trainermc Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 She left me 1 week ago saying I shouldn't waste my time because she doesn't want to change. At the time I was trying to help her learn to love again. But she never wants to love again, yet she still enjoyed being with me and wanted to date me. The card basically just apologized for pressuring her and told her I accept her for who she is. And if she is ready to give us another go, we should just live in the moment and have fun together. She got it today but didn't respond. Is this a sign she is thinking about it? Or she doesn't care enough to respond? How long should I wait before I realize she wants nothing to do with me? (which would be unlikely).
Ieris Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Don't expect anything so then you're not left disappointed. I don't know if she would respond but just give her some time to think and let things sink in x
Itspointless Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Trainermc, you might hear from her, but do not expect to much from it. It tried to say it in your other thread in mild words to you (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/508946-i-scared-my-girlfriend-away-how-can-i-fix). Your ex is not securely attached, this means that she is not able to go into a healthy relationship with healthy communication. Most likely she is dismissive-avoidant attached which means that she suppresses everything that comes to close and no you can't change that. Even if she wanted it would be a long project with intensive therapy. Instead she said she doesn't want to love anymore. Given her history of abuse she also might be in two other categories that are not any better (fearful avoidant or disorganized). Even if she came back, these are the girlfriends who push you away again and again. The fact that you already pushed her away by mistake does not give you much chance of her coming back: it is what she unconsciencely fears the most. You better try to move on, sorry dude.
FancyFace Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 She may answer, she may not. Don't hurt yourself by waiting around for a response that may or may not come and that if it did come, most likely wont have the response that you do not want to hear. Let it go, let her go. Go NC and try to start the process of moving on.
melell Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 You have come to the right place op... She left and said she didn't want to change, you want to help her love again.. I hate to say it but it doesn't work like that. When things are right you shouldn't have to convince anyone of anything. Forget the letter, make yourself your priority, and make yourself happy. 1
RedButton Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Take some time and concentrate on yourself for now. One week isn't much time, I know after one week I was in a horrible state. I'm two months after the fact and haven't contacted her since, and now I'm glad I haven't. This doesn't mean I don't like her, or I'm angry, but we both needed that time to get through it. I still feel like I should send her a letter but, just as a cordial kind of 'thanks for the great memories' thing. As time goes on, I may feel there's no need to, but if I still want to, I will. Give yourself some more time and see where you find yourself.
fromheart Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 She left me 1 week ago saying I shouldn't waste my time because she doesn't want to change. At the time I was trying to help her learn to love again. But she never wants to love again, yet she still enjoyed being with me and wanted to date me. The card basically just apologized for pressuring her and told her I accept her for who she is. And if she is ready to give us another go, we should just live in the moment and have fun together. She got it today but didn't respond. Is this a sign she is thinking about it? Or she doesn't care enough to respond? How long should I wait before I realize she wants nothing to do with me? (which would be unlikely). Contact a woman after she has told you to go and you're putting yourself in a very weak position. That's needing her, not loving her. Put your own well being first and stop being reliant on her to feel good. IF she really loves you, she'll come back once you do that. If not, you'll meet someone else. You win all round. But only if you walk away and take the immense pain you are going through, without looking for her to fix it. I'm in the same boat and its a tough one.
JamesMoore Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Everything that's going on in your break-up right now is the result of mixed signals. You say that she will never love again, but that she still enjoys spending time with you. What does this do to you? It gets your hopes up and gets you thinking there's a good chance you'll be together again. But when you try to make amends by sending her a card, she ignores you. The harder you try, the more she pulls away. But if you could just "read between the lines" you would see what's really happening is that she loves and wants to be with the person she met in the first place — not the person this break-up has led you to become. In other words... the key to winning her back is to get yourself back in the same shape as when you first met her. This requires you to step back from your situation, look at it from a realistic point of view, and see where things went wrong... - What were you like before you got together? - How did you change during the relationship? - What has this break-up ultimately turned you into? For example, did you apologize for yourself like you do now? Did you send her letters and cards? Think about it. Getting her back is about fixing yourself, not the relationship. Hope this guides you in the right direction. You can also read my story here: http://goo.gl/xQmA60
samaraa Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 From your other post, I see this was long-distance and you'd been exclusive 3 weeks. Long-distance relationships can be difficult. You noted she has trust issues. She's already broken up with you. You care more about her than she does, and wanted to spend more time with her than she did. This has trouble and (more) heartache for you written all over it. She might contact you, she might not. There's no time limit and we don't know what she's thinking, but she told you it's over. You need to accept that and focus on taking care of yourself.
d0nnivain Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 For all you know, once she saw the return address she threw the card away without opening it. You have to let her go. As soon as you do, you will start to heal. Your own state of mind is all you have control over at this point. 1
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