startinganew777 Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 I ended it with a guy that I was dating for a couple months. I really didn't want anything serious but he really fell for me and I liked his company so I wanted to see where it would go. Super sweet guy but had issues. Didn't have a license due to a few DWIs. Didn't have a good job and was broke ALL THE TIME. Not a big issue with the money but he always wanted me driving him to his job and school and the relationship became a hassle. He can't get over the fact I broke up with him. He treated me really good otherwise but I can't date someone that doesn't even have a license or a car! Am I a bad person for breaking up with him over that? I am anything but materialistic but like I said, it just became a hassle for me and this was only after 2 months or so dating him. He was so into me though. I liked him too but just couldn't do it anymore.
WonderWoman911 Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 No,I don't think you're a bad person for breaking up with him,especially since you've been only dating him for a couple of months. All of those things can be a hassle on top of all of YOUR priorities that you have to take care of. You don't want to feel like a chauffeur for him or a money supplier ALL THE TIME. Everything you mentioned doesn't have anything with being materialistic. And having DWI's shows that he is not a responsible person. 1
ralfgarnett Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 (edited) I hope he's ok. Edited January 7, 2015 by ralfgarnett
Author startinganew777 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Posted January 7, 2015 I should also state he is an alcoholic and won't get his license back for 10 years so I would have had to deal with this a long time. No, he is not ok and drinking again because I broke up with him. I divorced an alcoholic and promised myself I wouldn't ever deal with it again. I feel bad but what about me and my life and needs and wants?
seminoles84 Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 I think you dodged a bullet and I admire you having standards. 1
gnick Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 At least you had a good reason. My ex broke up with me. We got along great and never had an argument. I treated her great, have a great job and no issues I know of. I would feel better if I were a big **** up.atleast I would have a reason
Ieris Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 You did the right thing, you put yourself first before anyone else. Don't feel bad, he's responsible for sorting his life out not you x 1
Author startinganew777 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Posted January 7, 2015 Thanks for your replies. Just have a soft spot for addicts and troubled people for some reason. I guess I want to somehow help but I already felt strained in the short time we were together. He is a good guy and I hope he gets things straightened out too. I am 35 so I just won't put up with anything less than I think I deserve from now on. I know I did the right thing, just feel bad for him. 1
coolheadal Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 You were his wheels and ride daily. But you were also his GF. But you knew that all this driving and I am sure he's still hitting the bottle when or with you still. DWI and losing the license to drive is very serious. So he's lacks understanding about that. But there you are with wheels and he needed that. Anyway you can't change his habits and he can't change yours. You made the right decision to get out of that relationship! 1
Holmes85 Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 startinganew777, From the tone of your message above, it is quite clear to me that you wanted to break up with him and you were looking for reasons to breakup with him (and you did found reasons to breakup with him). I am pretty confident that if he had a license and a car, had a good job, wasn't an alcoholic, you still would have dumped him anyway. Why you would ask? Simple because of this: I really didn't want anything serious I liked his company so I wanted to see where it would goYou liked his attention, nothing more. I am anything but materialistic You might not be materialistic, but you are also not realistic about what you want. Every relationship is going to have there own set of "hassels", what are you going to do then? No, he is not ok and drinking again because I broke up with himI hardly doubt you were expecting a different result there. If you want my opinion, don't get into relationships that you aren't sure of, set boundaries before. Also don't string someone along just because they give you attention, it fills them with false hope (which is exactly why you are feeling bad and posting here). Getting an ego boost feels like it's great, but it has a very short life-span.
Author startinganew777 Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 No, not true. I wasn't really looking for a relationship but liked him so I wanted to see where it went. When he started asking me for rides ALL THE TIME, that is when I started realizing I didn't want to do this. Then his alcoholism became very apparent to me, and I realized it was like dealing with my alcoholic ex husband and it made me pull the plug. I still feel bad but in the short time we were together, too many red flags came up. Of course he didn't tell me at first he had no license due to drinking. He drove around a scooter to get to places. I didn't find that out until later. If I would have known that from the beginning, I would have even considered seeing where it went.
Chi townD Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 It doesn't matter the reasons why you broke up with him, you had your reasons and they're your own. What's important now is that you let him go. You made the decision to have him out of your life, now you have to stick with it. The fact that you know his drinking has increased tells me that you've been in some sort of contact. You need to go completely no contact. 1
Author startinganew777 Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 Well he texted me on Sunday this long text and said he is drinking again because he is so upset. I didn't respond and I won't. I haven't heard anything since.
RedButton Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 It sounds to me like it was a lot more than just him not having a car and license. If it were just that, I would say it's a bit materialistic, but there was clearly more to it than that. Also the fact that he lost them due to DWI says something about his personality. Not that he's a bad person, far from it, but it does mean that maybe you weren't a good match for eachother?
coolheadal Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 Well he texted me on Sunday this long text and said he is drinking again because he is so upset. I didn't respond and I won't. I haven't heard anything since. Again he's trying to get you to GN = give in! I always say NG = never give in! Keep away from this guy as you can see he's still drinking no matter if your there are not. It's serious habit he has not going to get any better. Now he'll have to take the bus or train or taxi from home to work back to home without you being the free taxi driver daily. MO = Move on.. NC = no contact and BC = block all calls from him!
Holmes85 Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 startinganew777, My opinion is still the same. I think a lot of the things can be resolved through communication (considering that BOTH partners are willing to work on it and respect the other). Since he recently got dumped, he's going to a lot of things that would annoy you or push you further away. In time he would realize the things he is doing were wrong. Since you broke up with him, you made the choice not to be a part of his life anymore, let him go, don't reply to anything. Let him get himself get back together. You would get over feeling bad at some point and so will he. Time to go in different directions now.
Author startinganew777 Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 So you think alcoholism can be resolved through communication? Nope. Don't think so. I was married to an alcoholic. My aunt died from alcoholism. One of my former friends is an alcoholic. I have been around it a lot. Won't do it again. That is the reason I ended it. Once I saw his alcoholic behaviors after getting to know him better, I knew I needed to end it. I really did like him. But alcoholism isn't something you can work out. Believe me, I know. I haven't heard from him since Sunday and I will not contact him so he can move on.
Elle1975 Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 I should also state he is an alcoholic and won't get his license back for 10 years so I would have had to deal with this a long time. No, he is not ok and drinking again because I broke up with him. I divorced an alcoholic and promised myself I wouldn't ever deal with it again. I feel bad but what about me and my life and needs and wants? I assume you told him why you were breaking up (if you didn't, do so). It's up to him to make improvements to his life. I understand that you care, but being in his late 20s early 30, he's got to make changes.
Author startinganew777 Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 Yes, I told him. He then begged me to stay and said he would quit drinking for me. Said he would go back to AA even though he hates it. Get help, the whole nine yards. So yeah, he knows.
angel.eyes Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 He has to want to do it for himself...not for you! Until he gets to that point, nothing will really change. He'll continue to seek chauffeurs and guilt trip people into doing things that help him get around the consequences of his alcoholism. Sticking around and helping him is just enabling his alcoholism, which will do neither of you any good in the long run.
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