Daniel999 Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Hello everyone:) Sorry for disturbing... but I'd be very happy if you could share your experience - in case you got such - on situations when religion caused problems in a relationship. I myself have a problem on this with my girlfriend: I cant understand some things she does in order to... I dont even know... And when I try to think about it to find the very core, she often refuses to dig deeper... Thanks in advance...
Arabella Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 This is actually in the wrong section, but I'm sure a mod will move it eventually. I find that religion is an all or nothing proposition. Either you can live with your partner's beliefs or not. I am an atheist. I was married to a Christian man, but it was a constant struggle because I couldn't understand or approve of half the things he did. We divorced, and I am now married to another atheist. If I knew then what I know now, I probably would never have married my first husband just based on this factor alone. Although you don't explain your situation much, I will say this... it's not your girlfriend's job to explain or justify her beliefs (or lack thereof) to you. Either you can accept them, or you cannot. 1
Mirages Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Daniel, I hear you. Within the Christian framework often 2 Corinthinans 6:14 is quoted as reason to not marry of other faiths. Jews and Muslims have a similar position. For me religion is a logical, and intellectual pursuit, and as such, I, like you, want my other half to dig deeper. I also was/am frustrated that 80% of "Believers," are really emotionally tied to a process that they do not logically understand. I recommend that people with strong religious beliefs never attach to secular or strong in other paths types. It is not about insecurity or being wrong necessarily, it just does not work. It is a flawed policy in life to live in fear of one's family, managers, society. Unfortunately some people's religious views are not genuine, they are fear-submission to a family tradition. Is that some of what you face? "I teach my kids how to think, not what to think."
Ronni_W Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 ...situations when religion caused problems in a relationship. I myself have a problem on this with my girlfriend: I cant understand some things she does in order to... I dont even know... And when I try to think about it to find the very core, she often refuses to dig deeper... Daniel, It's possible that she herself has not explored the doctrines of her religion or the 'why' of her faith in it, too deeply...and, if this is the case, then she will not be able to help you understand very much, or at least perhaps not to the level that you seek to understand. On the other hand, you can make your own enquiries into those doctrines, their spiritual meaning, and how they're taught and practiced. Since you are interested enough to want to understand, then Google is your best friend...so that you will not feel pressure to try to "get her" to "dig deeper" to give you your answers, AND you will be able to start/carry on conversations that will address what you feel is creating a problem in your relationship. (You don't need anyone else to elevate your own understanding. Once you gather the basics through your own efforts, then you can at least address the "whole dang thing" more intelligently, from wider perspective.)
evanescentworld Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Daniel, I hear you. .... For me religion is a logical, and intellectual pursuit, and as such, I, like you, want my other half to dig deeper...... "I teach my kids how to think, not what to think." Daniel, It's possible that she herself has not explored the doctrines of her religion or the 'why' of her faith in it, too deeply...... On the other hand, you can make your own enquiries into those doctrines, their spiritual meaning, and how they're taught and practiced. ... Where in his post, has he stated that SHE is the Religious one, and that HE is the Atheist? You're all making a huge assumption here.....
Author Daniel999 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Posted January 7, 2015 Mirages, Arabella, thanks) Yes, I think I have already understood that it, most likely, wont work that she would start to analyse her belief: I will have to accept it, closing my eyes... I'm an atheist, or at least for me 'the God' cannot be a christian one, after all my experience and thinking: after I had learned, in my time, how to think, I cannot 'just believe' maybe it's not right, but that's the way it is...
Author Daniel999 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Posted January 7, 2015 Yes, Mirages, this is a kind of what I face) And thanks to you too, Ronni_W, some time ago my girlfriend decided to refuse to listen to music in order to make our dream come true faster, which is to live together! I mean, I really love her, and I tried to undertand it, but it didnt made me any success: I explained that if you want your desire to come true than the price you pay should be an equal one!
Author Daniel999 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Posted January 7, 2015 Which means if want, for instance, a family than you have to sacrifice the comfort you had, living with your parents and try to accept new responsibilities, thats what I think) Poor music has nothing to do with it...
Gloria25 Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 A relationship is stronger when the couple have more in common... Religion is core to people. It is a fundamental part of their being that often drives various aspects of their life. Some religions tell you morality, how to dress, eat, involvement in the church activities/community. So, when you're not clicking religiously, there may be conflict. Now, a lot of people say it doesn't matter. But when kids come around, people's attitudes change. There's something about children that elevates us (unless you're one of those irresponsible/careless parents out there). We want the best for them, and we consider their religious development something that "now" will become an issue. Even "if" you try to raise the home with no religion. The kids learn from what they see their parents doing. Either, they'll pick a religion from one of you or none. Probably none, cuz none is easier. One guy I was seeing had an issue with our differences in religion. But I didn't plan to have kids. He was very involved in his church - it was a big part of his life. Another guy, while he didn't come out and say it - I think he took issue with our differences in religion. In both cases, I don't get their hang-ups...I'm not planning to have kids, so I don't see the issue. I mean, if we have to go to his church, I can sit there and be respectful w/o participating in the rituals. And, when I do my religious activities, I can do them on my own w/o him.
Danda Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 I would never date someone who differs from me in this manner. It's basically a doomed relationship because you start questioning and judging your partner, doesn't matter which is the religious one, the spiritual one, the atheist one, the different religion one, etc. People have very deeply-rooted reasoning for their beliefs or lack thereof and it's part of who they are, how they see the world, etc. With friends, coworkers, neighbors, etc you can just live and let live so long as nobody is hurting anyone else, but to just "live and let live" doesn't work in a romantic relationship.
Author Daniel999 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Posted January 7, 2015 Yes, I understand all this... that it hardly will work without mutual accepting... And still how much pain can cause when in response to your sacrifices for the love you want to save you get nothing and the religion turns out to be too much a sacrifice...
Dontfindme Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 I dated someone from the same religious background as me. He was always more into practicing the religion more than I was - and we (initially)accepted this about one another. Over time, he started trying to pressure me to practice it more which would lead to fights. He wasn't accepting me for who I was, and I had made it very clear where I stood on religion. The fights would resolve for a few days and then they would resurface shortly. Ultimately, he broke up with me because he could no longer accept how little I practiced my faith. And although, while he was breaking up, I said I'd change, I know, now, that I would resent him if he forced me to do something I didn't want to do myself.
Michaeltrio Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 Hi, I also faced the religion problem in relationship. plz give suggestion to solved the problem.
ktya Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 Im an Athiest and ive dated, and been in relationships with Christians and Catholics. I tried out a Muslim but the differences were just too stark. I find it can work provided they accept you for who you are as much as you accept them for who they are. What can help, if your the Athiest:. Ensure youve found your own sense of spirituality. Maybe you find it in the forest, maybe in the ocean, maybe in meditation. Figure it out so you can explain it. Its unnerving for a spiritual person of faith to think you have no spirit at all. Explaining your spirituality can put them at ease a little that you do in fact have a soul. Then use google. Learn about their faith. Offer to attend church with them sometimes (not all the time) on major days and if you do so, when in rome act as the romans do and be very respectful and quiet, regardless of how much you learned reading about it. Many people of strong faith, if they see you as faithless, will want to convert you so you can be "saved". This is why the former is so important, showing that you have your own spirituality. If this does start to happen bear in mind they do this out of love, not to be overbearing - even though it can appear so.
Ronni_W Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 I'm an atheist, or at least for me 'the God' cannot be a christian one, Daniel, I agree with you, that the depiction of God in the Christian Bible (and other faith texts also) does not offer a true "portrait". There ARE teachings that talk of these graven images and the idolatry of God (and Jesus), all of which are actually man-made and have been imposed on the rest of us for eons, by...well, by the power elite and other dark forces. In case you have any interest, this page has links to articles with titles such as "Why Jesus' teachings were perverted..." Or, this page -- "A new type of church leader is needed". Of course, if you're not interested, please just reject and ignore those links. Thanks.
Ronni_W Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 Where in his post, has he stated that SHE is the Religious one, and that HE is the Atheist? You're all making a huge assumption here..... No, not really. He said, "And when I try to think about it to find the very core, she often refuses to dig deeper..." Non-religious people or atheists usually do not have anything into which (they are or may be called upon) to "dig deeper". Usually not, but not always not. I do agree with you, though, evanescentworld, that it wasn't all that clear at first reading. Took me a while to decide that my initial sense was most likely on the right track. However, I was open to the fact that it might not be. No harm would have befallen.
Author Daniel999 Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 Thanks for the links. Yes, it can work if you accept all. Well, it is selfish to lose your so long waited second part because of religion... And, on God topic: I just think that God is much more than people can determine it
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