newlyborn Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 (edited) to rebalance power in a relationship? once a couple has been together for a while, certain dynamics become entrenched. and the relationship can become lopsided, with one partner, usually the one-down partner, doing most of the work to keep the relationship together. usually, the one-down partner is the more invested partner while the one-up partner does less and feels both entitled and bored. once the one-down partner pulls back some of their energy, stops focusing on the relationship, stops chasing the one-up partner, things can change. (i think the one-up partner is usually incredulous and resistant at first.) how long do you think it takes to actually change the lopsided relationship dynamics? and how do you know if things are, in fact, changing? Edited January 5, 2015 by newlyborn
PegNosePete Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 I don't think it['s possible to answer such a vague, generic question with any kind of useful answer. It would all depend very much on the circumstances and individuals concerned.
Author newlyborn Posted January 5, 2015 Author Posted January 5, 2015 I don't think it['s possible to answer such a vague, generic question with any kind of useful answer. It would all depend very much on the circumstances and individuals concerned. understood. i have been reading a book called The Passion Paradox by Dean Delis, and it is about attraction and power in love relationships. there are some suggestions for how couples can get out of a lopsided relationship and, thereby, save it. most of the work falls on the most invested (read: clingy) partner to get a life. i am just wondering if anyone has experience with this and if it works... thanks anyway.
Frank2thepoint Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 If a relationship revolves around "power" and trying to balance it, or at least swing the power more into your control, then you are not in a relationship. That's sociopathic control and manipulation. If a person in a relationship is feeling bored or not into the relationship, then the other person needs to communicate their dissatisfaction. If there is no improvement after the discussion(s), then the relationship needs to end. No power struggle. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 It depends. I do most of the organizing & planning in our relationship . . . I run our social calendar & DH comes along for the ride. We prefer it that way because he doesn't organize / plan the way I do & I'm a control freak. It doesn't mean he doesn't love me. If you need more than you are getting from a partner, talk to that person & specifically tell them what you want. But you have to be specific. For instance I asked my husband for more spontaneous kisses . . . you know sneak up on me when I'm doing the dishes type of thing & viola he gives them to me now. It really as as easy as that because I was specific. If I just said I want you to show you love me more I doubt he would have changed anything because he might not have known how. 1
Author newlyborn Posted January 5, 2015 Author Posted January 5, 2015 If you need more than you are getting from a partner, talk to that person & specifically tell them what you want. But you have to be specific. For instance I asked my husband for more spontaneous kisses . . . you know sneak up on me when I'm doing the dishes type of thing & viola he gives them to me now. It really as as easy as that because I was specific. If I just said I want you to show you love me more I doubt he would have changed anything because he might not have known how. i LOVE this!!! 1
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