erklat Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 Hi all, first of all this post have nothing to do with my ex, my diary is in breakup section here. The cause : I have been fighting with severe depression for the better part of the past decade. I felt lost, I doubled the length of my studies, I fought with my family and the feelings of low self worth as they tried to rationalize their financial bankrupt through my failures and I finally got the feeling I am nearly able to overcome it. See, my family is extremely toxic. I am in limited contact with my father's side as they, him included, can not live their own lives. They have this patological inclination they have to control yours too. I always had a knack to strong yet somewhat problematic women. I felt incredible sexual chemistry to them and I know that life with them would give me familiar dynamic because my parents marriage is dysfunctional - example so you can see the extent of the damage - my grandmother receives finances from father and she then gives to my mother as she sees fit. Total insanity and frustration, I tried to turn the tide of this for almost two years lost, until I finally detached in my pursuit of happiness past January. The action : I will be a baby daddy this summer with a woman that I do not feel that kind of sexual chemistry towards her. She is kind and affectionate, her family seems normal albeit I am firm believer life of two of us is for us to live. She is rational with money and she seems like typical housewife I could have normal life with. But now I am afraid that I never develop feelings for her as much as I want to. You see, since the breakup I was on a path of incredible selfgrowth and introspection, I even managed not only to be fully steaming towards completing my studies, but it does not drain me any more. I learned myself to enjoy what I am doing and for what I am. The thing is - even though I never thought not to have that baby because she wants it and I will support her as much as I could always. The question : Do you think it is better to live separately in mutual respect and good terms as much as possible, or to be in circumstantial marriage because you think it may be moral thing to do? (my parents advise against marriage, that made me wonder) I do not wish to be one of those guys that brought a kid to this world and then left it and woman never to see it again. I am afraid that even this could be functional and rational marriage, I always preached how we are supposed to be with the ones we are infatuated with. The aftermath : I have spent the lifetime looking into my fathers eyes who wanted to be a writer, but his parents pushed him to be mech engineer (it's pathology here) and seeing how he is entrapped inside his miserable existence in his body. I do not want to be my father! I do not want to create the same family and do to my wife and kid the same he did to us putting his family of orientation before procreation like forever. I am still on my journey for selfgrowth and happiness. Most people in my social circle also have at least some kind of codependency. I am trying to create life of happiness for myself first even if that means that I have another life partner other than my child's mother. I believe that you are entitled to be happy inside your own skin by all means necessary, that is the only way to emotional and financial self reliance. My dad was neither. His financial bankruptcy for example is the result of his emotional state. Living a lifetime of misery could not have brought anything else. There was not a possibility that this could have been prevented anyway. Am I an a$$hat for this?
todreaminblue Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 Personally i feel when making a baby together you are making more commitment than a marriage because it isnt just two you are going to have to be responsible and committed too.....in saying that.....it is better to live apart than eventually cheat and having you resent them for basically loving you when you dotn love them...if you dont love someone enough to say they are yours forever ....then leave let them find someone who will...family isnt a part time occupation and there are so many single mothers who struggle day to day with fathers who dont want to be around or arent around...consider carefully before you leave what you are doing...to you ...to her....to your bub the only way you would be an asshat.....which by the way is a new word i have learned from loveshack......is if you fail to talk to your partner in parenting, about how you really feel and then you made no effort whatsoever to resolve issues and see if you could work out for the sake of the child..she may in all honesty wish you to walk away if you tell her how you really feel....give her that chance..good luck...i hope the pregnancy and birth fo your bub is something that you remember always.....and realize the importance of the rather demeaningly casually named baby daddy status..how important a role it is you have taken on.......good luck again.....deb
d0nnivain Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 You don't want to be a father. That says it all. Look into severing your parental rights. It will relieve you from obligations for the baby but you will not be allowed to see the baby.
Mal78 Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 Hi all, first of all this post have nothing to do with my ex, my diary is in breakup section here. The cause : I have been fighting with severe depression for the better part of the past decade. I felt lost, I doubled the length of my studies, I fought with my family and the feelings of low self worth as they tried to rationalize their financial bankrupt through my failures and I finally got the feeling I am nearly able to overcome it. See, my family is extremely toxic. I am in limited contact with my father's side as they, him included, can not live their own lives. They have this patological inclination they have to control yours too. I always had a knack to strong yet somewhat problematic women. I felt incredible sexual chemistry to them and I know that life with them would give me familiar dynamic because my parents marriage is dysfunctional - example so you can see the extent of the damage - my grandmother receives finances from father and she then gives to my mother as she sees fit. Total insanity and frustration, I tried to turn the tide of this for almost two years lost, until I finally detached in my pursuit of happiness past January. The action : I will be a baby daddy this summer with a woman that I do not feel that kind of sexual chemistry towards her. She is kind and affectionate, her family seems normal albeit I am firm believer life of two of us is for us to live. She is rational with money and she seems like typical housewife I could have normal life with. But now I am afraid that I never develop feelings for her as much as I want to. You see, since the breakup I was on a path of incredible selfgrowth and introspection, I even managed not only to be fully steaming towards completing my studies, but it does not drain me any more. I learned myself to enjoy what I am doing and for what I am. The thing is - even though I never thought not to have that baby because she wants it and I will support her as much as I could always. The question : Do you think it is better to live separately in mutual respect and good terms as much as possible, or to be in circumstantial marriage because you think it may be moral thing to do? (my parents advise against marriage, that made me wonder) I do not wish to be one of those guys that brought a kid to this world and then left it and woman never to see it again. I am afraid that even this could be functional and rational marriage, I always preached how we are supposed to be with the ones we are infatuated with. The aftermath : I have spent the lifetime looking into my fathers eyes who wanted to be a writer, but his parents pushed him to be mech engineer (it's pathology here) and seeing how he is entrapped inside his miserable existence in his body. I do not want to be my father! I do not want to create the same family and do to my wife and kid the same he did to us putting his family of orientation before procreation like forever. I am still on my journey for selfgrowth and happiness. Most people in my social circle also have at least some kind of codependency. I am trying to create life of happiness for myself first even if that means that I have another life partner other than my child's mother. I believe that you are entitled to be happy inside your own skin by all means necessary, that is the only way to emotional and financial self reliance. My dad was neither. His financial bankruptcy for example is the result of his emotional state. Living a lifetime of misery could not have brought anything else. There was not a possibility that this could have been prevented anyway. Am I an a$$hat for this? You don't do anything you are not at least 95% sure of. I honestly feel it would be wrong of you to give her any sense of false hope. The situation is getting baby here safe, healthy and give her the support she needs for this pregnancy. Perhaps things will mature and/or grow during the process but place no certainties. Baby is the focus. If any sort of hopes for a future is established and then later broken baby could be her only leverage and it could get ugly. You don't have to create the same family as you had. Functional doesn't mean everyone lives under one roof. It is whatever it takes to function healthy for your child. You deserve happiness and your true life partner and she (baby mama) does too. We are in a different time. She isn't "used" and has to be shipped off the a maternity house for unwed mothers to secretly give away her baby because if she doesn't she would never be seen as "marriage material". Ya, it's changed.
Recommended Posts