welshbambi Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 I have been trying so hard to keep positive, stay focused, allow myself to grieve and acknowledge that some days will be harder than others. But it's 1am and I think I give up. I am 31. All of my friends are in stable, happy, long term relationships. The last of them has just fallen pregnant. They will always be my friends but I can't help but feel that inevitably we are going to drift because their lives are now babies and paying for babies and sharing all those special moments as a family. How can I possibly relate to their lives any more? I have absolutely nothing in my life of any worth. I have my job, and that's it. No one to share my life with or do things with or create my own pocket of happiness with. I know that I "should learn to do this myself" but I am lonely and I am tired of doing things on my own. Because of the nature of my relationships I have been attending events and doing my hobbies solo for the last 8 years. It didn't seem so bad when I had "someone at home" but now I really am truly alone in every sense of the word. I can't even get a dog because I live in rented accomodation. I just can't face the yawning void that is my life. It counts for nothing. I count for nothing. I am nothing.
The Poster Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Rock bottom is a rough place to be. I know the feeling, but remember you can go no where but up now. I'm not going to tell you that you should be happy being alone. We all want someone special to share our life with. So I know loneliness can eat at you. It sounds like you're in a rut, the only way to break it is by changing things up. Find something new and exciting and see where it takes you. Just don't keep doing the same things over and over again. Good luck to you. You are worth way more than you think right now. You can PM me if you want someone to talk to. 1
Sad26 Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Just when one think they had enough in their life, things still don't change for good. There is always a worse after the worst - you thought. Don't know what to say except that I do know the feeling. And also not getting sleep at night as well. 1
ThreeYearsDumb Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 (edited) I feel the exact same. I'm 33 and all of my friends are married with kids. The only text or call I received on New Years Day was was from an old college friend to let me know he was engaged. I was laid off in March of last year and took a job for less pay and had to move in to my younger brothers house with he and his wife. And I totally identify with going through things single. I've only attended one wedding with a significant other. Only spent two valentines days, two Christmas' and New Years' with someone. Every other time I'm the oddly placed single, even in my own family. This past weekend, the thought occurred to me that my daughter would be better off with he Ex and her new guy as her family. I'm tired of tearing her away to spend time with me just the two of us when otherwise she would be surrounded by more cousins and extended family. I let me Ex keep her on Christmas because it just didn't make sense for her to be alone with me rather than her mom and grandparents, Aunts and uncles and cousins. I would never abandon her, I know it is just a low moment but I'm ashamed the thought even occurred to me. I had to pay the penalty to empty my 401k today because otherwise I can't pay mounting bills and pay my brother rent. I have a therapy session tomorrow but have to split it amongst three credit cards cause otherwise I can't afford the $90. There is something very sad about not being able to afford therapy, and knowing you desperately need it, that it is what you look forward to in the week. I'm ashamed that my Ex will never know how much I truly love her, and what she means to me, and that a lot of the issues stem from living the life that I had. I don't mean to hijack the thread, and certainly don't want to play a game of who's life is sadder. I know that there are much larger tragedies in the world, and people are suffering more than I. I try to find something to be grateful for everyday, which is easy when I have the wonderful daughter I do. I keep it together as much as possible if only for her, even if I break down in tears in front of her. She knows her daddy loves her and that is the best I can do right now. She is my entire world. Again not trying to one up your misery and I don't have any advice to change things for either of us. All I can do is let you know others feel the same, and I can commiserate along with you. It's hard to have hope for a relationship when you've got so much evidence in your past that suggests you'll be single awhile longer. I hope we all can find a measure of peace tonight, for however long, and maybe just maybe that peace will sustain us til the next great moment of our lives. Edited January 6, 2015 by ThreeYearsDumb 1
FancyFace Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 OP - I feel your pain. It's 11am here, I am at work (not working at all because my mind is just racing) and I have been to the ladies room twice to ball my eyes out, I predict I might be back two more times. Last night, I did well with sleep, I slept at 2 and woke up at 4, which is an improvement. I think its safe to say, we have all been there or as in my case, we are right there with you. I know the feeling of pain, of despair, of absolute uselessness, just know you are not alone and that the feelings will subside. It is a part of the healing process. Time heals all wounds, we have to believe that, so please give time, time and know that you will have good days, bad days, ok days and horrific ones. This is a horrific one but try push through and have faith (in the universe, God, the spirits or maybe the freaking power of Kim Kardashian influence) that things will get better. Rock bottom means you get to build yourself back up. As far as the friends go, I understand. My friends are either in stable relationships headed towards marriage or at the very least dating and having fun. Right now my best friends are a bottle of vodka and the blanket I used to wrap myself in when I am sobbing on the couch. My hurt mind cannot possibly comprehend how these people are doing it but just know that everybody goes through seasons. This is your winter season but if you try stay positive, change routine, make new friends and meet new people, and just power through all the emotions (be they good or bad), your season will change. Wishing you all the best OP and sending everyone here abundant love and light. 1
Arient Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Hi Welshbambi I hope you're feeling better by the time you're reading these words from mine I truly understand what you feel, but I really hope that this is just a quick temporary moment of weakness, otherwise, you really need to do something here, whether it's to go see a therapist, or just do something to bring changes into your life. I can imagine what you're feeling, and the only advice for you is DO SOMETHING. First, maybe write your 'grateful list', list down the thing you feel grateful for having. Second, try to make a list of to-do things. Life will not change by itself. You have to do something. I won't guarantee you will feel good by doing things, but you'll never know if you don't try. We only have two options when we feel unhappy with our life, learn to accept it or change it. Also, as a 30-year-old woman in a country where everyone normally gets married around 24-27, I really understand the comparisons. But comparison truly is a theft of joy, and life can be entertaining in so many different ways, it's just if we are going to take a different perspective or not Make new friends, or learn new things, go to new places, just anything new is fine, to peel off part of the old skin of your life Whether you are something or nothing is just your choice, keep thinking that, you will feel that you actually have so much control over life and what it will bring, much more than you think you do 1
ralfgarnett Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 I have been trying so hard to keep positive, stay focused, allow myself to grieve and acknowledge that some days will be harder than others. But it's 1am and I think I give up. I am 31. All of my friends are in stable, happy, long term relationships. The last of them has just fallen pregnant. They will always be my friends but I can't help but feel that inevitably we are going to drift because their lives are now babies and paying for babies and sharing all those special moments as a family. How can I possibly relate to their lives any more? I have absolutely nothing in my life of any worth. I have my job, and that's it. No one to share my life with or do things with or create my own pocket of happiness with. I know that I "should learn to do this myself" but I am lonely and I am tired of doing things on my own. Because of the nature of my relationships I have been attending events and doing my hobbies solo for the last 8 years. It didn't seem so bad when I had "someone at home" but now I really am truly alone in every sense of the word. I can't even get a dog because I live in rented accomodation. I just can't face the yawning void that is my life. It counts for nothing. I count for nothing. I am nothing. I feel your pain and can relate to a lot of what you say especially the friends with families bit, me and my wife have been apart now just coming up to 6 months after 20 years together and I can see so much of me in your situation the only big difference is that I own this place and have two cats, I would say move in with me and we could keep each other company but I'm 19 years older than you lol, but chin up best you can 31 is no age I would love to be 31 again I was in my prime in so many ways you have got time on your hands and a future but your wanting it all to happen now but life isn't like that and good things come to those who wait, now if you were me then you really would have no hope and I honestly hand on heart believe that unless my wife and I sort things out then I will be stuck in this horrible rut indefinitely, chin up chuck you'll be ok you just cant see it right now. 1
Author welshbambi Posted January 6, 2015 Author Posted January 6, 2015 Thank you all. I appreciate that everyone is dealing with something here, and indeed many have it far worse than me. But last night was....dark. Very very dark. I have never experienced that before and it was pretty frightening. But I'm here, I'm OK but blow me I cannot wait for all of this to be done so I can get back to sleeping, eating and generally living like a normal human being. Oh and ThePoster thanks for your offer of private PM - I don't seem to have this facility yet (not sure what the qualifying criteria is for Established Member), but thank you all the same.
ralfgarnett Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Thank you all. I appreciate that everyone is dealing with something here, and indeed many have it far worse than me. But last night was....dark. Very very dark. I have never experienced that before and it was pretty frightening. But I'm here, I'm OK but blow me I cannot wait for all of this to be done so I can get back to sleeping, eating and generally living like a normal human being. Oh and ThePoster thanks for your offer of private PM - I don't seem to have this facility yet (not sure what the qualifying criteria is for Established Member), but thank you all the same. Hi WB it happens don't feel bad about it, I had one very similar I think last Friday evening and it was also very dark but as with you I pulled through, its a lethal combination of grief, stress, sadness, loneilness, hurt, betrayal, confusion, not knowing the future, its almost like drowning in a swirling pool, I am in therapy at the moment for it all and apparently making real progress, if you can tell me all the thoughts that caused your bad time last night I might be able to explain some of it to you via my own counselling sessions it could help us both to talk about it. 1
Invictus01 Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Thank you all. I appreciate that everyone is dealing with something here, and indeed many have it far worse than me. But last night was....dark. Very very dark. I have never experienced that before and it was pretty frightening. But I'm here, I'm OK but blow me I cannot wait for all of this to be done so I can get back to sleeping, eating and generally living like a normal human being. Oh and ThePoster thanks for your offer of private PM - I don't seem to have this facility yet (not sure what the qualifying criteria is for Established Member), but thank you all the same. Glad to see you are doing better. I was wondering if I needed to go a drill sarget on you and tell you to get your stuff together But, this being said - I don't care what dark place you are in, don't you ever call yourself nothing. I am fairly certain you are a whole lot more than that jackass who doesn't even know what a human emotion is. Remember that guy? Don't let HIM define who you are! As far as eating and sleeping and all that stuff. Not sure when that will happen. I am gonna be 2 months out next week, I'm still sleep 4 hours a night. Just spent 2 weeks with my parents, they were wondering what's up. Blamed everything on the jet lag, but I knew what it was.
batt Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 I know how you feel. All my friends started having families of their own. My best friend is getting married. Pretty much only me that has no one. I've always said you can't lose hope, but its so damn hard to be positive at times. I never really thought too much in to the future until that bitch sucker punched me. I have to force myself to get out of bed at times. Sigh, life's been pretty ****ty this last month. Went from feeling on top of the world to falling flat on my face.
Author welshbambi Posted January 6, 2015 Author Posted January 6, 2015 Hi WB it happens don't feel bad about it, I had one very similar I think last Friday evening and it was also very dark but as with you I pulled through, its a lethal combination of grief, stress, sadness, loneilness, hurt, betrayal, confusion, not knowing the future, its almost like drowning in a swirling pool, I am in therapy at the moment for it all and apparently making real progress, if you can tell me all the thoughts that caused your bad time last night I might be able to explain some of it to you via my own counselling sessions it could help us both to talk about it. Thank you Ralf you are always lovely to me. For the moment I don't want to share what was going through my head, as much because I don't want to re-trigger myself tonight - I need to sleep! But I am going to discuss it with my therapist later this week. Thank you again for your kind offer of help. Glad to see you are doing better. I was wondering if I needed to go a drill sarget on you and tell you to get your stuff together But, this being said - I don't care what dark place you are in, don't you ever call yourself nothing. I am fairly certain you are a whole lot more than that jackass who doesn't even know what a human emotion is. Remember that guy? Don't let HIM define who you are! As far as eating and sleeping and all that stuff. Not sure when that will happen. I am gonna be 2 months out next week, I'm still sleep 4 hours a night. Just spent 2 weeks with my parents, they were wondering what's up. Blamed everything on the jet lag, but I knew what it was. Haha it's good to know have someone on my side who isn't afraid to give me a kick up the butt from time to time! Today I can see all of that. I feel kinda bruised because I'm so tired and my face is STILL swollen almost 24 hours on, but on the whole my frame of mind is much healthier. I have lost a stone in less than 6 weeks (14lbs for any non-brits), and counting. Another lb off this morning. I'm not going to be so vain as to admit that as a woman, this no bad thing . I am not looking emaciated and although I can't eat a lot, I am making sure that what I am eating is a combination of fresh fruit, veg and lean meat. The occasional square of chocolate because, chocolate. That said, I have just given myself a reward meal of pizza. I stay away from pizza because I don't really like the base, so because I can do what the hell I want without judgement I am just eating the topping. KERAZY. As far as sleeping goes, I have difficulty getting to sleep. Once 9pm comes round my brain wakes up no matter how calm I have tried to keep myself. However once I'm asleep I am under good and proper. This is fine at weekends when I can sleep in, but having to get up at 6am for work and then stare at a computer screen for 9-10 hours is torture in the week. Thank you again to everyone who has shown their support xx
ralfgarnett Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 "Thank you Ralf you are always lovely to me. For the moment I don't want to share what was going through my head, as much because I don't want to re-trigger myself tonight - I need to sleep! But I am going to discuss it with my therapist later this week. Thank you again for your kind offer of help". Hey WB listen no problem I hope you didn't think I was putting pressure on you as I wouldn't do that, I didn't know your in therapy and all I was hoping to do was pass on some of what I have learned in therapy just as a short term measure to get you through your bad patch by maybe shedding a bit of light so you could see that your feelings are totally normal, ok hun you take care and keep posting we will all help each other, btw I have lost 1,9 stone since July but as with you its through worry, when it first happened I could barely eat and I seemed to just pick here and there, the only thing I could finish was things like tuna, sardines, pilchards in tins, I used to empty them in to a bowl add some chili and passata ash them then eat them with rye crackers it was literally all I could eat, turns out it was a pretty healthy diet so much so I am starting back on it tomorrow as I have put back a few pounds as my apetite has come right back but I am also drinking too much and have been the past 6 months but I guess it goes with the territory its not as if im bouncing off the walls just taking the edge off.
Invictus01 Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 Haha it's good to know have someone on my side who isn't afraid to give me a kick up the butt from time to time! Today I can see all of that. I feel kinda bruised because I'm so tired and my face is STILL swollen almost 24 hours on, but on the whole my frame of mind is much healthier. I have lost a stone in less than 6 weeks (14lbs for any non-brits), and counting. Another lb off this morning. I'm not going to be so vain as to admit that as a woman, this no bad thing . I am not looking emaciated and although I can't eat a lot, I am making sure that what I am eating is a combination of fresh fruit, veg and lean meat. The occasional square of chocolate because, chocolate. That said, I have just given myself a reward meal of pizza. I stay away from pizza because I don't really like the base, so because I can do what the hell I want without judgement I am just eating the topping. KERAZY. As far as sleeping goes, I have difficulty getting to sleep. Once 9pm comes round my brain wakes up no matter how calm I have tried to keep myself. However once I'm asleep I am under good and proper. This is fine at weekends when I can sleep in, but having to get up at 6am for work and then stare at a computer screen for 9-10 hours is torture in the week. Thank you again to everyone who has shown their support xx Join the club. You and I got all the same symptoms. I lost about that amount of weight in 6 weeks too between the beginning of November and the middle of December. I ate one meal a day (maybe), mostly soups. Everything else made me nauseous. That came in handy though as I went to visit my parents in Europe for two weeks for Christmas and New Years and what a dietary and alcohol clusterf@ck that was Now that I am back to reality - diet and gym it is! As far as sleep, I think my brain just reset itself somehow to 4 hours and no matter when I go to bed, it is 4 hours. 10 pm? Wake up at 2. 1 am? Wake up at 5. Just doesn't matter. BUT... we all will be back to normal one day
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