Maya_x Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 I've finally got to a stage where after a year of being FWB with someone we have made the jump to actually being publicly together and exclusive, I've been so happy over the christmas period, he got me gifts, I saw him on christmas and new years day, I've met his mother etc it's all been going so well. But the other night we were in bed and we got talking about hot celebs and we were just throwing out girls names, and all the girls he named were pretty much the opposite of me, I'm an A cup and pretty skinny and brunette, all the girls he named were people like Scarlett johanson who are blonde voluptuous women, which was already crossing my mind during the conversation but it wasn't bothering me at the time. And then he said "I used to like Kiera Knightley until she did those topless pics and had no tits, was like looking at a boy" ... what? Why would you say that to someone who is an A cup and has openly told you she's saving for breast augmentation. He obviously said it without thinking first and when I was like "that's awkward I'm the same as her" he was just like "nah you're not like that, not at all" but I don't know who he's kidding I definitely am she probably has more boobs than I do to be honest, I know it's a stupid thing to be so bothered about when things are going well and he obviously is attracted to me but its making me feel really insecure and unattractive, I don't know how to get over it
acapelo_dp Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 It was definitely not a smart thing to say to you on his part when he knows your insecurities. However, guys sometimes say things that they don't mean to come across as hurtful. My boyfriend always tells me I am perfect and he loves my breasts (I'm small too) however he has told me when I asked that he wouldn't mind a girl having bigger breasts when I asked about me ever getting an augmentation. At least he is honest with you, however he should have said "...but I like you the way you are :)" or something to that extent. Maybe calmly express to him that the comment hurt your feelings, otherwise it will stew with you.
EgoJoe Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Your reaction is your reaction. What you will tolerate is your decision
endlessabyss Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Well, at least you know how he really feels. 1
toscaroscura Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 I'm an A cup. I have to say, I have never heard any complaints about my breasts. I used to be really insecure about them when I was a young girl. REALLY insecure. I felt like no man would ever want me and that I was defective. But now, I love my body and I'll tell you, I have no time for any man who makes these kind of comments, or who makes allusions to breast augmentation, or veiled put-downs of any kind, all while giving me patronizing "but honey you know I love you just as you aaarrreee" head pats. In fact, that goes for any type of comments or snarking about my body. If I am having sex with you, being vulnerable with you and loving your body, the least you can do is show some respect. If not, there's the door. I'm afraid it's a deal breaker for me. Love me, love my A cups. If they won't make you happy, move on. I have watched too many friends and women in my family have their self-esteem and body images slowly chipped away by men who would gladly f*ck them, but who would also make them feel like sh*t about their bodies. No, ma'am! 9
Jules Dash Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 I would never give an individual the power to make me feel insecure about myself. Did you think you were sexy before his comments? I can tell you that confidence and how you carry your sexuality is a lot more appealing than the size of your boobs. You are giving up so much by letting his comments bother you and taking them personally.
endlessabyss Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 I'm an A cup. I have to say, I have never heard any complaints about my breasts. I used to be really insecure about them when I was a young girl. REALLY insecure. I felt like no man would ever want me and that I was defective. But now, I love my body and I'll tell you, I have no time for any man who makes these kind of comments, or who makes allusions to breast augmentation, or veiled put-downs of any kind, all while giving me patronizing "but honey you know I love you just as you aaarrreee" head pats. In fact, that goes for any type of comments or snarking about my body. If I am having sex with you, being vulnerable with you and loving your body, the least you can do is show some respect. If not, there's the door. I'm afraid it's a deal breaker for me. Love me, love my A cups. If they won't make you happy, move on. I have watched too many friends and women in my family have their self-esteem and body images slowly chipped away by men who would gladly f*ck them, but who would also make them feel like sh*t about their bodies. No, ma'am! You go, girl! 1
Danda Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 It's all subjective, OP, so always bear that in mind no matter who you are ever with. I have C cup boobs, although one is a little smaller than the other so it might be like, a large B. Idunno buying bras is always a special ordeal. The downside is that they're not as perky as the average woman's boobs are, who are A cups or smaller B cups. But I'm not about to roll into a ball of self-loathing and insecurity because my boobs are too big to defy gravity like an A cup rack can do. There are pros and cons to just about everything, and there are men with tastes for damn near every if not every woman out there. My second boyfriend actually preferred smaller, perky tits but my tits were "okay". However he was a hips/thigh kinda guy and the women of my bloodline have that in spades, small waists but some serious thighs. You gotta count your blessings and roll with it, very few women are "prefect" (whatever that even means half the time) and still have to be airbrushed and photo-shopped for their "celebrity" photos. Also take into consideration that different men like different body parts. The male brain is actually wired to focus on one body part at a time when looking at a woman, not the whole package together, when it comes to their perception of visual sensory information. If he really likes you butt, legs, hips, face, etc then trust me he finds you sexy as hell even if just one part (your hooters) are not his first choice on his tastes list. What you really need to be concerned about here is that he would so blatantly spit out unnecessary hurtful words like that. If it was a one-time clumsy incident on his part, forgive and forget would be my advice. Any time a couple has that type of talk it's gonna be testy waters. Like if he asked you if there are any guys you know who you think are hotter than he is, and the answer happened to be yes, what are you going to say? Are you going to lie to him? Lying is bad. Are you gonna be like, "Yeah one of my coworkers," and suffer through that ****storm reaction he'll likely have? Conversations and questions like that are just.. Idunno couples don't need to talk about everything is all I'm sayin lol. But if you notice that he puts you down via comparisons a lot, then he might just be an a-hole showing his true colors now that you are committed, in which case bail and run.
toscaroscura Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 I would never give an individual the power to make me feel insecure about myself. Did you think you were sexy before his comments? I can tell you that confidence and how you carry your sexuality is a lot more appealing than the size of your boobs. You are giving up so much by letting his comments bother you and taking them personally. I would agree with you if we were talking about anyone but an intimate partner. Sorry, but when you are sharing your body and letting them into your most vulnerable world, words do hurt. None of us have perfect bodies, but when I am having sex with someone, I want him to love my body. Nay, to cherish and worship it, as I will do to him. I take this junk seriously. We are giving each other orgasms and you are enjoying my body in the most intimate way and you WILL respect that privilege. Life is too short to subject yourself to someone, who you are supposed to trust and who is supposed to love you, who makes you feel like your body is inadequate, laughable or "meh". It would be like a woman constantly making comments that your penis is small, either overtly or subtly, and that she's turned off or apathetic about you because of it. You would probably get angry and kick her out of your bed, and if you were in love with her it would hurt like hell. OP, like I said, I never had any complaints, maybe because they knew better than to ever go there but mostly because they really *did* love my body. There are plenty of men out there who will adore your body as it is. Don't settle for anything less.
Satu Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Serves you right for having such a silly conversation. 'Celebs' are products, marketed in such a way as to conceal who they really are. If people knew who they really are, nobody would have much interest. What's next - which is the sexiest soap powder? The difference between a 'celeb' and you, is that you are real, and they aren't. Being real will have to be enough for you I'm sure its already enough for your bf.
Author Maya_x Posted January 6, 2015 Author Posted January 6, 2015 Hi again thanks for the replies, just to clarify he's never said anything to make me feel bad about myself before and I don't think he realized I would take it as an insult to my body when he said it. He compliments my body all the time and seems pretty unable to stay away from it but its never that area he's focusing on and he never attempts to take my bra off or anything either, I always assumed it was just because he knows im self conscious about it but now I'm not so sure and its just making me feel a bit ****..
toscaroscura Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Serves you right for having such a silly conversation. 'Celebs' are products, marketed in such a way as to conceal who they really are. If people knew who they really are, nobody would have much interest. What's next - which is the sexiest soap powder? The difference between a 'celeb' and you, is that you are real, and they aren't. Being real will have to be enough for you I'm sure its already enough for your bf. Agreed about celebs! Past lovers and I have had celeb conversations and I never get jealous about that. But the problem is, it's not just general jealousy-of-celebs. He made a very specific derogatory comment about a celeb's body feature that he knows she shares. Also, most men who are intimate with a woman for any length of time comes to know her insecurities, and any considerate lover would not deliberately poke at them, unless s/he is an *********. Her BF is not stupid and I can't quite believe he didn't know exactly what he was saying. Hi again thanks for the replies, just to clarify he's never said anything to make me feel bad about myself before and I don't think he realized I would take it as an insult to my body when he said it. He compliments my body all the time and seems pretty unable to stay away from it but its never that area he's focusing on and he never attempts to take my bra off or anything either, I always assumed it was just because he knows im self conscious about it but now I'm not so sure and its just making me feel a bit ****.. You know him better than we do. Have a talk with him and let him know it hurt your feelings.
Satu Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Hi again thanks for the replies, just to clarify he's never said anything to make me feel bad about myself before and I don't think he realized I would take it as an insult to my body when he said it. He compliments my body all the time and seems pretty unable to stay away from it but its never that area he's focusing on and he never attempts to take my bra off or anything either, I always assumed it was just because he knows im self conscious about it but now I'm not so sure and its just making me feel a bit ****.. I think it was just a silly thoughtless comment, that had no relation to what he feels about you. You are a bit sensitive about that part of your body, so it had an effect on you. We all have things we are a bit sensitive about, and we all say something silly from time to time. I say don't let it spoil your fun.
Jules Dash Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 I would agree with you if we were talking about anyone but an intimate partner. Sorry, but when you are sharing your body and letting them into your most vulnerable world, words do hurt. None of us have perfect bodies, but when I am having sex with someone, I want him to love my body. Nay, to cherish and worship it, as I will do to him. I take this junk seriously. We are giving each other orgasms and you are enjoying my body in the most intimate way and you WILL respect that privilege. Life is too short to subject yourself to someone, who you are supposed to trust and who is supposed to love you, who makes you feel like your body is inadequate, laughable or "meh". It would be like a woman constantly making comments that your penis is small, either overtly or subtly, and that she's turned off or apathetic about you because of it. You would probably get angry and kick her out of your bed, and if you were in love with her it would hurt like hell. OP, like I said, I never had any complaints, maybe because they knew better than to ever go there but mostly because they really *did* love my body. There are plenty of men out there who will adore your body as it is. Don't settle for anything less. He never made the comments to her, if I recall the post correctly. Just because someone makes a comment about someone else, it doesn't necessarily carry over to you even if there are similarities. I wouldn't take it personal. If I had a small penis and my gf said she wasn't attracted to a guy because of his small penis yet was sexing me up, I would obviously be an exception. 1
Sunfire73 Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 I have an A cup too. And my boyfriend's exes have C cups. He even gave his ex wife a breast augmentation. Actually when he said that, it was more negative, when he said, that didn't even save his marriage at all, and his wife was still having image issues. While him admitting it made me feel a little insecure, and thought about it, he was not bothered at all with mine. He likes mine the way it is, and that is because I'm a petite lady and is just proportional to my size he said. There are times when I think about having bigger boobs, but if my boyfriend is happy, and I as well, there is no need for it. I'm not completely against it, as it does sometimes help a lot of women, and might still reconsider it. But at this time, we're both happy with what we have. 1
FitChick Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 He was talking about someone else and you made it all about you. That sounds self-centered to me. You are getting an augmentation so clearly you think you will look better. Drop it. 3
Author Maya_x Posted January 6, 2015 Author Posted January 6, 2015 I feel thats pretty harsh FitChick, I'm obviously going to relate it back to me when I care alot about his opinion of me and he said something that directly relates to my biggest insecurity, if you're saying you wouldn't end up feeling hurt by something like that then maybe you dont have very strong feelings for someone like I do 4
Leigh 87 Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Curvier women like me with 32DD"s also get rejected and have men who prefer women more to their taste. Breast size isn't a big deal. It is not more of a preference than men who prefer fat versus skinny chicks. You have a much venerated body type- slight and skinny. Heaps of larger boned and thick - ankle women would love to trade places with you. Please flaunt your lovely body shape! Women of all body types and breast sized find men who feel attracted to them and who truly love them. Women of all body types and breast sizes also face rejection and encounter men who "settle" for them, when they really prefer another body type. Mostly - men I have encountered have all time me that they aren't phased about breast size, and they are more focused on a pretty face, their personality, and for them to be relatively slim and fit. Although some men preferred curvy and yes, a couple preferred larger breasts but more often than not, when a man is into you he just adores you AND your bode for the way that it is naturally.
Eddy Street Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 The guy is an idiot... but I repeat myself.
SomeDude16 Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 I think you're getting beat up by your insecurity here and reading too much into it. You don't have sex with someone for over a year and enter a relationship with a woman who you're not attracted to. Do women date men with beer bellies and have crushes on men like ryan gosling? Absolutely. Do those guys beat themselves up over it? Nope. There was no malicious intent here, he was just being honest and open. Please don't take this the wrong way but I think you need to be asking yourself; "why am I letting these comments hurt me?" Instead. 2
Leigh 87 Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Yeah but it was pretty insensitive of him to make that remark about the notoriously flat chested Keira Knightly. When his girlfriend is also flat chested. It would be pretty obvious to most people that there was a less than favourable comparison to be drawn.......
guest569 Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 I think you're getting beat up by your insecurity here and reading too much into it. You don't have sex with someone for over a year and enter a relationship with a woman who you're not attracted to. Do women date men with beer bellies and have crushes on men like ryan gosling? Absolutely. Do those guys beat themselves up over it? Nope. There was no malicious intent here, he was just being honest and open. Please don't take this the wrong way but I think you need to be asking yourself; "why am I letting these comments hurt me?" Instead. Exactly! Still though, it hard not to take it to heart. Also, D cup here, would kill for some perky A cups.
Els Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 I would say dump him right away if he had made that comment about YOUR boobs. But you're talking about celebs' bodies... I mean, if you're sensitive towards such comments then don't have such conversations with your guy. There are a thousand things that could be said and taken the wrong way with that subject. Which one of you initiated it, anyway? If it was him and you weren't really participating, is that something he does often?
ascendotum Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 I would say dump him right away if he had made that comment about YOUR boobs. I dont think there would be too many guys that would say their gf is like a boy if they really did find a flat chested androgynous woman was like that. They would not date her to begin with. My pecs are probably bigger than KK's chest but no way would I be saying to a woman who looks like her lying next to me in bed that she looks like a boy. lol. My gf has big boobs and I actually prefer smaller boobs. Her bi gf is flat chested and my gf prefers boobs on women like her own. Its a preference but it not an over whelming one by any means that defines the woman and makes their partner think less of them. If it was a major deal we would not have stayed with each other like the OPs bf. I know who my gf's favorite move star is and I'm not as macho/handsome as him. I'm not going to get upset over it. I've had gfs make slightly critical remarks about features of my physique before. I just take it in my stride and realize she's still here with me so its not that big a deal for her otherwise, and I hate extreme insecurity in a gf where talking about certain topics like boobs/weight/diet/bum/body/other women's looks is almost taboo, so I don't act likewise and I don't believe in double standards. The OP was already planning on surgery so she should not make a big deal about it, even though I can understand she finds it weird since she's not far off KK. She'll have the boobs she wants soon enough.
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