I just know Im going to get a lecture for this but...i think i need some guidance

[hugznkisses21]

I know many have read my realtionship whoas...and im going to be put on the stand and accussed for not trusting but here is goes.

 

Have have this terrible terrible fear............i swear i watch too much TV cause as soon as i see a show with it and then go to bed i dream about it and then BAM im a mess the next day.

 

I am terrified of emotional pain that comes along with infedelity. Its not even this relationship its everyone. Im afraid of the feeling of being a fool, of feeling like everything was a waste and feeling like i was not good enough.

 

I am afriad that anything out of the ordinary, a day of distant behavior, a outting with the guys anything like that is a red flag and im going to get hurt. I dont want to hurt my bf by him thinking i dont trust him but i feel almost an obligation to myself to protect after all the stuff i have gone through. He knows this.....his answer always is your mind i splaying tricks, u are over thinking etc. He is right and he knows what i have gone through but then I cant help to refer to an episode of "cheaters" when the cheating bf said the same thing to his gf when she confronted him. It is such a F-ed up world out there. Men and women have more and more disresecpt for eachother and it kills me to live in fear or commintment b/c **** like that happens and marriages fall apart...when your 40 you husband runs away with the 24 yr old and leaves you with the 3 kids.....its so sad that it almost feels safer to like alone for th rest of your life.

 

I love him with all my heart....there is no question in my mind that i want to marry him but im so damn scared of things like that....whether it was him or joe down the street. I have such a hard time not thinking all men think like my ex.....it breaks my heart that i blindly look to my bf for reassurance and i know deep down it hurts him cause he thinks i dotn trust. I trust him but I have a hard time coming to terms with trust the compnents of male hormones and temptation.

 

I know im trouble by a few of you but im looking to see if im not alone and im looking to see perhaps any suggestions for this..........maybe clues i can pick up from my bf that would help me to belive he isnt hurting me...(btter than accusing or looking for reassurnace)....maybe just something other than "u cant control it if he does he does....or just enjoy the now...cause that isnt helping right now

[Pocky]

You have been struggling with this issue for some time within this relationship and I honestly think you need to speak with a therapist to help you deal with these ssues. Regardless of whether or not you stay in this relationship for the rest of your life, you need to spend some time working on your personal issues. Your boyfriend can assure you until he's blue in the face and it will never make a difference until you learn to understand how your mind works and how to control it.

 

In my opinion, there is very little that we're going to be able to offer you. You need professional help. You need someone to work with you on a one-on-one basis and teach you why you respond the way you do and how to control your response.

 

And as a side note, you should probably stop watching TV programs that encourage this type of behavior. If when you watch a TV show called Cheaters you start getting paranoid about your boyfriend, then maybe you shouldn't watch it.

[hugznkisses21]

I realize that about the tv...i dont watch it anymore at all....

 

I do see a therapist but i can only aford to go once in a while and so i thought maybe someone could offer some advice. I told him im so confused as to what is a paranoid feeling and a womans intuition feeling cause i have messed the two up so many times and this was after i told him i was feeling paranoid about something and i hope i didnt make him feel bad.

 

Grrr what cant i be a strong, self assured woman like many other women.....i used to be before a bunch of crap happened...i would hate for this to be the reason he gets fed up with me....i know it bothers him but i also know he loves me enough to understand why and not forget thst it isnt him....pocky thanks for responding

[d'Arthez]

Try to remember that there are reasons why he has chosen you to be his gf.

Try to remember that if he is having a bad day, there are a lot of reasons he could have a bad day. Not necessarily because of you, but because of stress on school / work / his family. If he does not seem happy all the time, that is actually quite normal, and you should blame yourself for the days when he does not seem happy.

 

And try to do something about the fidelity and personal issues professionaly. You really need to learn ways to control your responses. We can't teach you .