crazybestie101 Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Guess you didn't read the last part of my letter. End of story is I told him I assumed it's over and he confirmed it for me. Haven't spoken to him since, and no desire to. Just want to know what the calling was about, more out of curiosity really. Also, I think it's fair to reach out to someone who's dropped off after several days when there is sudden no contact, especially if you are sleeping with them. I wasn't nagging him or asking him where he was or anything. What is NOT ok is for him to just vanish with no warning. I'm sorry, I don't think what I did was desperate and I'm getting a little tired of that word being tossed around towards women who are being mind f&cked by self absorbed guys! I know what you are going through, some guys are just like that. About calling you , he might just want get in touch and say hello. It seems like he might want be friends? If you don't want to called deseperate then drop analyzing everything he does. If you read my threads , my story somewhat similar to yours, i used to act like you. Nothing came out, been more than year of NC.. Let him go, if he is into you he will make real efforts to let you know..
Chin Up Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Girl, run and don't look back! He's flat out warned you that he's a walking world of hurt. if you choose to pursue this, you ARE giving him the green light to treat you like shiz, and he will. I just got out of a 1 year relationship like this, and if you think you're confused now..they only get worse with time. I'm still trying to make sense of wtf happened and why I put up with it all..well, i think I can tell you.. He's managing down your expectations and self esteem! You're basically being "trained" to expect and accept less and less. He's pretty well grooming you to do nothing more than put-out and put-up. I was miserable with my ex. Thought of walking away often, but he got to me. For a while I thought I couldn't do better than him because the way he treated me made me feel like that. It's a total mind bleep and the whole thing is very slow and stealthy. It's only once they finally pull the rug out from you that you can really start to see how bad it got. He really did treat me like crap, and I let him. It all started with dodgy communication with mine. Some days he'd be blowing up my phone. Sometimes it would take him, yes, 9 hours to reply to a text, sometimes I heard nothing for days. oh, and the reason he doesn't leave a message now is because he knows you will see he called and will call him back. Anyways, take what he says for face value and don't think for a minute you're the special one that can change him and make him commit. He can't. Not worth it--http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/503812-whoops-i-broke-nc-teehee 2
Simon Phoenix Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Let's pretend we can somehow read the mine of a stranger, what's the purpose of you knowing that information? It's not like you are any less broken up and it's not like you can, or should want to, use that information to try to manipulate him. Trying to guess at the motives of another person is one of the most useless enterprises on this planet. Instead of trying to get in his head, it's time for you to figure out what you can control -- yourself. You fell for a player, hook, line and sinker. Instead of trying to get inside his mind, learn from this so it doesn't become a pattern. 1
Broom Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Girl, run and don't look back! He's flat out warned you that he's a walking world of hurt. if you choose to pursue this, you ARE giving him the green light to treat you like shiz, and he will. I just got out of a 1 year relationship like this, and if you think you're confused now..they only get worse with time. I'm still trying to make sense of wtf happened and why I put up with it all..well, i think I can tell you.. He's managing down your expectations and self esteem! You're basically being "trained" to expect and accept less and less. He's pretty well grooming you to do nothing more than put-out and put-up. I was miserable with my ex. Thought of walking away often, but he got to me. For a while I thought I couldn't do better than him because the way he treated me made me feel like that. It's a total mind bleep and the whole thing is very slow and stealthy. It's only once they finally pull the rug out from you that you can really start to see how bad it got. He really did treat me like crap, and I let him. It all started with dodgy communication with mine. Some days he'd be blowing up my phone. Sometimes it would take him, yes, 9 hours to reply to a text, sometimes I heard nothing for days. oh, and the reason he doesn't leave a message now is because he knows you will see he called and will call him back. Anyways, take what he says for face value and don't think for a minute you're the special one that can change him and make him commit. He can't. Not worth it--http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/503812-whoops-i-broke-nc-teehee Oh, this is so true. I had my first experience with a guy like this last year. Did not have a clue about push-pull games or guys that even think to emotionally manipulate to this degree. The infrequent texting, the hot/cold nature, the random anger when questions, and the way he could make me feel so small. It's really not worth it.
SoThatHappened Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Let's pretend we can somehow read the mine of a stranger, what's the purpose of you knowing that information? It's not like you are any less broken up and it's not like you can, or should want to, use that information to try to manipulate him. Trying to guess at the motives of another person is one of the most useless enterprises on this planet. Instead of trying to get in his head, it's time for you to figure out what you can control -- yourself. You fell for a player, hook, line and sinker. Instead of trying to get inside his mind, learn from this so it doesn't become a pattern. This needed to be quoted. You can spend countless, worthless hours trying to analyzing what was going on in their head. It's okay to analyze and think of every possible angle while it's fresh. After that, just let it go, or else it will set you back. Live for you and for the right person coming into your life.
ballycastle Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 Girl, run and don't look back! He's flat out warned you that he's a walking world of hurt. if you choose to pursue this, you ARE giving him the green light to treat you like shiz, and he will. I just got out of a 1 year relationship like this, and if you think you're confused now..they only get worse with time. I'm still trying to make sense of wtf happened and why I put up with it all..well, i think I can tell you.. He's managing down your expectations and self esteem! You're basically being "trained" to expect and accept less and less. He's pretty well grooming you to do nothing more than put-out and put-up. I was miserable with my ex. Thought of walking away often, but he got to me. For a while I thought I couldn't do better than him because the way he treated me made me feel like that. It's a total mind bleep and the whole thing is very slow and stealthy. It's only once they finally pull the rug out from you that you can really start to see how bad it got. He really did treat me like crap, and I let him. It all started with dodgy communication with mine. Some days he'd be blowing up my phone. Sometimes it would take him, yes, 9 hours to reply to a text, sometimes I heard nothing for days. oh, and the reason he doesn't leave a message now is because he knows you will see he called and will call him back. Anyways, take what he says for face value and don't think for a minute you're the special one that can change him and make him commit. He can't. Not worth it--http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/503812-whoops-i-broke-nc-teehee Agreed with Chin Up. People give themselves away but we often mute them. With mine I didn't hear about all the former ex girlfriends who walked out on him because he was so 'charming' in the first month. Foolishly thought it must have been them, he hasn't found the right one (me). When he said his ex 'wasn't the one' I thought 'the one' was me. Please, please, please, don't go through the same heartache as we have done, praying & miserable and hoping that when they start with their distancing BS they will come back and miraculously change. They won't. 7 months later I am still not better, and do not trust myself in a relationship ever again. So take heed.
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