SweetCharity Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 (edited) So I've been talking to this one guy since before Christmas. We've spent almost everyday together, except during Christmas. I had other options but decided to go with him for new years and forget other guys. We've had open communication and he's done a lot of nice things for me (like buy me dinner or let me do laundry at his house.) I've tried to repay the favors by cooking him dinner and meeting him halfway. A couple days ago I notice a distance and ask him about it. He tells me He thinks we're going too fast and he might not be ready for a relationship. We have an open and mature discussion about slowing Things down and giving each other more space. Cue the next day. My 19 year old sister and cousin are in town and we go out dancing. Somewhere along the night he texts me so I know he's thinking of me. I've had a bit to drink and am drunk by the time we get home, so when my oh so sweet sister tries to make me sleep on the floor of my own house I flip out. I call the guy I'm seeing to see if he'll come pick me up and get me out of the situation and he refuses. So I try to get to him but my sister hides my keys. I'm stuck. In my drunken state I beg him to pick me up and he says it's way too late and that I should work things out with my sister. I can't understand why he won't help me so i tell him, "Now I know not to call you when I need something." I know it was wrong and i immediately apologized the next day. He wouldn't returnmy calls and only texted back to tell me how wrong and out of line I was. I told him that we should at least discuss this over the phone or in person and if it was over He should tell me now. He responsed with, "sure, but not right now." That was yesterday. I haven't heard from him since. I know what i did was wrong but it was one drunken mistake. Do I really deserve to be on the "doghouse" so to speak? What do I do? The last guy I ever really dated had me in the doghouse for FIVE days before he broke up with me. I don't want to go through that again. I really like this new guy and am truly sorry for being rude to him but I'm at a loss. Is he just lpoking for an out and I served it up on a silver platter? Or does he care about me and just needs time to cool down? Should I move on? Wait around? Edited January 8, 2015 by SweetCharity
Frank2thepoint Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 Yes, you should move on. In fact, take the initiative and just tell the guy this isn't working out. You displayed a very bad view of yourself by getting angry with him for no reason. Don't text or talk over the phone while drunk. Just like drinking and driving, it's a bad combination. 9
mammasita Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 I'd probably just leave him alone at this point. He told you he needed to take a step back, you immediately went full speed ahead and literally begged for attention. Drunk or not, what a complete turn off. Lesson learned, there are other guys out there. 5
Author SweetCharity Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 I'd probably just leave him alone at this point. He told you he needed to take a step back, you immediately went full speed ahead and literally begged for attention. Drunk or not, what a complete turn off. Lesson learned, there are other guys out there. Well there will always be other guys. It's just that I made a mistake. I don't think I should be punished forever for it. In fact he kind of got mad at me for no reason on new years and I forgave him for it.
Author SweetCharity Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 Yes, you should move on. In fact, take the initiative and just tell the guy this isn't working out. You displayed a very bad view of yourself by getting angry with him for no reason. Don't text or talk over the phone while drunk. Just like drinking and driving, it's a bad combination. He kind of did the same thing on Nye. I forgave him for it. Men seem to be less forgiving over these kinds of things.
TabbyHearts Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 if someone is already on the verge of backing off a relationship, any small thing can just add evidence to the decision they've probably already made. It's probably all just bad timing. Even if things were going well, a month is a little soon to late-night call a new guy and ask him to drunkenly rescue you from a situation, because there's no sense of obligation to each other yet. You've apologized. If you feel like it, apologize again and then you have to sit back.
Author SweetCharity Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 if someone is already on the verge of backing off a relationship, any small thing can just add evidence to the decvsision they've probably already made. It's probably all just bad timing. Even if things were going well, a month is a little soon to late-night call a new guy and ask him to drunkenly rescue you from a situation, because there's no sense of obligation to each other yet. You've apologized. If you feel like it, apologize again and then you have to sit back. I apologized a thousand times. I feel really stupid.
GemmaUK Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 That behaviour would make me run too. Sorry but nothing makes up for silly drunk texts or calls in my book. One will usually lead to more. It's drama I don't want to have in my life. 5
mammasita Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 Well there will always be other guys. It's just that I made a mistake. I don't think I should be punished forever for it. In fact he kind of got mad at me for no reason on new years and I forgave him for it. Nobody is punishing you. Let it be and move on. But bottom line is that he was already in "take a step back" mode, likely on the verge of "this isn't really working out" - you just sped up the process....a lot. 3
Zahara Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 Well there will always be other guys. It's just that I made a mistake. I don't think I should be punished forever for it. In fact he kind of got mad at me for no reason on new years and I forgave him for it. I don't think he's punishing you. I think he was turned off. You were probably slurring on the phone, shouting, begging and arguing with your sister over something assinine -- and to someone that is sober listening to all this -- huge turn off. Fact is, he was already putting some space in between meaning he was probably reevaluating -- then you sealed the deal with that behavior. You forgave him on NYE. That was your decision. You can't say just because I forgave him, he has to forgive him. Can't project your decisions on him. 2
angel.eyes Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 What is there to forgive exactly? You gave him a good view into how you live and conduct yourself. He's opted out and you seem to be having difficulty accepting that. He doesn't want that drama and immaturity in his life. I can't say I blame him. Few people would. You said an ex dropped you for similar behavior. Either find someone who enjoys getting dragged into your drunken squabbles with your sister or whoever in your own house, or consider changing the way you conduct yourself. 6
slizl Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 Started out too hot and heavy, reality set in (for him), he wanted to break it off with you but needed an excuse....and you gave him one. He MIGHT reach out to you, but it would only be for a FWB situation.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 As a few others mentioned, I have a strong feeling he was already on his way out of the relationship (such as it was) but this just accelerated it. I doubt his silence is all down to this drunken performance. He isn't punishing you, in my opinion; he was likely getting ready to end it anyhow. 2
newlyborn Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 So I've been talking to this one guy since before Christmas. We've spent almost everyday together, except during Christmas. I had other options but decided to go with him for new years and forget other guys. We've had open communication and he's done a lot of nice things for me (like buy me dinner or let me do laundry at his house.) I've tried to repay the favors by cooking him dinner and meeting him halfway. A couple days ago I notice a distance and ask him about it. He tells me He thinks we're going too fast and he might not be ready for a relationship. We have an open and mature discussion about slowing Things down and giving each other more space. wait -- you started dating right before Christmas? all of this happened over the course of a few weeks????
todreaminblue Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 why were you doing laundry at his house...deb 1
Frank2thepoint Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 He kind of did the same thing on Nye. I forgave him for it. Men seem to be less forgiving over these kinds of things. First, this makes you look petty. You're justifying what you did to him, because he has done it to you. Second, you are expecting him to forgive you, just because you forgave him. Third, an individual (maybe there were a few more in your past) is upset with you, and you are unjustly blaming an entire gender. People have a right to get angry, if they are justified for doing so. As others have said, this guy was already backing off from you. With this incident, you gave him a big shove. You handled the situation poorly, because you spilled out a family feud to him, that he did not want to get involved in. Honestly, learn from this bad experience, and try not have it happen again in the future. You made a mistake, but it's not the end of the world. Be blessed the guy is not some sociopath that would take advantage of you in such a vulnerable situation. My advice sticks. Take the initiative and just tell the guy it's not working out.
Author SweetCharity Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 First, this makes you look petty. You're justifying what you did to him, because he has done it to you. Second, you are expecting him to forgive you, just because you forgave him. Third, an individual (maybe there were a few more in your past) is upset with you, and you are unjustly blaming an entire gender. People have a right to get angry, if they are justified for doing so. As others have said, this guy was already backing off from you. With this incident, you gave him a big shove. You handled the situation poorly, because you spilled out a family feud to him, that he did not want to get involved in. Honestly, learn from this bad experience, and try not have it happen again in the future. You made a mistake, but it's not the end of the world. Be blessed the guy is not some sociopath that would take advantage of you in such a vulnerable situation. My advice sticks. Take the initiative and just tell the guy it's not working out. I want being petty. I was trying to illustrate that I tend to put up with a lot in relationships but when I'm the one who is wrong it's difficult to cone back from that. In actually surprised by all the hostility and condescension on this site. I wanted constructive criticism, not insults.
todreaminblue Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 I want being petty. I was trying to illustrate that I tend to put up with a lot in relationships but when I'm the one who is wrong it's difficult to cone back from that. In actually surprised by all the hostility and condescension on this site. I wanted constructive criticism, not insults. i am sorry you feel that way charity...... i asked why you did laundry at his house for a reason...i think the mistake you made that pushed him to say enough was the last mistake not the first....a lot of guys fidn it hard to deal with family problems fo the woman they are dating even if that has been years of dating or a relationship......some guys dont know how to deal with drama.......and this guy was one.......you know what you did wrong......for that guy......texting drunk is a huge mistake..... when i was ina relationship with my ex......i hid things from him well not actually hid but i would omit problems i had....whether they were with other guys coming onto me.....or family....or friends....if i had a problem i would work on it myself.....drama often surrounds me.......and i dont like to involve another when i can solve a problem myself without causing stress to another..... certainly when first dating i would not involve a guy in drama........i would buffer him.......if a guy i was dating would be persistent in asking me what was wrong.....i would probably then explain.....but i would add its my issue dont worry about it......ill handle it...and just ask for some understanding from him.....the only time i would ring a guy late at night to come pick me up....is if i were concerned i was going to be attacked or assaulted....and even then......i call a cab.....because i have had it happen..and ill go to a close friends place.......somewhere i am safe.........deb 1
Author SweetCharity Posted January 9, 2015 Author Posted January 9, 2015 (edited) What is there to forgive exactly? You gave him a good view into how you live and conduct yourself. He's opted out and you seem to be having difficulty accepting that. He doesn't want that drama and immaturity in his life. I can't say I blame him. Few people would. You said an ex dropped you for similar behavior. Either find someone who enjoys getting dragged into your drunken squabbles with your sister or whoever in your own house, or consider changing the way you conduct yourself. Woah Woah Woah, at what point in time did I say an ex dumped me for similar behavior? That is absolutely the farthest from the truth. It was am entirely different situation. The only similarity being That he have me the silent treatment for days before breaking things off. He broke up with me because he asked me to be his girlfriend but then made it impossible to get ahold of him. Hed invite me and then uninvite me to parties. He'd delete my comments on Facebook. When I confronted him about this erratic behavior he acted like he was the wronged one and that I was being "needy." I wasnt. There you have it. Guess I was asking for that one too, eh? Second, I have never indicated this was reoccurring behavior. one time I get drunk and act like that. ONE TIME. You all act like a bunch of damn saints who've never done something stupid in your life. Edited January 9, 2015 by SweetCharity
Author SweetCharity Posted January 9, 2015 Author Posted January 9, 2015 i am sorry you feel that way charity...... i asked why you did laundry at his house for a reason...i think the mistake you made that pushed him to say enough was the last mistake not the first....a lot of guys fidn it hard to deal with family problems fo the woman they are dating even if that has been years of dating or a relationship......some guys dont know how to deal with drama.......and this guy was one.......you know what you did wrong......for that guy......texting drunk is a huge mistake..... when i was ina relationship with my ex......i hid things from him well not actually hid but i would omit problems i had....whether they were with other guys coming onto me.....or family....or friends....if i had a problem i would work on it myself.....drama often surrounds me.......and i dont like to involve another when i can solve a problem myself without causing stress to another..... certainly when first dating i would not involve a guy in drama........i would buffer him.......if a guy i was dating would be persistent in asking me what was wrong.....i would probably then explain.....but i would add its my issue dont worry about it......ill handle it...and just ask for some understanding from him.....the only time i would ring a guy late at night to come pick me up....is if i were concerned i was going to be attacked or assaulted....and even then......i call a cab.....because i have had it happen..and ill go to a close friends place.......somewhere i am safe.........deb I did laundry at his house because I don't have a washer dryer at my house and needed to we h my uniform but he wanted me to come over. It wasn't the drunk calling that upset him, it was the taking it out on him. Technically my sister tried to drag me from my own bed ship tasty can be considered assault. I never should have called him. The truth is he wasn't ready for a relationship. Had i not called him he still would have dumped me. 1
todreaminblue Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 I did laundry at his house because I don't have a washer dryer at my house and needed to we h my uniform but he wanted me to come over. It wasn't the drunk calling that upset him, it was the taking it out on him. Technically my sister tried to drag me from my own bed ship tasty can be considered assault. I never should have called him. The truth is he wasn't ready for a relationship. Had i not called him he still would have dumped me. True charity...he probably would have.......most guys cant handle domestic violence or drama that is that way inclined.......you only have to be in a spot of trouble and cry out for help to realize a lot of men wont come to your rescue...i have been luck and unlucky with this.......i am not one to cry for help......in all honesty you could have said no i have to go to the laundromat and wash my uniform for work ill see you later...early days of dating charity and ...involving a guy in laundry isnt probably a good idea......when my washing machine broke down i took my laundry to my mums.....if i had a boyfriend...i would still have taken my laundry to my mothers and met up with my date later......or i would have handwashed......what was important and hung it out to dry....... i like knights fo guys i respect them....but i always have been my own champion......since i was a kid.....i dont rely on people to come to my rescue with much...in fact in dreams i have i am scolded for this....in prayers ...i have often heard this whisper talk....ask.....and when i do ask for something i normally wouldnt because i am following my heart and prayers......... i get no reply.....mayeb its because i still feel so pathetic asking no matter if i am prompted to ask..even if its a lift....i feel like scum......i dont know its confusing...i would rather handle things myself like i always do....till its life or death.......for me its a treat when someone offers......i appreciate ...i wish you well next time...let this go....you made a mistake and its over...you are right...i dont think you were suited to him.......deb 1
newlyborn Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 i am not sure that you were in or were headed for a relationship with this guy. it sounds like a brief fling around the holidays. i just don't think people who are serious about longterm with someone act in the ways you describe over a two-week period. i think you should just let this one go. 1
Frank2thepoint Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 I want being petty. I was trying to illustrate that I tend to put up with a lot in relationships but when I'm the one who is wrong it's difficult to cone back from that. It is admirable that you have a lot more patience and understanding, but you can't expect the same from someone else. People have varying degrees of patience and tolerance. This guy has less than you. It's that simple. I understand it is frustrating, I've been in similar situations as well, but it is the way it is. But it sounds like you let your own ability to tolerate blind you, thinking he would be just as understanding. As you already know, it's not the case. 1
Author SweetCharity Posted January 10, 2015 Author Posted January 10, 2015 i am not sure that you were in or were headed for a relationship with this guy. it sounds like a brief fling around the holidays. i just don't think people who are serious about longterm with someone act in the ways you describe over a two-week period. i think you should just let this one go. I already did.
Redhead14 Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 So I've been talking to this one guy since before Christmas. We've spent almost everyday together, except during Christmas. I had other options but decided to go with him for new years and forget other guys. We've had open communication and he's done a lot of nice things for me (like buy me dinner or let me do laundry at his house.) I've tried to repay the favors by cooking him dinner and meeting him halfway. A couple days ago I notice a distance and ask him about it. He tells me He thinks we're going too fast and he might not be ready for a relationship. We have an open and mature discussion about slowing Things down and giving each other more space. Cue the next day. My 19 year old sister and cousin are in town and we go out dancing. Somewhere along the night he texts me so I know he's thinking of me. I've had a bit to drink and am drunk by the time we get home, so when my oh so sweet sister tries to make me sleep on the floor of my own house I flip out. I call the guy I'm seeing to see if he'll come pick me up and get me out of the situation and he refuses. So I try to get to him but my sister hides my keys. I'm stuck. In my drunken state I beg him to pick me up and he says it's way too late and that I should work things out with my sister. I can't understand why he won't help me so i tell him, "Now I know not to call you when I need something." I know it was wrong and i immediately apologized the next day. He wouldn't returnmy calls and only texted back to tell me how wrong and out of line I was. I told him that we should at least discuss this over the phone or in person and if it was over He should tell me now. He responsed with, "sure, but not right now." That was yesterday. I haven't heard from him since. I know what i did was wrong but it was one drunken mistake. Do I really deserve to be on the "doghouse" so to speak? What do I do? The last guy I ever really dated had me in the doghouse for FIVE days before he broke up with me. I don't want to go through that again. I really like this new guy and am truly sorry for being rude to him but I'm at a loss. Is he just lpoking for an out and I served it up on a silver platter? Or does he care about me and just needs time to cool down? Should I move on? Wait around? You've only been seeing him for a couple of weeks. It is way too soon to be asking him for help of any kind. A man doesn't want "drama" from a woman in the first few months.
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