Is it wrong to think that physical attraction is as important as personality?

[NJ123]

Do you think it's wrong to think that physical attraction is as important as personality? Or would you think personality is #1, and looks are secondary? On some other forum I've been getting some pretty harsh responses about how I think physical attraction is as important as someones personality. Since if there's no sexual chemistry, how would a long term relationship last if the person you're with isn't that attractive to you? Their excuse was that looks fade eventually, and the person they are will always be there which means it should be the most important thing & that looks should go by the wayside in trying to find a partner. So if there's a woman/guy that you meet & her personality is pretty much perfect to you, but you're not that attracted to her, or at all, would you still be willing to date them? Or would they be friend zoned automatically by you?

[TheGuard13]

If physical attraction is important to you, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

 

What's important to you is important to you, but physical attraction is one of those things that we're often told in PC terms doesn't matter, or shouldn't matter, or doesn't matter as much. For a lot of people, it very much does, and forcing yourself to ignore this often leads to unhappiness.

[NJ123]

If physical attraction is important to you, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

 

What's important to you is important to you, but physical attraction is one of those things that we're often told in PC terms doesn't matter, or shouldn't matter, or doesn't matter as much. For a lot of people, it very much does, and forcing yourself to ignore this often leads to unhappiness.

 

True. I was wondering about personal opinions as well, to get a little bit of different perspectives on this. I just personally couldn't be with someone where I don't find her physically attractive for a long term relationship even if they had an almost perfect personality to me. I just know it wouldn't work long term if there's no attraction or just a little.

[toscaroscura]

Physical attraction is more important to me than personality in my romantic relationships. Here's why: fun people with fantastic personalities who I can't stomach imagining sleeping with them are called FRIENDS.

 

I have done the whole "he kind of makes me feel icky when we kiss but he's such a nice guy!" routine and it never goes well.

 

But they need to have an awesome personality AND be sexy as hell TO ME for me to date them.

 

That being said, I DO bristle at some of these "looks first" people, mostly men but the odd woman, on the Internet when they put forth the following:

 

-That a woman's worth is ONLY her hotness, and the closer she is to airbrushed ideals, the better.

 

-That no man cares about his gf or wife for who they are. It's all about looks and sex and if a sexy playboy model offered herself up to him he'd dump his wife.

 

-complaining about never getting the hotties and the women hitting on you are ugly WHILE AT THE SAME TIME calling all women picky uppity snobs for having standards.

 

-having the belief that all women are basically whores and all relationships like prostitution and that's why he needs the hottest piece of azz.

 

Basically it's fine to prioritize looks when you're looking for the person you're going to want to have sex with! It's the reducing women only to their looks and treating them like meat that "expires" rather than as full human beings.

[A O]

The older I get (and I'm nearing Hawaii.. in age) then the more I realize how important physical attraction is. Looks trumps personality easily in my book, because if it didn't, we'd all probably just shack up with our best same sex friends. I've seen relationships where personality has won out over looks, these relationships have been very good but have not lasted.

[NJ123]

Physical attraction is more important to me than personality in my romantic relationships. Here's why: fun people with fantastic personalities who I can't stomach imagining sleeping with them are called FRIENDS.

 

I have done the whole "he kind of makes me feel icky when we kiss but he's such a nice guy!" routine and it never goes well.

 

But they need to have an awesome personality AND be sexy as hell TO ME for me to date them.

 

That being said, I DO bristle at some of these "looks first" people, mostly men but the odd woman, on the Internet when they put forth the following:

 

-That a woman's worth is ONLY her hotness, and the closer she is to airbrushed ideals, the better.

 

-That no man cares about his gf or wife for who they are. It's all about looks and sex and if a sexy playboy model offered herself up to him he'd dump his wife.

 

-complaining about never getting the hotties and the women hitting on you are ugly WHILE AT THE SAME TIME calling all women picky uppity snobs for having standards.

 

-having the belief that all women are basically whores and all relationships like prostitution and that's why he needs the hottest piece of azz.

 

Basically it's fine to prioritize looks when you're looking for the person you're going to want to have sex with! It's the reducing women only to their looks and treating them like meat that "expires" rather than as full human beings.

 

I understand that. But like you, I would need someone with both a great personality & someone that's attractive to me. That doesn't mean a woman that looks like a supermodel obviously. Just as long as the physical attraction is strong to me. Since if a woman that happens to look like a supermodel is interested in me, but has an awful personality than I wouldn't want to be with them. So personality is equally as important.

[ThaWholigan]

Of course it isn't wrong OP! We all experience attraction differently, and this works for you, so you move accordingly.

 

If we're defining personality as non-physical attributes then I definitely need them to be at least complementary if not compatible to my own as well as the physical compatibility. It also needs to be mutual!

[elaine567]

I think physical attraction is important, but I think it should be real physical attraction.

I feel too many people get swayed by the media, by their peers and by society in general to date people who look "perfect", and do not take into consideration that their individual preference may be for chubby men, or women built like battle ships, or weedy guys, or cuddly women etc. etc.

Personality is hugely important too and should never be underestimated. Red flags should never be ignored just because, she is so pretty or he is so handsome.

Life is tough, we need people on our side, being pretty or handsome is just not enough.

[Danda]

Well if people express it in extremes only then it becomes a ridiculous debate anyway.

 

There is a huge difference between agreeing to date someone you don't find attractive "at all" just because you like their personality, and giving someone a chance whom you find "cute" if not "totally hot" if you really like their personality.

 

I don't think "wrong" is the word I would use, personally, since it implies some type of morality factor to who you find attractive, but maybe "foolish" is the word I would use if someone will only date a person they find "totally hot" because chances are they're going to have a hell of hard time find happiness relationship-wise if they can't bring to the table what they are demanding.

 

But if you are not physically attracted to someone at all, then of course a relationship likely won't stand a snowball's chance in hell and you are just wasting that person's time and eroding their self-esteem with your sexual disinterest, if you 'force' yourself to date them just to be a 'good' person.

[ComingInHot]

NJ, you are right* physical attraction IS just as important as emotional /personality attraction.

I demand both! And I would expect my partner to feel the same way. Seriously, I wouldn't want him to be with me Just Because He's attracted to my physical appearance (because sh*t happens like a car wreck or ...allergic reaction like what happened to me this week and my face swelled like a blow fish Don't Laugh.). I want him to like me for what is beneath the pretty wrapping too*

 

I vote for both being equally important

[Weezy1973]

Sexual attraction is vitally important in relationships. What percentage of that is based on looks or personality (or "other") is going to depend on the person. There is no right or wrong formula.

 

That being said, more superficiality in attraction will undoubtedly make it more difficult to get into a meaningful long term relationship. But it doesn't make it less valid.

[welshbambi]

Definitely an equal measure of both. I think people who get all upset when people say they want to date attractive people just assume that means that person only wants to date model-types. Yeah, there are some people who do that, but generally "attractive" or "hot" is different to everybody.

 

It is what is attractive TO YOU that matters.

[toolforgrowth]

Both are equally important. I can't date a woman who doesn't give me a boner, but likewise if a woman is a 10 physically but stupid, shallow, unambitious, selfish, or just plain mean, I wouldn't touch her with a 10 foot pole. I can't have sex with someone I don't respect on at least some level.

 

Although I will say that there is a degree of truth about what they say about bigger girls. My last FWB was a bigger girl and she was REALLY fun and adventurous in bed. It's what kept me coming back for more!

 

In a nutshell, I have preferences but on occasion someone outside those tendencies will surprise me. I'm lucky with my GF though, she's pretty and has a great personality.