fred123 Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 have girls been led on? and how is it different to guys being led on? do you girls call the guy out?
Omei Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 (edited) This year I met a man who made it very clear he wanted a life partner we hit it off and chatted for about a month this was in Nov he was working out west a province over and promised me as soon as his return in Jan we would start going on dates, a lot was said and I always kept in the back of my mind that it was all just words and to try to not get excited till we went on the first date. Well midway throught Dec he sends a random text that hes sorry and still loves his cheating ex and is now in contact with her again and wants to see where it gos and he thought meeting a new girl would fix him so he lead me on to believe he was single/ready for a relationship I was pissed but prepared and said whatever lets just be friends, later on when I found out his ex was some girl halfway cross the planet that he only ever met once I was somewhat insulted he would give up a great gal like me for a cheater he never sees so I unfriended him (we were already on fb terms) He's tried twice to contact me one of them being on Christmas eventually I told him that I found his attachment to his ex undesireble and I didnt wanna be back up to whatever he was doing and to kindly leave me alone. He never responded so good! dude has lost his ball sac to some young girl through a pc screen. Edited January 7, 2015 by Omei 3
toscaroscura Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 Oh my yes. Being led on by a man comes in several delicious flavors! There's the guy who tells you he wants a relationship, pours it on super thick with the "you're so amazing"s and the "I've never met a woman like you in my life"s and then goes POOF or back to an ex (like Omei's story). There's the guy that throws out mad flirting vibes, only to go cold on you, then hot, then he gets a girlfriend and goes cold but then he goes hot on you, throwing out those crumbs! It goes back and forth like this, ad nauseum! Note: he will often have a girlfriend but it'll never actually be you! There's the coworker you started crushing on, and he was polite but suddenly his friends tell you he only dates fitness models and girls into cross-fit. Ok, so you move on and your crush dies down but what's this?? He's making eyes at you and sexual innuendos and being super cute and silly! So you think, hmm, maybe his friends were wrong and try flirting back a bit, but the next day you two are all business. There's the guy in the friend group who gets super cozy with you, starts flirting, making excuses to be around you, shares all his thoughts and feelings with you, more 1 on 1 time, etc. You start to crush on him too and reciprocate, but as soon as you state your romantic interest clearly he pulls way back, claiming he doesn't see you that way and now things are awkward. OH and he also complains to friends he can't get women. All of the above has happened to me! 7
Author fred123 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Posted January 7, 2015 you were already sleeping with him? was that before or after jan?
Omei Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 you were already sleeping with him? was that before or after jan? You misread
Author fred123 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Posted January 7, 2015 ah sorry i misread. its interesting to read your stories from a girls perpective. reverse question? have you ever led a guy on and he got annoyed?
evanescentworld Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 ah sorry i misread. its interesting to read your stories from a girls perpective. reverse question? have you ever led a guy on and he got annoyed? What are you looking for here? Validation that women lead guys on, you've been hurt so we're all skanks....? Just for the record: I have never, ever led a guy on. I have been led on 3 times in past relationships. I'm not prepared to go into details, because frankly, I don't have the time of day for them. 2
Broom Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 Oh my yes. Being led on by a man comes in several delicious flavors! There's the guy who tells you he wants a relationship, pours it on super thick with the "you're so amazing"s and the "I've never met a woman like you in my life"s and then goes POOF or back to an ex (like Omei's story). There's the guy that throws out mad flirting vibes, only to go cold on you, then hot, then he gets a girlfriend and goes cold but then he goes hot on you, throwing out those crumbs! It goes back and forth like this, ad nauseum! Note: he will often have a girlfriend but it'll never actually be you! There's the coworker you started crushing on, and he was polite but suddenly his friends tell you he only dates fitness models and girls into cross-fit. Ok, so you move on and your crush dies down but what's this?? He's making eyes at you and sexual innuendos and being super cute and silly! So you think, hmm, maybe his friends were wrong and try flirting back a bit, but the next day you two are all business. There's the guy in the friend group who gets super cozy with you, starts flirting, making excuses to be around you, shares all his thoughts and feelings with you, more 1 on 1 time, etc. You start to crush on him too and reciprocate, but as soon as you state your romantic interest clearly he pulls way back, claiming he doesn't see you that way and now things are awkward. OH and he also complains to friends he can't get women. All of the above has happened to me! I have experienced #1 & #2. Currently going through #4. I agree with this post. 1
Author fred123 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Posted January 7, 2015 What are you looking for here? Validation that women lead guys on, you've been hurt so we're all skanks....? Just for the record: I have never, ever led a guy on. I have been led on 3 times in past relationships. I'm not prepared to go into details, because frankly, I don't have the time of day for them. no. and i know how you all feel. i apologise on behalf of men who do this to girls. its difficult i know. the reason i ask is so i know why women do this and so i can learn and be a better man. its nice to know my faults and what i or guys do to make a woman resent me or lead guys on. as guys we can also learn then to spot women who do this and move on. also how should people deal with women/men who lead people on? if you know that you are getting mixed signals what does one do?
evanescentworld Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 ... the reason i ask is so i know why women do this and so i can learn and be a better man. its nice to know my faults and what i or guys do to make a woman resent me or lead guys on. as guys we can also learn then to spot women who do this and move on. also how should people deal with women/men who lead people on? if you know that you are getting mixed signals what does one do? How to not lead women on: Don't lie, don't say things you don't mean, if you reverse an idea, then be open and honest about it. Goes for both genders. If you know you're getting mixed signals - just leave. Don't stick around to be fooled more than you have been. 2
BluEyeL Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 As soon as you figure that you're getting mixed signals you immediately bail. 3
toscaroscura Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 What are you looking for here? Validation that women lead guys on, you've been hurt so we're all skanks....? Just for the record: I have never, ever led a guy on. I have been led on 3 times in past relationships. I'm not prepared to go into details, because frankly, I don't have the time of day for them. Exactly. I have never intentionally led a man on. What I have found is men will mistake being friendly for leading him on. Example, recently at work I was on my break and sat with some other employees. This one guy doesn't work where I do; he's an employee for a different company. Anyway, I suspect he might be digging me a little. I don't feel the same way but I'm polite and friendly and soon my break is over and I leave. From then on after this guy is very eager to talk to me, and I'm friendly and I smile and engage but never linger around. One day he comes up to me and is all hurt because I "ignored him". I guess he said hi to me and I didn't say it back (honestly I can't even remember this, I must have been in my own world). I assured him I just didn't hear him but he's been weird ever since. I remember analyzing our interactions and wondered if I had led him on, making him think I was interested in him like that. Other than being friendly and talking with him every now and then I can't see how. I didn't treat him any differently than anyone else. I'm not an overly flirty or effusive person. Many many times I have been made to feel like I led a guy on for just talking and being friendly. Even my friend was like, "you should have just been an ice-cold biatch from the start", sort of blaming me for bringing it on myself.
Author fred123 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Posted January 7, 2015 thanx for your replies. you girls are so refreshingly honest! where do i meet girls like you?!! do you ask or call the girl out. for example" i feel like you are giving mixed signals. your interest has changed. you arent writing as much and you dont seem excited" i tried this once to be mature and honest but sometimes you get bull**** anwsers....
toscaroscura Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 thanx for your replies. you girls are so refreshingly honest! where do i meet girls like you?!! do you ask or call the girl out. for example" i feel like you are giving mixed signals. your interest has changed. you arent writing as much and you dont seem excited" i tried this once to be mature and honest but sometimes you get bull**** anwsers.... No, don't waste your energy. Bull****ters will always just bull****. If they were going to be honest and above-board they would have done so from the beginning. 1
Author fred123 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Posted January 7, 2015 No, don't waste your energy. Bull****ters will always just bull****. If they were going to be honest and above-board they would have done so from the beginning. thanx. btw pmed you
umirano Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 How to deal with those who lead you on? I have "no games" as a requirement in one of my OLD profiles. I am not sure it's helping much. I deploy the "no games" paradigm otherwise though. I listen to my gut and I date / escalate conservatively. If I am being led on unaware and then find I just move on. Delete, block, forget. I deleted a girls number in December. She'd always take forever to respond (we've been on 4-5 dates over 2 months) and then invited me for a day of skiing. When I replied within an hour I couldn't go on that day because I had previous plans and asking for another day she never replied. Not that day, not the week after. So I deleted her. One day before NYE she came back. Now I'm just going with the flow, but I've made up my mind in the mean time. No romantic interest. So I don't really care either way.
TabbyHearts Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 How to not lead women on: Don't lie, don't say things you don't mean, if you reverse an idea, then be open and honest about it. Goes for both genders. If you know you're getting mixed signals - just leave. Don't stick around to be fooled more than you have been. Thanks for this! I've been led on by a few guys, 3 in as many years. It never got very serious with any of them, but I consider a guy telling you he likes you, wants to see you again, thinks you're "perfect" and making future plans before bailing no matter how long or short a time you have spent together as being led on. And frankly, I really don't understand why they even waste their breath, there is no obligation to tell anyone any of this stuff. Is it so inconceivable to just act normal about a woman you've just met, that you hardly know and not be so over the top eager if you have no intention of really following through? What the hell is it all for?! 1
Author fred123 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Posted January 7, 2015 Thanks for this! I've been led on by a few guys, 3 in as many years. It never got very serious with any of them, but I consider a guy telling you he likes you, wants to see you again, thinks you're "perfect" and making future plans before bailing no matter how long or short a time you have spent together as being led on. And frankly, I really don't understand why they even waste their breath, there is no obligation to tell anyone any of this stuff. Is it so inconceivable to just act normal about a woman you've just met, that you hardly know and not be so over the top eager if you have no intention of really following through? What the hell is it all for?! I'm sorry to hear that. do you girls know when a guy is talking to you as just a friend or more?
GemmaUK Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 Exactly. I have never intentionally led a man on. What I have found is men will mistake being friendly for leading him on. Example, recently at work I was on my break and sat with some other employees. This one guy doesn't work where I do; he's an employee for a different company. Anyway, I suspect he might be digging me a little. I don't feel the same way but I'm polite and friendly and soon my break is over and I leave. From then on after this guy is very eager to talk to me, and I'm friendly and I smile and engage but never linger around. One day he comes up to me and is all hurt because I "ignored him". I guess he said hi to me and I didn't say it back (honestly I can't even remember this, I must have been in my own world). I assured him I just didn't hear him but he's been weird ever since. I remember analyzing our interactions and wondered if I had led him on, making him think I was interested in him like that. Other than being friendly and talking with him every now and then I can't see how. I didn't treat him any differently than anyone else. I'm not an overly flirty or effusive person. Many many times I have been made to feel like I led a guy on for just talking and being friendly. Even my friend was like, "you should have just been an ice-cold biatch from the start", sort of blaming me for bringing it on myself. I've had this same kind of thing happen over and over for the past 20 odd years. In the days when I was younger and living with my then man I would get asked out at work quite often but I guess they didn't know me well enough to know I was loved up. I chat to everyone at work but I don't flirt - there's usually some kind of banter going on that I will join in with but it's simple banter, not flirting. On OLD it's much worse and more often. There is no opportunity to chat and see how you get on - if I reply then guys seem to think I am obliged to meet and date and have a relationship with them. If at any point along the way I choose to pull away then I get a lot of grief over it. I am therefore not keen on giving out my number. On OLD I have even had men say they were infatuated with me when we were just actually nattering and I had already been really clear that I wasn't interested in dating them. I have never intentionally led a man on but part of getting to know is 'getting to know' and to see if you get along. I have been flamed for stating that we weren't compatible many a time. I have been led on twice so far - both times on OLD. Two guys who were looking for relationships who just wanted sex. They didn't get it though. One other guy I think was the same - from OLD again, we were getting on great and then he texted me telling me about how big his penis was (this was before we had even met) - so I deleted his number. He texted me non stop for 3 days afterwards and I ended up asking him to leave me alone. I have only ever used freebie dating sites (pof in the beginning and a small UK based one was the last I used) and from what I have heard you get all the same people on the paid sites so I haven't bothered with them. I do wonder whether people are a bit more serious on paid sites.
TabbyHearts Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 I'm sorry to hear that. do you girls know when a guy is talking to you as just a friend or more? I guess sometimes if a guy is being friendly it's easy to mistake it for him being into her, goes the same way for girls being friendly to guys, as discussed here. In general yes I can tell. Guys who are friends make no advances and guys who lead you on make moves and tell you things they think you want to hear with no sincerity behind it. 1
toscaroscura Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 I'm sorry to hear that. do you girls know when a guy is talking to you as just a friend or more? Well, as women, we get 2 messages in life: First, it's that men never waste time wanting to be friends with any woman, so if he's really making the effort to chat you up, he is interested or at least wants sex. And second, assuming any man actually has interest in you is you being uppity and presumptuous. You aren't all that, and you're also kind of fat! I kid, I kid. Obviously I don't really believe the above as gospel truth; people are people. But these conflicting messages can make it harder to navigate the waters sometimes.
Omei Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 (edited) ah sorry i misread. its interesting to read your stories from a girls perpective. reverse question? have you ever led a guy on and he got annoyed? Nope never, truly Ive never had a guy come to me with thinking he was led on I tend to be very cold and detached towards men I have no interest in. Edited January 8, 2015 by Omei
thecrucible Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 I sometimes get guys interested in me without me realising as I like to be friendly with everyone and I enjoy getting to know people. I feign ignorance sometimes, unless they bring it up later as I don't want to seem presumptuous or make the guy feel bad. None of this is intentional. I sometimes assume that they are only seeing me as a passing fancy or someone to flirt with, and I figure it is up to them to let me know if they feel more strongly about it. I have never led a guy on by saying something dishonest. I don't say things which aren't true. I don't accept gifts from men who like me but for whom I don't feel the same way. I once had a guy pretend that he liked me romantically to get sex out of me...and this was for two months so ouch it hurt and we were even boyfriend and girlfriend but I realised this was just giving him cover for his true intentions (it's not about the label they give you, but how they treat you in the end). I also once had a long term boyfriend (we'd been going out for a year) tell me that when he first met me, he only wanted me for sex and just fell into the relationship. This was too much honesty for me. I was absolutely heartbroken by that confession as I was deeply in love at the time, and I had lost my virginity to him.
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