fred123 Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 you have feelings for a girl. you know you already like her a lot. she is giving you mixed signals not really recipricating the way you want. a more like lets see what happens. she isnt as invested as you from the looks of it. question is a? do you still go and meet? yes or no b) would you still go and meet if it was a long journey say 2 or 3 hours? id love to know how other peoples thi king and decision making is when left with dilemas like this.
Rydo Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 you have feelings for a girl. you know you already like her a lot. she is giving you mixed signals not really recipricating the way you want. a more like lets see what happens. she isnt as invested as you from the looks of it. question is a? do you still go and meet? yes or no b) would you still go and meet if it was a long journey say 2 or 3 hours? id love to know how other peoples thi king and decision making is when left with dilemas like this. I'm quite heartless at first so never really been in this situation but I say yeh why not go and see.
oldshirt Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 Always give it your all and go down in flames. Never walk away with your tail between your legs without giving it your very best shot. 3
Author fred123 Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 A) yes B) no. can you explain your rationale behind your thinking. thanx
Danda Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 Sorry but rarely in love and war is anything a simple yes or no. I mean sure sometimes. Someone physically assaults you, do you stay, yes or no. Duh, No. For a situation like you describe, OP, there is so much missing context and yes it does matter. Black/White thinking is EASY but not necessarily the best method for some situations. Details as to how she fails to reciprocate, what you expected or hoped for that didn't happen, what makes you think she is less interested, etc would be important and helpful. There is a difference, for example, between: 1. She only responds to my texts/messages with one-two word replies and never ever initiates any conversation. Vs 2. When we talk on the phone she doesn't sound super excited and giddy, and won't say if she wants to date me or not until we've spent more time together. IMO scenario (1) indicates that it'd be a waste of time, gas and emotion to go see her. Scenario (2) indicates that it'd be worth it to go see her if you really like her so far. 2
thecrucible Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 she is giving you mixed signals not really recipricating the way you want. a more like lets see what happens. she isnt as invested as you from the looks of it. I think you need to be more patient, just give it more time to see how things develop. For instance, I'm ambivalent about EVERY new guy, even if I feel attracted to him. To me he is a relative stranger, and I need to make sure I can trust him and we have some kind of mutual bond before I really invest in him. Sure some guys will be turned off by that but then they won't be compatible with me; and I have no qualms about finishing things. The worst kind of situation is where the guy keeps pressing me when I am still making my mind up. I like guys who respect that I am just getting to know them. If they back off a little, I have more personal space and sometimes I lose my initial ambivalence and come back to them. You have to be realistic about it too. There is rarely going to be an equal level of interest between both parties. It will wax and wane, at least in the beginning. Men tend to make their mind up quicker about whether they like a woman. For me, I think I need to see him in a variety of different contexts before I'm certain about him. And I certainly won't fall for someone I haven't met yet. Also I agree with someone else, that you could give more background info as it's hard to answer your specific situation. 1
DivorcedDad123 Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 My bad. Your title was "simple yes or no?' A) I'd still be open to meeting. She may change her demeanor in person. She may like what she see's and hears from you. B) I wouldn't travel 2-3 hours for her. Too many women closer and that's too far to travel to have any kind of meaningful relationship. I'd rather someone live less than an hour away. For me anyway.
thecrucible Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 Always give it your all and go down in flames. Never walk away with your tail between your legs without giving it your very best shot. I admire your dedication to all things dating. I don't know if that would work always for me...sometimes I do give it my best shot, but certain situations, you can just tell it isn't going anywhere, and it's better to cut your losses and save your dignity. I figure it's no great loss as if the guy likes me enough, he will surely get back in touch with me. Now with the OP's situation, I don't know enough facts. But somewhere along the line, you have to figure out the point of low (or diminishing) returns from your affections. This is something you figure out with experience. As long as you know you are putting yourself out there in the best way that you can, there's nothing to worry about. The end result is always positive as if you don't live happily ever after, you'll at least learn something from the experience.
Author fred123 Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 thanx for your replies. its an interesting dilema and question because i know people who have feelings for a girl or a guy and they are on the fence about them. Why would you go see someone you already know you really like and they are more reserved and want to see how things go? surely you are setting yourself up for potential hurt. also a friend of mine said you should only travel so far if you know for sure the personn likes you and something will at least happen. What is the point of making so much effort for someone who is meh about you?
Author fred123 Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 Sorry but rarely in love and war is anything a simple yes or no. I mean sure sometimes. Someone physically assaults you, do you stay, yes or no. Duh, No. For a situation like you describe, OP, there is so much missing context and yes it does matter. Black/White thinking is EASY but not necessarily the best method for some situations. Details as to how she fails to reciprocate, what you expected or hoped for that didn't happen, what makes you think she is less interested, etc would be important and helpful. There is a difference, for example, between: 1. She only responds to my texts/messages with one-two word replies and never ever initiates any conversation. Vs 2. When we talk on the phone she doesn't sound super excited and giddy, and won't say if she wants to date me or not until we've spent more time together. IMO scenario (1) indicates that it'd be a waste of time, gas and emotion to go see her. Scenario (2) indicates that it'd be worth it to go see her if you really like her so far. if its number (2) surely if a girl really liked you she would not say these things and would say more positive and reassuring stuff to make sure that she doesnt want to lose your interest?
newlyborn Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 if it is not tremendously difficult (in terms of money, travel time, work schedule, etc.) for you to make the trek to go see her, i think you should. A! you won't know what is there or not there until you meet her in person. people have different dispositions. for example, some people get giddy when they like someone. some people get stiff and go quiet. if it's not too big of a deal, just go. have low expectations and plan to have fun no matter what.
Author fred123 Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 what you mean plan to have fun no matter what? surely talking time off work and spending money etc is a big investment for someone who is a maybe or just wants to be friends? i think once you have feelings you can get hurt. you say go with low expectations but what if you already have high ones and are already invested?
newlyborn Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 what you mean plan to have fun no matter what? surely talking time off work and spending money etc is a big investment for someone who is a maybe or just wants to be friends? i think once you have feelings you can get hurt. you say go with low expectations but what if you already have high ones and are already invested? how well do you know this woman? expectations should not correlate to feelings merely but also how well you know someone. it sounds like its not worth it for you to just go and spend some time and see what is there. so, i change my suggestion. B!
kendahke Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 you have feelings for a girl. you know you already like her a lot. she is giving you mixed signals not really recipricating the way you want. a more like lets see what happens. she isnt as invested as you from the looks of it. question is a? do you still go and meet? yes or no b) would you still go and meet if it was a long journey say 2 or 3 hours? id love to know how other peoples thi king and decision making is when left with dilemas like this. how long have you two been dealing with one another? How is it that you like her so much? What has been her demeanor the entire time you've been dealing with her?
Author fred123 Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 no this is just a question for everyone. its not about anyone. iv been in the situation before so wanted to know how others thing/act thats all
kendahke Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 what you mean plan to have fun no matter what? surely talking time off work and spending money etc is a big investment for someone who is a maybe or just wants to be friends? i think once you have feelings you can get hurt. you say go with low expectations but what if you already have high ones and are already invested? you have high expectations and investment in a person who is giving you a slow return on both expectations and investment. There is no balance there. If you go, you go already knowing that her feelings do not match yours. You cannot then be mad at her for being how she is when you knew how she was when you set out to go out there to meet her. That's on you, not her. If she isn't where you need for her to be, drop her off at the mall and keep going.
carhill Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 20 years ago, yes to both Today, no to both Difference is age, life experience and being married. And, yep, I did, often to the tune of more than 2-3 hours drive, back in the day. The follies of youth.
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