sharelis Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Good evening everyone, I've heard that here I can find a very nice community which would provide me with some answers concerning love life. So here I am, trying my luck with you guys. Here's my story. I'm 24 year old guy from Eastern Europe. I've never had a strong love filled relationship with a woman. It is not that I am shy, or super ugly, nor I lack confidence when talking to women. My problem is that I get too friendly with them and that, my friends, is a torture. I've grown up only with my mother and that's how I've learned to respect women and to really see what is best in them, and in a way, to express more empathy than usual for other people. Additionally, I am a very conservative person, I'm not outgoing and I only express my true feelings to other people when I really start to trust them. However, being conservative is not a good trait in a current day dating world, where everything happens very fast. All of my friends that have girlfriends or wives, treats them like **** (to say politely), and what is more incredible to me is that these women really adores it. I was not raised to ignore, scold and treat women like trash. But as the time goes, I'm really starting to think, that either you respect women, be nice to them your whole life and then die alone in your nice bed, leaving all of your nice wealth to your not so nice neighbor which you really didn't like, OR you treat that piece of trash like **** her entire life and die surrounded with your beautiful children. Now I know I am exaggerating a bit there, but I really am tortured when almost all of the women I ever loved or got to know and adore, says that they "doesn't want to lose me as a friend", "loves me like a brother/father they never had" and "wants to stay friends". For the love of God, I am 24 years old and I've never had sex, because I'm just too friendly to them (at least I like to think that way). Tell me what to do people, currently I am dating with this one girl with whom I really feel happy and would love to have a close relationship with. However, if "I love you as a friend" will come up. I am going to explode from inside and lose faith in myself as a man. Yours Truly, Friendly Angry Guy *Sorry for the mistakes, I'm not a native English speaker.
Jules Dash Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 You wont improve with women over night. Expect changes years down the road if you start working on it heavily now. You have to really start putting yourself out there with women physically. This will be strange to you because you have been nice for so long...years. So expect years to help wash some of this stuff away to transfer it to being more sexually attractive. Start hanging out with some of your more aggressive friends more often.
doeblin Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 There is a difference between being assertive and being a douche. There is a difference between being respectful and being timid. You are the feeble nice guy. You need to be assertive and respectful. Whenever you meet a girl you like, ask her out. Make it clear with your actions that you don't see her as a friend, but as a romantic interest. Tease her. Flirting is not disrespectful. Don't be afraid to touch her. Body language and being tactile are important channels of communication. Do not be angry. Be cool. 1
40 Fonzarelli Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Maybe you are trying too hard to be nice? There's nothing wrong with being nice but don't do it because you think they will like you for it. In other words, don't seek approval. Also, just be yourself and don't be afraid of disagreeing with her.
Author sharelis Posted January 5, 2015 Author Posted January 5, 2015 Those are some good advices. doeblin, that really makes sense. I'm always avoiding body contact with women, as I don't want to intrude their personal space. My mindset is that when they'll be ready, they will give me an obvious sign. Jules Dash, tried it, but whenever I'm hanging out with them, I just can't wrap my brain around the idea of being so rude to women. I'm always the good guy, the father of the group who lectures everyone about tolerance and respect. However, could you emphasize more on what changes should I proceed to make? 40 Fonzarelli, but I'm always disagreeing, I always make a discussion out of the topics that I do not agree with. I jokingly make fun of my dates on their clothing, make-up etc. And, yes, I am aware that this is what friends do.
Jules Dash Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Those are some good advices. doeblin, that really makes sense. I'm always avoiding body contact with women, as I don't want to intrude their personal space. My mindset is that when they'll be ready, they will give me an obvious sign. Jules Dash, tried it, but whenever I'm hanging out with them, I just can't wrap my brain around the idea of being so rude to women. I'm always the good guy, the father of the group who lectures everyone about tolerance and respect. However, could you emphasize more on what changes should I proceed to make? 40 Fonzarelli, but I'm always disagreeing, I always make a discussion out of the topics that I do not agree with. I jokingly make fun of my dates on their clothing, make-up etc. And, yes, I am aware that this is what friends do. ??? I never mentioned being rude to women. I do not believe that being rude to women is the way to their heart. I am of the thought and practice that treating them very well is what works. Treating them well is not synonymous with being a sexless doormat. You have to take a good look at yourself and ask yourself if you tend to be a sexless doormat around women.
genuinelyloverly7 Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 From a Western woman's point of view: I think that you need to get out and make friends with some American women of your age group, and some older ones too. We cougars can show you what you need to do to attract a mature woman, so that the younger ones will think your the best thing since lubricating jelly. I don't just mean in a sexual way either (but I do mean it a little). Your new group of lady friends can show you by example what women do like without the pressure for you to give it to them. How your age group interacts socially, and what the protocol is for those interactions. Don't give up on your respect for women!!!!!!! Thank your mother for me that she gave you the sensitivity and thoughtfulness to have respect for other human beings. Especially women! I think that you definitely want to get a little more comfortable with casual touches, and how women define personal space. This will be different for everybody. This, and other subtle but personal gestures will indicate a romantic interest to a lady. Okay, I don't know if you were kidding, but no woman likes her clothing and make-up being made fun of. Make-up is supposed to be invisible; like a natural enhancement (even when it is obviously not natural), and clothes are a personal statement. This is not what friends do. Especially not dates. Please do not watch TV sitcoms. They will warp your reality. If you don't like the women you are around as potential partners, go find some other women to date. Expand your social circle. Join a Meetup group where women are familiar with your culture and viewpoint, or hold the same beliefs as you do regarding relationships. And even if you do not go to find women to date; I think you need to learn more about how grown-up, mature women value themselves. This is not an age thing, exclusively. But mental state. Most girls your age will take horrible **** from their boyfriends/husbands, because they want approval, or they don't know how to expect/ask for the respect many women had to learn to expect, or your mother and you take for granted in your culture. P.S. If your really angry, you need to see a therapist to deal with that. Find the source, heal the wound, and forgive yourself.
Bellaisa Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Women don't love guys who treat them like crap. Women want men who know how to treat them right and make them feel good - BUT they also want a guy who is confident in himself and his abilities to please her. One point I want to make it being masculine will go a long way with women. Being masculine means having confidence, taking charge, making decisions, being supportive, being a shoulder to lean on, etc. If you can be masculine and still treat a woman with respect, then you will be the ultimate catch. 1
Jules Dash Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 From a Western woman's point of view: I think that you need to get out and make friends with some American women of your age group, and some older ones too. We cougars can show you what you need to do to attract a mature woman, so that the younger ones will think your the best thing since lubricating jelly. I don't just mean in a sexual way either (but I do mean it a little). Your new group of lady friends can show you by example what women do like without the pressure for you to give it to Somehow this sounds so sexy to me. I don't know, I do fantasize regularly about being a young stud taking down some cougars although I am in my 40s. It just something about being a young man and getting with cougars that turn me on. Maybe because I am up here with you guys and realize your value now that I am actually dating in this age range. Hey, I don't want to be young again because their is a certain level of distinguishment that comes with age, especially in my profession, but if I did want to be young again, it would strictly be to get with cougars.
GravityMan Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 <snip> I've grown up only with my mother.... <snip> This may be a key part of the problem here...you didn't have that masculine father-figure while growing up. Things like assertiveness, backbone, mental toughness, taking charge, providing physical/emotional/moral support, going after what you want, etc...most guys tend to learn that stuff from their dads (and/or older brothers). The worst thing you can do is get angry and bitter over women. That's a symptom of too much emotional investment. Take a break for a while, do some entertaining activities and just get out there and interact with people for the sake of it. Try to have fun, make a few new friends. You need to get to a point where you're relaxed and comfortable casually interacting (and being yourself) with people, especially women. Most of the time, people who are in relationships found their partners when they weren't really looking or expecting it. Such people simply had decent lives, a spine, a sense of humor, a willingness to take an occasional "risk" (e.g. asking a woman out) and enjoyed shooting the breeze with other people.
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