Nelson87 Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Hello. I've been with my wife for ten years (two years married) I'm 27 and she's 26. On Friday, December 26 after a seemingly enjoyable day my wife went out with her friend until late into the evening. She finally came home and said that she was going to stay with a friend to clear her head about our relationship. After trying to get her to stay, she finally left and I found out that she was talking to another man. I confronted her about it the next day and she said that she was unhappy, which completely blindsided me, and wanted a divorce. Since then she's been staying at this guys house, who lives with his parents, and she goes on about how she's finally the happiest she's been in years and how they're going to get an apartment together. She keeps telling me that she wants a divorce and has yet since to file for one. She's in regular contact with me through text and Facebook before I blocked her, which she found out thirty minutes later that I did. I'm curious if this relationship is something real or a rebound? She said she went to high school with him but they weren't friends then as I was with her then. Is this marriage salvageable or should I just cut off all ties with her? I don't want to give her up as we have history together but I can't keep her stringing me along. I'm enforcing the no contact rule as well which I hope will work to some degree. Also last year in November of 2013 she cheated on me then and finally seen that she made a mistake and went to counseling which did help. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
ktya Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Ugh. I was with my ex fiancee for 9 years and the same sort of thing started happening right around Christmas and new years and it turned out she had been carrying on an 8 month long affair. We worked it out and I forgave her but a year later around Christmas a lot of the same things started happening. She dragged me to counselling and made all sorts of demands for me to change even getting as petty as calling me out for not wearing fitted T shirts and instead wearing regular ones. To be honest my man, I think the marriage is done and that your better to just file the divorce and walk away. I can't imagine this woman just meeting this guy around Christmas and deciding to go for a divorce. She's been playing double agent for a pretty long time. Usually if people have little side flings but still love their partner they will keep it far away from the holidays and make it plausibly deniable. On the upside, chances are that once you actually file for divorce and serve her the papers, the other man will probably dump her because half of what he was attracted to was the lack of committment in seeing a married woman. You just have to stay strong and not take her back, which will be brutally hard. Sorry for the bad news man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Sounds like her heart hasn't been in the relationship for some time and also that she's one of those overlappers who doesn't get up the nerve to break up until she has another man to lean on. That's rarely ever a good thing to hold onto. I'm so sorry. Maybe in a year's time you'll be able to see the potential here in finding a woman who will be more invested in a relationship with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nelson87 Posted January 6, 2015 Author Share Posted January 6, 2015 I appreciate everyone's input given. One last question is would this be considered a GIGS scenario? Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Nelson I am so sorry this is a rubbish situation for you to be in. I would love to say that its GIGS and she will be back but what I am going to do instead is ask you do you actually WANT her back? This is not the first time she has done this. Clearly the counselling didn't work or she would be home with you. If she is sleeping with this guy how many others have there been in between? Is she just using you as a stop gap between affairs? Take a bit of time to yourself. Work out what you want in a sensible way. For goodness sake get yourself tested, protect both your physical and mental health. You need to think about yourself and look after yourself. Her problems are her own not yours. Read the threads in the Separation/ Divorce section and also the Other Man/ Other woman section. Both of these will help you see what is down the line and the people who post in there will be able to provide you will invaluable advice and support. They will share their stories and ask you the right questions that you need to ask yourself. Be glad that you are still young. Link to post Share on other sites
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