JuneJulySeptember Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 (edited) I have had in my life a tough time attracting women. However, the few times I do, things run typically smooth. I'm no longer looking for anything near perfection (never was). If you had to pick one of these women, which one would you pick? Each one has a flaw. The list is frankensteined from the very few women I have dated plus hypotheticals. I'm not really asking for advice (not even a real situation). I'm just curious as to which one people here would pick. You cannot say "I pick nobody, I have better options, or I'll wait it out till I die alone." A) Woman is fairly attractive, and a lot of fun and very intelligent. Good career. Very high compatibility. However, there is often friction and almost sure to be high intensity fights if a long term is pursued. B) Woman is fairly attractive, and is very friendly. Has a good job and is fun and low maintenance. However, there is a lack of compatibility due to English not being a first language and lack of high proficiency in speaking and writing. C) Woman is medium compatible, and speaks English fluently. Fun, and intelligent and good rapport, but definitely less attractive. D) Woman is more attractive, but has several children and deep financial troubles. She is ambitious, but in quite a hole. A very kind and caring woman. Not the highest compatibility, but decent, and fun and light hearted and no friction. Easy maintenance. Edited January 7, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember
DivorcedDad123 Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 C A) Had enough friction in marriage. B)What good is it if I can't talk to her,or her to me? D)I have kids of my own. I don't want "several" more. 1
somedude81 Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 Kids is an absolute deal-breaker for me. The only choice is C. Compatibility is a must. If there is often friction with a woman then that means we aren't compatible. It's as simple as that. So A is not an option. 1
umirano Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 A, I don't mind a fight from time to time. After a dating period we'll see where it goes.
d0nnivain Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 I'm a woman so I substituted man for woman in your Q. I'm leaning toward A or none of the above. If you aren't attracted to the person, what's the point? What is the source of friction? Can it be overcome or is it a form of foreplay?
toscaroscura Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 I'd pick A or B. A: I don't mind a little fire, especially because I'm laid back. The key is, do they have respect for you and not get personal during the spats? If so, that's great! B: She might be more compatible than you think, it's just a language barrier. It really depends on her attitude, but if she's fun and affectionate, it could work. 1
CaliGypsy Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 I'd choose A out of the listed choices. That is of course assuming the friction is manageable, and you feel this woman would add to your life in positive ways. She seems to be the one you're leaning towards ?
Assada Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 The question is, why are you living in the past mulling over things like this? Move on and see other people. Because I have the feeling that these women are all long gone, and youre just trying to have some experience through fantasy. There are a lot more other women out there than these 4
central Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 None of them. Find someone new who is a better match in the ways that matter. 2
Andy_K Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 B) Language will improve over time. She sounds like she has the most potential. With A there's simply too much friction... having experienced both relationships with no arguments and ones with arguments every week, it is now an instant deal-breaker for me. I'm an easy-going guy who doesn't sweat the small stuff. I want an easy-going girl who doesn't sweat the small stuff. C sounds like she doesn't push your buttons attractiveness-wise, and D simply has way too much baggage going on. 3
Frank2thepoint Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 Combine B and C. Which becomes choice E. A language can be improved, and even if it is not her strong point, it's not a deterrent. There is no such thing as "less attractive". Either you are or aren't attracted to her. 3
candie13 Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 It's women, not onions . You should choose the woman you like the most and who brings the best in you, not the most convenient. I recognize myself in woman A, so I cannot help you out. I can tell you that a woman A might see through your bullsh*t, at times, she might challenge your ways and she might also be somewhat uncomfortable. But she will also inspire you to grow. She will give you sound advice and help, if you're in trouble. She will be able to take care of herself at all times and of you, if need be. It all depends how you want to live your life. An equal partner versus an easy, comfy ride. 7
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted January 9, 2015 Author Posted January 9, 2015 Pretty amazing that a lot of people pick A. To me, that is only an option if I can quell the arguments/friction down to a manageable level. Otherwise it is not worth it. As far as how much friction? Think: -Having her storm out of a restaurant during dinner because of an argument? -The constant, "What did I say now?", "What did I do now?" -Feeling like you're on eggshells. I learn a lot about people from LS. And what I've learned is a lot of people would rather have someone they are attracted to and passionate about while having to deal with extreme friction, turmoil, and probably even infidelity. Not me. I want easy. Give me little Miss Boring any day of the week.
Elle1975 Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 English proficiency can always be improved, character traits can't really budge. 1
DrReplyInRhymes Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 If I had to choose between these 4 options based solely on what you said: Option B. It would have been option A, but after your examples, I would honestly not even deal with it.
ThaWholigan Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 Pretty amazing that a lot of people pick A. To me, that is only an option if I can quell the arguments/friction down to a manageable level. Otherwise it is not worth it. As far as how much friction? Think: -Having her storm out of a restaurant during dinner because of an argument? -The constant, "What did I say now?", "What did I do now?" -Feeling like you're on eggshells. I learn a lot about people from LS. And what I've learned is a lot of people would rather have someone they are attracted to and passionate about while having to deal with extreme friction, turmoil, and probably even infidelity. Not me. I want easy. Give me little Miss Boring any day of the week. It's only amazing to me because a lot of people in my experience find it difficult to admit that they require a certain level of friction in their relationships. I made a whole thread about it not too long ago. The thing is, most people require some degree of friction in their relationship, whether it's a tiny little bit to create a small spark, or whether they need to have a challenging partner. Now, that's not always to do with one partner being super hot or whatnot. A relationship can occur between two people who are attracted to each other strongly but have friction between them - as long as that is a manageable dynamic for the both of them, then it's fine IMO. I am somebody who requires a decent bit of friction in my life. Now, because I'm a naturally communicative person (maybe not always emotionally, but I'm never unavailable), I'm able to manage conflict and I wont' shy away from it in an interpersonal relationship because it happens, even in the most placid of relationships. I think that having that kind of relationship where there is friction is helpful for me because without it, both parties may become stagnant and never grow. Provided I'm with a person adequately capable of dealing with conflict, this is good for me. So A is more manageable for me because the combined promise of attraction and friction appeals. Maybe I'm crazy! 4
SomeDude16 Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 D. Girl I just wanna take you away from all this...... But seriously tho it's hard to choose one, I guess I'd go with whichever I meet first. 1
elaine567 Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 English proficiency can always be improved, character traits can't really budge. If English is poorly spoken and written, then it may be difficult to build a proper relationship. Some races and cultures are naturally smiley, and look happy, but underneath once this woman starts speaking and understanding English properly, she may not be the person she appeared to be on the surface. Smile, smile, smile, engaging little laugh in all the right places... but she may really be thinking, who is this a***hole? I dont know what he is saying. We gauge a person by what they say, if they say little, we tend to make up stories in our heads about them to fill in the gaps. That is not usually a good basis for a relationship.
xxoo Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 I'd pick A, but not with walking on eggshells. Friction doesn't have to be dysfunctional. I can handle conflict well if he can. 4
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted January 9, 2015 Author Posted January 9, 2015 It's only amazing to me because a lot of people in my experience find it difficult to admit that they require a certain level of friction in their relationships. I made a whole thread about it not too long ago. The thing is, most people require some degree of friction in their relationship, whether it's a tiny little bit to create a small spark, or whether they need to have a challenging partner. Now, that's not always to do with one partner being super hot or whatnot. A relationship can occur between two people who are attracted to each other strongly but have friction between them - as long as that is a manageable dynamic for the both of them, then it's fine IMO. I am somebody who requires a decent bit of friction in my life. Now, because I'm a naturally communicative person (maybe not always emotionally, but I'm never unavailable), I'm able to manage conflict and I wont' shy away from it in an interpersonal relationship because it happens, even in the most placid of relationships. I think that having that kind of relationship where there is friction is helpful for me because without it, both parties may become stagnant and never grow. Provided I'm with a person adequately capable of dealing with conflict, this is good for me. So A is more manageable for me because the combined promise of attraction and friction appeals. Maybe I'm crazy! Conflict (as I am talking about it) is not a hypothetical, perceived theoretical give and take which leads to some kind of growth. I'm not just talking about one woman says yes to everything you say, and another woman will take another side. I'm talking about your girlfriend getting pissed off and storming out of a bar and you have to chase her down and you're not even sure what you said to piss her off. Or being so fearful of saying something that will offend her, you are always on the watch. Or couples getting into such heated fights that the female starts swinging at the male. I'm talking about nasty, real fights. That is conflict.
Million.to.1 Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 I recognize myself in woman A, so I cannot help you out. I can tell you that a woman A might see through your bullsh*t, at times, she might challenge your ways and she might also be somewhat uncomfortable. But she will also inspire you to grow. She will give you sound advice and help, if you're in trouble. She will be able to take care of herself at all times and of you, if need be. It all depends how you want to live your life. An equal partner versus an easy, comfy ride. Nail/ head. I'm also an A, and my SO (a man version) As Wholigan pointed out, that friction is imperative for some people and can be really positive if dealt with right. The examples that OP gave of friction were pretty one sided examples though IMO. Friction to me is being challenged, called on my bullsh*t. and vice versa. Not always nice to deal with in the moment, but after, and in hindsight, always brings us to a deeper understanding of each other and our selves. And that makes those "high compatibility" moments feel even better. High highs and low lows. No one wants to be on a constant roller coaster in their relationship, but if i'm going to the amusement park, I'm not scared of the odd scary ride. It's exciting! 3
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