juanito14 Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 This girl and I started talking to each other about 7 months ago. Things clicked pretty fast and after a month of dating I asked her to be my girlfriend, she told me it was the best day of her life. Then three months later came and school started for her and she would stress out over midterms and homework all the time to where we could barely hangout. What ended up happening was I stopped doing some of the things I normally did with my day so that if she was able to hang out I would be able to. When things were good, we would both make time for each other, still text each other all the time and we were both happy. Then she got to the point where she didn't want to talk so often, said she didn't like having to be on her phone all the time. I complied and we wouldn't text quite as often, but when that happened it seemed like she barely wanted to talk to me. Fast forward to November and she broke up with me, and her reasoning was it wasn't fair to me to be in a relationship with someone who could never hangout and be a real girlfriend. I told her I was understanding and I knew she had school work and her parents are very hard on her and like to know where she always is. BTW she is 25 years old and her parents still forbid her to have a boyfriend. She said the stress of having to live a double life and hide me from them was stressing her out too. We got back together after though and things were good until the week before christmas. She told me she was breaking up with me again and how it was nothing I did, but how she couldnt handle the stress of everything. We talked about it in person, which was a struggle cause she was trying to breakup with me over text and avoid face to face conversation. During the talk she was crying a lot and could tell she did feel bad, said she wished it could be different but it was the cards she was dealt. We agreed to still be in each others lives though. What she said to me word for word "I know Im not ur girlfriend anymore but Im still ur baby. It's not like I'm gonna be hooking up with anyone else and when we do hang out you can still treat me like ur girlfriend" I should include that her parents left on a month long cruise the day after christmas so she would finally have time to hang out. We hung out the night that we had the talk, which was two days after xmas, she came over drunk for 10 min to open the gifts she woulda gotten from me, just to see what they were and told me she wanted to go back home. We hung out the next night though, got sushi and then frozen yogurt and night and when she dropped me off she told me she didn't want me to leave so we went out for another hour driving around. The part that confuses me is we hung out the day before new years eve, nothing special, she came over we watched football and then returned her gifts, and she told me she felt bad cause she knew she couldn't hangout with me at midnight cause she would be with her bro, but she would hang out with me during the day. The next day comes and when I get off work I ask her if she would like to hang out and she says she just wants to be alone. So I leave her alone till around 8pm that night(like 6-7 hours later) and tell her how thankful I was she was in my life and how great she made 2014 for me. You know the text you send right before the new year, and she sent me back a very similar one. She goes out, and at midnight she sends me two snapchats saying Happy new year baby and New Years kiss. Later that night before she went to bed she told me she couldn't wait to give me a new years kiss. So the next day comes and I ask if she would like to hang out and she says no Im staying home and watching football with my bro. I leave her alone for the day and enjoy it with my family, and then the next day comes and I ask if she would like to hang out and she tells me no Im going to santa monica with my bro and we'll prob go to a bar to watch the football game, so I leave her alone. Then the next day comes and I ask if she would like to hang out and she goes off. Saying "wow everyday you've asked me to hang out. Its too much I can't do it. I want to be in your life when you need me but I can't do this" Like within 4 days she changed. I left her alone for the rest of the day, until the next day came. Originally I was gonna wait till she texted me, but I noticed she finally changed the Facebook relationship status. Not a big deal, except she told me once she's not the type to do that so I knew something was up. I texted her asking if she wants me to distance myself completely from her and she said yes. Then went on about how Im clingy and dramatic and she wants me to leave her alone. My friend who know her well too told me yesterday that she's a little crazy, and she's the kind of girl that prefers to be treated like ****. Like that keeps her interested, but Im not that kinda guy. She made me feel like no matter what I did it was wrong and started fights about everything. I don't understand if I was being clingy though or if she was just using it as an excuse to finally end things. I laughed a little when she called me dramatic cause that was all her this entire relationship.
doeblin Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 Whew man, I'd rather read the last chapter of Ulysses! Ulysses by James Joyce: Episode 18 - Penelope 1
doeblin Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 Fast forward to November and she broke up with me, and her reasoning was it wasn't fair to me to be in a relationship with someone who could never hangout and be a real girlfriend. [..]She told me she was breaking up with me again ... she was trying to breakup with me over text and avoid face to face conversation. [..]She finally changed the Facebook relationship status. Not a big deal, except she told me once she's not the type to do that so I knew something was up.[..]I texted her asking if she wants me to distance myself completely from her and she said yes. Then went on about how Im clingy and dramatic and she wants me to leave her alone. [..] Move on, mate. 1
Author juanito14 Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 I realize it's time to move on and I am doing so. I'm just curious if what I was doing would be considered clingy, or if she was just looking for an excuse to get out. I want to grow from this, and if I was actually being clingy at least thats something I can work on
doeblin Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 I'm just curious if what I was doing would be considered clingy Probably the fact that you asked her out 3 days in a row? When you ask a girl out and she gives you an evasive answer, do radio silence for a few days or a week, so you won't look clingy. If you've asked her out two or three times to no avail, you need to move on. Who is her bro anyway? Her brother or a guy "friend"? In the end though it doesn't matter. Move on to greener pastures. 1
Author juanito14 Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 Her bro is her actual brother, I've met him a couple times. And I see what you're saying about doing it 3 days in a row. The only reason I did that though is because her winter break was ending and her parents are back in a week and a half and we had agreed to hang out, everything was cool until new years where she went cold. You are right though, it's time to move on, I just don't want to make the same mistake again down the road.
todreaminblue Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 Her bro is her actual brother, I've met him a couple times. And I see what you're saying about doing it 3 days in a row. The only reason I did that though is because her winter break was ending and her parents are back in a week and a half and we had agreed to hang out, everything was cool until new years where she went cold. You are right though, it's time to move on, I just don't want to make the same mistake again down the road. if she really liked you it wouldnt have been a big deal that you asked her out three times in a row.....she doesnt sound like th egirl for you...with clinginess...honestly when you like someone truly and you respect them you let them know how the pace is going...if its moving too quickly...not because of annoyance but that you want to take time to know them properly.......you show compassion and respect......if a girl gives you signals like this again you will know to not call her.....whether or not they want to be treated like ****...well that isnt you who will do that.....and as far as that goes i wouldnt listen to someone who said yeah she likes to be treated like crap......and treat people how you want to be treated......especially a girl you want to have a relationship with... for i have this theory that women who like to be treated like crap really havent known or had a really good relationship.seems logical to me..and often end up treating the guy like they are being treated or have been treated...luckily i have had both...good and bad and i know how i want to be treated....and how i want to treat a guy...to make his life enhanced not destroy it......sounds pointless huh?.and that is what you want...a good solid relationship.an enhancement to yoru life...not destruction and insecurity..so i wish you well.....clinginess by the way is subjective to the woman you date....just like men differ with what they find clingy ...so do women...i think there are ways you can be honest about this from the very beginning to make it easier for the relationship to progress....is simply to ask about communication how much is enough or too much....honesty pays dividends.......deb
Author juanito14 Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 Thank you that was very helpful. I did let her know before she told me to leave her alone that if she had actually wanted to talk or hang out none of what I did would come off as clingy, but I just wasn't sure. And my friend was just informing me on the kind of girl he knew her to be, but I would never change who I am. The thing that sucked with this relationship is that she gave me just enough to keep me around and interested. She did however show me how I don't want to be treated, but at the same time the kind of girl I want to be with. She made me a better person and helped me grow up and mature. But I realize its over for now and time to move on. 1
todreaminblue Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 Thank you that was very helpful. I did let her know before she told me to leave her alone that if she had actually wanted to talk or hang out none of what I did would come off as clingy, but I just wasn't sure. And my friend was just informing me on the kind of girl he knew her to be, but I would never change who I am. The thing that sucked with this relationship is that she gave me just enough to keep me around and interested. She did however show me how I don't want to be treated, but at the same time the kind of girl I want to be with. She made me a better person and helped me grow up and mature. But I realize its over for now and time to move on. your words give an impression of maturity.......i am glad her negative attributes helped you to know how you want to be treated and the kind of girl you want....now......all you have to do is find her......i am sure you will...good luck...deb
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