Jimmyjackson Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 How long do you guys think is too soon for sex? a week, two weeks, a month...? does it depend on whether or not you know the person already? I think knowing someone for say a couple of years and having sex in a week wouldn't be too soon, whereas not knowing them at all prior to doing it in a week would be a bit hasty. Do people just do it when it feels right? when you know the other person isn't just in it for the sex? Can it all be dependent on the chemistry?
PegNosePete Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 It's a very personal and subjective decision. Don't use other people's answers to make your own moral decisions. It very much depends on the individual and their personal goals and desires. 3
Author Jimmyjackson Posted January 5, 2015 Author Posted January 5, 2015 It's a very personal and subjective decision. Don't use other people's answers to make your own moral decisions. It very much depends on the individual and their personal goals and desires. I'm just interested in other peoples thoughts really, I have my own morals. I'd usually wait around a month but even if it happened with someone I knew after a week or so I wouldn't be too shaken up.
Redhead14 Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 How long do you guys think is too soon for sex? a week, two weeks, a month...? does it depend on whether or not you know the person already? I think knowing someone for say a couple of years and having sex in a week wouldn't be too soon, whereas not knowing them at all prior to doing it in a week would be a bit hasty. Do people just do it when it feels right? when you know the other person isn't just in it for the sex? Can it all be dependent on the chemistry? Sex should only happen after both parties are comfortable enough with each other and they are prepared to declare exclusivity at least. I would not recommend sex within a week unless both parties are not looking for a serious relationship. Before that point there should be a casual discussion about what each of them is looking for i.e. just dating for "fun", casual relationship or long-term relationship. If they are on the same page with that at least, it will make the decision easier. Declaring exclusivity after a week though would likely just be "lip service" to accommodate the situation. It's very unlikely that after a week either party would know whether that person is the one they want to pursue a relationship with. It does happen, but not often. When a person or couple thinks they want exclusivity after a week, even a month really, those people are getting into "instant relationships". This happens often when the two people are very young. Older people get into instant relationships if they are immature,very lonely or don't really know how to allow a relationship to develop naturally and move slowly. One month is still a little early, but if they both are comfortable with it, fine, but the exclusivity discussion should happen then too. Exclusivity is not a "committed" relationship per se. It is simply a way of letting the other person know they will not be sleeping with anyone else while they are sleeping with that person. The next stage would be more of commitment by declaring that they are boyfriend and girlfriend. Each couple is different and only those two individuals can make that decision. My recommendations are about what should happen if those people want a serious relationship with someone in the long run. 1
kendahke Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 How long do you guys think is too soon for sex? a week, two weeks, a month...? does it depend on whether or not you know the person already? I think knowing someone for say a couple of years and having sex in a week wouldn't be too soon, whereas not knowing them at all prior to doing it in a week would be a bit hasty. Do people just do it when it feels right? when you know the other person isn't just in it for the sex? Can it all be dependent on the chemistry? It depends upon what kind of sex you're talking about. Are you both trying to scratch an itch and you both know it and expect nothing more from sex--like it's a one off? Or do you have feelings for this person and want something more to develop wtih them? If it's a one off situation, then do it when the fancy strikes you and go about your merry way. If you want something more to develop, then you both need to have a talk about where you are emotionally with one another, what your expectations are from sexual intercourse and if you're both prepared to enter into the rigors of a relationship, which sex will certainly put you into if you have expectations of that person and hopes for a relationship. You need to be really clear on which of these scenarios you're dealing with because things can get really messy if you don't.
Author Jimmyjackson Posted January 5, 2015 Author Posted January 5, 2015 It depends upon what kind of sex you're talking about. Are you both trying to scratch an itch and you both know it and expect nothing more from sex--like it's a one off? Or do you have feelings for this person and want something more to develop wtih them? If it's a one off situation, then do it when the fancy strikes you and go about your merry way. If you want something more to develop, then you both need to have a talk about where you are emotionally with one another, what your expectations are from sexual intercourse and if you're both prepared to enter into the rigors of a relationship, which sex will certainly put you into if you have expectations of that person and hopes for a relationship. You need to be really clear on which of these scenarios you're dealing with because things can get really messy if you don't. I'm talking about the kind of sex where you like each other and have been dating for a couple of weeks, and the other person wants to be in a relationship too.
Redhead14 Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 I'm talking about the kind of sex where you like each other and have been dating for a couple of weeks, and the other person wants to be in a relationship too. Ok, knowing you both want to be in a relationship is a great start. However, I'd still delay sex for maybe a couple of more weeks of dating. Since you're on the same page already, you don't need to rush the sex. After only two weeks, you're still operating on the endorphin high. You haven't really spent enough time together to "see" the other person on a deeper level. Let the feeling grow a little more. In the meantime, be more touchy feely, more eye contact (not creepy though , hand-holding, etc. have deeper, more meaningful conversations, let things escalate gradually. Not only will the sex be even better, but you'll feel closer to each other. I've dated men in the past for a couple of weeks sometimes and felt really attracted to them early, but by the time a month had come and gone, I'd seen more of the real "them" and had to bail and vice versa. It doesn't mean they were bad men or what have you, it's just that they'd been on their very best behavior and then let their guard down and I started to see little things that turned me off. I was happy I didn't have sex with them because I know it would have been more difficult to walk away. Sex just "ups" the emotional investment but on a superficial level really. Even though they say men have an easier time of separating sex from emotion, I don't think that's true in general. Some men can do that and some women can too, but most can't. They may deny it, but it's true.
Jules Dash Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 It's a very personal and subjective decision. Don't use other people's answers to make your own moral decisions. It very much depends on the individual and their personal goals and desires. This every day of the week.
kendahke Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 I'm talking about the kind of sex where you like each other and have been dating for a couple of weeks, and the other person wants to be in a relationship too. Then it's time to have "the talk"; to get clear on expectations and make your declaration that you want a relationship with them on their terms, too. Once you do that, then follow through on the sex.
d0nnivain Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Some people are comfortable & happy having sex right away. Other people need more time. It really depends on the two people involved. If you want more than just a physical release that normally takes a while but the physical can release hormones & pheromones which stimulate the pleasure centers of the brain & help to forge that deeper bond.
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