Mapper71 Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 So his daughter's Christmas presents are STILL sitting in a box on our table waiting to be sent to her. I ask him yesterday if he plans on sending them to her or if he's going to wait until next Christmas now. He gets all uppity and says "I'll send them when I send them. She's not doing me any favors. She doesn't respond to any of my texts". Oooook. She hasn't had any contact with you since July so why did you bother even buying her ANYTHING for Christmas if that was going to be your attitude? She responded "Thanks" after she got her birthday presents back in October and he didn't even get that response until 2 days later when he asked her if she got them. Since her birthday he has texted her Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, asked if she got her game that was sent to her from Amazon, texted her we got kittens and nothing got any response from her. So now he's apparently witholding her presents until he hears from her. Well that ain't going to happen! You can send her thousands of dollars of stuff but you still wont' hear a peep out of her. Then last night he tells me "I'm going to send my niece $100 so she can get a bike for her son" Whaaaaa? This is a niece he hasn't seen in over 20 years and she has 3 kids by 2 different men who are no longer around and he's never met or spoke with her kids. I even asked what the kids names were and he says "The oldest is Michael but I don't know the names of the other two". Really? You don't even know the name of the boy who is getting the bike? He goes 'Well she's my niece and I want the kids to know who their family is. If my daughter doesn't want anything to do with me then maybe I can be an influence on their lives". You buy me a $300 sweater, give $100 to someone you really don't even know, but can't pay your share of the bills." Brilliant!
preraph Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 I feel bad for your man. All of his women are mad at him. But if the issue is he isn't chipping in his half of the total bills and rent/mortgage for your home with him, then move out and let it go. But if he is contributing half, then you have no place in telling him what relative to spend money on. I certainly don't want you letting a man mooch off you, because that's just usery. But all he's reasonably obligated to pay is his half.
DrReplyInRhymes Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 So his daughter's Christmas presents are STILL sitting in a box on our table waiting to be sent to her. I ask him yesterday if he plans on sending them to her or if he's going to wait until next Christmas now. He gets all uppity and says "I'll send them when I send them. She's not doing me any favors. She doesn't respond to any of my texts". Oooook. She hasn't had any contact with you since July so why did you bother even buying her ANYTHING for Christmas if that was going to be your attitude? She responded "Thanks" after she got her birthday presents back in October and he didn't even get that response until 2 days later when he asked her if she got them. Since her birthday he has texted her Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, asked if she got her game that was sent to her from Amazon, texted her we got kittens and nothing got any response from her. So now he's apparently witholding her presents until he hears from her. Well that ain't going to happen! You can send her thousands of dollars of stuff but you still wont' hear a peep out of her. Then last night he tells me "I'm going to send my niece $100 so she can get a bike for her son" Whaaaaa? This is a niece he hasn't seen in over 20 years and she has 3 kids by 2 different men who are no longer around and he's never met or spoke with her kids. I even asked what the kids names were and he says "The oldest is Michael but I don't know the names of the other two". Really? You don't even know the name of the boy who is getting the bike? He goes 'Well she's my niece and I want the kids to know who their family is. If my daughter doesn't want anything to do with me then maybe I can be an influence on their lives". You buy me a $300 sweater, give $100 to someone you really don't even know, but can't pay your share of the bills." Brilliant! In all honesty, if you bitch about your man as much as you do about Kathy, then maybe it isn't everyone else, maybe you're just a tad bit too sassy? It seems like you have gripes and quarrels about everyone in your life, I don't think I've read a post in where you tell us something you actually like. With that being said, what do you want him to do? Would you rather him give up and live the rest of his life like you? Would you rather he gave up entirely? Would you like to have all of this undone? Because what are you after you pass? Without accomplishments, you're just a memory to your daughters and sons. 3
Author Mapper71 Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 In all honesty, if you bitch about your man as much as you do about Kathy, then maybe it isn't everyone else, maybe you're just a tad bit too sassy? It seems like you have gripes and quarrels about everyone in your life, I don't think I've read a post in where you tell us something you actually like. With that being said, what do you want him to do? Would you rather him give up and live the rest of his life like you? Would you rather he gave up entirely? Would you like to have all of this undone? Because what are you after you pass? Without accomplishments, you're just a memory to your daughters and sons. Nicely done! I complain about him, SD and Cathy...that's hardly EVERYONE in my life. I don't complain about my sister or my friends or my Mom or any of my other coworkers.
Shepp Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 I feel bad for your man. I feel bad for his daughter! She really won the dad lottery! He needs to grow up
coolheadal Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 Understand where your H is coming from as my older sister does the same thing your daughter does. But again she won't change and you both can't make her change. She's living her live the way she wants too as my old sister is doing with her life. As for him sending $100 to his niece or nephew let him do that, but first the bills need to be paid first! My Ex Wife she made the electric bill go over 3 months and one day after taking a nap I found out there wasn't any power. So from that point on I had decided to take charge of all bills and setup a joint checking account so bills can be paid. You might want to do the same as those who don't think bills are so important like your H is then you take over but they have to put money into a joint account. 1
whichwayisup Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 Why didn't you just send them? Really, I know your don't like your step daughter but you could have sent the gifts regardless if you feel it's his responsibility. I feel bad for her, she's a teen and now has a dad who can't be bothered to make the effort to send the presents and a step mom who just didn't send it herself. Imagine how that girl felt over the holidays not receiving a gift from her own dad. No wonder she's ignoring his texts. 3
rester Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 Tell him he has 3 days to get rid of the presents or you are going to give them to a homeless shelter. And then follow through. You spend weeks looking at these boxes on the table, and then complain about it but don't do anything about it. Take some action, Mapper. I would have mailed them myself, but since you don't want to do that, why are you letting them sit on the table like that? 2
Author Mapper71 Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 Why didn't you just send them? Really, I know your don't like your step daughter but you could have sent the gifts regardless if you feel it's his responsibility. I feel bad for her, she's a teen and now has a dad who can't be bothered to make the effort to send the presents and a step mom who just didn't send it herself. Imagine how that girl felt over the holidays not receiving a gift from her own dad. No wonder she's ignoring his texts. Oh she ignored his texts LOOOONG before Christmas! She wouldn't call to thank him for them anyways so I don't know why he got her anything other than a letter saying he's sorry for how he's treated her. And it is in no way my responsibility to send her his presents! They aren't wrapped yet, he keeps saying he's going to add more. I can only imagine how pissed he'd be if I just up and sent them without his permission! Imagine how he felt not receiving a gift from his own daughter. It goes both ways ya know!
Author Mapper71 Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 Tell him he has 3 days to get rid of the presents or you are going to give them to a homeless shelter. And then follow through. You spend weeks looking at these boxes on the table, and then complain about it but don't do anything about it. Take some action, Mapper. I would have mailed them myself, but since you don't want to do that, why are you letting them sit on the table like that? It's not my job AND it's not my kid! I don't even know her address!
SJS Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 It's not my job AND it's not my kid! I don't even know her address! That makes YOU as bad as HE is. Be a grown up and quit bitching. 5
rester Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 It's not my job AND it's not my kid! I don't even know her address! What's your complaint, that he hasn't sent the package, or that it's been sitting on the table for weeks? Why can't you put it in a closet or the attic? Why is this bothering you? I ask him yesterday if he plans on sending them to her or if he's going to wait until next Christmas now. He gets all uppity and says "I'll send them when I send them. She's not doing me any favors. She doesn't respond to any of my texts". Instead of passive-aggressively making snide remarks to your husband, take some action. Tell him he has three days or the package is gone. Nothing is going to happen when you handle things with passive-aggressive comments and then do nothing more. 1
whichwayisup Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 Oh she ignored his texts LOOOONG before Christmas! She wouldn't call to thank him for them anyways so I don't know why he got her anything other than a letter saying he's sorry for how he's treated her. And it is in no way my responsibility to send her his presents! They aren't wrapped yet, he keeps saying he's going to add more. I can only imagine how pissed he'd be if I just up and sent them without his permission! Imagine how he felt not receiving a gift from his own daughter. It goes both ways ya know! But he is the 'adult' here in this situation. She's only 16. Enough said. 1
MidwestUSA Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 Maybe you should return your $300 sweater and buy the kid a gift yourself. Splurge on the postage. Oh, wait. You don't know her address? Some kinda dysfunction going on there. 2
Rejected Rosebud Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 It would be nice of you to pack them up and send them to her! Think of what a nice surprise that would be for her and a nice favor for you to to for your husband too! 1
Toodaloo Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 It's not my job AND it's not my kid! I don't even know her address! Surely its not that hard to find???
Radu Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 To be fair, i believe you deserve better and that your husband has issues, so that's why i'm going to write the stuff below [you and the SD]. 36 threads made overall and 273 posts, 7.58 posts / thread if we divide. 33 in 2014, discounting, with the following subjects : - husband - 18 - co-workers - 5 - SD - 5 - other - 5 Predominantly the husband and SD threads are negative [23 together]; co-workers are not all negative, about half [23+2=25 so far]. So 25 out of 33 threads are negative [at least] ... the rest are inquiries. Almost all of the threads sound like the type of stuff a woman would tell her gf, so they seem like the posters are used as emotional tampons. We are supposed to say 'good for you' and 'you go girl', open a -virtual- bottle of wine and release the stress ... is that all that we are ? When someone pushes, you try to deflect or the thread dies of neglect. I don't think anyone can blame ranting, everyone does it and it's good for that, but it seems like your threads are predominantly ranting, wanting a positive feel good opinion from the readers, followed by ending the thread if it is received, or an argument if it is not received. Your situation is dysfunctional, and whining about it on a board is not going to improve it ... it will only give you a temporary release. Long term you will have to act, and improve the situation, either by finding less annoying co-workers, dealing with your husband ... dealing with your SD ... something. Because if you don't, nothing will change. PS: It seems that you are someone who doesn't argue, yells, makes a fuss in your RL, and you need ocasionally a way to discharge the pent-up stress. Did you move 2k miles away from friends and family to be with your husband ? 6
Author Mapper71 Posted January 9, 2015 Author Posted January 9, 2015 To be fair, i believe you deserve better and that your husband has issues, so that's why i'm going to write the stuff below [you and the SD]. 36 threads made overall and 273 posts, 7.58 posts / thread if we divide. 33 in 2014, discounting, with the following subjects : - husband - 18 - co-workers - 5 - SD - 5 - other - 5 Predominantly the husband and SD threads are negative [23 together]; co-workers are not all negative, about half [23+2=25 so far]. So 25 out of 33 threads are negative [at least] ... the rest are inquiries. Almost all of the threads sound like the type of stuff a woman would tell her gf, so they seem like the posters are used as emotional tampons. We are supposed to say 'good for you' and 'you go girl', open a -virtual- bottle of wine and release the stress ... is that all that we are ? When someone pushes, you try to deflect or the thread dies of neglect. I don't think anyone can blame ranting, everyone does it and it's good for that, but it seems like your threads are predominantly ranting, wanting a positive feel good opinion from the readers, followed by ending the thread if it is received, or an argument if it is not received. Your situation is dysfunctional, and whining about it on a board is not going to improve it ... it will only give you a temporary release. Long term you will have to act, and improve the situation, either by finding less annoying co-workers, dealing with your husband ... dealing with your SD ... something. Because if you don't, nothing will change. PS: It seems that you are someone who doesn't argue, yells, makes a fuss in your RL, and you need ocasionally a way to discharge the pent-up stress. Did you move 2k miles away from friends and family to be with your husband ? Anyone who knows me tells me I am the NICEST person. I don't yell or scream or get mad or go off on anyone EVER! I keep all my anger inside and blow up here on these forums. Even my manager at work told me she can't tell if I'm happy or not at my job because I'm so low key and deal with the stress so well. Nobody on here has to reply to my threads as I have said numerous times, yet the same people complain about what I write. If people don't want to deal with it then WHY do the same people waste time reading and replying to it and then type about how utterly fed up they are with me? Don't waste your time then. I'm sure there are a TON of others who would be served by your views. If people know I'm not going to change my ways or attitude, which is obvious by how much complaining I do, then WHY do the same people continually rant on me to change my ways? Go help someone else. Nope just ranting. At least I'm doing it in the right category now as I was told I should be doing so there can't be any complaints about that!
Radu Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 Anyone who knows me tells me I am the NICEST person. I don't yell or scream or get mad or go off on anyone EVER! I keep all my anger inside and blow up here on these forums. Even my manager at work told me she can't tell if I'm happy or not at my job because I'm so low key and deal with the stress so well. That's not necessarily a good thing, but whatever works i guess. Nobody on here has to reply to my threads as I have said numerous times, yet the same people complain about what I write. If people don't want to deal with it then WHY do the same people waste time reading and replying to it and then type about how utterly fed up they are with me? Don't waste your time then. I'm sure there are a TON of others who would be served by your views. If people know I'm not going to change my ways or attitude, which is obvious by how much complaining I do, then WHY do the same people continually rant on me to change my ways? Go help someone else. Ppl don't write to bash you, so don't victimise yourself. Ppl post because they like and want to help ... that's their motivation. Most of the ppl who post had/have problems that brought them here [like yours]. I'm not really sure that ppl who post know about the fact that it is a rant. So, they are well intentioned, not nagging. Hell, i didn't know until i decided to write the post you quoted [i don't tend to look into ppl's history]. So my post was a ... realization. Nope just ranting. At least I'm doing it in the right category now as I was told I should be doing so there can't be any complaints about that! I think there is a section called ranting/confessions, but i think this one is good too. I'm not from the ppl who organize this.
Author Mapper71 Posted January 9, 2015 Author Posted January 9, 2015 That's not necessarily a good thing, but whatever works i guess. Ppl don't write to bash you, so don't victimise yourself. Ppl post because they like and want to help ... that's their motivation. Most of the ppl who post had/have problems that brought them here [like yours]. I'm not really sure that ppl who post know about the fact that it is a rant. So, they are well intentioned, not nagging. Hell, i didn't know until i decided to write the post you quoted [i don't tend to look into ppl's history]. So my post was a ... realization. I think there is a section called ranting/confessions, but i think this one is good too. I'm not from the ppl who organize this. Nah, a majority of people who respond tell me what an idiot both my husband and I are and what a saint my stepdaughter is. I'd say they write to bash us. That's fine, let them bash us, but I don't want to hear how fed up they are with me writing my complaints.
Anela Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 It's not my job AND it's not my kid! I don't even know her address! In a way, she IS your daughter. You're her step-mother, and most people I know who have blended families, think of themselves as parents of the step-children. 1
Rejected Rosebud Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 Nobody on here has to reply to my threads as I have said numerous times, yet the same people complain about what I write. If people don't want to deal with it then WHY do the same people waste time reading and replying to it and then type about how utterly fed up they are with me? When we post on a discussion board of course we are putting our stuff out there for commentary by EVERYBODY on it! You must be ready for that or else why would you be posting here?? Do you ever consider what people are saying? I mean beyond "if you don't like it stay out of my threads"? The consensus seems to be pretty solid, you might want to think about it! To help yourself and make your own life better!
SoleMate Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 ....a majority of people who respond tell me what an idiot both my husband and I are and what a saint my stepdaughter is.... With all respect, Mapper, as far as I recall, nobody has called your stepdaughter a saint at all. Instead, we've with near total unanimity referred to her as a child who is crying out for love and attention, who has behavior issues, certainly, which are plausibly traced to the adult role models she's working from. Do you see the difference? Empathy for the SD is not sainthood for the SD. Sainthood is irrelevant anyway....saints don't exist.....what matters is how each of us chooses to live our life. I have empathy for you and your husband too. The way you're both living seems to bring you stress, unhappiness, conflict, and alienation. You could be happier. Have you ever thought of changes you could make? 5
CarrieT Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 :love: I love you Radu... :love: Mapper, the biggest question (which I believe I have asked before) is: If you are so frustrated with the situations involving your husband, stepdaughter, and co-worker, instead of coming here to rant, have you thought of taking ANY of the advice offered here to change the situation? Because going back to your first posts, not much has changed and I think it would be exhausting living a life the way you describe. I can't believe you would want it to continue... 3
Author Mapper71 Posted January 9, 2015 Author Posted January 9, 2015 :love: I love you Radu... :love: Mapper, the biggest question (which I believe I have asked before) is: If you are so frustrated with the situations involving your husband, stepdaughter, and co-worker, instead of coming here to rant, have you thought of taking ANY of the advice offered here to change the situation? Because going back to your first posts, not much has changed and I think it would be exhausting living a life the way you describe. I can't believe you would want it to continue... Nope this is where I go. I'm not going to a therapist because I am too shy to talk to anyone in person and I don't have the energy to start over on my own or with anyone else, so yup...I'm stuck where I'm at. And yes I realize I'm not STUCK, but this is where I"m staying.
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