banini_jeque Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Lost my v to this girl. She said she had a crush on me for three years. Said she was going to love me forever. Said we had plenty of time to figure out how to get the sex right. Probably ****ed like 9 times. Come to find out, one of the reasons she dumped me is because the sexual chemistry wasn't there, so she wanted to go out and find it somewhere else. It wasn't the only reason, but still, wtf. Yeah, I agree, because I felt it up until the clothes came off and we started going at it, because then I didn't know what the hell I was doing, so I felt like that blocked the chemistry. I thought with "plenty of time" or "forever" to get it right, that then the chemistry would shine through the whole way. But she never even tried to talk to me about it not feeling right or anything. It just feels so dirty, and then she says she'd love it if I wanted to be friends, and I'm like no I feel way too hurt for that, unless you want to work with me to fix the hurt, and she says no, but if I end up feeling right about it one day, she'd still love to be friends. I just wanted to vent that is all.
unforgotten Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 A better girl will come. This one just doesn't feel right in the head.
SycamoreCircle Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Everyone involved sounds very young. -Forever is a long time. I have no idea what I'll be having for dinner 749 days from now, or if I'll be alive. -Someone that young has no idea what sexual chemistry is. -Most likely she wanted to have sex. She did. She's confused. She feels she rushed into something she wasn't prepared for. She's plagued by doubts. Or maybe she really wanted to have sex with your best friend. There's just no telling. Unfortunately, losing one's virginity is never usually some deeply gratifying experience. Because everyone is so young, brains are not fully developed and emotional maturity is not in place. Expect things to go a myriad of ways. Pick yourself back up. Understand that rarely can you change people, only yourself. Know that you did your best. Move on.
Chi townD Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Hard part to get over is that you lost your V card to her. And for that very reason, she's going to be hard to get over. You gave yourself fully to her when you were at the most vulnerable state in your life. You trusted her, you allowed yourself to be taken by her and gave a part of yourself to her that you'll never get back. I think what's worse is for her to tell you that the sexual chemistry wasn't there. WTF?!?! This was your first time! She's an idiot to expect that you would be screwing like a pornstar! And that's a low blow for her to say that. That tells me she has no kindness or truly understands what you gave up for her. Dude, time to move on from her. There are other girls out there that know how to treat a man right. This girl wasn't one of them. 1
Author banini_jeque Posted January 6, 2015 Author Posted January 6, 2015 I honestly haven't ever really cared that I lost it to her. For what it was, that part of the relationship was wonderful, so I appreciate her for that. But losing it never felt different or significant to me. The part that kills me is that she knew about my lack of experience, but seemed to like me so much that she was happy to give me time to learn. I guess she hadn't figured on it taking longer than a month. And it wasn't just the sex, it was being a boyfriend too. I didn't know what was expected of me, but I felt relaxed with her so I just went along and tried to learn what I could. Then all the sudden she switches and decides it isn't what she wants and that she underestimated my lack of experience. So her primary interest is the experience with the person being secondary. That hurts like hell. I thought she was someone who shared my views and values, and then she turns out to be exactly what I was trying to avoid getting involved with.
cgf636 Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Then all the sudden she switches and decides it isn't what she wants and that she underestimated my lack of experience. So her primary interest is the experience with the person being secondary. Yike, that blows, but if that is her ambition then you're better off! You will remember this girl forever if only for the reason that you lost your v card to her. In each relationship you go through you will learn about YOU and what you want in a girlfriend. You didn't know what was expected of you as a boyfriend? Ok, but I bet you learned a little something about what you expect in a girlfriend. Patience maybe, someone you're comfortable talking to about the good, the bad and the ugly... a gratifying experience for both of you instead of a lesson in sex.
Author banini_jeque Posted January 7, 2015 Author Posted January 7, 2015 (edited) I've been thinking and posting about this a lot. Had a newer thought this morning. Here's someone who had a crush on me for three years, dated me for a month of pure bliss, then somehow changed and saw everything as negative for a month, hiding it under the guise of being ill. I fell in love with her because I trusted the length of time she had a crush on me, I thought I knew her, and because it felt so good and so right. I thought she was like me. I think she thought she was too, and then realized that she's not. Now I find that she is not like me, at all. The more I learn, the more it hurts, because piece by piece it destroys the image I had created of her in my mind. It hurts because I was so sure of who she was, but now I can't be sure of who she is at all. And if I made that mistake, how can I be sure of who anyone is? How can I trust anyone? I had an argument with her via text the other night about being friends. I told her how hurt I was, and somehow got this idea that the best way for us to be friends in our situation, was for us to have a big fight and just blow it all out, and then see if we made up after and decided to be friends. She didn't want to do that. What I've realized since then is that the reason I wanted this is because I felt like it would completely destroy any remaining idea of who she was that I had, and just give me a blank slate to work with so that I wouldn't have to continually get hurt as I learn more about how different she is from me and who I thought she was. I see now that it's just not possible to do that. I don't think explaining this to her will make any difference, and I feel like even though she would like to be my friend, that she doesn't really care how I feel about it. She thinks that with enough time, I'll just forgive her and we won't have to talk about anything. Maybe she's right, I don't know. Edited January 7, 2015 by banini_jeque
evanescentworld Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 I had a look at all your past threads. She is not the problem. YOU are the problem. You are running close to being totally obsessed with this woman. I seriously suggest you seek counselling/therapy. You are bordering on mania, and need professional support. I'm totally serious.
Ieris Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 Don't even be friends with her.. you've got this fantasy/reality issue going on there. She isn't who you think she is and that is pretty common when things go south. People do a 180 and leaves you wondering if you ever knew them at all. That illusion is broken, wait for the smoke to clear then see her for what she really is before deciding if you even want her in your life x
Author banini_jeque Posted January 7, 2015 Author Posted January 7, 2015 (edited) I know. I'm scared... I don't think it would hurt for me to get counseling or therapy, but in the end, I'm scared, and this is all new and overwhelming to me. I think if I can find a way to stop thinking about it, and stop worrying about it, and just get back to being alone with myself for a while, then I'll be okay. Edited January 7, 2015 by banini_jeque
Diezel Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 This isn't a Hollywood movie, stop imagining scenarios. Just cut her out of your life.
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