bnc123 Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 I'll make a long story short. December 6th-We got into a fight when we were both VERY intoxicated. I was using gps on his phone, hit the back button and discovered a conversation open from a girl he gave his number to on a dating site. Pissed (because hes done this before) we got into a yelling argument, he gave me an attitude and told me to f-off, and me (on the edge of blackout drunk) got angry and threw a chair and it accidentally hit him on the leg. He threw it back at my head. So I broke it off the next day. I am tired of him talking to women online, he has many dating profiles yet denies it when i clearly catch him doing so We got back together, bought each other 300$ worth of christmas gifts. Then, on new years, a day after our One year anniversary, he dumps me when drunk. Says he is mad that i dumped him and overreacted to the entire situation and isn't happy. I told him he shouldn't have been on such sites in the first place and i wouldn't have gotten so mad. He ignored me every time i texted/called him and told me to f-off, again. Sadly, a week later i totaled my car and suprisingly he answered the phone, took me to the doctor, bought me groceries and lunch, and food for our pet. We had a bit of angry love makin, and then tells me hes not going to talk to me for a few weeks, and has the nerve to leave his dirty boxers and ask me to wash them and says "one day ill kill you" (hes said this to me 100 times before, is that weird?). ...he says he doesn't know if theres anything i can do to make up for how i reaacted and said it's not what he signed up for in a relationship. However, he has dumped me out of anger, shoved me, called me names and i forgave him. He is abusive according to everyone i know, as in makes fun of me, calls me names, tells me what to do, overly jealous, accuses me of cheating...but yet i want him back. He has many traits of a narcisstic man. And now he is giving me the silent treatment. I don't get why I want him back. Do you think he will contact me ever again?
amaysngrace Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Who gives a sht if he ever contacts you? Go get counseling instead. 4
Zahara Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Do you think he will contact me ever again? He will likely contact you. And you will go back again. Lather, rinse and repeat. 3
Author bnc123 Posted January 6, 2015 Author Posted January 6, 2015 He has some very nice points to him. he's a very fun man and can be very nice. But I don't understand if this is some sort of punishment in his mind or something? He said he doesn't hate me. But I can't deal with the talking-to-girls-online stuff. I think he's really done. He's been hit before by girls. I feel like crap for doing it too
elaine567 Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 I'll make a long story short. December 6th-We got into a fight when we were both VERY intoxicated. I was using gps on his phone, hit the back button and discovered a conversation open from a girl he gave his number to on a dating site. Pissed (because hes done this before) we got into a yelling argument, he gave me an attitude and told me to f-off, and me (on the edge of blackout drunk) got angry and threw a chair and it accidentally hit him on the leg. He threw it back at my head. So I broke it off the next day. I am tired of him talking to women online, he has many dating profiles yet denies it when i clearly catch him doing so We got back together, bought each other 300$ worth of christmas gifts. Then, on new years, a day after our One year anniversary, he dumps me when drunk. Says he is mad that i dumped him and overreacted to the entire situation and isn't happy. I told him he shouldn't have been on such sites in the first place and i wouldn't have gotten so mad. He ignored me every time i texted/called him and told me to f-off, again. Sadly, a week later i totaled my car and suprisingly he answered the phone, took me to the doctor, bought me groceries and lunch, and food for our pet. We had a bit of angry love makin, and then tells me hes not going to talk to me for a few weeks, and has the nerve to leave his dirty boxers and ask me to wash them and says "one day ill kill you" (hes said this to me 100 times before, is that weird?). ...he says he doesn't know if theres anything i can do to make up for how i reaacted and said it's not what he signed up for in a relationship. However, he has dumped me out of anger, shoved me, called me names and i forgave him. He is abusive according to everyone i know, as in makes fun of me, calls me names, tells me what to do, overly jealous, accuses me of cheating...but yet i want him back. He has many traits of a narcisstic man. And now he is giving me the silent treatment. I don't get why I want him back. Do you think he will contact me ever again? Let's hope not. YOU already know you are the victim of a narcissist, you should already know that he has altered your grasp of reality, because that is what they do. You should already know that he doesn't love you, and that he is just using you for his own ends and that he is a damaged individual with no potential cure. To ignore "one day I'll kill you" as if it was nothing, shows how damaged you really are. If you push and push a narcissist then they will blow up and that will have real consequences for you and anyone or anything you hold dear. DO NOT CONTACT HIM, be very very grateful he is not contacting you. Leaving a narcissist can be dangerous. You need to go to counselling to learn how to set boundaries so you do not fall victim to the next abuser who comes along. You also appear to still have some life in you, a few years down the line if you stay with him, you will have no zest for life in you, because he will have taken everything you have got, every bit of self esteem he will steal, he will isolate you from all your friends and family, and laugh as you go down the path of craziness. Be warned. Exposed! 11 Lies Love-Bombing Narcissists Tell | Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed and The Deafening Brutality of the Narcissist?s Silent Treatment | Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed 2
Zahara Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 He has some very nice points to him. he's a very fun man and can be very nice. Oh please! Some very nice points? That somehow justifies being treated like crap? Checking out other women, being told to f-off, tells you he'll kill you, makes you wash his dirty underwear, calls you names, shoves you, etc. Fun and nice has to be consistent. If he goes from fun and nice to mean and abusive, you can chuck fun and nice out the door. It isn't genuine. People that are genuinely nice and kind are consistent. None of this Jeckly and Hyde behaviors. But I don't understand if this is some sort of punishment in his mind or something? He said he doesn't hate me. But I can't deal with the talking-to-girls-online stuff. Seems like you can. You've been allowing it. You throw a fit because you think he'll change. He doesn't give a crap. You've taught him that no matter what he does, you'll sit there and accept it. I think he's really done. He's been hit before by girls. I feel like crap for doing it too I hope he's done. Maybe it's the only way you will move on from this. 4
Author bnc123 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Posted January 7, 2015 I guess. Last time he only ignored me for a few days but BLEW MY PHONE UP and went OFF on me when I didn't answer after he said a lot of the same crap as now. He's 26. He shouldn't act like an immature boy. I have a feeling if he does call and I ignore it he will go the heck off on me again.
Elle1975 Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 Wow... He must be pretty alpha then. Alpha doesn't mean douchebag.. Counseling is the right move. 1
Chi townD Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 How is he abusive if you threw a chair at him first? Forget it, don't answer that. The important thing to take from this is that the BOTH of you are WAY TOO toxic for each other. It's best just to walk away and start fresh. 1
amaysngrace Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 I guess. Last time he only ignored me for a few days but BLEW MY PHONE UP and went OFF on me when I didn't answer after he said a lot of the same crap as now. He's 26. He shouldn't act like an immature boy. I have a feeling if he does call and I ignore it he will go the heck off on me again. He brings out the worst in you because you know you're being treated unfairly by him. Yes he's too old to act like a child but he's not going to change any time soon, if at all. Know this...if he pushed all of his other GFs buttons until they lashed out at him as well then he brings out the worst in a lot of people. The next girl he gets with will be the same story. Don't be that girl. Be smarter than that. 3
Author bnc123 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Posted January 7, 2015 He brings out the worst in you because you know you're being treated unfairly by him. Yes he's too old to act like a child but he's not going to change any time soon, if at all. Know this...if he pushed all of his other GFs buttons until they lashed out at him as well then he brings out the worst in a lot of people. The next girl he gets with will be the same story. Don't be that girl. Be smarter than that. Even his best friends wife who has known him for years says he treats all women this way. I decided to ignore it and give him a chance but screw it. He even says he knows how to push my buttons. I dislike that greatly. Its just hard to move away from someone you lived with and shared so much time with.
Eddy Street Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 Yeah, basically crazy. If he abuses you, maybe you can take him back and then put cyanide in his food, or maybe lead paint chips. If I were you I'd do everything in my power to stay away from him, even get a restraining order. 1
amaysngrace Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 Even his best friends wife who has known him for years says he treats all women this way. I decided to ignore it and give him a chance but screw it. He even says he knows how to push my buttons. I dislike that greatly. Its just hard to move away from someone you lived with and shared so much time with. You asked if you're crazy to want him back and I think you were crazy while you were with him and didn't have enough self-respect to walk away. How can you have a good relationship with somebody you can't even trust? He goes behind your back and chats up other girls, if that is all he is doing with them. That would make anyone crazy. But saying that's okay and that's all you deserve...that's a lot more crazy. 1
Author bnc123 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Posted January 7, 2015 How is he abusive if you threw a chair at him first? QUOTE] He smacks me on the leg all the time and tells me to shutup in front of people. He constantly shoves me and pushes me. He even twisted my arm backwards because i smacked him back for smacking me on the arm and telling me to shutup. It built up inside me and I had enough. Drinking didn't help. He weighs about 200. I weigh 100 pounds. Take that into perspective. i usually just shutup and take it.
Eddy Street Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 How is he abusive if you threw a chair at him first? QUOTE] He smacks me on the leg all the time and tells me to shutup in front of people. He constantly shoves me and pushes me. He even twisted my arm backwards because i smacked him back for smacking me on the arm and telling me to shutup. It built up inside me and I had enough. Drinking didn't help. He weighs about 200. I weigh 100 pounds. Take that into perspective. i usually just shutup and take it. Do you have to take it? Hasn't feminism taught you anything? Come on, snap out of it. There are decent guys out there, you don't have to take **** from an insecure piece of **** like this guy. 1
Author bnc123 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Posted January 7, 2015 I didn't want to just walk away. I thought maybe if I treated him very well and did things to make him happy it would make him treat me nicer. But nothing I ever did seemed to be enough. I'm a people pleaser :/
Zahara Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 Even his best friends wife who has known him for years says he treats all women this way. I decided to ignore it and give him a chance but screw it. He even says he knows how to push my buttons. I dislike that greatly. Its just hard to move away from someone you lived with and shared so much time with. His issues aside, much has to be said about you in how you've chosen to be in a relationship like this. He is dysfunctional, but the same has to be said about you. Instead of analyzing him, it would make more sense to ask yourself why YOU do what you do. Rather than ask if he will contact you again -- I think it should be time for you to focus internally. 1
amaysngrace Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 He smacks me on the leg all the time and tells me to shutup in front of people. He constantly shoves me and pushes me. He even twisted my arm backwards because i smacked him back for smacking me on the arm and telling me to shutup. It built up inside me and I had enough. Drinking didn't help. He weighs about 200. I weigh 100 pounds. Take that into perspective. i usually just shutup and take it. It's better to lose a lover than to love a loser. 4
Eddy Street Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 I didn't want to just walk away. I thought maybe if I treated him very well and did things to make him happy it would make him treat me nicer. But nothing I ever did seemed to be enough. I'm a people pleaser :/ Don't waste your energy. Think about how hard it would be to change who you are. Basically impossible. Now think about how hard it would be to change another person. Changing him = even harder. I totally agree with the above answer "better to lose a lover than to love a loser". Nicely said! 2
elaine567 Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 I didn't want to just walk away. I thought maybe if I treated him very well and did things to make him happy it would make him treat me nicer. But nothing I ever did seemed to be enough. I'm a people pleaser :/ You even know the right terms to use, get out now, whilst you still can. - 15 Traits of People Pleaser Syndrome (in 15 minutes) 1
srah Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 Oh my God. This sounds like my (very recent) ex who also broke up with me on New Year's Day while somewhat under the influence!! Like your man, I suspect mine is also a narcissist, or at least possesses narcissistic traits. He seems to be seeking validation outside of himself. Like you, I want to reconcile with my "abuser." We both need counseling. I understand your desire to return. It's what feels familiar.
Author bnc123 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Posted January 7, 2015 What if he tries to contact me again? He did tell me he wasnt going to speak to me for 2 weeks, who knows, it might be later or sooner or not at all. I don't want to make him angry by ignoring him. Esp if hes not kidding when he says he wants to kill me
elaine567 Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 What if he tries to contact me again? He did tell me he wasnt going to speak to me for 2 weeks, who knows, it might be later or sooner or not at all. I don't want to make him angry by ignoring him. Esp if hes not kidding when he says he wants to kill me First -you have to make sure you are in a safe place. - Confronting Narcissists Directly Has Explosive Results - How do I split up with my narcissistic ex?
amaysngrace Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 What if he tries to contact me again? He did tell me he wasnt going to speak to me for 2 weeks, who knows, it might be later or sooner or not at all. I don't want to make him angry by ignoring him. Esp if hes not kidding when he says he wants to kill me text him and remind him that he broke up with you and say "leave me alone" If he doesn't notify cops with your evidence and let them know he threatened to kill you before. But don't be using cops if you don't really want to end things with this joker. Cops have more important things to do than be bothered with relationship drama and you taking him back will be just that....more drama. 1
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