Am I being paranoid or is he pulling away? [Updates]

[bootyboot]

Ok long story:

I've been dating a sweet new guy for several weeks I met online.

We had a great first date. He made sure I got home ok and mentioned he'd like to see me again. 3 days go by and silence. I felt such a connection which is rare so I gave in and and texted "hey, how's your week been?" He responded immediately by inviting me to a small dinner party he was hosting for a few friends and work colleagues as our second date.

 

Seemed like a bold move but he was really excited about it and was introducing me to his inner circle. This was followed by a third date the next night because he wanted to see me before I left for the holidays. (I should mention we slept together after the 2nd date. I lost my composure because the whole night was perfect and I was totally smitten. It felt so comfortable and real with him.)

 

Went home for Xmas for 2 weeks and he would call to say hi or text every few days to check in, including on XMas. He frequently mentioned future dates, asked to see pics of my hometown and we had some cute banter. 2-3 times he did leave me hanging when I sent him a short text or pic I initiated, but then would call me 1 or 2 days later to chat. I've always played it cool and never called him out or texted him a bunch or anything. And no needy "why aren't you answering?" or anything like that at all.

 

We met up the day after I got back in town at his place and he cooked for me. That night he talked about places he wanted to go to with me and we snuggled, held hands and I stayed over again. In the morning he had to leave at 5am for work and just said "see you later." Then 3 days of silence go by so I sent him a quick text about an article I thought he'd like. He nicely responded 8 hrs later that eve with one text but still no mention of meeting up. I didn't respond to him until the next day and kept it brief but pleasant. I started a new job this week and he never asked how it was going or anything.

 

That night (4 days since I saw him), HE called twice out of the blue but didn't leave a voicemail. I called him back 20 min later and his phone went to straight to VM, so I left a message saying "hey, sorry I missed your call, give me a call when you have a chance, walking to the subway." It's a full day later and still nothing. I haven't reached out to him since I left that one VM.

 

My over analytical mind is coming up with every scenario possible: Was he trying to dump me but chickened out? Was he mad I didn't pick up my phone? Is he just spotty at communicating? Maybe things were moving too fast and he freaked out? Did he want to chat but was crazy busy (the French massacre happened on Tues and it's a big deal with his news agency.) I also know an old ex gf is back in town this week to get her cat that he was sitting for. He told me he lost interest in her a long time ago and there's nothing there. I believe him but maybe she's staying at his place or something.

 

Anyway, can't figure it out for the life of me, but my friends said let it go for now. They aren't sure either.

He's British so maybe there's a cultural miscommunication added. Brits don't make a big deal about sex early in the relationship, that's actually how a lot of relationships start over there and they don't really have a dating culture. He seemed genuinely interested in me as a person when we were together and his friends were lovely and the whole thing felt legit. I have a very honed b.s. radar, but I might have finally met my match with this guy!

 

I did ask him a few gentle questions about his past gf's. He said he moves really slowly with committing to someone, is ok being on his own, and got bored in past relationships easily, which made me pause but I didn't say anything. He hasn't had any serious long-term relationships and is 32 and the last girl he dated was a year ago. (I never ever hinted about possibly being his gf or us being together or anything like that, but he casually threw that out there when I asked about his dating past.)

 

Thoughts?? This is driving me nuts as I really felt something with this guy!

Edited January 13, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Leigh 87]

Sorry to say this, but he just doesn't sound that into you.

 

Men are simple. When they meet a woman that excites them, they meant to talk to her almost daily. From date one.

 

Some men aren't into texting; or do they fancy daily contact. However, when they meet a woman they are really excited about, you can met that they will text once or twice a day and usually call. Even the guys who aren't into texting usually make an effort if a girl is always in their mind.

 

It sounds like he llikes you enough as a person in order for him to have introduced you to his friends. That doesn't mean he ffelt much of a spark with you or that you were anything special , to be honest.

 

Days without texting ? Taking 8 hours to a day to reply to your texts?

 

Sorry but he just isn't that into you. At best, he is lukewarm about you and he really likes you as a person and he may even continue to pursue you if he lacks other options but do you really want a man who was not infatuated or enamored by you in the early stages ?

 

When I meet a man that excites me, he is always on my mind. .those pesky hormones are release when you feel intense chemistry and there is no way I'd go days without making contact. A day I'm an introvert. .... go months without seeing my friends at times; very good friends at that!

[Danda]

My 2 cents opinion is that you need to switch gears on how you're viewing this whole situation. I get the impression that he's just having fun with you, and also seems to keep 'putting you in your place' in that regard with this wonky communication style. He seems to make sure you're chasing and he is not, and to make deliberate points of being aloof regarding you. This is on top of him dropping strong hints with how he felt about previous relationships. If you're going at this hoping for something serious then I think you're going to get hurt. If you're going at this the way he is, just to mess around and have fun, then chances are that's what you can get out of it for a while. If you can't go at this without hoping for something serious (which isn't anything wrong with you, people can never help how they feel), then I'd think it wise of you to pull back big time and consider moving on or seeing other guys.

[Leigh 87]

I'm dating a guy who lives across the country, works long hours in a physically strenuous job and for 5 years he has not liked a girl enough to bother with going out of his way to text them and forge a relationship with anyone.

 

He is bad with texting when it comes to women hences why he's remained single.

 

Yet be manages to initiate texts daily. Not all the time, but he reache oout to me daily with a text or two and usually a phone call.

 

Men like my bf change their tune when they have previously been lazy with following up women. If they meet a woman who excites them enough, they text or call daily albeit not necessarily incessantly.

[bootyboot]

My gut is saying that he did really like me and was infatuated in the beginning same as I, but something happened on that last date that either turned him off or freaked him out and he backed off. I think we had chemistry and it was a whirlwind, but probably not one that can last.

 

Orrrr.. he's an evil genius when it comes to mind games. The sudden radio silence from him for a few days after a super intimate time was crushing. I felt very hurt and used and that maybe I was duped by a very smart man who knew the right things to do and say to get laid.

 

I was finally able to let the anxiety go by yesterday after not hearing anymore from him, then that night he calls me without leaving a VM and those stomach churning feeling are back again! And to top it off, 30 min later, I call him to find out what's up and his phone is off. And then he never calls back again. Wtf is that about?!! Is that some test or game he's playing because that is really pathetic if so? Now I'm getting angry. I don't like being messed with. I came in very genuine and warm and sweet and not wanting to hurt a fly and wanting to get to know him on an honest level. Maybe this guy gets off on hurting other people to cover his own insecurities. I'm going to get to the bottom of this somehow..

[Eternal Sunshine]

He seems to be in "let's see how it goes" mode while you are in "OMG I really like him!!!" mode. If you are happy for this to go at his pace, meaning sorta casual, then pull back and mirror his communication. Personally, I would want a guy that shows more interest.

[Satu]

Personally, I think going to bed with someone you don't know is a bad idea. I'm not judging your morality, but I think its far too much, far too soon. You've short-circuited the 'getting to know you,' step. Thats my opinion, others will have other viewpoints.

[BluEyeL]

If a man is over 30, never had a serious long term relationship and tells you he gets bored and has issues with commitment, you have to immediately break up with him, if you want a serious relationship. I don't care how much he seems to like you, he'll do what he always did. Get bored and end it.

 

I was in a similar situation in 2013 and I didn't listen. The guy never had a serious relationship, of over 3 months, but said he now wants one blah blah. Also seemed very into me. Only to promptly dump me with no reason at 3 months and one week. So people always do what they always did. Relationship history is a huge indicator of their ways.

[LadyLuck2014]

I'm in the camp that says you were intimate far too soon. But then again, if he gets bored easily, this would have likely happened even if you'd waited 3 weeks instead of just two dates.

 

He's not a good candidate, OP. He doesn't see you as anything more than a pleasant diversion when he's not busy doing something else.

 

I'd SO back off from this guy. No one wants to be treated like an option.

[Satu]

*The sudden radio silence from him for a few days after a super intimate time was crushing. I felt very hurt and used and that maybe I was duped by a very smart man who knew the right things to do and say to get laid.

 

*That's where you went wrong. Going to bed before there had been any time for you both to develop any real feelings for each other was a very big mistake.

 

I hope you can see that.

Edited January 9, 2015 by Satu

[BluEyeL]

I'm also of the opinion is that one shouldn't go to bed too early. However, unless she delayed sex a year, in this guy's case, due to his LTR history and views on relationships, I don't think waiting 5 more dates would have made him relationship material. Maybe delay the pull away thing, or make him leave before sex, but the ultimate, unsuccessful outcome would have been the same. Waiting and ultimately not sleeping with him at all would have maybe protected you from being crushed when treated this way after intimacy. But he is who he is.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Men like my bf change their tune when they have previously been lazy with following up women. If they meet a woman who excites them enough, they text or call daily albeit not necessarily incessantly.

He is your BOYFRIEND now? :eek: How did that happen?

[acrosstheuniverse]

My gut is saying that he did really like me and was infatuated in the beginning same as I, but something happened on that last date that either turned him off or freaked him out and he backed off. I think we had chemistry and it was a whirlwind, but probably not one that can last.

 

Orrrr.. he's an evil genius when it comes to mind games. The sudden radio silence from him for a few days after a super intimate time was crushing. I felt very hurt and used and that maybe I was duped by a very smart man who knew the right things to do and say to get laid.

 

I was finally able to let the anxiety go by yesterday after not hearing anymore from him, then that night he calls me without leaving a VM and those stomach churning feeling are back again! And to top it off, 30 min later, I call him to find out what's up and his phone is off. And then he never calls back again. Wtf is that about?!! Is that some test or game he's playing because that is really pathetic if so? Now I'm getting angry. I don't like being messed with. I came in very genuine and warm and sweet and not wanting to hurt a fly and wanting to get to know him on an honest level. Maybe this guy gets off on hurting other people to cover his own insecurities. I'm going to get to the bottom of this somehow..

 

Hi... I'm in the UK and it's absolutely a dating culture here, there are a few relationships that start from casual sex but mostly when people are already friends and slip into bed together... the majority of people do want a proper date, to be taken out, and wait a while to have sex. Although having sex early certainly isn't a thing that will affect how much the guy likes you and I don't believe it's had any impact in this situation. If a guy likes you it won't matter if you sleep with him in the first hour or wait a month... if his passion for you is weak enough that he'll write you off based on the fact that you, like he, were eager to hop into bed... it wasn't gonna work anyway.

 

I also think this guy just isn't that into you. A guy who is really into a new girl will text or call or see her on a daily basis. Even if it's just a few texts, they'll be so excited to speak to you they will be in touch every day. Radio silence after having sex, for more than a day, is a very very very clear signal he doesn't see this going anywhere. Most men, even if they think the girl is into totally casual sex, know that it would hurt to be frozen out after giving up so much intimacy to one another.

 

I don't think you need to analyse this to work out WHY he lost interest, he just isn't that interested. Could be anything but I'm inclined to agree with:

 

If a man is over 30, never had a serious long term relationship and tells you he gets bored and has issues with commitment, you have to immediately break up with him, if you want a serious relationship. I don't care how much he seems to like you, he'll do what he always did. Get bored and end it.

 

I was in a similar situation in 2013 and I didn't listen. The guy never had a serious relationship, of over 3 months, but said he now wants one blah blah. Also seemed very into me. Only to promptly dump me with no reason at 3 months and one week. So people always do what they always did. Relationship history is a huge indicator of their ways.

 

 

this. Two two men who dumped me in my life, one after nearly two years and one after nearly six months, were both men in their late twenties who'd never had a girlfriend before. There are rare exceptions, men who just don't meet anyone worth dating until later in life, but usually if someone is into relationships and able to handle them they'll have at least one relatively seriously relationship by their late twenties. I think when he's talking about how he gets bored easily, likes being alone, doesn't really need a relationship, he's sending you very clear signals he isn't going to enter into a relationship with you, he's just having fun.

 

It doesn't matter how much you really like him... his actions are showing it's no longer mutual for whatever reason. Given how into him you are, I think you'd do well to go no contact, lose his number, block him online and move on. You can explain if you wish that you are looking for more than casual and want to be free to meet someone right when they come along. There's absolutely no shame in that. Be assertive.

[bootyboot]

He never called back after calling on Wed and not leaving a vm, so I assume he's done with me for good. I feel really angry and foolish and sick to my stomach that I was so vulnerable and naive. I was so hopeful that finally I met someone great. I should know better at this point as I've been screwed over several times before, but I still feel completely disgusted as this is the worst one yet. I know I shouldn't have slept with him so soon but he completely swept me off my feet and I felt it was safe and that he genuinely liked me. He completely fooled me. Now I'll be super guarded and paranoid for the next guy I meet, because how could I trust what a guy says after this experience?!

[Poppygoodwill]

I think you need to take a breath and step back a bit. You've only been out a few times and your expectations for communication are pretty high I think. Or at least, they are clearly different than his. He moves much slower than you do - something he's already told you is true for him.

 

He might think that you also have a full and busy life and so you, like him, aren't goign to want to be talking frequently. He probably thinks you, like him, want to take it slowly.

 

I think before you write him off you should have a direct conversation with him to try to figure out what's going on. You said he works for a news agency; with all that's goign on this week, it might be that he's incredibly busy for real, and that, added to the fact you barely know one another, means that you're not a priority right now.

 

That said, I agree with the other poster who says that his relationship track record is a red flag to someone who wants a serious relationship. He's told you that he's not really into that, so if your goal is something special and committed, then I wouldn't waste my time trying to figure this out, and count yourself lucky that you dodged a bullet. If it does go on, and he's a one foot in-one foot out the door type, then he'll only drive you crazy anyhow.

[BluEyeL]

He never called back after calling on Wed and not leaving a vm, so I assume he's done with me for good. I feel really angry and foolish and sick to my stomach that I was so vulnerable and naive. I was so hopeful that finally I met someone great. I should know better at this point as I've been screwed over several times before, but I still feel completely disgusted as this is the worst one yet. I know I shouldn't have slept with him so soon but he completely swept me off my feet and I felt it was safe and that he genuinely liked me. He completely fooled me. Now I'll be super guarded and paranoid for the next guy I meet, because how could I trust what a guy says after this experience?!

Don't feel bad that you slept with him early. It had nothing to do with his reaction. It's about him.

 

Next time, don't sleep with the man early, but not because it's a problem, but because it makes you more insecure after. When I was dating, I felt much better if I let them go without sleeping with them, I feel that I didn't get the relationship but they didn't get the sex either, i.e., they didn't full me, so I don't feel as hurt.

[venusishername]

Ok long story:

I've been dating a sweet new guy for several weeks I met online.

We had a great first date. He made sure I got home ok and mentioned he'd like to see me again. 3 days go by and silence. I felt such a connection which is rare so I gave in and and texted "hey, how's your week been?" He responded immediately by inviting me to a small dinner party he was hosting for a few friends and work colleagues as our second date. Seemed like a bold move but he was really excited about it and was introducing me to his inner circle. This was followed by a third date the next night because he wanted to see me before I left for the holidays. (I should mention we slept together after the 2nd date. I lost my composure because the whole night was perfect and I was totally smitten. It felt so comfortable and real with him.)

 

Went home for Xmas for 2 weeks and he would call to say hi or text every few days to check in, including on XMas. He frequently mentioned future dates, asked to see pics of my hometown and we had some cute banter. 2-3 times he did leave me hanging when I sent him a short text or pic I initiated, but then would call me 1 or 2 days later to chat. I've always played it cool and never called him out or texted him a bunch or anything. And no needy "why aren't you answering?" or anything like that at all.

 

We met up the day after I got back in town at his place and he cooked for me. That night he talked about places he wanted to go to with me and we snuggled, held hands and I stayed over again. In the morning he had to leave at 5am for work and just said "see you later." Then 3 days of silence go by so I sent him a quick text about an article I thought he'd like. He nicely responded 8 hrs later that eve with one text but still no mention of meeting up. I didn't respond to him until the next day and kept it brief but pleasant. I started a new job this week and he never asked how it was going or anything.

 

That night (4 days since I saw him), HE called twice out of the blue but didn't leave a voicemail. I called him back 20 min later and his phone went to straight to VM, so I left a message saying "hey, sorry I missed your call, give me a call when you have a chance, walking to the subway." It's a full day later and still nothing. I haven't reached out to him since I left that one VM.

 

My over analytical mind is coming up with every scenario possible: Was he trying to dump me but chickened out? Was he mad I didn't pick up my phone? Is he just spotty at communicating? Maybe things were moving too fast and he freaked out? Did he want to chat but was crazy busy (the French massacre happened on Tues and it's a big deal with his news agency.) I also know an old ex gf is back in town this week to get her cat that he was sitting for. He told me he lost interest in her a long time ago and there's nothing there. I believe him but maybe she's staying at his place or something.

 

Anyway, can't figure it out for the life of me, but my friends said let it go for now. They aren't sure either.

He's British so maybe there's a cultural miscommunication added. Brits don't make a big deal about sex early in the relationship, that's actually how a lot of relationships start over there and they don't really have a dating culture. He seemed genuinely interested in me as a person when we were together and his friends were lovely and the whole thing felt legit. I have a very honed b.s. radar, but I might have finally met my match with this guy!

 

I did ask him a few gentle questions about his past gf's. He said he moves really slowly with committing to someone, is ok being on his own, and got bored in past relationships easily, which made me pause but I didn't say anything. He hasn't had any serious long-term relationships and is 32 and the last girl he dated was a year ago. (I never ever hinted about possibly being his gf or us being together or anything like that, but he casually threw that out there when I asked about his dating past.)

 

Thoughts?? This is driving me nuts as I really felt something with this guy!

 

 

Well, first of all, you are WAYYYY overanalyzing this! (I understand, I get the same way when I really like a guy). Sex makes us even more silly.

 

 

I don't think he was calling you (and not leaving a VM) to break up with you. I just really think this sounds like a casual and fun thing for him. He seems interested, yes, but in my experience these things are fickle! If you are feeling something (which you are), and wonder if he's not (which you are), I'd just give it another day or so and I'm sure you'll hear from him. You may not. Hell, I recently dated a guy for 6 weeks and he never contacted me again. It just fizzled out.

I don't think sex too soon means anything. Many people will disagree with me on this subject. So don't worry about that.

IF you are NOT ok with the pace this is going, and want something more... I would give it a bit of time to see how he follows through. If he does, then you can (and should) tell him what you are looking for (assuming you haven't already). He may think you're also ok with the way things are.

Some men want just casual. Some men are very clear they want something serious. In my experience, they are always honest... you just aren't listening.

 

 

Check out evanmarckatz's blog on 'Men Are Honest, You're Just Not Listening'. It's pretty dead on.

[Leigh 87]

He is your BOYFRIEND now? :eek: How did that happen?

 

 

It is still very new so it is not a serious relationship, obviously:lmao:

 

I date a lot and talk to a lot of men about their feelings about relationships; if a guy is really excited about you, he will tend to want to call you his girlfriend early on, and he will WANT to move into the "direction" of a relationship, providing it all meshes well - we are by no means in a proper, committed, long term sort of relationship. We just feel 'it' and are moving in that direction. He calls me his girlfriend to his friends, but of course, he means it in a non serious, still "getting to know" one another, stage.

 

Yes I prefer the instant sort of sparks and passion which is my thing and what I do. Most people prefer the slower burn where they are not infatuated and where interest grows slowly, and mostly based on common values opposed to any instant fireworks. It works best for the majority.

It will never be a serious relationship or anything set in stone after a mere month or two, or even 3! However, ALL of the men I know of who are mentally and emotionally healthy, they honestly couldn't HELP but want to label the girl as their "girlfriend", and to consider themselves to be in a "relationship" of sorts, early on.. When they did meet a girl that instigated a strong level of infatuation and desire.

 

What I am getting at is... sure, after these meagre few months together, it IS too soon to go and proclaim that you are in fact, in a committed, serious relationship. HOWEVER - when a man is excited about a girl he just meets, he is usually thrilled and eager to call you his "girlfriend", even though he realistically knows that you both have to get to know one another A LOT better before anything SERIOUS or COMITTED, eventuates. There are different levels of the word " relationship". The men who meet a woman that really lights their fire and who are excited by the girl, will not be able to help but call them their "girlfriend" and to ask for a "relationship" of sorts albeit not one of any great depth of substance.

 

People cannot help themselves when they are really excited by you. Doesn't mean they are under any false illusions that it WILL surely turn into anything serious After a few months, a guy who was really excited by you, would always have you "on their mind" and their excitement surrounding the idea of you would certainly spur them on to want to claim you as their "girlfriend". On the flip side of the coin, Guys who are lukewarm about you, on the other hand, may really like you as a person but lack a high level of passion or spark towards you. You don't compel them to think about you all the time, you are just a nice and sweet girl they are "getting to know".

 

I would rather start out with a guy who is thrilled about meeting me and for it to crash and burn, than to have to dabble in a courtship where the guy just doesn't think about me all that often and he isn't really excited about me and has to "grow" to love my values over time MINUS any initial fireworks. You need BOTH for a guy to be sufficiently interested to instigate a relationship!

 

 

 

 

 

Long story short: this guy obviously didn't feel sufficient sparks or excitement, but he thinks she is a nice girl that he is still interested in getting to know. You need ample level of chemistry AND compatibility, which the OP and her man clearly do not have mutually. Doesn't have to be instant omg I like you so much type of feelings - but after a few dates, the man should indeed grow excited about the notion of seeing you more often, to the point where it would take roughly a month or two at the most to start calling you their girlfriend.

 

The only men who took longer than that to start putting "labels" on things were simply very lukewarm about the woman in question! A guy who is into you cannot help but want to shout it from the roof tops (namely, telling his mates wow, I did meet someone special or something more manly, lol)

[aggie382]

You've short-circuited the 'getting to know you,' step.

 

I totally agree with this, and Eternal Sunshine. The Mars and Venus guy would say the OP has skipped the Uncertainty stage, which isn't good for either of them.

[bootyboot]

Hi,

So I met a guy online and we dated over a month and it was great! We did become intimate but he kept wanting to see me and we got along great! Then a week ago he suddenly stopped reaching out after I saw him and didn't really engage when I texted him on Tuesday. Wednesday he called twice but didn't leave a message, and never returned my call after I called him back. Now it's Saturday and still not a peep, so I'm assuming he's over it because we went from contact almost everyday to suddenly nothing. It's upsetting, but I thought he was a cool dude nonetheless and I want to say something instead of just never talking to him again. I'm not angry at him.

 

Can I send him a text that says something about how I got the sense it's over but that I had fun with him and would love to hang as friends at some point, or something like that? I can't just let this go, I want to say something to make sure it's over and get closure. Waiting by the phone for him to call has been exhausting. I'd rather just make sure and end all hopes that he's just busy or whatever.

 

What would you say? He's a nice guy and I want to be civil and possibly be friends in the future. I think we had a lot of fun together and enjoyed each other's company, but I think he wasn't looking for anything serious and I am so that's what made him pull away. He was funny and cool, but from things he told me about past relationships, it sounds like he wouldn't be good bf material in the long run anyway. I've become friends with a lot of ex lovahs, so I can handle it once I know it's over.

[evanescentworld]

Hi,

So I met a guy online and we dated over a month and it was great! We did become intimate but he kept wanting to see me and we got along great! Then a week ago he suddenly stopped reaching out after I saw him and didn't really engage when I texted him on Tuesday. Wednesday he called twice but didn't leave a message, and never returned my call after I called him back. Now it's Saturday and still not a peep, so I'm assuming he's over it because we went from contact almost everyday to suddenly nothing. It's upsetting, but I thought he was a cool dude nonetheless and I want to say something instead of just never talking to him again.

There's no point. He clearly doesn't want to communicate with you...

 

I'm not angry at him.

Hmmm... not even a little bit? I must say, I might be....

 

Can I send him a text that says something about how I got the sense it's over but that I had fun with him and would love to hang as friends at some point, or something like that?

No, I really wouldn't bother....

 

I can't just let this go,

Yes, you can.

I would if I were you....

 

I want to say something to make sure it's over and get closure.

Of course it's over.

He's wilfully ignored every attempt you've made so far, to get in touch - it's definitely over.

 

You don't get closure from anyone but yourself.

He will never give you the satisfaction.

His current behaviour - IS closure.

 

Waiting by the phone for him to call has been exhausting. I'd rather just make sure and end all hopes that he's just busy or whatever.

A busy person will always tell you, they're busy.

He has made no time for you - because he doesn't want to.

 

Why waiting for him to call has been 'exhausting' is beyond me.

What you may mean is frustrating and humiliating, yes, maybe....

 

What would you say?

 

"F**K you, good riddance and up yours, you selfish barsterd."

 

He's a nice guy and I want to be civil and possibly be friends in the future. I think we had a lot of fun together and enjoyed each other's company, but I think he wasn't looking for anything serious and I am so that's what made him pull away.

No, he's not a nice guy, and no, he doesn't want to be friends, now, or in future.

He decided to pull away.

Now you're sounding needy and clingy, and that will just make it worse, because he won't reply, and you will be made to feel like an idiot, too....

 

He was funny and cool, but from things he told me about past relationships, it sounds like he wouldn't be good bf material in the long run anyway.

Long run, mid-run, short-run. he's no good, full-stop.

 

I've become friends with a lot of ex lovahs, so I can handle it once I know it's over.

 

Ok, hun - IT'S OVER.

 

Now? Handle it.

[bootyboot]

I don't agree with most of what you said. How is it clingy or needy to say thanks and good luck? I don't think he was being a selfish bastard, I think he was being a guy. I think this whole, "who needs him, you betta than that girl, f#ck him" business is a little over the top.

[Satu]

The best thing is to let this go.

 

It's over.

 

No contact.

[evanescentworld]

I don't agree with most of what you said. How is it clingy or needy to say thanks and good luck? I don't think he was being a selfish bastard, I think he was being a guy. I think this whole, "who needs him, you betta than that girl, f#ck him" business is a little over the top.

 

It's clingy/needy because he has given you no indication whatsoever that he is in the slightest bit interested in being friends or re-connecting with you.

In his eyes, you will just be persisting where you're no longer wanted.

 

He wasn't 'being a guy'. Guys don't act this way.

people of his low calibre, do.

Use, wipe, throw away.

That's what he's done.

That's not 'being a guy', trust me.

 

But please.

Prove me wrong.

Go ahead. write.

 

I'll bet you a pound to a pinch of salt he won't reply. Or if he does, it will be, "Yeah, had a great time, have a good life, see you around" type of thing.

Non-committal and dismissive.

[evanescentworld]

And correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe you are talking about this guy in your other thread....?

 

...I feel really angry and foolish and sick to my stomach that I was so vulnerable and naive. I was so hopeful that finally I met someone great. I should know better at this point as I've been screwed over several times before, but I still feel completely disgusted as this is the worst one yet.

 

So...

"I'm not angry at him" isn't strictly true.

 

is it?