Dru79 Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 G'day all, I'm new to the site and obviously have a situation you can all help me with....... About 6 months ago I came out of a really emotional draining relationship and after a month decided to sign up for a online dating app. I met a girl on there who was seperated from her husband for 6 months and we just clicked, we could have these excellent conversations (never under an hour and that's virtually every time we spoke) and it really felt like something special. We started to meet and fool around alittle in fun ways (we never slept together) but whenever I discussed wanting to take the situation further she would back off. We would catch up maybe once every 3 weeks (it was difficult bc of her young boys) and I was rediculed by my mates who saw me as wasting my time. One night about a month ago I got very drunk and had a one night stand, I felt terrible but everyone around me told me I was single so ild done nothing wrong so I didn't tell R. Unfortunq big no-no's insecure and needy. This got me a stern lecture and she used the dreaded line "I just want to be friends". I decided I had to tell her about my one-nighter after that and she said ild hurt her, she didn't trust me, blocked me on Facebook and apparently her mobile too. I'm following NC but my questions are : - was I in a relationship and I cheated on her? - should I treat this as an "ex" situation or "losing a friend" situation? - should I block her number as well? The first and last things we did was say good morning/goodnight to each other so these are really bad triggers for me. - after NC I was going to send a letter to her house but I've never been there bf and she doesn't know I know the address. Would this be seen as creepy? I'm sorry this is so long-winded, hopefully someone out there can pass on some valuable advice.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 First, do NOT send a letter to her. Yes, that would be creepy, especially as she never gave you her address. I promise that would make all of this much worse! Second, you didn't lose a girlfriend. Catching up once every three weeks or so does not constitute a relationship. She very likely wasn't ready yet anyway, given how fresh her separation is. If you tried to go further with a commitment and she backed off, that is a very clear indication you weren't in a relationship. Third, while I know you had good intentions in telling her about your one-night stand, I don't think it was entirely necessary. You had no exclusivity or commitment from her, so I don't believe you're in the wrong for keeping your options open..so to speak. I get that she didn't love hearing about it but I'm also not sure what she expected from you considering your situation with her sounds rather casual. I'd continue NC. I don't think you two were on the same page and I think you ultimately wanted different things. You were and still are single.
Toodaloo Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 I'm following NC but my questions are : - was I in a relationship and I cheated on her? No you were not in a relationship nor was there a chance of one happening soon. You were what is known as a "buffer boy" - should I treat this as an "ex" situation or "losing a friend" situation? Neither, treat it as a someone you once knew and hoped to get close to didn't want to and leave it at that. She was not technically your friend nor was she a girlfriend... its a whole not a thing type thing... - should I block her number as well? The first and last things we did was say good morning/goodnight to each other so these are really bad triggers for me. If you are going No Contact it means that. Block/ delete every form of contact. Find something else to do first thing in the mornings instead. - after NC I was going to send a letter to her house but I've never been there bf and she doesn't know I know the address. Would this be seen as creepy? Hell yes - DO NOT GO THERE. . Let this one go. I am sorry for you as I know this hurts but the only thing you can do is see it for what it was. You were buffering her emotions and providing a distraction from reality. Nothing more. There was no real friendship no real emotions even if it felt as though there were. Lesson here is to a. give yourself time to recover between relationships and b. ensure the people who you would like to date have had time too! Good luck. It sucks and hurts but it does get better with time.
Author Dru79 Posted January 6, 2015 Author Posted January 6, 2015 Tx for the feedback guys . So your basically saying I was used?
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