction out of me but I am NOT giving in to her games. And as to why I fell for her. I met her at a bar and I'll be honest. Very sexy lady. I was thinking with the wrong head. I seen these red flags first night. I just thought I could help. That's all. I thought I'd be the knight in shiny armor to make her change her ways of thinking
Ebelskiver Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Read up on BPD and BP. It's not for you to help her, she has to ready, and willing to help herself. One thing you can do for YOURSELF is to block her on your phone and on Facebook, then you won't have to worry about her updates or her crazy calls and texts. You dodged a bullet, celebrate!
SycamoreCircle Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Asking someone if they want to talk about something maturely without yelling is not an effective way of engaging them. You're setting the grounds for defensiveness. Did you really want to work things out with her or just play the blame game? I also find it unlikely that you feel so sorry for her. You have anger. So what if she's screwing your neighbor's uncle's best friend's trash man? If you're going to reach any kind of honest dialogue with her, you need to be responsible for your share of immaturity and manipulation. Personally, I think you need to walk away from this completely. Cool your jets. Gain some perspective. Then decide if you want pick at the scab. 1
Danda Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Asking someone if they want to talk about something maturely without yelling is not an effective way of engaging them. You're setting the grounds for defensiveness. Did you really want to work things out with her or just play the blame game? I also find it unlikely that you feel so sorry for her. You have anger. So what if she's screwing your neighbor's uncle's best friend's trash man? If you're going to reach any kind of honest dialogue with her, you need to be responsible for your share of immaturity and manipulation. Personally, I think you need to walk away from this completely. Cool your jets. Gain some perspective. Then decide if you want pick at the scab. Probably a codependent streak in the OP, haha. I know it pretty well from before I did therapy for it. We always gotta fix and save everybody, and we're prone to being self-righteous and having martyrdom complexes, as well. Aint pretty but it's nice when you can finally acknowledge it and get over most of it.
veggirl Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 yikes, you need to figure out why you are so attracted to crazy. you're 29, time to grow up and try out a healthy relationship. tbh most healthy women your age would probably run from you because you love crazy.
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