mm2mm Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 So here's the backstory - Summer 2012 - me and this girl (I was 21, she was 18), started dating. I had sexual history, she did not - and she had chosen to remain that way, something I abided by up until we first broke up in Spring 2013 (it ended amicably) - Spring 2013 - when she went back to her home country, we tried long distance, but we were both being needy and it just wasn't working out. We called it quits and decided to remain friends. - Summer 2013 - She was due to visit the country, so we arranged to meet up - and we ended up having this huge argument. She ended up getting drunk and sleeping with her friend. - Spring 2014 - We were back to being friends, in fact, very close friends. We spoke almost every day, we had fun, and because we'd both been intimate with other people by then, we were fine with being friends. - Summer 2014 - Occasionally we spoke of getting back together. She's coming back to this country this year (2015) and she's moving here permanently, so it gives us a chance to explore other possibilities. - Winter 2014 - I'd started wanting her back. Honestly, the way we spoke was just like we did when we were in a relationship - we said "I love you", stayed up nights just talking, we even got each other Xmas presents. So that gets us caught up to last week. Last week, she decides to ask me a "guy problem", whereby she goes onto explain about how on Saturdays she'll go out clubbing and always make out with this one guy but she's not sure about him because he's "too horny all the time" and "only calls [her] when he wants to masturbate" - she proceeds to tell me that she wants to have sex with him and she's there telling me all these really over-the-line things (he lives one town over with his parents, and she lives with her parents). I've asked her advice regarding women before, but that was at a time where we were just friend. I thought we were unspokenly together now, if that makes any sense. Our conversations go above and beyond that which any platonic friends generally have. Heck, we've even been talking about moving in together when she moves over here. Apparently she still wants to "have fun" while she's over there. So when she asked for my advice, I did literally every wrong thing I could think of. - Firstly I told her to sleep with him, and then when she asked why, I said "because you sleep with everyone" (I was pretty mad that she'd asked me, and I felt foolish for thinking we were more than we apparently are, and she has slept with more than a handful of guys) - I told her I'm seeing someone and proceeded to create a girl from my imagination (for some reason, I think I thought that would make her jealous) - I told her not to bother coming to this country And a few other things which I think were completely the wrong thing to do. Later on we both apologised, but she said she was still going to see that guy, but that she still loves me and would consider getting back together when she's back in the country. So now we get to where I am right now. Before when I used to message her, she'd respond and we'd talk for hours. Now when I message her, either she sounds mad, she'll be completely unresponsive, she'll tell me she's busy, or she'll send one or two lines. Weirdly enough she'll still say goodnight and tell me she loves me - but I think that's just a formality. I'm not completely unaware - I know that she's seeing this guy. I haven't told her I want to be with her. Surely she knows already, I don't really think it would make a difference if I said it, and then I'd risk the friendship too. I just have no idea where I stand with her. I want things to be back to normal - but I know if we carry on the way we've been carrying on this week, it's just not going to work. We're both going to start being stand-offish, make offensive remarks and implode. Any suggestions for what I should do now - the idea I've been pondering is to call her out on being cold and distant and ask for an explanation. But I have a feeling that's a knee-jerk reaction and wouldn't be very useful.
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