Why do guys constantly think a girl is going to "trap" them by getting pregnant?

January 7, 2015

Maybe. The OP made a thread very recently about her casual sex partner wanting to stop using condoms and wanting her to go on birth control, so I am wondering if he is now suspicious of her not really being on birth control or something.

I think casual sex is always going to have a mountain of issues for both genders, in exchange for the primal pleasure sans emotional attachment or official commitment.

In a LTR though I don't understand why someone would be with someone, in a serious relationship, whom they can't even trust to be honest about something like birth control. I mean I am sure it happens, where someone gives every indication of being trustworthy and then BAM out of nowhere turns out they're bat**** crazy. But I'd think it would be at least somewhat rare.

I think that's what it boils down to IMO.

I genuinely believe the majority of these trapping situations are most often in cases of casual, ambiguous relationships where the woman is desperate for more because it's obvious the man is not committed so resorts to such measures. And like I said, if you are a guy messing around with a woman but aren't serious about her, USE A CONDOM! If you don't trust her or don't see long term with her, why bother to ask to go off condoms and then now you have to trust she is on BC?? Doesn't make sense.

I doubt these trapping cases are most common among people in a committed relationship where the woman knows the man is all in and vice-versa. It seems more common in a relationship that isn't all that serious or committed, but the man doesn't want to use condoms or agrees not to so has to trust she's on BC, and she's insecure about things because of the nature of the relationship so thinks getting pregnant would be a good idea. If the man wanted to be with you you'd not have to "trap" him, so trapping someone is clearly because the nature of the relationship makes someone feel like things aren't going well or won't go how they want unless they force it.

January 7, 2015

It is not as uncommon as you might think. I wouldn't mind betting that every man knows a guy who suspects it might have happened to him, and every girl knows of a friend or acquaintance who deliberately got pregnant.

January 7, 2015

Perhaps but I wouldn't go ahead and date a guy I suspect might be a rapist. It's the suspicion that we're talking about here, yes? That's what the thread is about.

how would you know? i assume these guys do not seem like rapist and that is how they got close enough.

January 7, 2015

It must be awful to live in a mindset where an entire gender is out to get you...sad....

January 7, 2015

U

I think that's what it boils down to IMO.

I genuinely believe the majority of these trapping situations are most often in cases of casual, ambiguous relationships where the woman is desperate for more because it's obvious the man is not committed so resorts to such measures. And like I said, if you are a guy messing around with a woman but aren't serious about her, USE A CONDOM! If you don't trust her or don't see long term with her, why bother to ask to go off condoms and then now you have to trust she is on BC?? Doesn't make sense.

I doubt these trapping cases are most common among people in a committed relationship where the woman knows the man is all in and vice-versa. It seems more common in a relationship that isn't all that serious or committed, but the man doesn't want to use condoms or agrees not to so has to trust she's on BC, and she's insecure about things because of the nature of the relationship so thinks getting pregnant would be a good idea. If the man wanted to be with you you'd not have to "trap" him, so trapping someone is clearly because the nature of the relationship makes someone feel like things aren't going well or won't go how they want unless they force it.

Well, I think it can still happen in committed relationships. I've heard women call in to my fav podcaster where they want another kid, but the husband doesn't. I think it could also happen in a marriage where initially the parties agreed on no kids, but one party changes their mind.

I don't get people who end up staying with an intentional "oops" pregnancy could still love that person. I don't see myself loving someone who I gotta keep an eye on and who would resort to manipulating me...even "if" we worked it out and successfully raised the kid. This is another human being...an 18 yr commitment you tricked me into...Not like you sneaked in Splenda in my coffee instead of sugar cuz Splenda is better for me (BTW, I don't like Splenda, just using it for argument's sake).

January 7, 2015

U

Well, I think it can still happen in committed relationships. I've heard women call in to my fav podcaster where they want another kid, but the husband doesn't. I think it could also happen in a marriage where initially the parties agreed on no kids, but one party changes their mind.

I don't get people who end up staying with an intentional "oops" pregnancy could still love that person. I don't see myself loving someone who I gotta keep an eye on and who would resort to manipulating me...even "if" we worked it out and successfully raised the kid. This is another human being...an 18 yr commitment you tricked me into...Not like you sneaked in Splenda in my coffee instead of sugar cuz Splenda is better for me (BTW, I don't like Splenda, just using it for argument's sake).

Of course I'm sure it has happened in those cases. I'm just doubtful that most "trapping" cases are in fact in committed relationships heading somewhere, if it were then the person would think of it as an accident or inconvenience but not a trap. If you were committed and planned to stay anyway, you wouldn't need to be trapped or wouldn't assume the person did it to trap you.

Agreeing on no kids in a marriage and getting pregnant or having more kids isn't a trap IMO, it's just deceitful. Your husband is already married to you so it's not like you have to trap him. It makes sense that trapping someone is operating on the logic of insecurity and things seeming to not be committed or together so the whole point of it is to do it so someone stays with you or increases their commitment level.

January 7, 2015

I just wanna add that it's not just women who may try to trap someone with a kid...I've heard stories where a guy will try to get a woman preggo too.

What I also don't get is guys who don't take responsibility in the RL - committed or not. I was watching ID the other day and this guy got with a chick who already had 3 kids, and they were all taken away from her....Yet he had a kid with her and fought all the time cuz they had no money and she was relying on govt money to pay for some stuff.

Then a woman I worked with, her son left his wife and 3 kids TO GO TO ANOTHER WOMAN !?! So, now he has to divide his time upon his natural kids and her kids? That's crazy. Why do some people have kids like pets? Kids require more than a pet so they can be properly developed. All this shared visitation and itty bit of child support doesn't cut it.

January 7, 2015

I'm SO glad I got a vasectomy. Best $5 I ever spent. After my divorce, it came in REALLY handy.

I have one daughter with my xWW who was planned. That's enough for me.

January 8, 2015

I would imagine men are concerned about the possibility, because it's a possibility. Of course not everyone would do something like this.

But some people would.

It's like women being concerned about rape. It's a thing in the world. It happens, regardless of the fact that most people wouldn't do it to someone else.

And no, I'm not comparing getting pregnant with someone's child to rape.

January 8, 2015

If I were a good man and a woman I took to dinner assumed I might be a rapist, I'd be offended.

If a man who thought enough of me to take me to dinner assumed I might trap him by getting pregnant "accidentally on purpose," I'd be offended, and that would be our last dinner.

January 8, 2015

What is it with guys worrying about a girl purposely getting pregnant? They always think a girl "lies" about being on birth control. I find that insulting. Do guys really think about this when they are dating a girl? I'm not understanding this, if they say that, does that mean they don't ever want kids?

It happens all the time. I've had three close friends in my life who were with someone and near breaking up, when their gf got pregnant while allegedly on the pill. They all ended up getting married and then divorced.

January 8, 2015

If I were a good man and a woman I took to dinner assumed I might be a rapist, I'd be offended.

If a man who thought enough of me to take me to dinner assumed I might trap him by getting pregnant "accidentally on purpose," I'd be offended, and that would be our last dinner.

Yes but how would either party know? I suspect guys who are rapist and girls who try to trap guys hide it. What if she had no initial intention to do such a thing but grew very attached to him so she did because she did not want to lose him.

January 8, 2015

Some of you are acting like the man distrusts the woman and is taking no responsibility for his actions. A man can do everything under his control to prevent pregnancy but in the end it comes down to the woman. She has the control. She has the power. She has the law on her side because it's her body. She can do what she wants. That is why men get nervous. We have no control at all. The closest thing to control we have is her word and her trust, but that will not hold up in a court of law. Men have every reason to be nervous.

January 8, 2015

Seconding the comments here that if you're a dude and you want to have casual sex, you should be using condoms. It seems in the world of casual sex guys just love to forfeit condom usage. My current partner, who isn't even my boyfriend, wanted to have unprotected sex very early on even knowing I wasn't using any hormonal contraception because he got off on the "risk". This is not the first time I've entered into a casual arrangement and had to talk sense into the guy. There are some predatory women out there, and all you've got are condoms...you have to use them!

Guys who absolutely do not want kids EVER should really look into getting a vasectomy, because it's all too common to get into a serious relationship where one party "pretends" they're also childfree and after marriage, magically change their minds.

As a woman I get told all the time to protect myself. Men, you should too.

January 8, 2015

Some of you are acting like the man distrusts the woman and is taking no responsibility for his actions. A man can do everything under his control to prevent pregnancy but in the end it comes down to the woman. She has the control. She has the power. She has the law on her side because it's her body. She can do what she wants. That is why men get nervous. We have no control at all. The closest thing to control we have is her word and her trust, but that will not hold up in a court of law. Men have every reason to be nervous.

Not true. Unless she particularly sneaky with a turkey baster, he's in charge of whether sperm get deposited inside her or not!

January 8, 2015

Seconding the comments here that if you're a dude and you want to have casual sex, you should be using condoms. It seems in the world of casual sex guys just love to forfeit condom usage. My current partner, who isn't even my boyfriend, wanted to have unprotected sex very early on even knowing I wasn't using any hormonal contraception because he got off on the "risk". This is not the first time I've entered into a casual arrangement and had to talk sense into the guy. There are some predatory women out there, and all you've got are condoms...you have to use them!

Guys who absolutely do not want kids EVER should really look into getting a vasectomy, because it's all too common to get into a serious relationship where one party "pretends" they're also childfree and after marriage, magically change their minds.

As a woman I get told all the time to protect myself. Men, you should too.

Ah, this guy you speak of liked "risk"? Why not have sex with ISIS?

January 8, 2015

It must be awful to live in a mindset where an entire gender is out to get you...sad....

Not an entire gender.

Just some...

January 8, 2015

Not true. Unless she particularly sneaky with a turkey baster, he's in charge of whether sperm get deposited inside her or not!

What do you suggest, every guy get his tubes tied? All we get is condoms. The condom fails. She lies about taking the pill, and gets pregnant. Pretty black and white. She has the power over the guy.

January 8, 2015

for very damn good reasons!

honestly, about 95% of the girls I've slept with did not care whether I wore a condom or not the first time we slept together...

my ex gf, who was not on BC, wanted me to not wear a condom either and would often try to get me to finish inside her. if i didn't make her take plan B the times we didn't use protection, she fully wouldn't. i know she wanted to get pregnant with me. but this kind of behaviour (esp early in our relationship) led me to devalue her strongly and was part of the reason I didn't see her as marriage material.

facts are that there are a lot of women who do have these mindsets and it's disgusting and beyond selfish.

January 8, 2015

Some of you are acting like the man distrusts the woman and is taking no responsibility for his actions. A man can do everything under his control to prevent pregnancy but in the end it comes down to the woman. She has the control. She has the power. She has the law on her side because it's her body. She can do what she wants. That is why men get nervous. We have no control at all. The closest thing to control we have is her word and her trust, but that will not hold up in a court of law. Men have every reason to be nervous.

This.

To all of the rest who think it's blown out of proportion ... 18yrs of payments, stress, baggage and you have no freaking say over it.

A third of your life that you risk living in hell.

When i googled this a while back i got on a mommy board where there was a thread, with women talking openly about weather or not they 'forced' the issue of kids.

It was a popular thread and the poster were completely unapologetic.

Always use condoms, and always check for holes.

January 8, 2015

how would you know? i assume these guys do not seem like rapist and that is how they got close enough.

I don't go into a relationship with that assumption, and simply wouldn't date a guy about whom I might worry in that way. I think most if not all men would be offended at the thought that the woman they're dating worries - or worse, assumes - they're a rapist. The issue at hand is trust/suspicion.

It was your analogy, after all. It's not making your point for you, though, I don't think.

January 8, 2015

I don't go into a relationship with that assumption, and simply wouldn't date a guy about whom I might worry in that way. I think most if not all men would be offended at the thought that the woman they're dating worries - or worse, assumes - they're a rapist. The issue at hand is trust/suspicion.

Well, isn't that more an issue on the first few dates? Don't most women worry about most men until they get to know them? While concerns about pregnancy occur much farther down the line.

And the women clearly don't see this as anything like rape, even though in many ways, it is. But they feel entitled.

I may be the only man on earth not using a condom and hoping the pill will fail! I have often joked that I am trying to get her pregnant by accident.

January 8, 2015

What is it with guys worrying about a girl purposely getting pregnant? They always think a girl "lies" about being on birth control. I find that insulting. Do guys really think about this when they are dating a girl? I'm not understanding this, if they say that, does that mean they don't ever want kids?

If a man thinks his partner is lying about taking their birth control, they can use a condom.

Problem solved.

January 8, 2015

Some of you are acting like the man distrusts the woman and is taking no responsibility for his actions. A man can do everything under his control to prevent pregnancy but in the end it comes down to the woman. She has the control. She has the power. She has the law on her side because it's her body. She can do what she wants. That is why men get nervous. We have no control at all. The closest thing to control we have is her word and her trust, but that will not hold up in a court of law. Men have every reason to be nervous.

Men can have control. They just don't want it.

Don't have sex. 100% effective.

Not an option? Use a condom. Less effective but still in your control.

But sex = pregnancy possibilities. Deal with it.

January 8, 2015

What do you suggest, every guy get his tubes tied? All we get is condoms. The condom fails. She lies about taking the pill, and gets pregnant. Pretty black and white. She has the power over the guy.

Uh, no, there's other ways to have sex other than penis-in-vagina intercourse where he cums inside her.

Hell, during our younger years, my now ex husband and I used the much-maligned "pull out"* method when I was between BCs (we never used condoms because they irritate my skin). We were just really careful.

Sure, it's not the best method, but if you're terrified of pregnancy and you can't trust her then it's better than nothing and just going whole hog and ejaculating inside her and praying!

*keep in mind I had to trust him to pull out correctly! I did trust him, he did it correctly, and we were fine. We had our son much later, when we planned for it.

Sign In

Why do guys constantly think a girl is going to "trap" them by getting pregnant?

Recommended Posts

MissBee

Andy_K

Mangina

autumnnight

Gloria25

MissBee

Gloria25

toolforgrowth

TheGuard13

autumnnight

Robert Z

Mangina

SomeDude16

Absinthe

toscaroscura

Gloria25

Diezel

SomeDude16

Jono85

Radu

serial muse

Robert Z

Maleficent

Maleficent

toscaroscura

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...