Light Breeze Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 I ended via message...but I didn't really end it...well... He had told me he needed to see other people for his self esteem. I couldn't continue on the basis so ended it but I cry and cry and cry every day. He texted me "Hey. Happy birthday. X" which I did ignore...from all the advice here. It went against my grain but I did it. If I had responded and got nothing else (which probably would have happened) it would have been so much worse. Too much since the breakup seems to be advice that doesn't ring true to my heart. Makes it hard. Screams Narcissistic S.O.B. I sincerely think you dodged a bullet here. 2
Light Breeze Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Yes, I feel that everyone should treat others decently even in breakup. If you would read my story and other stories in this thread, there was not even proper dumper-dumpee initiation. It was just one text and that's all ! Well, we can't control others' moral code. We can't expect them to be decent like us. Take comfort in the fact that you know you avoided a train wreck waiting to happen. My advice, which is what I would be doing in the future, is to try to be a little more discerning. Let this experience make you wiser and stronger. Good Luck, we all need it.
Jet Lag Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Screams Narcissistic S.O.B. I sincerely think you dodged a bullet here. Doesn't feel like I dodged it at the moment...feels like it is straight through my heart.
Light Breeze Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Doesn't feel like I dodged it at the moment...feels like it is straight through my heart. Yes, not right now, but you will. Keep NC. Then start believing in a brighter tomorrow. Sounds cheesy, but it seriously helps. I read your other thread you seem like a nice lady (good with kids!) just wait, a better man will see you.
Jet Lag Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 Yes, not right now, but you will. Keep NC. Then start believing in a brighter tomorrow. Sounds cheesy, but it seriously helps. I read your other thread you seem like a nice lady (good with kids!) just wait, a better man will see you. Thanks Light Breeze. I know I am a good person. I can't at the moment see me wanting anyone else but maybe, with time.
dyna85 Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 How do we erase this pain of being ignored? The title of this post describes the pain perfectly because it's like being stuck in purgatory. I still remember the first day, after I responded to his text in which he ended things. I checked my phone practically every second, sure he'd respond. Then reality set in when there was no response that day, or the day afterward, and so it has continued. It's like a slow, painful death, the way he ended it and subsequently ignored me completely. And to think he thought he was doing me a favor. God, that makes me sick. I can't comprehend how someone could be so cruel and uncaring. It eats at my soul every day. Every day I don't hear from him just compounds the rejection I feel. He literally could not have chosen a more torturous route to end things. To be treated so unkindly and without a shred of dignity really really tears at my heart. I hate myself for having cared so much about him. I hate that I can't erase him from memory. I've been 19 days NC. The pain is not getting any better. Hopefully there's truth to that saying 'it gets worse before it gets better,' because I am really not in a good place at all. I'm literally a shell of a person right now.
Author Sad26 Posted January 11, 2015 Author Posted January 11, 2015 Dyna, For me it has been 3 months of NC, and 7 months of the last text from her, but the pain does not ease up. If it was a normal breakup, I would have been much better. How do I know ? From my past breakups. If we were so insignificant and so obnoxious to not even deserve a reply, then why there was a first date, or if it was then why a second date. How can one be together with someone evenfor a day when they could not think of the past times and treat decently. What kind of sick behaviour is this ? Nazis never pretended to have loved the ones they killed. I lost faith in everything, God, Karma, Honesty, Trust, Love, Kindness, Fairness..there is nothing like these. When something happens by chance, we attribute them to one of these. Otherwise there is nothing. I want to invite my ex to be as cruel as she can, be more cruel than what you are. If this is what pleases you then so be it.
dyna85 Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 (edited) Omg Sad. I feel this way exactly. I went through a very traumatic breakup (or so I thought) in the past as well as another relationship end (but it was a clean ending). Hell, everything looks kind now compared to this. Neither could compare to the unending torture of this one. I feel like I would be much better off too if it were a normal breakup. We're in the minority too, which makes me feel worse, because most people on here at least had a final conversation of some sort and/or received breadcrumbs. We got nothing. What the hell? It's so freaking cruel. Yes, exactly. Why freaking spend time together if you can just discard the person and act like they don't exist? It's like they have no conscience and just want to bury us with their cruel disregard. Yeah, I would have much preferred never to have gotten involved with someone who could be so callous. If only there were a warning label on these people, so we'd know in advance to avoid them like the plague. It would save so much heartache in the world. To know that you can give your heart to someone and they can turn on a dime and ice you out like you're nothing is the worst realization. It has such a ripple effect too. I feel like I'm not only neglecting myself and can't seem to snap out of it, but I'm neglecting those around me. Has me also questioning everything. I don't know what the hell is real anymore. I still believe in God and karma, but it's been a dagger as far as trust, honesty, love, kindness, fairness, human decency. If he was capable of this and I thought he was the 'one' for me, what does that say about my future? I honestly don't see myself ever recovering from this. I feel such rage and hurt intertwined that it kills me. I'm happy that you've made it at least to the 3 month mark. I wish I could fast forward to that point. If anything, at least you're not showing her you're still suffering. That's one thing I'm holding onto also. I may have poured out my heart and soul in that last text, and it was in the name of love. And I have no regrets because I acted out of love. I cared. I wanted to show I cared. I didn't need anything in return for my love. However, not receiving any empathy for my unrequited caring burns. It burns like hell. And it's a slow, maddening burn. A devastating blow to the heart. Much worse than had he just said something, anything. I hate how when you love, there's no turning back from it. It's not like you can wake up and be like 'nope, didn't love them. nope, don't care.' The pain of love lost is brutal. Top that off with being discarded like you meant nothing, like you are not worthy of even the slightest bit of empathy, and to know that day after day, week after week, they choose to treat you with silence. That's a feeling that one can't explain unless they must go through it. There are too many loose ends because of it. I'm like, is this karma catching up with me? Is he trying to punish me or hurt me because of something I did or does he just not know any better? Does he just not care? Is he just moving on and feels like this is the best way for me to move on (if so he's an a**)? Is he feeling something he can't articulate? Is he thinking about how to respond (doubt it, since it's now been 2+ weeks--but I did think this for the first few days and it made me really angry that he could just 'take his time')? How could he do this? I just want an effing answer. That's all. I want some finality. I didn't need my love returned, but I wanted some respect. Is that too much to ask? Edited January 11, 2015 by dyna85
Lemonsandpears Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Dyna85, You put exactly how I feel into words. It's weird because when he initially ended it in the cowardly way he did, I was so angry that it didn't register for a while how hurt I was. But now as time goes on it feels like the hurt gets worse. I keep listening to a song that reminds me of him that he loved..it's stuck in my head whirling round and round. I can't stop dreaming of him either which is really frustrating, I just want to get some peace from it all. I know I need to delete him on FB, he's very active on there. It's sad but I feel like that's my only chance to get close to him, by seeing what he's posting/talking about on there. I feel like it's all I have left and i just can't cut the cord. I don't think I'll ever feel the way I felt about him with someone else ever again. Regardless of what's he doing to me now, I've never felt so strongly about anyone and I doubt I ever will again. He really was amazing. I guess I'll just have to resign myself to discontentment for the rest of my life. 1
dyna85 Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 (edited) L&P, you and Sad are seriously the only people who I feel I can truly relate to because unlike the typical break-up scenario where one person ends it but listens to the other person, you, Sad, and I didn't get that same respect. We were just completely blocked off immediately. I don't get how someone could do this, just completely deny you any acknowledgement at the end. I feel like that's so critical to moving forward (that closing acknowledgement), because it just feels like a complete loose end when there is none and it just eats at you. It also puts the focus on why they are doing this and it hurts. I was devastated at first and at this point (3 weeks in) I still feel a constant whirlwind of emotions (shame, humiliation, hurt---a whole lotta hurt). It's hard to explain unless you know. And you and Sad know very well how it feels. I've lost sleep, it's affected my concentration at work, and it's made me sick (literally, I'm sick right now - and I hardly ever get sick). It's truly like a disease. I would definitely delete him off FB and not listen to any sad love songs. At least that's the phase I've entered into, because I'm determined not to let this break me and I want to come out the other side stronger and free from these constant thoughts of him and the situation. I do think keeping tabs on him thru FB and listening to that song is holding you back in terms of your recovery. I know it's hard to let go, but the reality is, this is not right and it's no good to be accepting of this behavior, when it's causing you pain. Aside from the memories and glimmers of hope, have you not felt pain? This silent treatment and ignore game is mistreatment and emotionally destructive. I don't know about you, but this has really wreaked havoc with my heart and emotions, and I don't see any justification for it. To let weeks/months go by without responding to someone with whom you were up close and personal is not right. If they cared, they'd have contacted us to show us that they do. You know? Their actions couldn't be more blatantly ignorant of our existence, let alone any less caring. It's just very unsettling, this whole ordeal. I wish there were an easier way through the aftermath of it all, because it's just such a mind-f. Edited January 14, 2015 by dyna85 1
Author Sad26 Posted January 14, 2015 Author Posted January 14, 2015 Dyna, As you say -'This silent treatment and ignore game is mistreatment and emotionally destructive" Many time it gets me thinking that may be I did something wrong ? Even if I would have known that, I would have rationalised this torture. There is no answer, and just increase the torture by this analysis. I can't believe any human being can be this cruel. How can persons like these are even capable of loving anyone, when all they care is about themselves.
Author Sad26 Posted January 14, 2015 Author Posted January 14, 2015 Feels like this pain will never go away and I will never feel normal. 3 months after NC, still the pain is as fresh as new. In my other breakups, I had moved far ahead after 7 months, and here still stuck. How cruel is this
Lemonsandpears Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Yep it’s tiring isn’t it. I feel like life has no purpose as overdramatic as that sounds. I wake up, go to work, go home, go to sleep, dream about him, then wake up and do it all over again. I can’t even get excited about the weekends or any future plans. I just wish I was spending my weekends with him like we used to, just relaxing, cooking and being together. I’m looking for a new job at the moment and I just have no motivation. I just want to talk to him about my life again, he gave me such good advice and I’ve never valued anyone’s opinion as much as him. People around me must think I’m such a misery guts. But I have nothing to smile about.
Satu Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Feels like this pain will never go away and I will never feel normal. 3 months after NC, still the pain is as fresh as new. In my other breakups, I had moved far ahead after 7 months, and here still stuck. How cruel is this I won't lie to you. It isn't easy and it isn't quick. I never believed I'd come out of the other side in one piece but I did. In the present I'm a really happy person. What you are going through is one of the most painful experiences that a person can go through. Keep on keeping on, living healthy, reading and posting here, and tell yourself it's not forever, even if you don't believe it.
Satu Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Yep it’s tiring isn’t it. I feel like life has no purpose as overdramatic as that sounds. I wake up, go to work, go home, go to sleep, dream about him, then wake up and do it all over again. I can’t even get excited about the weekends or any future plans. I just wish I was spending my weekends with him like we used to, just relaxing, cooking and being together. I’m looking for a new job at the moment and I just have no motivation. I just want to talk to him about my life again, he gave me such good advice and I’ve never valued anyone’s opinion as much as him. People around me must think I’m such a misery guts. But I have nothing to smile about. I don't think you are.
dyna85 Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Dyna, As you say -'This silent treatment and ignore game is mistreatment and emotionally destructive" Many time it gets me thinking that may be I did something wrong ? Even if I would have known that, I would have rationalised this torture. There is no answer, and just increase the torture by this analysis. I can't believe any human being can be this cruel. How can persons like these are even capable of loving anyone, when all they care is about themselves. Sad, this isn't your fault. We don't force people to ignore us and give us the silent treatment. It's something that has more to do with them than us. It was their choice. I agree that it's a cruel and selfish act, and I don't understand how someone could be like this either, but I do believe we can learn and grow from this experience. I truly believe all things (good and bad) happen for a reason (no matter how painful) and that what goes around, comes around, and that in every darkness, there is a lesson. Also, after 3 months NC, I think you're doing quite well. I know it's hard but try not to put yourself down. Also, don't look at those tweets anymore. You need to go strict NC. It is the best way. By looking at the tweets, you keep picking the scab over and over, which isn't good at all. It's like an alcoholic having a small sip of wine. Don't do it. I'm telling you. L&P needs to stop looking at his fb and you need to stop looking at the friend's twitter page. Looking at their social media will just intensity and deepen the already aching wound. Don't do it. Please.....
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