What is the biggest lesson you have learned on LoveShack?

[Under The Radar]

For me it is:

 

That actions always speak louder than words.

 

So simple and yet I didn't understand it ...... and now that I do ...... the quality of my life is significantly improved ...... I'm much happier as a result.

 

I am curious, what is the most important lesson you have learned, if any, from your time on LS?

[Toodaloo]

Stop making excuses for other people and accept that it is as it is.

 

Also if I am not going to listen to myself listen to others as they are telling me what I already know.

[ralfgarnett]

I have learned that regardless of what problem we have we are not alone as many people either are or have been in exactly the same or worse situation and it has helped me quite a bit with my own situation, I have also learned that total strangers out there in cyber space are kind and caring enough to give their time and experience to give advice and also solace to complete strangers often on the other side of the world.

[melodymatters]

That's a good one ! I learned that here too, as well as learning it the hard way;)

 

I have been here so long I'm not sure what to attribute to LS and what is just learning and growing naturally. I would say maybe the other biggest thing I've learned is " It doesn't matter why". In ANYTHING really. People always act like if they can solve the secret mystery of a specific person they can magically make the relationship into what they want it to be. NO, it is what it is, accept it or walk.

 

It doesn't matter WHY "she" changed her mind, or WHY "he" treats you badly, all you need to know is the current reality and then make the best decision for YOU ! Screw their messed up childhood, shady ex, etc.

 

I must say I've solved a lot of my OWN problems just by writing a LS post in my head and then figuring out what everyone would be likely to say !

[Danda]

That obvious and simple things and are only obvious and simple to the people not going through those things. Being here helps me flesh out my empathetic awareness a little more, like the difference between gut empathy and intellectual empathy, the former of which I have in spades but the latter of what I struggle with sometimes.

[Satu]

That No Contact works.

[No Limit]

That my doubts about how real relationships truly are were right. Now mind you I'm only 18 years old and stay away from the dating scene, but I got curious when 90% of my friend circle started getting BFs and GFs.

[regine_phalange]

That people are very complex indeed.

[Haydn]

I learned from `Downtown` and a select few others.

 

 

I also learned other things....

[Frank2thepoint]

I've learned some things, neither is really big, but it has improved me in some ways.

 

No contact is very important with healing and moving on from a past relationship.

 

As someone already said, not to make excuses for the person. If you don't like what the person is doing to you, and you've voiced your concerns to no avail, just simply walk away, and cut them out of your life.

 

Ask about the person's red-flags, or what their requirements are. If you think you may fall into a red-flag category, or think you may not meet the person's requirement(s), it means there is no potential, just walk away.

 

The latest one I've learned is what Danda mentioned about gut empathy. If I meet a woman that is being hesitant or is comparing me to a past situation they've had with an ex, instead of me trying to prove myself to the woman, I will walk away from her now knowing she will never accept me anyway.

[Danda]

The latest one I've learned is what Danda mentioned about gut empathy. If I meet a woman that is being hesitant or is comparing me to a past situation they've had with an ex, instead of me trying to prove myself to the woman, I will walk away from her now knowing she will never accept me anyway.

 

You are very right here, but what I mean by gut empathy vs intellectual empathy is that, when I am in person with someone, I can usually read their emotions very strongly and also tend to be an emotional sponge in general. Empathetic reactions come almost too naturally for me and can even be a weakness if I'm not careful. But when I am giving advice to someone and such, especially not in person, I am often baffled by how irrational people can be, how they don't see very obvious things, etc.. until I am in my own situation and feel totally torn up and confused, even though if the situation were someone else's and I was lecturing them, it would probably be very clear and straightforward to me. I think sometimes my advice can be biting without it being my intention as a result, because I am being purely logical without remembering that humans are complex and emotional creatures.

 

The rest of your post and other posts seem to have a strong theme of acceptance, though, instead of trying to change or control others and situations. I wonder if that is a very common issue for many people who struggle with interpersonal relationships. I know it has been for me. So bad in fact that I even got a codependency badge out of it years ago.

[ThaWholigan]

I learned to be happy with the way I processed things going forward.

 

I also learned that there are those who simply cannot be helped and they have to learn from their own mistakes first.

[amaysngrace]

I learned how to make outstanding eggplant.

[littleblackheart]

I learned that the kindness of strangers is not dead, and can have a genuinely overwhelmingly positive effect on your life. I learned that letting go of the bad whilst appreciating the good is not that hard. I learned that being a bit too passionate about any given topic doesn't always translate well in the written form, especially when not writing in your native language. And I learned that you get used to surrendering a bit more of your privacy than you first intended, and that it's okay.

[Art_Critic]

I must say I've solved a lot of my OWN problems just by writing a LS post in my head and then figuring out what everyone would be likely to say !

 

.... I have done the same, I'm not a big poster of all my internal feelings on LS, I typically like to try and post to help and read, when I'm reading I am absorbing...

 

One of the things I learned more than anything from this place is that I wasn't alone, there are people here that have felt like I have or do at times and this place has given my the comfort of not being the only person in the world who feels this way or that way.

[Art_Critic]

oh.. and I have learned more about Vagina's than I'll ever use....

[SomeDude16]

So far the biggest thing I've learned??

 

"You're thinking to hard"

[Light Breeze]

I learned that by loving yourself first will put you in a good place.

[Els]

How different various cultures are. LS is my main viewport into American culture.

[Weezy1973]

How strong and sometimes tragic confirmation bias really is.

[melodymatters]

How different various cultures are. LS is my main viewport into American culture.

 

Yes, this too ! Except as an American learning about other cultures. I love your abhorrence of our medical system among other things.

[melodymatters]

...And that people we used to just label as jerks or azzholes actually suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder !

[whichwayisup]

I am curious, what is the most important lesson you have learned, if any, from your time on LS?

 

You're (general you) not alone. Everybody has problems, some worse than others but that doesn't mean yours count any less.

 

To be able to help someone through their tough times, to know you've made a difference is a good thing.

[todreaminblue]

men often suck ....big time

 

 

 

women often suck....big time......

 

 

we all suck at one time or another.....and that it is ok to suck

 

 

men prefer women who suck....like hoovers...but varying sucking capacity from hooverish to light on the icksnay..

 

women prefer men who .....not going there....

 

women withhold all the good stuff to frustrate men in particular and often are quite prone to feeding them wrong information for some alien purpose unbeknownst to me ....

 

 

or maybe i just know and aint saying....nah the first one fits......deb

[whichwayisup]

oh.. and I have learned more about Vagina's than I'll ever use....

 

And I learned the word splooge was from a long time poster who isn't here anymore!

 

Oh and TYASAFAHICSY! God I miss that guy..