preraph Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 You need to get a grip on yourself. No one likes to be pestered with middle-of-the night drunks calling them, no matter WHAT the reason. You can't blame alcohol unless you're willing to quit alcohol. You probably just ran him off forever. You're laying all this "Not there when I need you" on him. This wasn't a flat tire. This was you going out, getting overly hammered, and making up an excuse to call him after he had just told you he thought things were moving too fast. He's not stupid, and I commend him for being blunt with you. 1
Author SweetCharity Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 You need to get a grip on yourself. No one likes to be pestered with middle-of-the night drunks calling them, no matter WHAT the reason. You can't blame alcohol unless you're willing to quit alcohol. You probably just ran him off forever. You're laying all this "Not there when I need you" on him. This wasn't a flat tire. This was you going out, getting overly hammered, and making up an excuse to call him after he had just told you he thought things were moving too fast. He's not stupid, and I commend him for being blunt with you. Actually I have a problem with drinking too much and thought about going sober after that night. But me "causing drama" was a cop out. We were already over the minute he said we were moving too fast. He would have broken things off eventually. It's just how it goes. I didn't ask if he should be commended. I asked if I should move on. You didn't answer amt of my questions.
Author SweetCharity Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 You've only been seeing him for a couple of weeks. It is way too soon to be asking him for help of any kind. A man doesn't want "drama" from a woman in the first few months. That's not what I asked. It's already over and done with anyway. He gave me the swan song and I actually felt relieved.
idoltree Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 (edited) He's not obligated to come rescue you from a situation of your own making. He chose to opt out. If you ask me, it was a wise choice on his part. It doesn't matter what other nice things you'd done for him, a drunken call after a drunken argument is enough to be an extremely valid dealbreaker. Additionally, what are you thinking trying to find your keys to drive to his house when you are drunk? Edited January 19, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Rude post 1
elaine567 Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Drunken call to rescue you from your sister!!! wasn't the smartest thing but he wasn't coming over for anything, was he? and with slowing things down and with the "sure, but not right now." comment, I am suspicious, you are not the only woman he is seeing. 1
MissBee Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 (edited) So I've been talking to this one guy since before Christmas. We've spent almost everyday together, except during Christmas. I had other options but decided to go with him for new years and forget other guys. We've had open communication and he's done a lot of nice things for me (like buy me dinner or let me do laundry at his house.) I've tried to repay the favors by cooking him dinner and meeting him halfway. A couple days ago I notice a distance and ask him about it. He tells me He thinks we're going too fast and he might not be ready for a relationship. We have an open and mature discussion about slowing Things down and giving each other more space. Cue the next day. My 19 year old sister and cousin are in town and we go out dancing. Somewhere along the night he texts me so I know he's thinking of me. I've had a bit to drink and am drunk by the time we get home, so when my oh so sweet sister tries to make me sleep on the floor of my own house I flip out. I call the guy I'm seeing to see if he'll come pick me up and get me out of the situation and he refuses. So I try to get to him but my sister hides my keys. I'm stuck. In my drunken state I beg him to pick me up and he says it's way too late and that I should work things out with my sister. I can't understand why he won't help me so i tell him, "Now I know not to call you when I need something." I know it was wrong and i immediately apologized the next day. He wouldn't returnmy calls and only texted back to tell me how wrong and out of line I was. I told him that we should at least discuss this over the phone or in person and if it was over He should tell me now. He responsed with, "sure, but not right now." That was yesterday. I haven't heard from him since. I know what i did was wrong but it was one drunken mistake. Do I really deserve to be on the "doghouse" so to speak? What do I do? The last guy I ever really dated had me in the doghouse for FIVE days before he broke up with me. I don't want to go through that again. I really like this new guy and am truly sorry for being rude to him but I'm at a loss. Is he just lpoking for an out and I served it up on a silver platter? Or does he care about me and just needs time to cool down? Should I move on? Wait around? You noticed the distance and he was honest that things were too fast and he doesn't want a relationship. Beginning of the end IMO. I have never met a man who wasn't looking for a relationship and I stuck around waiting to see if he was going to change his mind, as he never does, or usually it means he's not looking for one with you. I think if he were your boyfriend (or wanted to be) and you had asked him to pick you up he'd have most likely done so. I think he refused because he's not and he's already trying to put distance between you given the discussion that he doesn't want a relationship and perhaps didn't want you to start relying on him in the same way you would a bf. Because you aren't together and this happened after the "no relationship" discussion I think what you did might have come off as a desperate plea for his attention and you wanting him to step into a bf role that he wasn't comfortable with. I'm sure it just confirmed his feelings. He already doesn't want a relationship and now you being drunk and rude and expecting bf-like things of him is going to give him an easier out. And you know what? Let him take the out because he's not looking to be your man anyway. I'd call this one was a loss and be prepared to move on. In the first place, a man you're seeing everyday or quite often who doesn't want to make things official or tells you he doesn't want a relationship is one who is just not that interested in being with you seriously. Edited January 13, 2015 by MissBee 1
Author SweetCharity Posted January 19, 2015 Author Posted January 19, 2015 (edited) He's not obligated to come rescue you from a situation of your own making. He chose to opt out. If you ask me, it was a wise choice on his part. It doesn't matter what other nice things you'd done for him, a drunken call after a drunken argument is enough to be an extremely valid dealbreaker. Additionally, what are you thinking trying to find your keys to drive to his house when you are drunk? . First of all I did NOT make this situation. My sister decided to heckle me out of the blue. I dont see how That's my fault. Second of all, one drunken act does not define me as an immature person. Third of all I was looking for my keys because I felt threatened and wanted to leave the situation. You are way too quick to make personal judgements. Edited January 19, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator rude response
thecrucible Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 Hey honey, I think you need to put this down to experience and move on. If the guy was really interested in you, there would have to be something major to put him off you. He was clearly already losing interest by the time this happened. There is nothing you could have done any differently to alter the outcome. This just sped things up. Now you can't control other people's reactions to you, you can only control your behaviour. In early dating, when you're still getting to know each other, it's okay to mention things happening in your life (no use in putting up a pretence) but at the same time, do no draw the guy in to certain emotional situations. To us women, it's normal to want to bond that way...but to a guy, at least initially, this may come across that you aren't independent enough to handle your own stuff. It doesn't mean a guy wouldn't be there for you for something like that in a deeper and more involved relationship, but guys want things to be kept fun and lightweight in the beginning. Now you don't need to respond by insulting people. If they have got you wrong then fair enough but respond to criticism calmly. Next time a situation gets you wound up, just take a deep breath, count to 5 and then respond. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 The reality is he didn't come because he didn't care enough about you, nor did he see any reason to with your sister. But this is the straw that broke the camels back, you were on the way out anyway. Judging from your behavior and integration into his life, it seems like the typical strategy to fast forward things into relationship mode because we're "oh so comfortable around each other and get along so well" kind of thing...but for guys that often becomes smothering and a bit too clingy, so after he had his fill on you he decided that beyond the whirlwindy emotions there wasn't really that much substance and emotion there...once you acted like a drunken mess you came off even more typical in trying to find a reason that you "need him to come rescue you" and it was a test and strategy that women use to pull guys in to make them show an inflated amount of emotion and care. So I don't think it was just a drunken idea or thing, i think you were feeling insecure and wanted to kind of pull him back in...but it didn't work and now he's made it clear he wasn't interested. Oh well...you'll probably be rolling around in bed with another guy washing your laundry in another guys house in a few months time...don't sweat it.
Els Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 I want being petty. I was trying to illustrate that I tend to put up with a lot in relationships but when I'm the one who is wrong it's difficult to cone back from that. In actually surprised by all the hostility and condescension on this site. I wanted constructive criticism, not insults. You have gotten plenty of constructive criticism. Here's one more for the list: Move on. It sounds like it wasn't working out anyway. And try and watch your drink next time, it's not a good excuse for immature behaviour. Don't drink more than you can handle. And don't expect someone you've only known for a few weeks to come 'rescue' you from a family issue that you put yourself in to begin with.
morrowrd Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 Everyone's different. If it had been me, I would have picked you up and brought you home. That's not moving too fast, that's just showing you care. 1
anna121 Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 Ok. I saw a complaint that your questions aren't being answered Do I really deserve to be on the "doghouse" so to speak? I think his response was justified. What do I do? As you yourself have said numerous times, rel-ship was already doomed. So, acceptance is in order. Is he just looking for an out and I served it up on a silver platter? Not enough information from his end. Maybe? Probably? Seriously. It doesn't matter. Or does he care about me and just needs time to cool down? His actions don't indicate that he cares about you. Should I move on? Wait around? Upthread you've already said you're moving on. Wise choice.
Els Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 Everyone's different. If it had been me, I would have picked you up and brought you home. That's not moving too fast, that's just showing you care. Uh, she was AT home. Having an argument with her sister. She wasn't exactly stranded outside the pub. 2
kendahke Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 First of all I did NOT make this situation. My sister decided to heckle me out of the blue. I dont see how That's my fault. Second of all, one drunken act does not define me as an immature person. Third of all I was looking for my keys because I felt threatened and wanted to leave the situation. You are way too quick to make personal judgements. From HIS perspective, it was a situation of your making. It takes two to tango. You could have just easily calmed down and not let your sister get to you, but because you were drunk, your ability to reason was not functioning--you were in reaction mode. You didn't want her telling you what you could do in your house. She may have been trying to keep you from puking all over the bed. No one wants to smell or deal with that. He already wasn't feeling things. This solidified the wisdom of his decision to back off. Sorry, but it is what it is. Granted, your past boyfriend experience may not have had anything to do with booze, but you admit yourself that you get rude then get put out then dumped. Once is a mistake; twice is a pattern of behavior. Even here, you're getting rude when it was you who came to us for input, not the other way around. It's best that you didn't have your keys because if you got in your car and got in a wreck, you'd be wearing orange pajamas right now. Why not call a cab if you wanted to get out of the situation? It might be a really good idea to leave liquor alone for a while. It caused you to wind up in a place where you don't enjoy being. No, we're only giving feedback from what you've posted. We don't have an emotional "dog in this race" like you do. We're able to see things objectively. You just don't happen to like the mirror being shown to you. 2
MissBee Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 (edited) Everyone's different. If it had been me, I would have picked you up and brought you home. That's not moving too fast, that's just showing you care. That's the point though...doesn't seem like this guy cares and he already said he didn't want a relationship and things were moving too fast BEFORE the incident, which to me were codes for, I'm pulling back and want LESS involvement not more. Had he been her actual bf like I said, he'd probably have picked her up, but for a guy who wants less involvement, it's going to seem like too much and asking him to take on a bf role that he already said he didn't want. Plus, as Elswyth pointed out, she was at home already/at her sister's place so it wasn't like he was some heartless guy who was leaving her stranded on the side of the freeway or at a club late at night or anything. She was already in a safe place with her family but got into a silly fight and wanted him to get her then also got pissy with him about it, it would leave a bad taste in most people's mouths esp given his desire to pull back before this even happened. Edited January 19, 2015 by MissBee 2
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