Author Jimmyjackson Posted January 9, 2015 Author Posted January 9, 2015 They can still sense it man. Don't ask me how, but they can. Either way, relax. Stop trying to solve puzzles and create puzzles and just live your life. Like I said, even if someone knew exactly what your ex was thinking (we don't), it's not like you can actually do anything with that information. In fact, knowing what they are thinking might be worse, because then you'll start to try to "solve" the problem, which is a surefire recipe for disaster. It's time to let go of your ex completely, which means stop monitoring her Facebook and block it already. And before you start dating other girls, you need to recover quite a bit from your relationship. Right now you are plugging leaks with chewed bubble gum, which does nothing but spring more leaks. Yeah I know you're right, just doesn't make sense is all. She's never just got rid of exes on social media
Author Jimmyjackson Posted January 9, 2015 Author Posted January 9, 2015 Jimmyjackson, Don't worry about Facebook, instagram or any other social websites where she had you added, those are just websites, at any point with a click of a button she can add you back there. She deleted you from facebook, it's not like she deleted you from exsistance. If you are thinking that she's trying to move on, this & that, don't. In fact sit back and relax, if you treated her right, you would definitely hear from her again. If you are thinking about she's going to forget you just by deleting you, don't worry she won't, man people still remember there kindergarten teachers, who have you so easily forgotten throughout your life? None. Let her do her thing, you do yours. The more confident you are in doing your own thing, the more attraction it's going to cause, either from her or from someone whose better than her. I did treat her really well yeah but I doubt I'm going to hear from her again, especially now she's seeing some guy too. I know I need to get my life back on track, I'm just stuck in a rut.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Yeah I know you're right, just doesn't make sense is all. She's never just got rid of exes on social media Once again, your focus is off. Why does it matter?
Author Jimmyjackson Posted January 10, 2015 Author Posted January 10, 2015 Once again, your focus is off. Why does it matter? Because it's on my mind. Isn't that the whole point of these forums? to speak freely while remaining anonymous
Simon Phoenix Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Because it's on my mind. Isn't that the whole point of these forums? to speak freely while remaining anonymous So if she had kept you as a friend, then what? What's the difference? You're still broken up and you are still going to remain broken up. She's set you free but you are still obsessively trying to remain in the muck. Instead of obsessing about this, why not block her so you have no idea what she's doing, where's she's going, who's she adding, and anything in between? It's like you are looking for a lifeline to remain miserable IMO. 5
Author Jimmyjackson Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 You guys were right, I feel a lot better not having her on my friends list anymore...feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders 2
Holmes85 Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 (edited) Jimmyjackson, You would be tempted to check on her again from time to time, I would say resist the urge, it's good not to know some things about your Ex, ignorance is a bliss. I would also like to add, that people have so much social websites these days, Facebook, Myspace, Instagram, Twitter, Badoo, Tumblr and God knows what, it has been my experience and looking at some friends, the more social websites you have, the more miserable you feel, since in the back of your head you feel obligated to do certain things like post this & that stuff just to be there. I don't have any of those, I really feel relaxed compared to some people, who constantly have to log in and post now and then. This post is not directed at anyone in particular, if you have one those social websites and enjoy them, more power to you...just saying sometimes less is more. Edited January 12, 2015 by Holmes85
RedButton Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 ^I've heard a number of times that those sites actually can cause a type of depression and/or anxiety. I have Facebook, but I pretty much use it just as a chat client to keep in touch with friends and to keep in the loop for meetups and the like. I hardly ever post pictures or updates unless I'm on vacation or something as it's the easiest way to share them with friends & family. Jimmy- the next step is now to try not to search for her. I used to early in the breakup, but I've trained myself not to look for her to see if she's changed her profile picture etc.
MissBee Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 (edited) Been broken up with my ex 4 months, NC for about 10 weeks...noticed today she has deleted me off Facebook randomly, any ideas why she might do this ? seems a little random... You're no longer together, you don't speak, she saw no reason to keep you as a FB friend in that case if you are not real life friends. It doesn't have to be random or all of a sudden. It seems random to you, but you don't know when exactly she did it or why now. It doesn't have to be anything deep why. She may have been deleting a ton of people and you were one or she just woke up and decided the next step in moving on is deleting you from these social media sites. Edited January 12, 2015 by MissBee
Zapbasket Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I understand how you feel. Social media is a window into someone's life, affording a glimpse of their goings-on, relationships and personal evolution, and now all of a sudden your ex closed your window into her life, and her window into yours. It hurts because it represents an intentional severance of any relationship between you. It's confusing because at the same time FB and other social media can make you feel like you are "close," as well as merely distant onlookers at tiny slivers of each others' lives. And so, when you have been "unfriended," simultaneously it feels personal AND like, "What the heck? It was only FB." In my case, my ex and I have been broken up with zero contact since October of 2013, and we're still FB friends. I find myself wondering why he has kept me on as a friend, and wondering whether eventually he will unfriend me, or whether he has kept me on because he does care and doesn't want to "lose" me entirely. I know that is why I have not managed to unfriend him. ANd it may not be the "healthiest" thing, but it's just where I am at this point in time, and in a strange way I feel good knowing that I loved wholly and sincerely. It helps to remind ourselves that a connection on FB or other social media doesn't necessarily connote an actual, real-life relationship of any kind. It doesn't necessarily mean anything; it doesn't necessarily reflect any real feelings one way or another. That's why social media is such bullsh*t and so confusing in the already confusing time following a breakup. Very likely your ex unfriended you to protect herself; perhaps she felt more towards you than towards her other exes. Perhaps she feels self-conscious posting pictures of her new life and relationship knowing that you can see, because she empathizes with how it may make you feel to see them and is trying to protect you. The truth is--and believe me I KNOW how hard it is to accept this fact--you can't really know her motivations. It doesn't mean she no longer thinks of you; it doesn't mean she no longer cares; it doesn't necessarily mean you won't ever speak or see one another again. None of us knows what the future holds. It DOES hurt, no doubt about it, and it DOES feel like a rejection, and that's where you have to remind yourself that social media isn't "real." I know if my ex unfriends me I will feel very sad indeed, because FB is the last "connection" I feel I have with him. That's fallacious thinking, I know, but it's natural to feel that way at the same time. Hope this helps a bit.
Author Jimmyjackson Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 I understand how you feel. Social media is a window into someone's life, affording a glimpse of their goings-on, relationships and personal evolution, and now all of a sudden your ex closed your window into her life, and her window into yours. It hurts because it represents an intentional severance of any relationship between you. It's confusing because at the same time FB and other social media can make you feel like you are "close," as well as merely distant onlookers at tiny slivers of each others' lives. And so, when you have been "unfriended," simultaneously it feels personal AND like, "What the heck? It was only FB." In my case, my ex and I have been broken up with zero contact since October of 2013, and we're still FB friends. I find myself wondering why he has kept me on as a friend, and wondering whether eventually he will unfriend me, or whether he has kept me on because he does care and doesn't want to "lose" me entirely. I know that is why I have not managed to unfriend him. ANd it may not be the "healthiest" thing, but it's just where I am at this point in time, and in a strange way I feel good knowing that I loved wholly and sincerely. It helps to remind ourselves that a connection on FB or other social media doesn't necessarily connote an actual, real-life relationship of any kind. It doesn't necessarily mean anything; it doesn't necessarily reflect any real feelings one way or another. That's why social media is such bullsh*t and so confusing in the already confusing time following a breakup. Very likely your ex unfriended you to protect herself; perhaps she felt more towards you than towards her other exes. Perhaps she feels self-conscious posting pictures of her new life and relationship knowing that you can see, because she empathizes with how it may make you feel to see them and is trying to protect you. The truth is--and believe me I KNOW how hard it is to accept this fact--you can't really know her motivations. It doesn't mean she no longer thinks of you; it doesn't mean she no longer cares; it doesn't necessarily mean you won't ever speak or see one another again. None of us knows what the future holds. It DOES hurt, no doubt about it, and it DOES feel like a rejection, and that's where you have to remind yourself that social media isn't "real." I know if my ex unfriends me I will feel very sad indeed, because FB is the last "connection" I feel I have with him. That's fallacious thinking, I know, but it's natural to feel that way at the same time. Hope this helps a bit. This was the sorta answer I have been looking for when I created this thread, such a nice read. You basically summed up my entire thoughts with this...thank you.
RedButton Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 This is why the first thing I did after the breakup was unfriend on facebook. I wanted it to be on my terms and also a clear case of why it happened. Nothing worse in my mind than chatting with a friend then seeing her update with a photo while I'm getting over her and then over-analysing it to the point where I get upset. This way I'll only see anything of hers if I initiate it, which probably won't be for a long time. EDIT: I was guilty of checking my own photos with her on my albums to see if she un-tagged herself, (she didn't). I try to avoid that now.
bigtrouble Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Well I don't have an answer why she did it, for my EX its plain and simple, my EX broke up with me after 5yrs, she was cheating on me, since she jumped to a new relationship and there be trust issues, she's trying hard to prove to her new found love she is loyal and trustworthy and deleted any trace of me being in her life, and as if she is turning a new chapter, she also got rid of everything I gave her, anything that would remind her of me.
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