Hulahoops88 Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 (edited) I am worried it is 100% done. I dumped her 5 months ago. We were together nearly a year and it was going great. Too good almost as it was my 1st relationship( both in our mid twenties) and I have a slight fear of commitment. She was distraught and kept pleading with me to stay and that she loved me. I moved during the following 3 months( whilst we kept in regular contact) and then it hit me ho much I cared about her. I tried and nearly won her back( we told each other we loved each other) but I got angry about her seeing other guys even though we had broke up( very caveman of me) I overwhelmed her with texts,calls, plea's etc etc but nothing. I am now blocked on facebook but i still think she cares about me... Its like our roles reversed.I leave and she pleads no and vice versa. I see no contact is a great method to clear the air and give each other time to miss/appreciate the other. I am trying it now but worried it may be too late??? She has been on dates etc but I think given the right amount of time to think, she will care for me or is the damage done. I feel that if my ex didnt overwhelm me( not blaming her) i would of had time to realize fully how much I care about her and overcome my fears of commitment Edited January 5, 2015 by Hulahoops88 Grammar correction
strach Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 I am worried it is 100% done. I dumped her 5 months ago. We were together nearly a year and it was going great. Too good almost as it was my 1st relationship( both in our mid twenties) and I have a slight fear of commitment. She was distraught and kept pleading with me to stay and that she loved me. I moved during the following 3 months( whilst we kept in regular contact) and then it hit me ho much I cared about her. I tried and nearly won her back( we told each other we loved each other) but I got angry about her seeing other guys even though we had broke up( very caveman of me) I overwhelmed her with texts,calls, plea's etc etc but nothing. I am now blocked on facebook but i still think she cares about me... Its like our roles reversed.I leave and she pleads no and vice versa. I see no contact is a great method to clear the air and give each other time to miss/appreciate the other. I am trying it now but worried it may be too late??? She has been on dates etc but I think given the right amount of time to think, she will care for me or is the damage done. I feel that if my ex didnt overwhelm me( not blaming her) i would of had time to realize fully how much I care about her and overcome my fears of commitment I dont think there is really a way to tell if its too late, sometimes people come back and sometimes they dont. I know its tough, im dealing with a situation where I have to move on yet want her back too. If you have a way to get in contact with her I would suggest maybe apologizing for getting angry and then continue NC and try your best to move on. Best of luck 1
Dontfindme Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Maybe she decided that she needed to get over you after all the futile begging and pleading she did- while you guys were still in contact? I'm gonna have to agree, very "caveman" of you indeed - you dump her because of your commitment issues, and then you get mad when she decides to move forward. Do you even really want her? Or is this some possessive act where you try to reel her back in, only because she is moving away? Whatever the case, I would recommend you let her go. Your relationship has run its course. 3
cgf636 Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 So why did you break up with her 5 months ago? I'm sure you thought up a list of reasons for that decision, right? In the few relationships where I have seen couples get back together after a break up, the break up almost becomes a scar on the couple. Something that is always there as a reminder. Some couples can work past it, but for some the wound opens up again. If any of your doubts still exist then it would not be fair tto either of you to go through it all again. Break ups are hard, for the dumper and the dumpee. Obviously you cared for her or you wouldn't have dated her at all. Move on, NC- And delete her or hide her posts on FB so you're not watching her move on with her life as well. 1
JamesMoore Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 I think there is still hope if you do the right things. It seems like you got too needy - calling and texting her too much. This usually scares women off. You probably know this already. Giving her a break can be a good idea. But ignoring her completely can also backfire as it signals to her that you are okay with the breakup and that she should just move on. The best strategy of all in terms of simply getting her attention again is to have no strategy whatsoever, to play no game, to exhibit a complete and total lack of bullcrap in your actions, and to be as completely real and open and vulnerable as possible. It is not about fixing the relationship. It is about fixing yourself. What were you like before you got together? How did you change during the relationship? How are you now that you have broken up? Take the time to really think about these questions. Then correct the obvious mistakes you made on your part. Hope this helps. You can also read my own personal story here: http://goo.gl/xQmA60... where I also explain my strategy in more detail. 1
Author Hulahoops88 Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 hey man. i read your story and can relate to it alot. the constant texting and ringing etc. Im glad to hear it worked out for you and thank you for your advice. I am near two weeks of no contact now and will wait 3 more weeks for the air to clear. Hopefully there is something left to salvage as i was quite needy for a few days . thanks man
Author Hulahoops88 Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 i really believe i want her. Something awoke in me. its like I look back at my actions and think what a boy I was. So naive and ungrateful. I slowed the progress of the relationship down out of fear and progress and FOMO(fear of missing out) on other things but i now realize these are things that are enjoyable as a couple. Im half way through 30 day no contact so I just want to confirm with myself that I genuinely miss her or just miss the company in general. i appreciate your advice
Author Hulahoops88 Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 thanks man. no contact is the toughest thing i have ever done and i am sure you can agree! If there is something to salvage then it will be there after NC. Patience and persistence is key. I wish you well and appreciate your feedback
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