enchanted771 Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 I've been on 5 date with this guy & we have kissed heavily but haven't got physical. I was going to have him over last week but he wasn't able to because of his kids, so I took that as a sign that it was too soon. Were getting to know eachother, taking things slow and he said he is Being respectful towards me by not rushing into the s*x. I am used to men trying to get in my pants after 1-2 dates so go figure now I'm worried! There's a lot of PDA between us so just wondering what everyone Else thinks.
Assada Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 What do we think about what? Its not rocket surgery here. If you want to have sex with him, try and have sex with him. If you dont, then dont 1
hotshothot23 Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 Do you think he loves you? Are you ready to take the next step? I am in my 30's and I always tell a woman up-front that I wait a minimum of 10 dates before getting intimate. That is just me and what I'm comfortable with. If you are happy with the way things are going, then continue to take things slowly. Maybe tell him how you feel and where you stand. If he isn't willing to wait until you are 100% ready then he isn't worth your time. Sounds like you are ready and maybe aren't sure if the is ready. I would try to address it with him but don't be too direct. Put it on him and ask him where he stands. I have lady friends that make a guy wait 6 months. I have other friends that are ready after the 3rd or 4th date. It is your decision to make but if you really care about him and are considering a long-term relationship, I wouldn't rush things. Take your time and let the attraction and chemistry build. Just my 2 cents. Hope this helps!
slizl Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 If I don't see a future with you, I'm going all the way on the first date (if possible). If I actually like a woman and see potential, I take it slower. Backwards thinking, but that's how I roll. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 Judging the right time to be intimate is not solely measured on a calendar or # of dates. It's about everything. For me personally 5 dates would be too fast. That's not so say I never had sex then or earlier but I have found it was better if we waited longer to assure that we had more than a physical connection. Also waiting until you have had a discussion about exclusivity is also a good idea. As a father he may be more respectful & less in a rush to "get in your pants" as you put it because he would like to be the kind of gentleman he wants his sons to be or his daughters to date. 2
orangetree Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 It's a myth that a man won't be serious about you if you sleep with him on the first date or that a man is ONLY serious with you if you wait ten dates. It totally depends on the guy. Two examples: - I dated a guy and waited a couple of dates before I slept with him,probably around eight dates. He was so sweet and nice to me, always treated me like a gentleman, called and texted me all the time and I was sure he was really interested. After I slept with him, he started making up excuses why he cannot see me. I then stopped contacting him and he never contacted me again. - I slept with my current boyfriend (2.5 years relationship so far, living together) on the second day we met each other. We met at a party, hung out all night and the next day he invited me for lunch and to go to the beach. Then I slept with him. He was serious about me from the beginning, so that wasn't a problem. It usually depends on the guy if he's serious about you or not, not on how many dates you wait to sleep with him. Either he's really into you or he just wants to hook up. If you want to sleep with that guy, do it- It's not too soon. At least you'll know then if it was just about sex or not, plus you'll see if you're sexually compatible. 2
Ieris Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 Yeah, you shouldn't set limits like that. With some guys it can happen quickly and some can take a while longer. Just do it when it feels right for both of you x
preraph Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 However many it takes for you to get on birth control pills and make sure they're working, so a couple of months at least if you're not already on them. Aside from not forgetting about taking care of that, it's when you feel like you're ready. If you only want commitment, then wait for commitment. If you just want to feel close, wait until you feel close. But don't wait so long that you end up just friends and sex is off the table.
Quest Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 He's being cautious, for whatever reason. Hopefully it's because he's a good guy and just wants things to develop more/be sure emotionally before becoming sexually intimate. That would show respect and that's what he's says he's doing; being respectful. That's not to say someone who pursues sex very quickly is a bad guy or that someone who waits a long time might not have less than pure reasons but if it's going well and he spends a lot of time with you and is good to you in other ways, I'd say not rushing sex is a sign he is taking things seriously.
Author enchanted771 Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 If I don't see a future with you, I'm going all the way on the first date (if possible). If I actually like a woman and see potential, I take it slower. Backwards thinking, but that's how I roll. thank you, you're right. I guess I'm used to dbags and he clearly isn't. The attraction keeps building
Author enchanted771 Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 Thanks everyone for your responses. He told me he is being respectful, sex isn't everything & that he can wait. I'm not gonna push it, when it's meant to happen it will happen. 1
Eighty_nine Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 I think it's a good sign on his part. He likes you enough that he's in no big rush for sex. With my current boyfriend I waited around 5 weeks. First few weeks we saw each other 1-2x per week but then it sped up, so we'd had I think 8-9 dates at that point. That was the right time for me.
MissBee Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 I've been on 5 date with this guy & we have kissed heavily but haven't got physical. I was going to have him over last week but he wasn't able to because of his kids, so I took that as a sign that it was too soon. Were getting to know eachother, taking things slow and he said he is Being respectful towards me by not rushing into the s*x. I am used to men trying to get in my pants after 1-2 dates so go figure now I'm worried! There's a lot of PDA between us so just wondering what everyone Else thinks. I remember feeling like that once then thought, omg it is sad that if a man is clearly interested (multiple dates, PDA) but isn't trying to bed us immediately we don't know what to do. That's an awful state of affairs when you think of it! I'd take him at his word. He goes out with you and is affectionate, so he clearly likes you. He may genuinely be one of the decent guys who isn't pushing for sex. Enjoy it! As for the question: I am always confused at the question of how many dates before sex. There is no prescribed number for this. It depends on what you are comfortable with and looking for. My personal rule of thumb for myself is that if I'm looking for a boyfriend/relationship I don't have sex until we've established some foundation of wanting the same things and are working towards that. If I want something serious the slower I take things in terms of sex, as sex can cloud things and I like to know where we stand and if things should progress we'll have plenty of time for sex!
Diezel Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 There you have it guys, boys, men... If you rush it, all you want is sex. If you don't, something's wrong. WE CAN'T WIN. 2
Bellaisa Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 I am used to men trying to get in my pants after 1-2 dates so go figure now I'm worried! I'm not sure what you are worried about. Are you worried that he's not like all the other guys? That he doesn't want to move things too fast? That he is respectful, considerate, and interested in more than just sex? He's showing you affection, he's verbally told you why he's not rushing into sex, but you are still making a big deal out of it. So many guys feel that they are rushed into having sex because the woman will look at them as being weird if they don't. Don't perpetuate that stereotype by reading something into the equation that is not there.
GemmaUK Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 If I don't see a future with you, I'm going all the way on the first date (if possible). If I actually like a woman and see potential, I take it slower. Backwards thinking, but that's how I roll. Not on the first date ever for me but yep..I have gone there sooner when I was not seriously interested too in the past. I'm not a guy either (thought I ought to point that out as some folk on here seem to think I am). OP, a man will wait and delay - in al honesty those who have not tried..even jokingly in earlyish stages though - well - they were not terribly great in bed. Lots of insecurities going on and it made for incompatibilities big time - however, I have not been intimate with all that many men in my life considering my age and I am only speaking from my experience.
Shining One Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 As with many other things, this is a personal preference for the individuals in question. At this stage of my life, I make the move for sex fairly early and end things by the fourth date if I haven't seen any sexual interest on her part. I've been far more patient in the past only to find out months later that she isn't sexually interested in me or has been sleeping with someone else the entire time.
SomeDude16 Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 I like to wait a while and get to know her at least somewhat on a deep level. God forbid I get the woman pregnant i want to make sure she's not insane and the child won't have a ****ed up life.
me85 Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 I tend to wait until I've dated a guy around a month before going all the way with him. Though there was that one time it only took a couple of dates. /=
venusishername Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 In my 15 years of dating experience, this is my conclusion on this subject. It is a completely personal choice and the timing of waiting for sex is completely subjective. This is based on values, beliefs, religion, social expectations or fear of judgment, the list goes on. I tend to hold off with men I really like; if I see no future but am attracted to someone, I think less about 'how long should I wait?' My two long term relationships which lasted 4+ years took off after we slept together after less than three weeks of dating. I have yet to hold off on sex before exclusivity. If that's what makes YOU comfortable, by all means. If you want to sleep with the guy, do it! If you don't, stop dating him. If you think you might soon, enjoy the moment ;0
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