Schismism Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Well me and this girl were really close friends. Anyway it all started about a month ago. She had just come out of a really long term relationship, and has been going around looking for boys to be with ever since. So she met someone on meetme named Alex. (not using real names here). Anyway, Alex and her were hanging out, and he got her drunk and they did things. anyway I told her that shes not going to be happy by going around doing **** with boys right after her relationship, that it wasnt the way to deal with the pain from it, She listened, realized that she didn't really like this guy, and he broke it off. Anyway, 2 weeks earlier she and Alex were at a party, where alex introduced her to his best friend and he warned her that his friend was shallow and was all about one night stands. Anyway, soon after Alex broke things off, this friend of his (Ill call him Josh) started texting her, telling her how much he liked her since the night they met. So, She asked me what she should do, I told her I didn't really think it was the best Idea, seeing as how Josh and Alex were best friends, but I said that if she really did like him back, to go out and have fun, but not to do anything stupid , and to take things slow this time. Well the next day she told me that they went back to his place, and he pretty much forced her into doing things (not force force, but manipulation) Anyway, I said I thought that was really messed up, and she agreed, but claimed that she really liked him anyway. (???). The next day he called her and said "You're a sweet girl, but Im not looking for anyone in my life right now", and that was the last time she heard from him. Anyway, later Alex called her up and cussed her out for what she did, and said that Josh (his best friend) had told him what happened. Now neither Josh or Alex were talking to her, and I got pissed with them and cussed them out on the phone, and that pretty much ended that for about a week. Josh told me "It was a one night stand, yall need to leave me the **** alone", and "Alex told me thats what she gets for trying to come between friends". Anyway, I relayed that back to her, and she began to accept it. Anyway, on the night of the 31st, she began to talk about how she really did like Josh and didnt understand why he did what he did to her, and thought that buying him a Christmas/birthday present would make him talk to her again, and I got mad at her because I thought that what she was doing was ignorant and was only going to lead to more hurt later. So I got mad and told the guy I wanted to talk to him about how he hurt my friend, in which she got mad at me because she thought I was going to ruin things for her and this boy, and called me some mean ****. The next day she tried to apologize, and I pretty much told her I didn't want to talk to her anymore because what she said made me feel bad. later I regretted this, and tried to apologize, but she wouldn't answer me. Anyway, I got worried about the whole thing (because she has had a history of being suicidal) and went on facebook and pretty much laid out the situation to her mom, because like I said she wouldnt talk to me and IMO the only one that could even help out in this situation was her mom, in which right after sending I figured would probably be a bad idea. Anyway, She texted me almost immediately after saying how I ****ed up her life, and that her mom didn't want her hanging out with me anymore. I explained how I was only trying to help and apologized, but she just stopped answering. anyway, the next day (today) she texted me asking if I was at home, because she wanted to pick up a $2 aux cord from my car. She pulled up in her moms car, with a friend in the passenger seat, grabbed the cord, said thanks, then drove off real fast. And thats the current situation im in. Does anyone have any insights on what I should do? Also: Shes 16, im 17, and "Alex" is 18, "Josh" 19.
toscaroscura Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 There's lots of things at play here. First off, while I commend your loyalty to your friend, you did come off as pushy and judgmental about what she did with those boys. I'm not saying it was smart of her, but she's obviously hurting now and mistakenly thought she could soothe that hurt with them. Several times in your story, you tell her how it is, she "listened" and changed her behavior temporarily, only to turn around and do what she was going to do in the first place. This tells me that she's rather weak-willed and you're probably pretty bull-headed and forthright so she just agrees with you to get you off her back. This is telling: "I told her that shes not going to be happy by going around doing **** with boys right after her relationship, that it wasnt the way to deal with the pain from it, She listened, realized that she didn't really like this guy, and he broke it off. " She seemed to "listen" and realize she didn't like him, but it was still him who broke it off. This suggests to me that she tells you what you want to hear but that her heart isn't in it. She probably still liked him. And going to her mom on Facebook, well...without seeing the message you sent I can only speculate, but if it was enough to "ruin her life" AND make her mother not want you in her daughter's life, I suspect the message was not just just a caring and concerned one. Perhaps her mother saw the pushy interference in her daughter's life, or perhaps it's her daughter who really doesn't want you in her life and she's using her mom as an excuse. You need to just back up off your friend for a while. You've said your piece, Let the drama die down. Like it or not, your friend (and anyone else in your life) has to make her own mistakes and learn from them. Your role as her friend is to give advice when sought, provide support, and be there for her, without trying to tell her how to feel and behave. You all are really young and I do think your heart was in the right place. If you see any hint of suicidal ideations, definitely get the appropriate authorities involved.
preraph Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 You're getting too involved in your friend's men. You shouldn't have interfered at all in whatever was going on. Yes, if a friend is confiding and wanting feedback, you can tell them what you think, but actually talking to the guy is just nosy interfering. She is young and so are you and you're both learning from experience right now. You need to have some boundaries because your nose is way into her business to the point anyone and everyone would be offended by your actions. 1
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