anyone don't see the point in being in a relationship if it's not leading to mariage?

[Rydo]

I've never been married and never plan on it. There is no benefit to being married where I come from.

 

To me it's just an outdated tradition.

[MrNate 2.0]

There are no guarantees with marriage.

 

It's purely symbolic with tax benefits and legal ramifications should you ever divorce.

 

And as we all know, that "For better or worse" part has a pretty big asterisk that goes along with it.

[Elias33]

I guess the way it's being out here it sounds crazy. I'm not saying you need to be married and have kids, but who wants to be a single parent? I'm not knocking it at all, my mom was / is one, and single parents deserve all the respect in the world, but I like to think in my life I would be able to raise a beautiful kid with s beautiful wife and grow as a family. I don't want to have joint custody or anything like that. Not saying I still wouldn't enjoy raising my kid that way, it's just not the ideal situation for me.

 

Idk maybe it's just because I never had a mom + dad wife + husband growing up and never got to experience that type of relationship. But I want that for my kid/life

 

But marriage is not the magic ingredient to have all that you wish for. If you tie all that to that one word "marriage", I think you are idealizing the idea of marriage. I am divorced but am a proud parent of the best son I could ever have, it's not ideal but what is? Marriage is? I do not need a legal paper to tell me to be a parent, or a truthful and faithful lover.

 

I've said it, there is nothing wrong with the idea of marriage, it is simply not needed. THAT is truly respecting marriage as it is, to see it for what it is, with all it's pitfalls and legal aspects. We need to stop Disneyfying marriage, family, and being a faithful partner, so we can actually get better at it.

[Elias33]

I think you should stop dumping your baggage and jadedness on the kid's head. He is young. He wants to get married. That's his dream and his right. We are older, we have failed marriages and don't want to get married again, but it's OK for someone like him to consider marriage as the right way to live life and raise kids.

 

It's not true that 50% of marriages end in divorce, the rate went down and it highly depends on the demographics. Women with college degrees that marry after the age of 30 have only a 17% divorce rate for example.

 

The answer to the OP is, if you want to get married and she doesn't you have to end it now and find someone who does.

 

Isn't that because less people got married?

[MissBee]

I'm not talking about just casual dating. I'm talking about a serious relationship with "I love yous" and living together and all that jazz. I just don't see a point in doing it anymore unless it's actually going to lead to something more.

 

I'm currently in a "serious" relationship and it's starting to seem sort of destined to fail.

 

She doesn't know if she ever wants to get married to anyone, and I'm the type that (eventually when the time is right) wants to settle down. Now I'm not knocking her beliefs or anything, it's totally fine she feels that way. But I dont.

 

So it led me to this question...

 

Do you guys think there is a point to serious relationships If the outcome isn't marriage?

 

No.

 

Like you said, casual dating is one thing, when you already know you aren't looking for something permanent but at this age I am looking for a life partner, someone to have kids with and the rest so if I was in a relationship I felt was "destined to fail" I would leave. I date with a purpose. I cannot guarantee I will end up married to every man I date seriously, but the POTENTIAL has to at least be there. Over time things grow or dissipate but if from jump I know I'd never settle down with you and I don't see another 2, 3 5, 10 plus years with you, then it's sort of pointless for me.

[Pinkdisney]

I am perhaps coming to this from a more, ahem, mature age (early 40's) however no, at this stage in my life I am not looking to be in a relationship that is going nowhere. If I were looking to "scratch an itch" then it wouldn't matter but that's not my end goal. I was married for 13 years, Catholic Wedding, Kids the whole deal. I value marriage and am surrounded by folks who are/were married 20/30/40 years.

 

I started dating my BF in the spring of 2012 and we don't live together currently. We had the talk a few dates in and I let him know that I am a believer in marriage and at some point again if I met the right person i'd like to remarry. He agreed, said there was not a rush, but that would be the end goal. It's now closing in on 3 years and i've become a bit of a squeaky wheel about it. I would not want to walk away from this man if he suddenly tells me he needs x amount more years to wait, but I think after this length of time he knows whether I am the one or not to have a future with as man and wife.

[thecrucible]

My friend has been dating this guy for 5 years now long-distance (they live a few hours apart) - she is 25; he's 27. She's starting to feel like she wants their relationship to become more serious and maybe move in together, that she get something back for time invested. I am never going to give her any advice on this unless she asks me...but I just wonder what the male point of view would be on this situation?

[FitChick]

You can't convince someone to want something they don't want. Just because something works or didn't work for you doesn't mean it will or won't work for them. They are not you. They will not marry your ex.

 

I think one reason many people divorce is because they don't put in the work required. They expect everything to magically work out.

 

If I weren't married, I would be too tempted to leave rather than work things out. It would be too easy. I kind of like the idea of being "forced" to resolve problems rather than running away. It's an opportunity to learn and grow as a human being.

 

On a practical note, in most places even if you lived with someone for decades, if they were hospitalized, you'd have no say over their care. A relative they despised or whom they'd had no contact with in years would have more access and control than you. As for common law, live with someone long enough and they can claim some of your assets. As for domestic partnerships they are only available to gays who live in states where they cannot legally marry.

Edited January 8, 2015 by FitChick