getagripordietrying Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 (edited) hey everyone! How are you coping today? so, my girlfriend of 2 years, now ex dumped me 6 months ago. I thought she is the love of my life. and me hers. she gave me other reasons that I was stupid to believe but actually it was mainly cause of another younger popular dude she became fond of. a dude who was a friend of both of us. I still feel like crap very often and utterly betrayed. my self-esteem is to pieces. other girls appreciate and want me, even girls who are models. but I'm still totally hung up and depressed about what happened. how can I get over this mess? I feel like wasting my life away, and I'm already in my 30s. I never was a player, I have always appreciated being in a relationship. I've been in no contact, then she tried to come back into my life, twice. I was silly enough to be enthusiastic about it, and of course she pulled away again. says she still loves me but is not in love. I helped her after breakup with some stuff and now she sees me as a friend. the usual bs. I did all the 1000x mistakes one can do after being dumped. It really brought out the worst in me. I just didn't know, I never had been dumped before and was too shocked to calm down and read some advice what to do. I just couldn't believe she is not believing in us any more. And I really loved her. I really regret of letting her slip away. And now I've been doing all the things every advice is telling me, but I still cannot get over it. I really want to be over it already Edited January 6, 2015 by getagripordietrying
preraph Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 You've got to go totally No Contact and not look at her social media or talk to her or anything. Otherwise, you will waste years and years waiting for her. She was the love of your life -- your young life. You can have another love of your life if you will get out there and make yourself move on and stop focusing on her. You need to go against your nature and get out and make social plans with everyone and have fun doing active things and not just vegetate. 1
Author getagripordietrying Posted January 6, 2015 Author Posted January 6, 2015 thanks for the reply! I did all that. I've even hooked up with several girls. a few times she found out and tried to come back into my life. but I was still a mess and she pulled away again. She accused me of so many things after breakup, that she never mentioned before. That it was my fault she lost the honeymoon feelings. She was too young to know this might happen and it doesn't have to be the end of a relationship. We should have just needed to work on it a bit. But so I've become really doubting in my self-worth. I've broken contact with her but I still this see this dude everywhere. he is in my close social circuit. there is no "escaping" him when I go out. I would get out of the country for a bit but I'm totally broke now too. another blow for my self-esteem. I cannot get close to anyone as it wouldn't be really fair. I've tried but I'm not emotionally available. and it's weird but it still feels weird for me to "cheat" on her. even though she obviously is moving on. just that I know she is thinking of me too, messes me up. At least she was a few weeks ago. She even told me it's hard for her to let go and wanted to give some letter. I was angry about something, so she didn't after all. I know I should just erase everything from my mind, but it's not that easy.
melell Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Sounds fairly typical, nc is done, so maybe some constructive coping techniques would help...? Every time she pops into your head, think about something else before you complete that thought about her. Think of it like mental nc. This really worked for me after a 7 year relationship breakup. You essentially want to kill the habit of fueling this experience. 2
Itspointless Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Have you been accepting your grief or only tried to push it away? Perhaps you should cry your eyes out for a while. 1
Satu Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 No contact has to be TOTAL for it to work. No direct contact. No indirect contact through a third person. No social media. If you stick to that you will start to heal and you'll leave the crisis phase. Here are a few tips that might be helpful, based on what worked for me: 1. You're still in the crisis phase - you are very hurt, disappointed and angry, but the intensity of your feelings will reduce. 2. Don't suppress your feelings, or tell yourself that you shouldn't be feeling what you're feeling - that never helps. 3. Externalise your feelings by writing them down, talking to a trustworthy person, or using any other mode of expression that feels right. 4. Remind yourself frequently that you can and will have a good life without this person. 5. Tell yourself that you can and will love again. 6. Take care of your body: Eat enough and eat healthily. Drink enough water. Get a bit more rest than you think you need. Do some easy exercise - nothing too strenuous. If you feel physically unwell go to see your doctor. 7. Do not allow yourself to become socially isolated or withdrawn. 8. Establish Total No Contact with your ex. No contact directly, indirectly, or by social media. Thats not easy, but it helps. 9. Keep up with all your responsibilities and things you have to do. 10. Do not use alcohol or drugs in an attempt to self-medicate. 11. Post here as often as you want to. People here want to help. 1
Light Breeze Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Sounds fairly typical, nc is done, so maybe some constructive coping techniques would help...? Every time she pops into your head, think about something else before you complete that thought about her. Think of it like mental nc. This really worked for me after a 7 year relationship breakup. You essentially want to kill the habit of fueling this experience. I agree with this, it works wonders. To OP, You need something different that you can obsess about. Try something out that you think you'll have passion for. Love is a drug you're addicted to right now so you must remove any stimuli for you to "cleanse" (thus, NC) and get a new one. 2
Satu Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 I've broken contact with her but I still this see this dude everywhere. he is in my close social circuit. there is no "escaping" him when I go out. I would get out of the country for a bit but I'm totally broke now too. another blow for my self-esteem. I know I should just erase everything from my mind, but it's not that easy. If you can, go about your life as you always have, and behave as if you don't have a care in the world. If you can, don't go out of your way to avoid this guy. Behave as if you are completely indifferent towards him, and disinterested in him. Let him blend into the wallpaper. Sometimes in situations like this, its best to put on an 'I don't care' front. If you can't do that without getting really upset, you'd be best to avoid him until your feelings have settled down a bit.
Author getagripordietrying Posted January 6, 2015 Author Posted January 6, 2015 again, I have done 'the I don't care' thing. I guess it bothers me less now. At least when I'm there it doesn't bother me. I bothers me a bit later when it comes to mind, that after she broke up with me, there was a period she dated us both and lied to me about it etc.
Satu Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 again, I have done 'the I don't care' thing. I guess it bothers me less now. At least when I'm there it doesn't bother me. I bothers me a bit later when it comes to mind, that after she broke up with me, there was a period she dated us both and lied to me about it etc. That's totally understandable. You might not believe it, but you're actually doing pretty well. You're definitely healing. It's not a smooth linear process - there are ups, downs, and bumps, but you'll get there.
Author getagripordietrying Posted January 6, 2015 Author Posted January 6, 2015 again, I have done 'the I don't care' thing. I guess it bothers me less now. I don't even care about that guy. I don't wanna punch him but his existance everywhere, in almost every party I go, still makes me a bit sick. I don't even think anything real proper will come out of that relationship between them (well who knows) but it did manage to **** up ours. We both agreed there was no one in our life before we have ever felt so close to. Well, she is a bit younger, so maybe she thinks now she has more time to explore and find someone who is cooler to show off to people and still could feel close to her. To love her back like I did. At least when I'm there it doesn't bother me. I bothers me a bit later when it comes to mind, that after she broke up with me, there was a short period she dated us both and lied to me about it etc. Well, she wasn't even completely lying. She once even admitted she is a douchebag. She was angry that I went out to a date with one girl that I a bit fancied (I was just lonely) but didn't understand how should I feel about her hooking up with our mutual friend. We've been to each other birthdays, homes, borrowed stuff, I've booking him and sometimes together with her to play music. As she liked to. I even boughr my ex a full DJ gear and was encouraging him to helping her out a bit with it. I've been a total idiot to let all that happen.
Satu Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 You talk too much sense to be an idiot. I think you're a really nice person.
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