mikebrs Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 This is a long story. My GF and I have been together for a total of 5 years. She was an innocent virgin freshman in college girl and I was a decent enough sophmore when we met. During year 2, I had a brief fling over a 3 week winter break with some girl I had met before her. Nothing physical, just some inapporpriate texts. My GF found out by the other girl emailing her when the fling was already done and she obviously flipped. She forgave me after a heavy ordeal involving friends and parents but that obviously planted a seed of distrust. We then lived together for a full year before I had to go overseas to graduate school around year 4 of our relationship. This long distance relationship lasted a year and a half before I finally saw her last week. While I was away, she finished up her last semester, took a few months off then moved to Chicago for work, where shes been for almost the past 7 months. I was based in a different state and we were both too poor to make any trips to visit during the seperation. We kept up our relationship on skype sometimes even leaving it on while we sleep and while we do other things. Almost immediately after she moved to the city I noticed communication dwindling. Then maybe 3 weeks later we broke up. We got back together a week later after some convincing by me. Things returned to normal except, I noticed some guy that she was talking to on some social media accounts. some weeks later i noticed she got very very depressed, calling me in the middle of the night crying for no reason. I chalked it up to money problems, since she thought she would get a better job in the city by this time. There wasn't much I could see on social media except for a few pics and videos of them that seemed innocent enough. I would have brushed it off completely except for my GF usually tells me everything including where she goes and who she hangs out with. I asked about him once and my GF told me she barely knows him. I continued to see pics and videos popping up rarely for 3 months and finally on the 4th month I noticed they unfriended each other. I confronted her again and again she responded by saying she has never hung out with him, so I knew right away that there was a lie. She finally confessed to talking to the guy and going on dates but nothing physical. I was very sceptical because they've been hanging out for 4 months, but because it's her, and she seems so innocent in my eyes and we were barely intimate ourselves compared to some of my other friends with gfs I almost believed her I was pissed that it took 4 whole months before she ended it, while we were still talking like nothing was going on. We still broke up for a little. She became very church going suddenly, decided to become celibate until marriage and she still swore nothing physical happend and we got back together. Finally went to go see her a month later during the holidays and as soon as I saw her in the terminal I remembered why I loved her so much. I wanted to make her my wife right there and then. We had so much fun, even better than when we used to live together. I was still somewhat upset about what had happend but my anger vanished as soon as I saw her Towards the end of the break she fell asleep and I looked through her facebook messages with her friends. I found that the guy and her had infact been very intimate. I found she also had an abortion and my heart just dropped. Based on the conversations I read, I finally understood that the abortion was why she was depressed and the brief pregnancy was what bound her to the guy for so long instead of it being a brief mistake fling. We had a heart to heart and I felt better. She and I admitted some other minor things we did behind out backs throughout the relationship including one other minor non physical fling by text she had for about a week. It was nice to be completely honest, free and open with her. We said a prayer and it was time for me to head back to the airport, to be away for at least another 6 months of long distance. Mind you, shes celibate. we're not intimate over skype or during the visit, so the other guy was the last guy in there. Not only that but he put a baby in her and it's killing me when visions pop into my head. She was so innocent when I left. Based on her facebook messages I corrolated the times she hung out with the guy to what we were talking about and it didn't seem like she felt any type of guilt at all. I understand how this all can happen: her distrust from my earlier infidelity, her emotional state from being broke and depending on him to loan her some of the money for half the abortion, and a mistake that would have been brief had it not led to an aborted baby. I also give her some merit for breaking it off herself. I'm not a fool, but I fully trust her and forgive her but I really can't help how I feel when I envision what happend and its driving me crazy. When I first saw her in the terminal to the time I looked at facebook we were on cloud 9 and she was the woman for me. Now we're also back at long distance for 6 months until I graduate. I can't decide wether I should start fresh or work it out. I know the mature thing to do is take her back since I believe shes trustworthy now and I still love her. But with her innocent image shattered to me and the distance, and the visions I keep getting, I don't know if I can work this out. we're also both still young so should we just start again with different people? What would you do in my shoes?!
ExpatInItaly Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 Hmm. Let's see: infidelity on both ends. Secret pregnancy. Secret abortion. Lies to cover her ass. She is not the pure and innocent girl you think she is. Yeah. It's over. 2
EgoJoe Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 You can do bad on your own. Next her with no notice.
Ducktape Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 This is a long story. I know the mature thing to do is take her back since I believe shes trustworthy now What? I mean... What? 3
Elle1975 Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 People do make mistakes.. but she is hiding a lot, and that's something else. I don't know how you can see her as someone you can trust, not after everything that you learned on your own.
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