Moreesleep Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 I will try to keep this as neat and short as possible.. but long story short, about 3 months I got to take this nice women out (she's 22 I'm 30) and here we are 3 months later we still hang out every day have breakfast almost every morning and lunch and dinner once in awhile.. Ok the bad is the first date was her saying her soon to be ex was on the phone and she was giving him support.. that went on almost all the time when we were out together.. he's in jail for 5 years for some bad charges.. I told her my feelings and she said she was open for a relationship but not at the current moment when I asked. Now she told me she's used to dating drug dealers (I know but hear me out) I'm the first non drug dealer person's she's dated and she's having a bit of a hard time adjusting but finally in the past 2 weeks out of 3 months it feels like I finally got her to be a bit more open and touchy with me.. to the fact that she said I could come over any time and sleep in her bed if I needed to rest.. so to really test it out I ended up spending the night for 4 days at her house in her bed with her. Now as I said before I told her my feelings for her and she thought it was really sweet, sometimes she may tease me to try and get a reaction out of me to see if I still care for her (she did this recent) Anyways about the sleeping over, she mostly keeps on her side but we face each other and talk for a little bit before going to bed, in the most recent she will play with my foot with hers or she will put her leg over mine for at least 10 min.. or in the case of this morning she ended up resting her back on my side while I was laying on my side facing her, I notice she likes to be in control as if I tried to do any of this she hated it and said she did not want to be touched but it's fine if she does it first then I can get away with most of it, if she says no she's not really annoyed since she does not hold grudges. I just came from her job and she saw me in line and she gave me a nice smile, when I finally get to the front of the line we did a little chat and that was it.. but I'm sure to hear about that visit tonight when I pick her up LOL Anyways.. before I forget so this "ex" in jail.. well he did something again to piss her off and it's the same thing he keeps pissing her off with, her roommate told me she does not know how much longer she can do this jail thing, she seems unsure she told me she knows I care for her but she's slow in coming around because she is not used of this type of person (me) to date.. she's rejected his phone calls at least twice that I know of and she knows I don't care for when he calls.. he's got 5 years so maybe she will realize, 5 years can be spent with someone better, heck her friends were all like Mike might be a good thing for you after all.
kendahke Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Messy messy messy. Until she stops dealing with the boyfriend in jail (he's not an ex if she's still emotionally tied in to him), you need to stop dealing with her. She's just way too messy right now to be dealing with anyone else. Don't try to save her--she doesn't need saving by you. She needs to be about the business of cleaning up her messy life. The way to know she's no longer emotionally tied to him is when she blocks his calls and stops talking to him. She ain't there. 2
Omei Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 The only reason why I would see why she talks to him is she emotionally attached what above poster said. If she only dated drug dealers does she? did she used to do drugs? because usually the point of dating a drug dealers is well free drugs lol What is gonna happen to you at the end of five years? are you willing to wait five years and see? that's a long time to give up 1
Author Moreesleep Posted January 6, 2015 Author Posted January 6, 2015 The only reason why I would see why she talks to him is she emotionally attached what above poster said. If she only dated drug dealers does she? did she used to do drugs? because usually the point of dating a drug dealers is well free drugs lol What is gonna happen to you at the end of five years? are you willing to wait five years and see? that's a long time to give up Yes while we were watching a movie that's how they connected it was a emotional connection. she never did drugs she just has a shopping habit so that was a stepping stool for that. I'm willing to wait, I mean she got me a more expensive gift then I thought she would of for Christmas, if I go a day without texting her she will always ask what i'm I doing.
Author Moreesleep Posted January 6, 2015 Author Posted January 6, 2015 Messy messy messy. Until she stops dealing with the boyfriend in jail (he's not an ex if she's still emotionally tied in to him), you need to stop dealing with her. She's just way too messy right now to be dealing with anyone else. Don't try to save her--she doesn't need saving by you. She needs to be about the business of cleaning up her messy life. The way to know she's no longer emotionally tied to him is when she blocks his calls and stops talking to him. She ain't there.She's trying I know for a fact her calls have been shorter and more annoyed in tone to the fact that she did not want to speak anymore with him.. the crazy thing is I know the grandmother of the boy.. she calls her to tell her that he tried to get in contact with him.. I can throw my wrench in the fan myself since I've been spending a lot of time with this girl. I can say I think if I haven't spent as much time as I have now she would of acted a bit different on how she would talk to him on the phone.. I know I walked out on her when she took his call and did not speak to me, i got a little less then 3 blocks down the street when she called and asked me why I did not say I was leaving or say bye, I told her you were too busy for me and I left.. she said something and I hung up on her, which caused her to call right back in which I ignored the call then she called again in which I answered.
kendahke Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 She's trying I know for a fact her calls have been shorter and more annoyed in tone to the fact that she did not want to speak anymore with him.. the crazy thing is I know the grandmother of the boy.. she calls her to tell her that he tried to get in contact with him.. I can throw my wrench in the fan myself since I've been spending a lot of time with this girl. I can say I think if I haven't spent as much time as I have now she would of acted a bit different on how she would talk to him on the phone.. I know I walked out on her when she took his call and did not speak to me, i got a little less then 3 blocks down the street when she called and asked me why I did not say I was leaving or say bye, I told her you were too busy for me and I left.. she said something and I hung up on her, which caused her to call right back in which I ignored the call then she called again in which I answered. Most smart phones now days have a blocking feature built in... certainly there are plenty of apps in either the play store or apple store that block phone calls and texts. If she hasn't used one, then that means that she's paying lip service to not wanting to speak to him anymore. It's really not that hard for her to download one and install it on her phone and use it. Her reticence/hesitance makes it clear that she's not interested in ceasing her involvement with him. If you want to deal with her messiness, then go ahead. But from what you've described in your posts, she's not really serious about excising that guy from her life. Too many people have her phone number and she takes their calls. Dude would be on block. Grandma would be on block, too. She isn't her family. When a person is serious about what they say, their actions follow suit to a T. They don't go ahead and do the opposite of what they say then play the nut role.
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 She clearly still has something going on with the guy in jail. Five years ain't that long a time. I work with guys in his situation and hear more of them than I wanna remember sit there and fantasize about the nasty, violent things they're gonna do the second they get out of jail to the dude their girlfriend or ex has been banging while they're gone. You don't wanna mess with a convicted drug dealer, if you value your sanity, physical health and future. If she was TRULY over this guy she wouldn't be having any contact with him, end of. She's still wrapped up in the drama and you're positioning yourself right in the firing line. She doesn't even sound like that great a catch anyway. Messed up with drama, shopping addiction she has to use someone else's funds to finance (funds gained through the misery of drug abuse and pushing). A proven attraction to 'bad boy' dangerous types who aren't remotely stable or reliable, or law abiding... what makes you think you're gonna do it for her for any length of time? Everyone has a past. A past includes things like exes, kids, emotional baggage, past bereavements, lingering health issues, financial concerns... a PAST isn't the CURRENT boyfriend/ex in jail, speaking to her regularly, while she sits there and laps up the attention of being a dealer's girlfriend. What she has is a present, and it's messy. Get involved at your peril. You must be desperate if you'd go near this chick, sorry. 2
Assada Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 OP she doesnt care about you at all. She is just using you to fill the emotional void, while her BF is in jail. -The emotional tampon, so to speak. You have her on the pedestal big time. She doesnt respect you at all. Sleeping in a bed with a woman for 4 days, and her telling me to "not touch her" would let me leave forever. You are sad OP. Move on, and see other women 1
SomeDude16 Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 Sir this here women sounds like an actual trick. No disrespect intended...
Diezel Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 I don't get it. OP, what's the difference between you and say... a gay friend or a female friend? Because I couldn't find any. She touches your foot? oh, WOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. AMAZING. Come on man. She doesn't like you. She likes them bad boy types, the jail types. NOT YOU.
hoping2heal Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 I don't see any "Dating" going on here, and maybe I am just misunderstanding. Best as I can tell, you're a friend that she flirts with but is not dating. You spend time together but again, you're not dating. It should concern you very much that she has always only dated drug dealers. This has big implications. Aside from that, she's hung up on the ex and you are just a friend to her (far as I can tell). Of course she enjoys that you like her...its good for her ego and her man is in jail and cannot give her these affections.
bathtub-row Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 I think the bed stuff is a little strange, but whatever. My biggest concern is that you're involved with someone whose life revolves around some really bad and shady people. That is unlikely to go away. Ever. This alone would have me bolting for the hills.
lino Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 The guy in jail isn't an ex Use her as a piece of a#s if you want some action and nothing more. Otherwise have nothing more to do with her. When he gets out of jail, you'll be yesterday's news. In fact she's probably polishing his knob every time she visits him.
Omei Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 I wouldnt ever wait for five years for a love interest to see if she will give up her jail bf or not But hey its your life But it screams desperation Don't be shocked if she chews you up and spits you out when her bf gets out of jail. If she only dates drug dealers because she needs support for her shopping habit shes going to jump to whoever can provide that because thats why she dated the other guys right? For the money they gave clearly it wasn't for the type of man they were.
Author Moreesleep Posted January 7, 2015 Author Posted January 7, 2015 The guy in jail isn't an ex Use her as a piece of a#s if you want some action and nothing more. Otherwise have nothing more to do with her. When he gets out of jail, you'll be yesterday's news. In fact she's probably polishing his knob every time she visits him.Every once in awhile I bring it up, I don't want to seem nosy but she's not really his boyfriend as well.. that's another story on that whole thing.. I think the bed stuff is a little strange, but whatever. My biggest concern is that you're involved with someone whose life revolves around some really bad and shady people. That is unlikely to go away. Ever. This alone would have me bolting for the hills. The bed stuff is strange, this morning she found my leg and just flopped her whole leg ontop of mine for at least 15 min she knew what she was doing because other times if she knew my foot/leg was in that area she would quickly move her foot/leg, she had no issues with touch this time over the other times. I don't see any "Dating" going on here, and maybe I am just misunderstanding. Best as I can tell, you're a friend that she flirts with but is not dating. You spend time together but again, you're not dating. It should concern you very much that she has always only dated drug dealers. This has big implications. Aside from that, she's hung up on the ex and you are just a friend to her (far as I can tell). Of course she enjoys that you like her...its good for her ego and her man is in jail and cannot give her these affections.each time I ask her what we are I get a new thing, the most recent she said that we are "causal dating" Which I understand is a person who is not ready to commit but are open to but seeing how things workout over time. Which mirrors what she last told me she was open to a relationship with me. I don't get it. OP, what's the difference between you and say... a gay friend or a female friend? Because I couldn't find any. She touches your foot? oh, WOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. AMAZING. Come on man. She doesn't like you. She likes them bad boy types, the jail types. NOT YOU.And that's the funny thing.. like the post above I kinda hinted on she switches what she says so much, she will be like girls can take all the thugs and drug dealers and give me nerds, smart guys, well dressed.. but she tells me she "Used" to mess with drug dealers.. I did not bother going into further detail, but I'm on that level with her I can freely ask anything and she really does not like when you beat around the bush OP she doesnt care about you at all. She is just using you to fill the emotional void, while her BF is in jail. -The emotional tampon, so to speak. You have her on the pedestal big time. She doesnt respect you at all. Sleeping in a bed with a woman for 4 days, and her telling me to "not touch her" would let me leave forever. You are sad OP. Move on, and see other womenmaybe she was abused younger.. she does not like to be touched by most.. how true is that I don't know I would have to see her and someone else alone while they touched her.. she seems she gets more horny off her period then being on it.. She clearly still has something going on with the guy in jail. Five years ain't that long a time. I work with guys in his situation and hear more of them than I wanna remember sit there and fantasize about the nasty, violent things they're gonna do the second they get out of jail to the dude their girlfriend or ex has been banging while they're gone. You don't wanna mess with a convicted drug dealer, if you value your sanity, physical health and future. If she was TRULY over this guy she wouldn't be having any contact with him, end of. She's still wrapped up in the drama and you're positioning yourself right in the firing line. She doesn't even sound like that great a catch anyway. Messed up with drama, shopping addiction she has to use someone else's funds to finance (funds gained through the misery of drug abuse and pushing). A proven attraction to 'bad boy' dangerous types who aren't remotely stable or reliable, or law abiding... what makes you think you're gonna do it for her for any length of time? Everyone has a past. A past includes things like exes, kids, emotional baggage, past bereavements, lingering health issues, financial concerns... a PAST isn't the CURRENT boyfriend/ex in jail, speaking to her regularly, while she sits there and laps up the attention of being a dealer's girlfriend. What she has is a present, and it's messy. Get involved at your peril. You must be desperate if you'd go near this chick, sorry.All that stuff aside she is smart and she speaks well but her past did the most damage.
stillafool Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 Watch out! When you date girls who are use to dating drug dealers and jail birds nice guys really don't do it for them. They like the drama and bad boy image that these losers bring to the table, plus the fast money. 1
Author Moreesleep Posted January 7, 2015 Author Posted January 7, 2015 Watch out! When you date girls who are use to dating drug dealers and jail birds nice guys really don't do it for them. They like the drama and bad boy image that these losers bring to the table, plus the fast money. Funny she says shes over that/no longer into that image but it's hard to say.. she's no dummy when it comes to school work.
kendahke Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 Funny she says shes over that/no longer into that image but it's hard to say.. she's no dummy when it comes to school work. well, yeah... what else is she supposed to say while she's leading you on? No, she's into it because she will not put dude and his meemaw on block. She's as tied into that life as if she was sitting on a pile of drugs counting benji's.
Author Moreesleep Posted January 7, 2015 Author Posted January 7, 2015 well, yeah... what else is she supposed to say while she's leading you on? No, she's into it because she will not put dude and his meemaw on block. She's as tied into that life as if she was sitting on a pile of drugs counting benji's. She never did drugs not sure why one would sit and think that.. sure she's used to drug money but don't twist it into thinking she was doing them...
stillafool Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 Funny she says shes over that/no longer into that image but it's hard to say.. she's no dummy when it comes to school work. Good grades have nothing to do with it. She likes bad boys and that's a hard habit to break.
MichaelA Posted February 27, 2015 Posted February 27, 2015 we all have a past. most people have baggage you just need to find somebody you're willing to help unpack. the best way to judge a person is who their friends are in life. if they are scumbags most likely they are too.
smackie9 Posted February 27, 2015 Posted February 27, 2015 She hasn't just got baggage, it's hot mess baggage. As they say you are the company you keep.....she's bad company......RUN!
AprilTears Posted February 27, 2015 Posted February 27, 2015 You came here because you are feeling uneasy about your situation and you see red flags in your eyeballs instead of pupils. DO NOT IGNORE THEM! It's only been 3 months. Get out now before you invest more or you'll be back here in the coping forum trying to figure out how you will ever get over her. Run like the wind, dude. And RUN fast! 1
AprilTears Posted February 27, 2015 Posted February 27, 2015 She never did drugs not sure why one would sit and think that.. sure she's used to drug money but don't twist it into thinking she was doing them... You know something isn't right with her. That 's why you are here. So stop defending her! You came here seeking advice (like we all do) and you are getting some good, honest to goodness advice. I suggest you take it all to heart otherwise you will end up in a world of hurt. 1
Purepony Posted February 27, 2015 Posted February 27, 2015 (edited) Here are a few reasons why I don't see this working. 1. She's attracted to bad boys you're the opposite that could go with you or against you 2. She dates drug dealer so the money is probably good if the money's good do you have money can you put the flash? She might be attracted to the nice cars expensive purses or nice cars, can you afford that? 3. He's getting five years he might be out in three so be ready for it to be sooner than you think. 4. If he's well connectedI he mighthave have friends on the outside who can go keep an eye on her. So before you know it he will know you're in the picture and that doesn't sound like a good thing because the roommate knows when somebody knows someone's going to tell someone and sooner or later he will find out. 5. For this to work she would have to leave her whole life behind and go on with you and by that I mean, forget about the roommate completely disappear because the people I'm sure have ties to her boyfriend somehow like the grandma calling her? 6. If I were you I would just use her for a couple weeks as a fwb. If I was you Edited February 27, 2015 by Purepony
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