MapleWish Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 my boyfriend (call him peter) is 25 and recently divorced, like just got the papers back in October and honestly i dont wanna ask him cause then it just sounds spiteful and whatnot cause i'm the "new chick" but i dont understand why he's struggling so much with this. firstly peter married the FIRST GIRL he ever dated and they were together only a year and 5 months and he proposed. they got married july 2011 and their marriage lasted like 2 1/2 years then they were separated for 10 months and then he got the papers in october 2014. from what i've heard, it was barely a marriage, his wife in the later part of the marriage was never there physically or emotionally, whenever he'd come home from work his then-wife's cousin would be over and he'd hardly ever have time to be a husband. peter has thought she married him cause her parents approved of peter and not her ex and my dad knows the sitch and he thinks she married peter out of convenience. on top of that, they only got a divorce cause she was still in love with an ex and she divorced peter to go back to her ex. of course peter still wants to believe she loved him but honestly if i truly loved my husband, i wouldnt even be THINKING about an ex . with all these factors, i dont understand why my boyfriend would still be hanging on, not to his ex but this whole sitch in general, like he's still telling me he's not sure he's ready to date again, he's still broken and burned and tells me he's not giving me %100 cause he drained himself for 10 months trying to get his wife back. his ex has moved on, she's now dating the guy she divorced peter for. peter's super religious, very much baptist and wanted so much to have this perfect christian marriage cause he did everything "by the book" (in this case The Bible) but this is like talking to a 16 year old girl about her "first love" and how she'll never love again etc peter hasnt really said that but i think you get my comparison
preraph Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Sounds like he wasn't the one wanting the breakup to me. But any union is draining to break. Obviously, no matter how long or how young, they once had a strong enough bond to marry. You act like that counts for nothing. It's the biggest event in his life, that relationship, the longest one, too. 1
spiderowl Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 He's still in love with his ex-wife. He didn't want a divorce, she did. He's having to try to force himself to move on. He's just not ready to. If you think he's being difficult, you don't understand that emotions cannot just be switched on and off like that. I can understand why this is frustrating you because you want him to be paying attention to you and you are looking at this logically. He is emotionally involved with her still. Sorry, but if you don't want to be very hurt by this situation, I would back off and date other guys instead. He is not ready to fall in love with another woman and he might not be for a long time if he's still hoping to get back with her. 3
Ruby Slippers Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 I've read very convincing arguments on this forum that people usually need 1-2 years after a divorce before they can consider another relationship seriously. People will say "the marriage ended long before we divorced" and so on, but I don't think it matters. Until very recently, he was legally bound to another woman. And he's admitted he's emotionally drained by the whole thing. I'd back off, give him time to recover, and consider dating others in the meantime. He won't be ready for anything real for a while (1-2 years minimum) - and even if you wait around for him to be ready, there's no guarantee it will work out. 1
Anderlie Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 All your threads about this guy sound pretty angsty, not sure why you're putting so much time into being unhappy.
Yookie Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 my boyfriend (call him peter) is 25 and recently divorced, ... he's still telling me he's not sure he's ready to date again, he's still broken and burned and tells me he's not giving me %100 cause he drained himself for 10 months trying to get his wife back. This is the only relevant information in your post. He's not your boyfriend. He's telling you why and you're not listening. Stop analyzing the wife and instead figure out why you are trying to put a square peg in a round hole. This is a hopeless cause. If you walk away now you can save yourself a lot of heartache. 3
Gaeta Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Maple: It's 4 thread in 5 days..... The answer is the same for all of your threads: * He is still in love with his ex * You are a band-aid on his broken heart * This man is so freshly out of his marriage he still has pillowcase print on his face from his conjugal bed! 1
coolheadal Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Just be supportive with him now. Not much you can do change him. He's all over the place at the moment. If you live with might want to go stay at friends or family while this is going on. Divorce is not a happy time for any man or woman more on the person is hurt more which is your BF. In time he''ll snap out of it but right now his primary focus is on the Ex Wife and why this all of this happen to him and her. If your not happy while this is gong on tell him that you can't cope with his behavior over this and excuse yourself from this relationship. If you don't want to end it just let him know but if you do best tell him now. Of course you don't have to be place in a situation you don't want to be in with him at this time. If he still loves with Wife and she has moved on he needs to move on himself. She too has her mindset on another guy and not your BF. Now this has become messy mess and not much you can do to change things. But your learning how this is though. Should you ever have another BF with the same issue then you are aware of the out come.
Jules Dash Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 A divorcee still look at themselves as having failed when it comes to a marriage that ended. It represents one of life's greatest failures to them. Can you imagine this? It takes time to heal from it even if it only lasted one year. The psychological state of initially believing you will be with someone for the rest of your life then this being turned upside down later is just very devastating to many. He will need at least a year or so to recover. 1
TheGuard13 Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 That. Also, it's potentially stressful as heck, and something that stressful will occupy his thoughts. Plus divorce can be expensive and takes time to set into motion. He got the papers in October? That's not that long ago, all things considered.
Ebelskiver Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 As a divorcee, I'd say it took me about two years before I was truly ready to date again. Of course I still dated during that two years, but it retrospect I was still reeling and shouldn't have. Let him go. He needs to grieve. If it's meant to be it'll be there in a year or so.
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