GH101 Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 I meet guys from online dating sites, but nobody ever wants a second date with me. What am I doing wrong, how do I make my looks and personality better to fix this? I try to make a nice appearance. I feel I'm kind of attractive, and average in weight. I ask them questions, I try to give good responses. Is it because I'm not funny enough, or interesting enough? I'm just not sure.
Andy_K Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 Easiest route is to get in better shape. If you're attractive enough you'll get second dates regardless of how interesting or funny you are. Is there anything you're revealing on dates which would put guys off? Kids, exes, debt, unemployment, past history, anything like that? If conversation isn't your strong point, do some activity dates instead. Play to your strengths, whatever they are
Jules Dash Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 I met this woman online a few months back and she told me something similar to what you posted. I asked her something along the lines of why she never goes on second dates with the guys she meet online. She said that the guys never follow up and she even told me a lame excuse a guy gave her for not wanting a second date. So when I finally met her I immediately noticed how guarded she appeared and she had this feeling and look of having a chip on her shoulder. It was not attractive at all. It didn't feel right with her. It could be something as simple as the vibes you give off and you may not be aware of-
PegNosePete Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 It's pretty difficult to answer such a vague question. How do we know what you look like, what subjects you talk about, whether you make eye contact, appear interested?H ow do we know whether he guys you're dating are compatible with you? However in the generic sense I would say you simply need to practice. Learn what people like and don't like. Analyze your behaviour and see what you're doing that might be putting them off. Maybe even have a friend secretly sitting at a table next to you and listen in. But practice practice practice is what makes perfect.
Eighty_nine Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 Yeah, it's hard to know. Do you have a link to your dating profile you'd be OK with sharing? But #1, be confidant. If you meet a guy and like him, put it in your mind that he probably likes you too and you'll probably see him again. That attitude will help. If you're guarded and doubting that there will be a second day, you'll show it and that's not attractive.
desperategirl Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 Hi, I have been on loads of dates - and I don't know why I wouldn't get second ones, or more sometimes. I think it is a bit of a numbers game, and you do have to hang on in there.
Frank2thepoint Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 I meet guys from online dating sites, but nobody ever wants a second date with me. What am I doing wrong, how do I make my looks and personality better to fix this? I try to make a nice appearance. I feel I'm kind of attractive, and average in weight. I ask them questions, I try to give good responses. Is it because I'm not funny enough, or interesting enough? I'm just not sure. Reflect on your behavior during these dates, even after the date. Imagine being out on a date with yourself. Do you engage and ask the men questions? Do broach topics beyond superficial? Do you explore similar interests? If you like the man and are attracted to him, do you flirt? Do you do lite touching to express your interest? Concerning after the date, do you reach out to the man and thank him for his time to take you out? Do you drop strong hints that you would like to see the man again?
GemmaUK Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 I never get no second date offer and without more info about your dates I would have no idea how to help. Describe the dates maybe?
coolheadal Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 I meet guys from online dating sites, but nobody ever wants a second date with me. What am I doing wrong, how do I make my looks and personality better to fix this? I try to make a nice appearance. I feel I'm kind of attractive, and average in weight. I ask them questions, I try to give good responses. Is it because I'm not funny enough, or interesting enough? I'm just not sure. When you first met these guys what do you say to them? What are the questions your asking them? Looks shouldn't be so important. I am sure whatever site you use add post a picture of yourself. So they knew who they were going see on the date. I do hope you had spoken too them on the phone prior to going out with them. This way you would know if you could even click with them? Next would be the date. If you just did text only then you would hardly knew who you were going on a date with.
angel.eyes Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 (edited) You're getting first dates, so one of three things is happening-- What's advertised (your profile) doesn't match who shows up on the date. It could be misleading photos, a profile that projects a certain personality type that's different than the person who shows up, or some other mismatch. Basically, the image of you created in his mind doesn't match the "real" you.You aren't "connecting" with the person on the date.You give the impression that you aren't interested in seeing the person again. I sincerely hope that you're also evaluating whether these guys are right for you on the date. Don't worry about getting second dates with guys who aren't a good match for you. Edited January 8, 2015 by angel.eyes 1
slizl Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 High energy but not overboard (seem excited to be with him), come prepared with questions to ask in case of a lul in conversation, bond over similar interests and touch his arm or leg if he makes you laugh = gets second date
BluEyeL Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 When I was dating, I always got second date, 100% of the time, no exaggeration. I'm a bit overweight, i.e. I wear size 10-12 and I'm 42 yo, so it's not the looks. I did the following: 1. Ask questions and let them talk more than you do 2. Smile and appear confident, look them in the eye 3. Never say anything negative, nothing at all. Not about your life, not about your friends, not about your dating experience, nothing at all. Don't start telling stories about cheating exes, abusive boyfriends etc. Nothing negative!! 4. When you answer their questions keep it short and simple!! Answer questions as short as possible without giving a one word answer. Just don't launch into long stories. Your clue to stop is if you see their eyes glaze over. Give short answers, on point, a few details and switch the attention to him. 5. Mirror their body language. If he leans in, you lean in, if he is sitting back, you sit back too. It's a well known technique to establish rapport. 6. Dress nice and use make up, but do not dress slutty. No turtleneck, no exaggerated cleavage and porno heels either. Good luck!
katlover Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 Work on your sex appeal, and don't give in. Make them desire you. Be mysterious and confident.
newlyborn Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 When I was dating, I always got second date, 100% of the time, no exaggeration. I'm a bit overweight, i.e. I wear size 10-12 and I'm 42 yo, so it's not the looks. I did the following: 1. Ask questions and let them talk more than you do 2. Smile and appear confident, look them in the eye 3. Never say anything negative, nothing at all. Not about your life, not about your friends, not about your dating experience, nothing at all. Don't start telling stories about cheating exes, abusive boyfriends etc. Nothing negative!! 4. When you answer their questions keep it short and simple!! Answer questions as short as possible without giving a one word answer. Just don't launch into long stories. Your clue to stop is if you see their eyes glaze over. Give short answers, on point, a few details and switch the attention to him. 5. Mirror their body language. If he leans in, you lean in, if he is sitting back, you sit back too. It's a well known technique to establish rapport. 6. Dress nice and use make up, but do not dress slutty. No turtleneck, no exaggerated cleavage and porno heels either. Good luck! these are excellent suggestions! i think that asking lots of questions is so important! people rarely express genuine curiosity about who a person is, not just whether they like them. i think that men who spend the first date talking about themselves all night to an attractive, bright-eyed, smiling woman who just wants to know more will almost always ask for a second date.
Author GH101 Posted January 9, 2015 Author Posted January 9, 2015 Thanks for your advice, but I have trouble getting first dates to begin with. I usually get them from the online dating, but what should I be saying and not saying in my messages and profile to get more dates?
d0nnivain Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 OLD is a single tool. Finding a relationship is a multi-faceted endeavor. What else are you doing to put yourself out there? You have been given some good advice but when on a date there is a balance to be struck. You need to be confident in yourself & project the idea that you are a good catch, worthy of being pursued without crossing over into stuck up. Then you have to reach out, to make the other person feel comfortable & desired. At the end of these 1st dates, have you made it clear that you would be open to a 2nd date? Also if the guy was the one who risked the 1st time by asking you on the date, if you are genuinely interested, you can reach out to initiate the 2nd date. The 1950s are over; you don't to sit by the phone waiting for the guy to ask you.
BluEyeL Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 OLD is a single tool. Finding a relationship is a multi-faceted endeavor. What else are you doing to put yourself out there? You have been given some good advice but when on a date there is a balance to be struck. You need to be confident in yourself & project the idea that you are a good catch, worthy of being pursued without crossing over into stuck up. Then you have to reach out, to make the other person feel comfortable & desired. At the end of these 1st dates, have you made it clear that you would be open to a 2nd date? Also if the guy was the one who risked the 1st time by asking you on the date, if you are genuinely interested, you can reach out to initiate the 2nd date. The 1950s are over; you don't to sit by the phone waiting for the guy to ask you. Yeah, but if they're interested they'll ask anyway. You asking them out is fine as long as they are interested and they were going to ask you out anyway, but you beat them to it. Otherwise, if they're not interested, they'll either: 1. reject you or 2. use you for sex/string you along. No 2 is my biggest problem with asking a man out early on, before he proved he wanted to be in a relationship with you.
Author GH101 Posted January 23, 2015 Author Posted January 23, 2015 Ive just been rejected by so many guys, i don't know how ill ever find a decent guy to date.
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