Words Don't Match Actions

[Aint_Easy]

Well.. I never thought I'd have to post here. But I'll admit, I've never done that well at being alone, and this seems like a damn good community, so here I am.

 

I know no one wants to read an essay, so this post will be the signals she is sending.

And the next post the cliffnotes. I'm sorry, I'm just very detailed lol.

 

The skinny: GF of 5 years, best friend of 7 years. Almost got married but decided to wait. Came close to moving in together. She lived in a very restricted home. Now that she is moved out, she is experiencing what freedom tastes like all at once. Something I experienced slowly, over years. Broke up with me 7 1/2 weeks ago because of what looks like grass is greener syndrome. I knew of NC, and enforced it for 5 weeks. Made contact after that. We are part of a seriously close knit group of friends. They picked sides with me cause they felt what she did was wrong. She stopped hanging out with them since they spent so much time with me.

 

(1)

Before Contact

- She tells friends that maybe one day we'll get back together

- She constantly shoved in my face on social media her hanging out (mostly drinking) with her dude coworkers.

- She consistently and blatantly expressed how happy she was even though I was hearing otherwise (work sucked, school was rough, she got sick, etc)

- She constantly talked about how awesome being single was to our friends yet talked about how lonely she was at the same time

 

Contact: Messaged her on facebook saying I would never want her to feel like she isn't part of the group. If she is willing to work out our differences so that our group can be whole, so am I. Five minutes later she texted me saying how happy she was to hear from me, how relieved she was, and how much she misses her best friend, but needs it to be completely platonic

After Contact

- Day after posted an article on Facebook titled "How to get over the person you thought you'd never say goodbye to" and put "sigh..."

- Day after posted on her private page that she apparently forgot I'm still allowed to see "If whatever happens, I did, I do, and I will always love you.. it was just too much too soon."

- 3 days later posted "Whenever I am afraid, I will trust God"

- Immediately after posted "I wanted it to be you more than anything, why couldn't it have been you"

- Liked a few of my statuses, and liked a few of my photos, showing she was browsing

 

I took those as signs and texted her asking if we could meet up. Big mistake right? Apparently not because she immediately responded "what day and what time" I didn't respond so then 2 hours later said "I can do this day at this time" then said "does that work for you". We texted for a little bit and it felt like we were bf/gf again. So we met up. And it was stupid, because I wasn't ready. The moment I saw her I was nervous like a kid giving a speech. I did my best, but I think she could tell. However the bright side is it was like we were bf/gf again. Immense flirting. Chemistry was just as ridiculous. Constant teasing. Catching up on life, making her giggle, both of us laughing. She brought up things that I did during NC that proved she was seriously keeping up with my life. But it still felt like she was winning. I still felt like I looked like the desperate guy trying to get her. So that's where I made the mistake.

 

I brought up the relationship and apologized for all I knew I did wrong, she acted like us breaking up was all my fault and said "the fact that you made these changes after we broke up proves why we shouldn't try again". She stood her ground, said she was happier, but said she greatly misses her best friend. I said "Well I love you, and I want you to be happy, so if that is what you want, I will respect that." She said she would need some time and I said take all you need. We flirted a bit more, teased a little bit, and ended with a big hug. She then said "also, we can't do this texting thing, it feels like we're bf/gf again and I just can't do that"

Also, she said some very abstract crap like "maybe in a year we will be together, but that's if it's meant to be"

 

Next day she texts me. But I was a fool and responded we texted each other for a few hours, flirted, talked, etc, and then I ended it.

 

A couple days later I texted her, we talked for about an hour, and then she ended it. I didn't delete the conversation off of my iMessages. And this is where the big screw up happened.

 

About three days later I'm out drinking with friends I haven't seen in awhile. Friends girlfriend is talking to a really attractive girl over by the bar. I text her to let her know I wanna talk to that "beautiful girl". She comes back and I say what happened. She says what are you talking about. I look at my phone and see I texted my gf instead of her. (They both have the same name just spelled differently!!!)

 

She responds saying "Lol so sure that was an accident" and I say "Sorry, that was really awkward haha" and she responds "Lol." Immediately texts my closest girl friend, my closest guy friend, and our other friend saying "what the hell is this" and then they did the best they could to make her believe it was an accident, she didn't buy it.

 

What does she do the next day? Went out with her guy coworkers and got so drunk that she passed out, fell, and got a concussion. Next day she finds out my closest guy friend and I are gonna hang out, asks to meet up with him before we do, and tells him how over me she is and how she needs me to be platonic . Her New Year's plans were ruined thanks to that concussion, and she told friends how extremely depressed she was about it, yet posted on facebook how absolutely happy she is. Then what does she do? Like a few of my facebook statuses, again proving she's browsing.

 

These mixed signals are becoming retarded, and I've decided to start a NC again. I haven't spoken to her since I accidentally texted her that (a week ago). I decided that if she really thinks life is so much better without me as her boyfriend, I need to let her live it and experience it. I need to give her the time she asked for and cut her off completely. Also I need her to get over our relationship because she clearly isn't yet with all these emotions. But did I decide this too late?

 

Did I make the right move? I appreciate your guys help immensely. I love talking to people and don't do well alone, but my friends are sick of this lol.

[Aint_Easy]

CLIFFNOTES

- GF 5 years, best friends 7 years. Deeply in love. Probably more than I was with her. Marriage almost happened. Moving in together was about to happen.

- She got grass is greener syndrome with her newfound freedom from parents (and money with new job)

- Broke up with me 7 ½ weeks ago, I went 5 weeks no contact

- Tells me she greatly misses her best friend, but needs me to be platonic

- When we met up we flirted like hell, chemistry was still ridiculous, she did everything she could to not cry while talking about us

- She tells me she wants to be single and all that crap, but constantly shows signs of otherwise

- She constantly brags how happy she is on social media, but tells people otherwise

- I accidentally texted her about a hot girl at a bar, and she acted like no big deal, yet texted all of our friends saying “what the hell is this ****” immediately after I sent it

- Lashed out and got super drunk with guy coworkers and posted it all over the place

- I decided to stop contact again last week.

- If she wants to see how great single life is, I’ll respect that and let her, no matter what signals she gives

- Meanwhile I will work on myself

- Is this a good idea, or is it too late?

Edited January 6, 2015 by Aint_Easy

[Aint_Easy]

been reading the "if you want them back" thread for the past two hours, and I'll admit, that may have helped me more than posting this thread ever would. I suppose this thread was more of just a "finally getting all my thoughts out of my head"

 

Based off of all her ****, it's clear this was a "she got bored aka G.I.G.S". And here I am falling for her damn breadcrumbs. I feel like an idiot. I'm better than this. The man she fell in love with was confident, optimistic, and was always moving forward. I'm tired of feeling pathetic. If she wants to risk losing something as amazing as what we had, fine. I think it's finally time to go on a date with that cocktail waitress that hit me up.

[Light Breeze]

I'm glad you read that thread.. Very helpful.. Don't forget to also read the NC Guide.

 

First off just want to say sorry for what your going through right now and just believe it will get better. May I also ask what are your ages?

 

And to answer your question, no, it's not too late to go NC. remember though, NC is a tool for YOU to feel better and not really to get her back. The good thing with NC is that you'll be placed in a win-win situation. You'll move on, so if she doesn't come back you still win because you won't care. If she does, you win again, but you might not even want her back by the time that happens.

 

Regarding your ex, yes I agree this might be GIGS or it could possibly be that she just wants to enjoy her single life, which, she probably didn't experience before she met you. Right now, she looks very confused, hence, the breadcrumbs to keep you on a leash, which is very selfish on her part. It's highly probable that she is stringing you along to be her emotional crutch as she shops for better prospects or until she recovers.

 

So, just go total NC, work on yourself, and get your dignity back. Basically be a better version of yourself and live your life.

 

May I suggest also, that please avoid rebound relationships during this time because more often than not it just ends in disaster and additional pain.

 

Stay strong brother.

Edited January 6, 2015 by Light Breeze

[Aint_Easy]

LightBreeze I am 25, she is 23. We both have about 2 years of school left. The issue is I was able to "enjoy" the single life while with her. Since I wasn't in a restricted house, I got to go out to bars, be with "my boys" and do all that **** all while getting hit on and telling girls "sorry I'm taken" I got to put my feet in the water without jumping in. I knew I loved her so much that this being single thing wasn't something I'd ever miss.

 

But she got pushed in the water full force. The horrible part is this new life she has, I gave her. The house she's living in? I found it and helped her work out the lease. University she transferred to? I recommended it and helped her get everything together. Job she has? She got the interview for it by me asking all my friends if they knew of somewhere and if she could use them as a reference. I did so many things for her, and her so many things for me. She helped me immensely as I did her. But the moment she sees what its like to be single she bails? That's what has told me it's time to cut off all contact.

[amaysngrace]

You sound like a good man and I think you're smart to keep NC with her. It's never too late to go NC, I think that was your question.

 

She's not ready for a relationship right now and is trying to keep you on the back burner by saying a year blah blah and meant to be blah blah so she stays on your radar.

 

Just do your thing, man. You've got a whole year!

[tobrieornottobrie]

It sounds like you're hurting, I'm sorry that you're dealing with all of this. I can't say that I really have advice but I hope that it gets better for you and that you figure it out what will work for you. Wishing you the best of luck!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the brie's cheese knees

[Aint_Easy]

man this is not easy. I can't stop trying to find reasons or explanations or blame. I have this strong feeling that the moment I get over her she'll realize the grass isn't greener and she'll come back, but how can she do that when two months into this she's clearly still not over me?

 

she keeps trying to justify the break up to our friends CONSTANTLY talking about my anger issues, I stopped talking to her so why the hell isn't she getting over this.

[BC1980]

I went through this with my ex. He said a lot of similar things actually. He wanted so badly for me to be his wife, but he just couldn't do it. He still loved me. He wanted it to work one day. It's all just talk. I know you want to hang onto anything, but it's all talk. It's much easier to say something than to carry out the actions behind it. My ex was crying on the phone to me in Nov, saying he wanted to work it out but couldn't right then. He got engaged the following May. So yeah, people can say a lot of shiz they don't mean, and I would never have believed that until it happened to me.

[jphcbpa]

I see your lips moving....let's see what you feet do.

 

Take action on your life...if it is going to happen she can catch up to you. You will get lost for months and months thinking about her words.

[Aint_Easy]

I see your lips moving....let's see what you feet do.

 

Take action on your life...if it is going to happen she can catch up to you. You will get lost for months and months thinking about her words.

 

Week later and... struggling. Doing the best I can.

 

Good things:

- Started bouldering and go about 3 times a week

- Have always taken basketball seriously, playing 3 times a week

- Started doing a calisthenics workout plan as well as rowing

- Have had a few days that were better than they have been in months

- Deleted her off snapchat, instagram, and facebook

- Doing my best to get closer to alot of friends I didn't spend time with

- Spending a little bit of time each day job hunting

- Haven't spoken to her in two-ish weeks

- Have done tremendously on working on my anger/impatience/controlling tendencies

 

Bad things:

- Still keep having dreams. Dream after dream after dream

- Still think about her more than I'd like to

- Deleted her off instagram but my profile is public. posted a picture of myself two days ago and she liked it. first photo of me she's liked in 3 months

- Checked-In on facebook at our favorite restaurant, she liked it

- Mutual girl friend posted a status, I commented on it, we went back and forth a couple of times, ex liked the status, and all of my comments??

- Friend posted a picture of all of us together and even though she doesn't know him, she liked the photo

- I won't go into details, but she is clearly doing what she can to make me jealous, and it is upsetting as need I remind her, SHE broke up with me

- Other day I picked a girl friend up from the same mall she works at. She saw my car and texted friend saying "Oh you and Aint_Easy too cool to eat at my work and let me serve you?! </3" This is the SAME girl who has not initiated contact with me more than twice and every time a friend invites her somewhere that I'm at she says "ohhh i'm not ready for that yet" again as if she broke up with me

 

- The real bad: I caved and checked all her social media today. She posted a picture of herself with the quote

"I may not be the prettiest flower in the garden but at least I am loved by some pretty amazing people that are willing to pick the wild flowers like me."

 

Made me a bit sad because if we were together, guaranteed I would have said "but you are the prettiest flower"

 

So now everything is blocked and no more checking. There's my update.

 

**Edit: It just hit me while trying to sleep. We talked briefly before about returning stuff but me having her house key never came up, and it still hasn't come up. I'm sure its nothing to think about, but a little weird she doesn't mind me having a key still?

Edited January 15, 2015 by Aint_Easy