Author JonjMie Posted January 19, 2015 Author Posted January 19, 2015 Well im nearly at 2 weeks NC and I am feeling better day by day, some days tinged with sadness and thinking about her and what shes up to and if shes sharing herself and her life with anyone else yet. I loved her and still sad shes chosen not to spend her life with me. Things i cant get out of my head. Her laugh Someone else touching her Someone else finding out about her likes and dislikes Being with the kids (hers not mine but I grew attached) Walking the dog Sitting together watching TV and touching hands or arms.
Author JonjMie Posted January 21, 2015 Author Posted January 21, 2015 Day 15 NC and Day 15 NC post BU Struggling today, UK weather is wet and cold and doesnt help. Found myself thinking about her and the likelyhood of her dating, sharing her life with someone else, struggling to resist the urge to drive to her place see whos there but what will it achieve ? Need to get throught today and trying to put thoughts about we werent right into my head etc but really cant focus, I'm at work and cant concentrate on my job.
bigtrouble Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 Day 15 NC and Day 15 NC post BU Struggling today, UK weather is wet and cold and doesnt help. Found myself thinking about her and the likelyhood of her dating, sharing her life with someone else, struggling to resist the urge to drive to her place see whos there but what will it achieve ? Need to get throught today and trying to put thoughts about we werent right into my head etc but really cant focus, I'm at work and cant concentrate on my job. Been wondering too cold weather actually adds to sadness. Right on the money, it will not achieve anything plus will only set you back. You are struggling, its difficult but don't give in. Stay strong man. We are all in this together.
SycamoreCircle Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 Stop checking her social media. That is breaking NC. You mentioned spending time with your children. I think this would be a good time to re-invest in that relationship. That is a place where boundless love is required. Any time you feel a compulsion to care about your ex, turn that into energy towards your children. 1
jbear0111 Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 What bigtrouble and sycamorecircle have said. I broke NC after about a month and got me nowhere. No amount of obsessing,hoping,ruminating,dwelling and wanting her back got me anywhere. She made her decision and I cant change that. What I can change is my life going forward and not getting stuck in the past. Stick to NC,concentrate on you,your mind,your health and your kids.This too shall pass. Believe
Author JonjMie Posted January 21, 2015 Author Posted January 21, 2015 Thanks support team !!! Seriously just reading your words is putting me back in the determined sector. Im deactivated on facebook but have dipped in a couple of times, think I am going to log on soon and unfriend her, do I do her family and friends too ?
fromheart Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 Look, I was reading the whole thread and got up to the bit of your daughter self harming. Im going to be a bit tough with you. B***ocks to some girl you were seeing for less than a year. Your daughter is self harming. Go and be a Dad for her. Forget the relationship books, get some parenting books. You need to look after your little girl, she needs you. 2
Author JonjMie Posted January 24, 2015 Author Posted January 24, 2015 Well its day 18 of NC, I'm doing much better, full nights sleep now and planning ahead at the gym, work and looking forward to buying some new clothes this weekend. Dont get me wrong I'm having lapses, I have overhwelming anxiety moments I cant control, I went to the gym last night, came home, cooked some chicken and salad and had a beer, intending to sit and watch the football. However my mind slips to thinking of her, its Friday night, I bet shes going out with someone and hes going to be at her house, I got up and drove ten miles to her house and drove by, to see nothing except her car there and the lights on. I need to stop this, help me please, thats the first time in 10 days but I cant control the anxiety, my heart starts to thump and I almost go into a panic attack.
towardthefuture Posted January 24, 2015 Posted January 24, 2015 Well its day 18 of NC, I'm doing much better, full nights sleep now and planning ahead at the gym, work and looking forward to buying some new clothes this weekend. Dont get me wrong I'm having lapses, I have overhwelming anxiety moments I cant control, I went to the gym last night, came home, cooked some chicken and salad and had a beer, intending to sit and watch the football. However my mind slips to thinking of her, its Friday night, I bet shes going out with someone and hes going to be at her house, I got up and drove ten miles to her house and drove by, to see nothing except her car there and the lights on. I need to stop this, help me please, thats the first time in 10 days but I cant control the anxiety, my heart starts to thump and I almost go into a panic attack. I remember the panic attacks. For almost a month I was waking up with them. It's your body in crisis mode releasing adrenaline. It'll go away. Just try to think, when you're getting one, about how it's just a physiological reaction to a danger that's not really there. If you can get it mentally under control it should start to go down in ~20 minutes. edit: This was the advice from my therapist, so what I paid for is now passed onto you for free
Author JonjMie Posted January 24, 2015 Author Posted January 24, 2015 I remember the panic attacks. For almost a month I was waking up with them. It's your body in crisis mode releasing adrenaline. It'll go away. Just try to think, when you're getting one, about how it's just a physiological reaction to a danger that's not really there. If you can get it mentally under control it should start to go down in ~20 minutes. edit: This was the advice from my therapist, so what I paid for is now passed onto you for free What things did they give you to try to see this anxiety out, If I am at home I have thought press ups or something ?
Author JonjMie Posted January 25, 2015 Author Posted January 25, 2015 I managed to overcome the anxiety last night, I controlled my breathing and counted ten deep and controlled breaths after which the panic feeling subsided and I didn't do what I would have done and flew out of the door. So far so good, this morning I saw a picture of her by accident and again just took some deep breaths.
Author JonjMie Posted January 25, 2015 Author Posted January 25, 2015 Been doing ok today until now, had to drop a friend off in the town where my ex lives and its literally 2 streets away, thought I could handle it but drove past her house, she was in but nobody else there. I'm pretty sure she's seeing someone else now, the same pattern exists where she has taken her photos of the dating site and not been on, she did the same thing when she met me, so she's either got fed up with the site or met someone, to her, taking the pictures down means she's met someone and committed to dating a bit more, perhaps already physical, this stage I know will pass as I beign to accept it, and the mo worry of her is Definately fading, forgotten how she speaks and have to dig deep to remember her looks or how she laughed with me etc. Just time I know but that should be me there and it isn't.
Author JonjMie Posted January 27, 2015 Author Posted January 27, 2015 Hey all, day 21 of NC today, didn't sleep too great, funily enough I had a strange dream about another ex from years ago who remains a friend, text her this morning to tell her that and she laughed. Anyway, busy day at work travelling has meant that my mind has been busy, I've not thought about her too much today and I'm trying to make my apartment a nice place to be when I get in so as I can stay in and watch TV and feel the pain and heal myself. I have an interview Friday for a promotion so that's a welcome distraction and i have a date for dinner tomorrow night, it's my birthday but haven't told the date yet didn't want her to feel any pressure etc. So ive had dinner, skipped the gym and now catching up on sons of anarchy, love this show. Mood is a 7/10 today
Author JonjMie Posted January 28, 2015 Author Posted January 28, 2015 Day 22 of NC and its my birthday, I'm torn between getting a message from her wishing me a Happy Birthday, which I doubt, and If it did come would it just be breadcrumbs. Not a good day, still woke up imagining her with another guy but she really is disappearing further away from me in my mirror, I actually laid there last night and wanted to remember stuff about her without it being a heart ache, there was a dull ache but not like before. I think I have resigned myself to it now, that what we had is gone and shes 75% met someone else, I'm also finding myself finding faults to justify my feeling better, like her legs were a little short, she didnt give me as much responsive touch and words as I did etc Shes slowly slipping away.
Author JonjMie Posted January 29, 2015 Author Posted January 29, 2015 Day 23 NC Went on a date last night, just for a meal and decided to take any potential sexual thoughts out of the equation and just had a nice steak and a good chat with a really nice girl, had a really nice time and dropped her back at a reasonable time, we have agreed to see each other again Saturday night. Still got the odd thoughts dropping in about the ex but shes definately becoming more distant in my mind, the frequency of thoughts are less and the occasions where I reactivate my Facebook and see if she has updated her status are less.
Author JonjMie Posted January 29, 2015 Author Posted January 29, 2015 Oh and my daughters and ex wife are laying on a birthday tea for me tonight, so nice and best thing thats happened to me this week. (ex wife and I are good friends now and her new husband)
Author JonjMie Posted January 31, 2015 Author Posted January 31, 2015 Day 25 Post BU and NC Mixed feelings today, went out with my friends last night and a couple of polish beauties (sisters) came back to his flat, there was good banter but nothing more. My date from Wednesday is supposed to be coming round tonight but cant get a sitter so has bailed on me, wondering if a red flag is waving, I'm so much more aware now so just sent a text saying dont worry, cant be helped and nice if you could. Left it at that, we shall see how keen she is, if she comes back then its a good sign, last yera I would have sent her a few texts with suggestions but not bothered, im using what I have learned to my advantage, if she wants me she will get in touch. Went back on the dating site and noticed my ex has uploaded her picture again so obviously not having a great deal of luck in the dating scene which makes me smile, although it is only 25 days and shes not out for a fling type of girl she will seriously be looking for a long term partner.
Author JonjMie Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 Day 28 NC Not bothered about contacting my ex but if she contacted me I think my heart would skip a beat. I normally go on my gut instincts and I think based on previous history that she may be receptive to talking, she's so stubborn she won't contact me first though, she had an opportunity on my birthday and didn't. Going to remain NC and I'm getting to the point where I'm indifferent, if she contacted me it would be an ego boost but if she doesn't then whatever. I'm on a path still to looking after myself, sleeping well now and eating well, gym sessions are less regular but I've also been at an assessment for a promotion at work which I should find out this week.
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