LakersFan81 Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 I've posted my story a couple times on here, and am struggling some today so I figured I would post on here rather than contact her. About 7 months ago now, my ex GF of over 5 years left me like I never mattered to her at all. After calling me her best friend, other half, lover, etc every day, I will never get over how she left me so easily. I have been NC for about 5 months now. I have done everything people advised me to do to get over her. I started a new job, went back to school, set new goals, started hanging out with friends a lot more, and also started working out more. The only thing I feel that I have improved on is that I am not in deep depression, and that I can control my emotions better now. I still think about her every day. Mainly, I just will NEVER understand how she left me so easily. We never had any serious problems or fights or anything. She had wanted a break about 6 months before the breakup out of the blue, and I talked her out of it. I guess she just checked out then so that's why it was easy for her to leave me when she did. I guess she just lost feelings for me, but it's still crazy because everything seemed so normal and just like it had for the 5 years before. Some days like today I miss her. I feel like I will never find anyone like her again, but most days I realize I am okay by myself. However, EVERY day it bothers me how she just left me like I was nothing to her, how she just ignored me any time I tried contacting her, and how I haven't heard from her since. Little does she know what a simple apology would do for me. She even ignored me on my birthday which was the last time I tried contacting her. I just don't get how you can call some one your best friend, other half, and talk every day for over 5 years then wake up and be COMPLETELY DONE with that person. Even if she had checked out months before, she didn't even cry when she broke up with me. I'm really struggling with just forgiving her, and moving on, and accepting that I may never get an apology from her. Anyone else that has gone through similar stuff have any advice? Thanks!
flightplan Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 I knew mine over 15 years. BF, lovers, confidant, etc... She didn't cry or show any emotion when she broke up, so I know how you feel. You've already heard the standard remedies, so nothing to add except to say... time. It just takes time. Just try to keep your mind occupied and stay busy with anything and everything. It took me about a year to feel back to normal but everyone is different. Just give it time... this too shall pass. Stay strong... good luck.
ruhrohcd Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 I don't have much advice because I'm going through something very similar. I'm a little under 5 months out after she walked out on a 5.5 year relationship. She claimed that she had been thinking about leaving me for about 8 months. In January she had mentioned that she was feeling a bit off, but then things seemed to settle back into our normal routine. We were having sex as often as we ever had, I bought her a car, I continued to support her and her son as she quit her job and went to nursing school part-time. I always imagined that if things were seriously deteriorating for one of us we would discuss it and go to counseling. I thought the relationship meant enough to both of us to want to save it if possible. Then she went out of state with her son for a week to see her parents. When she got back she announced that she "couldn't do this anymore." When I said that she acted as if leaving me didn't mean a thing to her, she said, "if I didn't care, I would have left without telling you like I did the last couple of guys." I too am doing all of the things I'm "supposed" to be doing, though I don't have many friends. I've never wanted many - one good friend and a devoted partner was all I've ever wanted, and I thought I had it. I'm with you - I was completely blindsided. No, our relationship wasn't perfect, but show me one that is. We had minor disagreements from time to time, but nothing that indicated the end was near. She had some concerns about how I communicated when upset and I put a lot of work into changing into what she wanted. I was doing well around the 3 month mark until she emailed me about a textbook she had rented 2 days before she walked out on me. Not only did hearing from her in such an informal tone crush me, she didn't end up returning the textbook and I had to pay for it. I've since blocked her number and her email address, not that she's shown the slightest indication that she wants anything to do with me. I was gum on the bottom of her shoe; she scraped me off and kept on moving. I still having an anxious feeling that comes from expecting her to want to come back. I treated her damn well and keep thinking that she must be going through something, that when it ends she'll come to her senses. Part of me knows this is crap, but another part of me refuses to give it up. As people say, the only way out is through. Keep yourself busy and let time do its thing. I hate that advice - it hurts like hell and seems like it will never end - but I don't think there's anything else to be done about it. We'll care until we don't.
Satu Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 It doesn't matter why or how she did what she did and you don't need an apology. What you need is a strong personal commitment to yourself, to make your life much better than it was when you were with her, to be better in every way than you ever thought you could be. Care about yourself by not caring about her. Onward, upwards, and no excuses. 1
Itspointless Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 I hate that advice - it hurts like hell and seems like it will never end - but I don't think there's anything else to be done about it. We'll care until we don't. We care until we are so used to it that it dissapears in all the other rumble Life causes. The memories remain in some form. That also doesn't always mean that the pain is gone, just as with background noise that constantly is there. 3
OneConfuzedGuy Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 It doesn't matter why or how she did what she did and you don't need an apology. What you need is a strong personal commitment to yourself, to make your life much better than it was when you were with her, to be better in every way than you ever thought you could be. Care about yourself by not caring about her. Onward, upwards, and no excuses. I always appreciate your posts Satu. Anyways OP I definitely feel your pain. I am 4 months post breakup from a 4.5 year relationship 4 years living together. I wonder when the pain will end too. It def stings and feels almost unbearable at times. I think what has helped me a little bit is joining a fitness class (boxing gym) group workout session and everything. And also getting back into playing guitar as I have slacked over the past few years. I am also taking st johns wort, which is supposed to help with mild depression and can be found at most grocery stores n is relatively cheap. Other then that I try so hard just to get through each day. Its tough and I hope u stay strong. We are all in the same boat. 1
lil hoodlum Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 Then she went out of state with her son for a week to see her parents. When she got back she announced that she "couldn't do this anymore." When I said that she acted as if leaving me didn't mean a thing to her, she said, "if I didn't care, I would have left without telling you like I did the last couple of guys." That is one cold-hearted woman. 1
ralfgarnett Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 I knew mine over 15 years. BF, lovers, confidant, etc... She didn't cry or show any emotion when she broke up, so I know how you feel. You've already heard the standard remedies, so nothing to add except to say... time. It just takes time. Just try to keep your mind occupied and stay busy with anything and everything. It took me about a year to feel back to normal but everyone is different. Just give it time... this too shall pass. Stay strong... good luck. It hurts like hell it really does, its 6 months tomorrow for me after 19.5 years together and 17.5 years married, I am improving slightly but I am on meds for depression and in grief counselling as mine also came right out of the blue, one of the things I struggle with is all the happy memories and adventures that we have shared and created, how can she / they just throw these away without much consideration, its almost as if they become different people over night and that shocks and hurts too as you think after nearly 20 years you know someone only to find that person has a side that you didn't know and recognise, I just don't get it I just don't understand and not sure if I ever will.
flightplan Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 It hurts like hell it really does, its 6 months tomorrow for me after 19.5 years together and 17.5 years married, I am improving slightly but I am on meds for depression and in grief counselling as mine also came right out of the blue, one of the things I struggle with is all the happy memories and adventures that we have shared and created, how can she / they just throw these away without much consideration, its almost as if they become different people over night and that shocks and hurts too as you think after nearly 20 years you know someone only to find that person has a side that you didn't know and recognise, I just don't get it I just don't understand and not sure if I ever will. Yeah, I hear you. Don't even try to figure her out, it'll drive you crazy and won't accomplish a thing. In the end, it's never about our ex, it's about us. My b/u was over religion... outside of that, it was freaking awesome, but something about how I didn't believe satan existed and she was a bride for Christ...etc.. to each his own, but I just couldn't buy into it enough for her. She wanted a Christian lifestyle that I couldn't commit to, so, in the end, it was all for the best. At some point, you'll come to that realization, but in the meantime, unfortunately, you're going to have to hug the cactus and work out your demons. Don't even try to rationalize the irrational. But I promise, it does get better. I've never felt better about myself and I have her to thank for that. It'll all work out... hang tough.
ralfgarnett Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 Blimey that is weird I thought my story was weird until I heard that, my wife has been ruminating about her and all her family dying and went off to find herself whilst becoming nothing more than a glorified taxi service for them all, B/S I say just total utter B/S.
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