Neu16 Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Hey everyone. Just recently had my first date in over a year and I'm not sure exactly how successful it was. I'm 24 years old. I met a beautiful 20 yr old girl online a couple weeks ago. She lives a little over an hour away. She initiated contact first and made it clear that she was pregnant (3 months — father not involved). Personality wise, she is slightly insecure, introverted, and also admittedly pretty quiet. She's also super nice and respectable. During the date, her body language was mixed. She stood away from me a little as we waited to be seated and her arms were folded at times. On the other hand, she kept good eye contact during conversation and I even caught her playing with her hair at one point. There were also many televisions around with a popular sports game playing which helped with filling the voids during times of silence. At one point, as we both glanced at the tv (for literally 10 seconds), she says "so... What's up?", like I'm always supposed to have something to say. (Or maybe she felt awkward and wanted to break the silence?) After the date, I took her home, we shared an awkward hug and parted ways. An hour hour later, I receive a follow-up text. ———— Her: Hey I hope you made it home safe. Thank you for taking me out I had fun! Me: Thanks!. Yep. The roads were much better on the way home. I'm glad to hear it If there's a next time, maybe we'll actually have time to see a movie, lol. Her: Would you want a next time? I don't know if I'm your type haha. I'm glad you made it back and the roads were good, be careful in the morning though. Me: I'm not sure how you got that impression but if that's your way of saying Im not yours, thats okay. Her: No not at all, I always wonder about if I meet people if they will still like me. It's not a reflection on you at all. ....We later confirmed that there would be a second date. ————— What do you guys think? Was she just being modest? Was she trying to spare my feelings or did she slip with the "I'm not so sure I'm your type" line, exposing her insecurities? *for the record, she mentioned on our date that she has always been an introvert and that she can be quiet. She's also come off as insecure before so it's possible that I'm over analyzing the situation.
doeblin Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 I'm 24 years old. I met a beautiful 20 yr old girl online a couple weeks ago. She lives a little over an hour away. She initiated contact first and made it clear that she was pregnant (3 months — father not involved). Wait. First things first. Don't analyze the date just yet. Are you really truly ready to date a pregnant woman, someone who soon will devote 99% of her energy to her baby? If not, then don't. 5
Danda Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 I think the "So.. what's up?" combined with everything else just indicates that (at least in her perception) you did not give much or any clear indications that you were attracted to her and interested in continuing to see her. At least she is a straightforward communicator and just asked you straight up, and also explained herself honestly as well, even though yeah it made her look insecure. Also bear in mind that being 3 months pregnant with another man's offspring is probably an outright deal breaker to most men. Maybe she's just realistic about that and doesn't let herself get her hopes up at all unless a guy displays very blatant interest, which I would guess you didn't do. On that note though I have to admit I am very curious, how do you feel about her being 3 months pregnant with another guy's offspring? And have you told her how you feel about that (whatever the feeling is) and why? I mean of course I think she is every bit deserving of love as anyone else, but I also try to be realistic and I can understand why she might be doubtful. 3
angel.eyes Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 Call me crazy, but if she's three months pregnant, she's fresh out of a serious relationship of some sort...and with a partner who pulled a disappearing act on her at a very critical time in her life. That's an emotional event. Then add in all the hormonal craziness of pregnancy and the stress of preparing to become a mother...a single mother no less when the dad skedaddles. Has she ever been single? Why is she online looking for dates so soon after a breakup (while she's pregnant)? Are you concerned about any of this? Why are you willingly signing up for what will be a rollercoaster experience? Why did you choose her and not someone else with a less complicated life? The quality of the date is really irrelevant. I think you're missing the big picture here. 3
Author Neu16 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Posted January 7, 2015 Thanks for the rapid replies. Her being pregnant isn't a big deal to me. It's not a preference of mine when I'm browsing through girls and I've told her this but I've also said that I'm open minded. If she came off to me as a slut, I'd feel different about it, but she isn't. There's actually something sexy about it (maybe that's the cave man in me). With all of my close friends being engaged or married, with children, the thought of settling down sounds nice. As for most of her time being taken up by the baby, I can accept that. She also lives with her parents, who are actually super excited and have offered to help with the baby so I'm sure she'll be able to get away once in a while. The "so...what's up" words came across as very not straightforward. They were spoken like fill in words. She didn't come across as to be vying for me to express my undying love for her. Then again, I do have bad judgement at times. 1
angel.eyes Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 Personally, I would want the person to deal with the emotional fallout from a previous relationship before looking for another. She hasn't had time to do that. Second, excited parents (i.e. soon-to-be-grandparents) or not, becoming a mother will be an overwhelming, time-consuming, exhausting experience for her. I'm sure she's a wonderful person, but that doesn't necessarily make her a great dating partner at the moment. Why did you pick her over other dating options? Surely you must encounter women who aren't newly pregnant and fresh out of a relationship? 1
Author Neu16 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Posted January 7, 2015 Call me crazy, but if she's three months pregnant, she's fresh out of a serious relationship of some sort...and with a partner who pulled a disappearing act on her at a very critical time in her life. That's an emotional event. Then add in all the hormonal craziness of pregnancy and the stress of preparing to become a mother...a single mother no less when the dad skedaddles. Has she ever been single? Why is she online looking for dates so soon after a breakup (while she's pregnant)? Are you concerned about any of this? Why are you willingly signing up for what will be a rollercoaster experience? Why did you choose her and not someone else with a less complicated life? The quality of the date is really irrelevant. I think you're missing the big picture here. Great points. Actually, about a year before her, I had ended a serious relationship with a girl I loved. Since then, I've been online, but unfortunately, online dating is for attractive people. I've only been able to make an impression on a handful of girls that Ive found attractive. Of those girls, this is the only connection that has moved on to the date level. It is sort of fishy considering she is easily an 8 and I'm probably a 6-7. She doesn't come across as to be looking for baby daddy applications and that's definitely not what I'm enlisting for at the moment. I've made it clear that I hate pressured relationships and like to take things slow and she agreed. Her past relationship was her only serious one. She left him two-three months ago. It wasn't until she returned home that she found out about the pregnancy. She reached out to the father and he made it clear that he doesn't want to be involved.
Diezel Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 You need to stop and REALLY think about this. Are you sure you want to be bringing up a baby that isn't yours at the age of 25? Beyond that point... you suggested a movie as a second date? Are you actively TRYING to limit conversation? You should be trying to actively engage her in conversation and get HER to talk. She shouldn't have to resort to "So, what's up?" Also... 3 months pregnant and she's on a dating website? Ay ay ay ay ay.
Assada Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 OP I can understand the hotness of going out with a preggo chick. A little taboo, a little walk on the wild side. She seems interested in you. but it seems like your reaction is "Why is she interested in me?" She's probably really insecure about her being pregnant, she probably lonely, and looking for a lot of emotional security. Do you want to particiipate in this at this point in your life? I dont think so - If she's a little more on the irresponsible side, and her folk will take care of the kid, and she doesnt care. - I say go for it
Versacehottie Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 Wait. First things first. Don't analyze the date just yet. Are you really truly ready to date a pregnant woman, someone who soon will devote 99% of her energy to her baby? If not, then don't. LOL, not trying to be mean, i felt like there should be one of the record scratch noises. ERRRRRRR, what, back up? how does the question just gloss over the pregnant part????!!!!! ok, good luck to OP, but yes i think she likes you. or she could be looking for a baby daddy
Recommended Posts