Eddy Street Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 (edited) If I get into a relationship that progresses to physical contact, I'm terrified that someone will accuse me of something bad. Ever since I was a teen, when I saw a movie on HBO, where a well-meaning young man was seduced by a girl who made out with him and then accused him of raping her (of course, the young man's life was ruined) I've been extremely anxious about women. I guess ever since then I've been SCARED of relationships. I used to tell myself I wasn't ready for a relationship or that I wasn't prepared conversationally but underlying all that is my fear that somebody will try to accuse me of something bad, if just for kicks. How likely is it that this sort of thing could happen? Are women actively on the lookout for emotionally vulnerable men to do this sort of thing to? Edited January 6, 2015 by Eddy Street
Danda Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 No, the vast majority of women don't do **** like that. Whether or not it's an "irrational" fear, I don't feel it's fair to say. Will it happen to you? Very unlikely. But could it happen to you. Yes. So I'm not going to judge your feelings here. Instead let's look at how to cope with them. If I were in your shoes, I would wait until the woman is showing you some pretty obvious green lights that she's interested in sex, but don't go for it physically right off the bat. Play a bit coy but then very soon after text with her about your desires to make love with her. Wait until she expresses in texts that she is also definitely wanting to make love with you. If you actually rape her (hypothetical of course) those text messages will not save you. There will likely be physical evidence of physical force or evidence that you drugged her / or that she was extremely dunk, and the hospital will be able to get this evidence. There would be other factors that would damn you, as well. But if she is sober, it's gentle and consensual sex, and you have text messages from her expressing her interest in having sex with you, then if she is the rare nutter who cries rape when she wasn't raped, then her lawyer will have a tough time getting you convicted. The truth is that many women who ARE raped have a very hard time getting the perpetrator behind bars, and often even when there is blatant evidence, the perpetrator's get a slap on the wrist of of a short stay in prison and then they're back out in society raping more women. So you're not the one at the unfortunate disadvantage here. What is devastating to the men who are falsely accused of rape is the smearing of their name and how it affects every aspect of their lives from friends to family to coworkers. That is where the damage gets dealt, but if you have those text messages you can show those close to you and protect your reputation. So have some sexy, fun texting before you make love to a girlfriend for the first time, and then you can put this fear to rest.
Author Eddy Street Posted January 6, 2015 Author Posted January 6, 2015 Texts? But you're right, some sort of proof is good to have.
Toodaloo Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Are women actively on the lookout for emotionally vulnerable men to do this sort of thing to? Erm... no. It was fiction on TV... While I am sure somewhere it has happened its very rare. Just make sure you date people who are in a normal state of mind and not whacked out either through mental illness or drugs and I am sure you will be fine. Even then I wouldn't imagine its a common thing. Relax. 1
preraph Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Fortunately, this is very rare. It's usually done out of revenge, but some may have found a way to profit from it some way financially, so shun all women who seem to be after your money, asking for gifts to be with you, etc. Of course, married men can be blackmailed if they're having affairs in any number of ways. 1
Danda Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Texts? But you're right, some sort of proof is good to have. It's not about "proof" in terms of a legal trial in the court of law. Like I explained, what is devastating to men who are falsely accused is the smearing of their name and reputation. Friends, relatives, coworkers, etc often become uncomfortable, suspicious. The people the guy knows start to look at him in a different, questioning light. If a woman were to falsely accuse you (which is extremely unlikely, but let's just say hypothetically) there is an extremely slim chance you would get convicted. It's hard enough for actual rapists to get convicted, so you would be fine. But your reputation could take a blow, and such texts could help others in your life go back to being at ease amidst the accusations. I have anxiety issues so I know pretty well how just because a fear is irrational doesn't mean it goes away if you acknowledge that it's irrational. Sometimes it doesn't and it can be like a tormenting thought loop or something. So when need be, just break it down and come up with a strategy.
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