What is the biggest lesson you have learned on LoveShack?

[Robert Z]

Off the top of my head:

 

That some guys dont like BJ's.

 

Bad pun?

 

I was first surprised by the number of women who like anal. But I was even more surprised by rimming !!! and then straight men who like anal. Didn't see that one coming!

 

My ignorant (sexist maybe) surprise to find a number of good women, good wives, living with men with low or no sex drives. It hurts for man or woman being denied by their partner but something just hits me in the gut when its the woman struggling to do what ever she can to get her husband or boyfriend interested.

 

You and me both brother! I only saw the male side of this and didn't really believe that there are married women out there who are starved for sex. But after about the 20th discussion I had to believe this is far more common than I thought possible. I knew I had a strong sex drive but apparently I am pretty far up the scale. I can't even imagine men not wanting to have sex unless they are cheating. It still doesn't compute.

[Radu]

That's a good one ! I learned that here too, as well as learning it the hard way;)

 

I have been here so long I'm not sure what to attribute to LS and what is just learning and growing naturally. I would say maybe the other biggest thing I've learned is " It doesn't matter why". In ANYTHING really. People always act like if they can solve the secret mystery of a specific person they can magically make the relationship into what they want it to be. NO, it is what it is, accept it or walk.

 

It doesn't matter WHY "she" changed her mind, or WHY "he" treats you badly, all you need to know is the current reality and then make the best decision for YOU ! Screw their messed up childhood, shady ex, etc.

 

I must say I've solved a lot of my OWN problems just by writing a LS post in my head and then figuring out what everyone would be likely to say !

 

I thought i was the only one who did this.

[Radu]

When i first discovered LS [almost 3yrs ago] i had very few [if any] social skills, literally no boundaries, and no abilities to figure out other ppl.

 

LS is good not just for romantic relationships, but all relationships as romantic ones are just a small subset of them.

I do things in a similar way to Art C., i read something, think, make a decision, maybe search it, think and over time some internal changes happen.

 

That's how i built boundaries or learned some social skills where there was nothing but a featureless desert, by reading about similar situations that others went through or the advice they received and thinking things through.

 

After 3yrs of this, the change is immense and pretty much everyone in my RL made a mention of it.

 

PS: Most threads here can be seen as a case study by someone who is seeking answers and understanding.

Edited January 8, 2015 by Radu

[EveAFlame]

That there are people who assume the worst about the opposite sex.

 

That I do NOT and can NOT find angry, bitter people attractive.

 

That I have plenty of time to find out who I am and what I want in a man. My sense of urgency will just lead me to make awful decisions.

[Imported]

It's not the biggest thing I learned, but that has already been said (lots of people out there far more screwed up than me).

 

 

Nearly everybody thinks they look X years younger than their actual age. X increases with age too.

[regine_phalange]

After 3yrs of this, the change is immense and pretty much everyone in my RL made a mention of it.

 

That's awesome! What kind of changes happened to you? Care to share some examples?

[todreaminblue]

i have met some pretty special people on here....some arent on so much anymore...i actually miss them........i think it takes a hell of a long time to learn about people to know them enough to say the right words of comfort and assurance....what i love about loveshack so much ...what keeps me coming back is the help i see other posters give one another....the jokes shared between people who have probably never met but meet on common ground here....anywhere i find acceptance..,...of others ....of me personally...i find a haven to retreat to when i need to retreat...........loveshack is like that ......i have seen a shift a trend to more accepting responses more understanding posts from a lot of people....i have seen people change over the years i have been reading....lost a few faves to the ghosting of the internet..:0(....maybe they might come back.....maybe they might not.....maybe they never left.........loveshack is somewhere i can be me.....and the other seven me's.......and we can all use ellipses......lots of them.and who i am ....is not as bad as i think i am.....deb..

[Radu]

That's awesome! What kind of changes happened to you? Care to share some examples?

 

I used to be that neighbour you all have, the one who you meet down the street and who is big but he always walks like he has something on his back.

Guarded, always looking down, he can't meet your gaze.

You walk past him on the street, and you have to go sideways, he will always show the shoulder to defend himself.

Does not understand what motivates ppl, what makes them work, what are boundaries, what are healthy boundaries.

Has nothing but Disney type of relationships in his head about the ideal relationship.

Can't figure out ppl, at all.

 

That was me 4 yrs ago.

The body language part i learned in other places.

Boundaries and what is acceptable or not is what i learned here.

Confidence, a de-mystification of ppl [and especially of women].

With time, the confidence changed my body language too.

It also gave me trust in me and my abilities, what i described at first is essentially extreme social anxiety and what happens because of it ... it creates a space of nothingness.

 

One of the benefits came 2yrs ago when me and my family negociated an exit from a business, it went well and what i learned here + body language were the cause.

 

This forum should not be a substitute for human interaction, but you have to understand that under the anonymity of the internet, ppl will be more truthfull in general and will say more.

In sheer numbers, you can never hope to equate the cases here with talking with ppl IRL.

[Quest]

That whenever I wonder if there's a 'romantic' problem to the point that I feel the need to post about it, there is - sadly.

And that when I don't like responses because they burst my bubble, they are usually spot on - sadly.

And that I am prone to denial - sadly.

But I am working on it - happily. (Presuming I'm not in denial.)

[shet]

That I'm way more ****ed up than most people in some important ways and way less in some others. And that there are people out there with such scary attitudes to life and love that I can't picture them as human, more like walking sharks.

[johan]

I've learned that people need to have a complete image of others. And they fill in the gaps on the things they don't know with what they want to believe.